


Understanding

by AbsorbingMisery, LilianaFox, nickolefox (AbsorbingMisery)



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Claiming, Destiny, F/F, Major Character Injury, Soulmates, Twin flame, Wolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 52
Words: 145,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3657630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsorbingMisery/pseuds/AbsorbingMisery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianaFox/pseuds/LilianaFox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsorbingMisery/pseuds/nickolefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of the mountain, Clarke must decide how she wants to continue with her life. Who she is, who she has become and who she wants to be. She knows there is only one person she could seek out to understand, but needs one thing before she takes that final step.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clarke - 2 days since the fall of the mountain

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note
> 
> This story uses characters from CW’s TV Series ‘The 100’ based on the book series by Kass Morgan, therefor we DO NOT OWN or have any rights on these characters and we are only borrowing them to fix certain fuckups.
> 
> This story originates out the madness of our brains, therefor we DO OWN the plot of this story (happenings after 2.16) as well as the following characters:
> 
> Phobos & Deimos  
> Rukh
> 
> We share this fictional story out of our free will and we do not intend to harm anyone. We will apply trigger warnings to every chapter to protect and warn you as our readers, whom we appreciate and love.
> 
> If you wish to use our characters or post our story somewhere else, please contact us first. This story is, as every story a person writes, a very personal part of us.
> 
> Updated 30 April 2015:
> 
> It's been brought to my attention that there are some questions in regards to later chapters and my use of spelling of character names in speaking forms. You will see Klark, Leksa, Okteivia, Linkon when these characters and some others are addressing each other in spoken words, but not in the narrative. I did this for you, as the reader, for one very important reason, which is so that you have a better understanding of who accepts and see's each other as "one of them" aka the Trikru. So if Lexa says "Klark", that's for you to understand it's because Lexa has accepted Clarke as a Trikru. So if she or another grounder didn't, I'd still use "Clarke" when they are speaking to each other.  
> I hope this helps and makes sense and if not, please feel free to hit the comment box and leave me a question. Happy to answer any you may have.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Clarke - 2 days since the fall of the mountain**

 

**~**

 

The sun is hot. Almost too hot as she stops at the edge of the woods to rest. Facing a small lake, she tries to shield her eyes from the sun to see the other side but can’t. Sighing, she lowers herself down to the waters edge, splashing her face a few times. The water is cool and soothes her flushed skin. After refilling her canteen, she takes a few steps back and sits against a large tree to get a little shade while her thoughts run wild through her head.

She had left Bellamy standing just outside the fence at Camp Jaha just two days before. She couldn’t go in and see her people and be reminded of all that had happened, all that she had done to free them. She knows some understand, but that doesn’t matter. It is hers alone to hold in and deal with, and she can’t do that around them. Not now. Maybe not ever. Does that make her weak? Probably. But she can’t deal with that worry now. There are too many others.

Bellamy had offered her forgiveness, as she had once done for him, but she couldn’t accept it. She didn’t want to be forgiven, for what she had done to be easily accepted. For it was an impossible decision, but one she had made without hesitation in the moment. 

She had lied to him when she said she didn’t know where she would go. She had known her destination before she had ever left the horrors of the mountain. She had known she couldn’t face the reaction she might have received had she been honest in her intentions. While she is hurt, _gutted_ even, by Lexa’s decision on the mountain…she understands. A choice was made for the good of the many. A choice brought on by the roles of leadership. A choice that she knows, despite how much it hurt, wasn’t easy nor made lightly.  It wasn’t a choice made with feelings of love or thoughts of what could be. It was made with the painful responsibility of being a leader and protector of people first. Lexa had done the only thing she could to ensure the release of her people with the fewest amount of casualties. She made the right choice. A choice Clarke knows beyond any shadow of a doubt, she herself would have made as well, for she had made a choice too. 

Only her choice was to sacrifice nearly three times as many people on that mountain to save her own. _Victory stands on the back of sacrifice_. Is this how victory feels? She hates it.

Maybe there could have been another way, but she still can’t think of one even now, days later. She had made a choice. She chose to sacrifice men, women and _children_. She knows most of them were guilty, knows what they and their ancestors had done for years to survive, but the only thought that remains at the forefront of her mind is that many of them didn’t agree with it. Many didn’t go through with the treatments. And the children…the children were _innocent._

Innocent children, all dead at her hand. There were 16 children that died when she pulled the lever.  She knows because she counted. Not from the safety of the control room watching on a screen. No, she had walked through every single room of that mountain that held the bodies of the dead caused by the radiation she released. Every room, including the small classroom filled with toys and signs of happiness once contained within its walls. Walls that now hold the bodies of a few adults, maybe teachers, maybe some parents, but walls that now have the crumpled figures of 16 tiny children that died by _her_ choice.

She sighs, chest screaming at her as it seizes up her insides and leans her had back against the tree, closing her eyes. She wants to cry, to scream, to make herself hurt more than she does for what she did. She wants to suffer. It won’t relieve the guilt. It won’t make it okay. It won’t make a damn bit of difference, but she feels she needs it. Not just this gut wrenching despair. Not the feeling of the burn in her chest, her heart thrumming so hard she can’t hear anything else but the sound of it in her ears. She wants to hurt physically. To suffer the pain of the 16 deaths she caused in those children.

She snaps her eyes open in realization. Her eyes go cold and her breath catches in her throat. She had thought she understood.  She had really thought she did, but only now does she finally see what she had been missing the night she killed Finn. She had provided him a mercy killing. She let him go in the most gentle way she could because she cared. He was meant to suffer for the 18 deaths he caused and he didn’t. 

_If death has no cost, life has no value._ She can hear Lincoln’s words echo in her mind.  The Trigedakru didn’t get their justice because she stole that from them. They helped the Skaikru because their heda made an alliance with them. She made an alliance with Clarke, even after she robbed them of their justice for their people, for their elders and for their children they lost at his reckless hand. The reason was no matter. _Jus drein, jus daun_. Blood must have blood. Lexa had kept their alliance in tact for the good of her people, even though she must have gotten backlash from it. She forged ahead because she knew that Clarke would not only carry the guilt of killing Finn, but by doing so, she had taken on the pain of those 18 deaths to carry with her forever.

And now she’s adding another 16 to that total. 

Sure, there are more, but Clarke only has it in her to carry the weight of the most innocent of them. The children. She still thinks of the victims of TonDC. She still thinks of the pain in Lexa’s eyes that the commander tried to hide when she saw the destruction of the village. The look in her eyes when she told Clarke she did care, but she did what she had to do to save her people at the mountain. 

That’s when she knows what she must do. That’s when she knows who she has to find first, before continuing on to her destination.

Indra.

 


	2. Clarke - four days since the fall of the mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds Indra. And maybe makes a new friend.

**Clarke - Four days since the fall of the mountain**

 

**~**

 

She’s making good time on her route to TonDC but feels it is taking much too long. She knows Lexa’s plan was to head to Polis after the fall of the mountain, but she is certain she will find Indra checking on the rebuilding of her village before she meets back up with her Heda. It is that knowledge that has her quickening her pace while trying to stay vigilant of her surroundings. Her grip tightens on the shock-lash rod she has in her possession. Other than her canteen and two small blades, it is the only weapon she wants. She had taken it from one of the fallen guards as they left the mountain, trading it for the handgun she had kept on her. She never wants to touch another gun. 

She nears a beaten down path and knows she has found the village.She slows her pace just briefly and tries to relax the tense grip on the rod. She doesn’t want to give them a reason to put an arrow in her before she can explain her presence. Taking a deep breath to calm her heart and her breathing she stops walking and listens. The sound of a tree branch straining is her only indication before one of the grounders drops in front of her. She doesn’t flinch and stares into the woman’s eyes. They are vaguely familiar. The warrior removes her face mask and Clarke can’t help but feel slightly relieved.It is Echo, one of the grounders that was held in Mount Weather.

“Ai laik Klark kom Skaikru en-“

“I know who you are, Clarke. Most of us do. Our Heda isn’t here,” Echo replies. Her words aren't harsh but she has a questioning look in her eyes. “She’s already gone to Polis.”

Clarke nods, “I’m aware. Which is why I’m here. I’m actually looking for Indra. Can you take me to her?” 

She watches as Echo considers her briefly. She can tell there is a question waiting to be asked, but it never comes. Instead, Echo turns and begins leading Clarke towards the village entrance. Just outside she stops and turns, depositing her bow and a short blade off to the side in the waiting bins. Clarke follows suit, depositing her two blades and her shock-lash rod. Echo nods and they continue into the village.

Clarke had assumed there would be whispers, but she is surprised at the silence that greets them as they walk further in. She isn’t met with hateful glares as she expected, rather, she was receiving several nods and murmurs of “Heda Klark” and a few other phrases she wasn’t familiar with. She gently rests her hand on Echo’s arm to get her attention. “What are they saying?”

Echo looks around her for a moment before making eye contact with pained blue eyes. “They are acknowledging you as the leader of the Skaikru, and some are in awe that you were still able to bring down the mountain without our army. Some respect you, others fear you.” 

The warrior watches her in silence for a bit before Clarke schools her features and starts walking again. “I fear me too.”

Echo leads her to a tent near the far eastern side of village and says something to one of the guards outside before nodding her head towards the open flap, indicating for Clarke to go inside. The guards only nod to her as she enters, much to her surprise.

“Klark of the Skaikru. I wasn’t expecting you, which in hindsight, means I should have.” Indra speaks with her usual tone, but Clarke doesn’t take it as an attack this time. “Why have you come? Lexa isn’t here.”

The blonde resists the urge to roll her eyes as she needs Indra’s help.She doesn’t want to be disrespectful. “I’m not here to see Lexa. I came to speak to you. I need your help.”

Indra is shaking her head before she finishes, “I don’t know what you need, but I cannot help you. I have things to oversee here in the next moon before I join our Heda in Polis. Whatever revenge you think to achieve, you will not find it.”

It’s Clarke’s turn to shake her head. “I don’t want revenge Indra. I understand why Lexa made the choice she did. I would have done the same.” She pauses, looking down and swallowing the bile threatening to rise in her throat. “I did worse.”

Indra studied the girl in front of her.She is nearly the same age as Lexa and in some ways seems older, but much younger in others. Her scouts have told her what they saw at the mountain, how they had overheard Skaikru talking about what had taken place. They haven’t seen the destruction, but she can only imagine what this young girl in front of her is feeling knowing the deaths she caused. She has watched many of her own go through it, but they are trained for this. However hard it was, it couldn’t have weighed on them nearly the same way as it certainly does for the girl that fell from the sky. She doesn’t know what it is that made her decide to ask. Maybe it is a favour to her commander, since she knows, regardless of how Lexa tries to hide it, that she feels for this girl. Maybe it is because of the look on her face, how she is seeking out Indra’s help, of all people. Maybe she is just bored. “What is it you ask of me? And speak true.”

Clarke then knows she made the right choice to come here. She had watched Octavia with Indra and Lincoln. She had listened to his stories about their people as he educated his new love in their ways and traditions. She knows she is doing the only thing she can to try and mend the devastated condition of her heart…of her soul. At the same time, maybe it will bring some relief, however slight, to the Trigedakru for the wrongs she has done to them.

Clarke takes two steps forward and drops to her knees three feet from Indra. Her body is weak, but her voice and resolve are strong as she speaks her request. “I wish to partake in the purification trials. I seek absolution for the unjustified deaths of the 18 innocents taken by one of my people. I seek absolution for the murder I brought to 16 innocent children in my quest to free my own from the mountain. I wish to undergo the trials, and should I come through and be worthy, I wish to join the ranks of the Trigedakru as one of your own.” She lowers her head, waiting for Indra’s response.

Indra, however, doesn’t know how to respond. She is shocked at this request, first that Clarke even knows of the trials, but that she would even ask to undergo them. The trials are not to be requested lightly and are very rarely sought. Those that do, have committed horrible crimes in their own eyes that weren’t punished by death, or they were from other clans that have deserted and had to partake to join as a new clan member. Some don’t survive. Knowing what the Sky girl has gone through, she can see her wanting this as a form of punishment and maybe, partly, that’s what it was. But to ask to join the Trigedakru after…has Indra speechless.

“You know not what you seek,” is all she can say. The warrior in her wants to give her this, for her own people’s justice, yes, but also because as a member of the Trigedakru that has willingly undergone and passed the trials, her Heda can have blonde at her side, without fallout from their clan, and be stronger for it. But Clarke has to survive. And Indra will have to deal with Lexa’s wrath she fears, either way.

“I do know what I seek,” Clarke seethes. She stands up and steps closer to Indra, into her personal space so that she could see her eyes clearly. “I seek the pain of 34 deaths. I seek the cuts and burns for the lives of 34. I seek to be branded with the reminder of those I took so that I can face what’s to come. I want to rid myself of what I was, to become one that is deserving to stand with the Trigedakru, not out of fear, but out of unity. _Beja._ ”

Indra draws her sword and brings it down like a crack of lightning, stopping just short of Clarke’s neck. She can’t help but release a proud smile when not only does Clarke not flinch nor release her gaze, but she has even tilted her neck to the side, as if expecting the reaction. She is offering her life in that single act, and Indra makes her decision as she sheathes her sword.

“You will rest and be fed for two days before we begin. You are weak and to get through the trials, you must not be. I am doing this out of respect for you, Klark kom Skaikru. Do not make me regret it.” She turns and makes her way to the entrance of her tent, speaking quickly to someone outside before the sound of her walking away is heard and someone else is walking inside.

“Are you sure about this Clarke?” Echo asks, a wide eyed look of awe and fear showing in her hazel eyes.

A resounding yes sounds in her head, but she smiles the first true smile in what feels like weeks and decides she may as well brush up on her Trigedasleng. “Sha” she replies and strides out of the tent, Echo on her heels.

 

~

 


	3. TonDC - Six days since the fall of the mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets closer with Echo as she awaits the start of her trials.

**TonDC - Six days since the fall of the mountain**

 ~

 

Clarke takes a deep breath and sits up slowly. The sun has already risen, but she has stayed in her tent, staring at the varying shades of brown since she woke. Another night and another nightmare. At least today will be the day.  The day she will hopefully face the trials with strength and honour and come through them a more whole and complete person. At least, that’s her hope.

She can hear the sounds of the village coming to life and stands. She expected them to come for her at first light but no one has entered her tent since she parted ways with Echo at the end of the last evening. She hadn’t been tired, but Echo stressed the importance of her getting some sleep, going so far as to make her drink a special mixture to allow her to rest. It had worked for a few hours before the scenes of the dead children in Mount Weather haunted her enough to wake.

Just as she is about to head out of the tent, Echo pokes her head in and smiles. She doesn’t speak, but just nods her head, summoning Clarke to follow her out. Clarke does so, eager to close one chapter of her life in order to start another.

“How did you sleep?” Echo asks from a few paces ahead of her, walking towards one of the buildings to the South.

“Fine,” is her response, to which Echo gives her a pointed glare, knowing she isn’t being completely honest.

“For the first while, yes?” she asks knowingly.

Clarke doesn’t bother asking her how she knows; she figures she was checked on a few times. Since Echo told her of Bellamy’s kindness in the mountain when he found her, and how she is grateful to the Skaikru’s help and sacrifice in freeing them, they have become closer. “Fine, I slept alright at first but then woke up with the nightmares.”

Echo nods in understanding. “They will pass, Clarke. Today will be a day of cleansing for you. It will forever be a part of you, but it won’t always plague your thoughts. The wounds are still fresh.”

She isn’t sure if she believes that is possible, but she is going to try, so she just nods. Once inside one of the old buildings, she realizes where Echo is taking her. “Really?”

Echo smirks and pushes the blonde down onto one of the chairs at a small table. “You must eat.” She nods when, once again, Clarke doesn’t argue and does as she is instructed, eating some of the prepared meats and fruits that are presented to her. 

They chat as they eat, no heavy topics brought up. Echo is helping her with a few pronunciations, and Clarke tells her of her passion to draw. She promises Echo that, if ever she gets that urge back, she will allow her to see her work. Once they finish, Echo excuses herself to take over a patrol before promising to see Clarke before the rituals. She will be there for her.

 

~

 

**_Five hours later_ **

 

~

 

She paces. Back and forth, back and forth. She paces around the small tent she’s been staying in the last two days so much that she’s worn a path from one end to the other. She’s as rested as she can be and has eaten better in the last two days than she has in months despite the constant nightmares and overall lack of appetite. She pauses and huffs. Indra told her two days and they would begin, but now the woman is nowhere to be found, and no one seems willing to tell her where she’s gone. Just as she turns back to walk across the length of the tent again, a noise causes her to turn.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Clarke,” Echo states as she enters the tent and meets the blonde half way, reaching her arm out to clasp with Clarke’s. The two have formed a bond of sorts with Echo having her meals with Clarke, and the two have been talking some about the Trikru customs as well as stories about Clarke’s time on the ark. Clarke can’t be sure, but she feels she is actually forming a friendship with the kind warrior. She would almost say she can trust her.

“I’m not nervous, Echo. I’m anxious. Indra said we would start today and no one knows where she is. Or if they do, they aren’t saying,” she huffs out in annoyance, finally coming to lean against the small table to the side of the tent.

“It will begin tonight, Clarke. None of the trials ever take place in the light of day. The earliest it will begin is at sundown. That is our way.” Echo smiles slightly.

“Oh. Why wasn’t I told this?” she questions. Her thoughts briefly travel to Finn and how that particular ritual was performed at night also. But then, Raven and Gustus had been during the daytime. She stops thinking about it, knowing it isn’t worth questioning right now. “What am I supposed to do for the rest of the afternoon?”

Echo smirks and shakes her head at the stubborn woman. “I would say conserve your energy, have another light meal and mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to endure. Indra has traveled to the next village to seek another fisa to have here.”

Clarke pauses, her eyes flickering to the floor briefly, betraying her calm exterior, before focusing on Echo once more. “Another healer? Nyko won’t be here?” Clarke has come to respect and trust the healer, mainly due to him having Lincoln and Octavia’s trust. She feels better knowing he will be there to help see her through this.

Echo sighs and steps forward to stand close to Clarke. “He will be here for you of course, but with these trials, it’s always better to have another.” She pauses and considers her next words carefully. “I know your will is strong, Clarke, perhaps one of the strongest I’ve seen, and while I have no doubts you can do this… there is a chance that even with two skilled healers, your body may not have the strength to see the sun rise.” 

She raises her hand slowly to the blonde’s cheek, giving her time to move away. When she doesn’t budge, she cups her cheek and smiles as Clarke leans into the caring touch. “We haven’t known each other long, Clarke, but you are the blood sister I never had, but always wanted. Emotions aren’t something my people openly share to many, but I trust you to keep this knowledge safe in your heart. Regardless of how you think others feel about you, just know you have a sister in me already.”

Clarke shudders out a breath and raises her eyes to the sky to keep the moisture that has collected in her eyes from falling. She shakes her head and huffs a laugh, rolling her eyes before throwing caution to the wind and pulling Echo into a tight hug. “Thank you,” she whispers softly.

Echo doesn’t hesitate to return the hug and laughs quietly. “I think the word you were looking for is ‘mochof,' little sister.”

Clarke pulls back, smiling. “Mochof.”

Echo nods and steps back. “I must go and help finish the preparations. Indra should be returning soon. Make peace with what you can now, Clarke. The rest you’ll purge in the trials.”

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer. Hopefully everyone is okay with me taking a little liberty with Clarke and Echo's relationship. I figured since no one on the ark was allowed to have siblings (the Blakes aside) it would be interesting to have that kind of relationship with Clarke and one of the grounders.


	4. TonDC - Nightfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra brings someone back with her to TonDC and Clarke makes several more decisions about her immediate future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. This chapter is longer than the previous ones and hopefully it doesn't disappoint. Things are starting to pick up now. Hope you enjoy!

**Lexa - Two hours outside TonDC**

 

~

 

They have been riding at an average pace for the past two hours. Indra’s mare keeps pace with her own, two guards flanking them. On one hand, Lexa is in a rush to get back to TonDC to try and talk some sense into Clarke, and on the other, she is terrified to see the girl she had left at Mount Weather. She knows what she did was right for her people of course, but that doesn’t stop the immense guilt in her heart she has felt since she turned and walked away from Clarke. How she managed to keep her emotions mostly in check and her tears at bay she will never know.

She had left the blonde there without the help of her army. She had left her there, not knowing what the outcome of the night would be. She had hope Clarke would come out alive and somehow manage to save her people, but Lexa wasn’t confident that her hope was worth much at that time.

Having Indra show up in Polis ahead of schedule had seized fear in her heart as she knew something must have happened to bring her without sending word first. Indra is nothing if not loyal and would never change plans without an order to do so unless it is important. Lexa just can’t have in any way prepared for the news she received. Not only are Clarke and her people alive, but Indra explained to her that Clarke sought the trials.

Lexa swallows hard, recalling Indra’s telling of the look in the girls blue eyes. How they are equal parts dead inside and writhing with an indescribable pain she’d only ever seen once before. Lexa didn’t acknowledge that she knew Indra was speaking of her pain when she found Costia.

She doesn’t know all the details of what happened, but Indra seems convinced that, even if Lexa doesn’t agree with it, Clarke needs this. She shouldn’t use her status as commander to stop it. Lexa had of course argued with her about it - she doesn’t want to see Clarke physically and emotionally hurt more so than she already is - but of course Indra’s reasoning won out over her feelings on the subject. Her feelings, she thinks bitterly, clenching her jaw.

“ _You can hide or ignore it all you want, Heda, but I know you care for her. Caring for her is not a weakness unless you let it be weakness. The greatest strength in this world can come from a single act of love_.”

Indra had spoken openly with her that night, sitting around the fire and away from listening ears. It is very rare for either of them to let their guards down, but they do so with each other when they know the other needs it. Indra has been a fixture in Lexa’s life since her childhood. While everyone in her clan is her people, Indra is the closest thing Lexa has to family. Lexa had only nodded. She hadn’t known what to say.

Now here they are, within an hour’s ride outside TonDC, and her mind is racing. Evening is approaching, and with it, the trials Clarke apparently needs to endure are fast approaching. As commander, Lexa is required to be present since it is her clan Clarke will be joining if… No, not if, Lexa shakes the thought clear, _when_ Clarke comes through. And although she has to be present, to be witness, Indra expressed her concern of Clarke becoming aware of her presence. She strongly suggested Lexa be present but not seen by the blonde, so as not to distract her in any way from the strength and force of will she will require to endure the trials. Lexa hadn’t argued but instead agreed. If it is because she feels it was in Clarke’s best interest or her own, she can’t be sure.

As they approach the entrance to the village, Lexa nods to Indra and steers her horse to the West. Her presence will only be known to Indra, the two riders with them, and a couple guardsmen sitting in one of their lookout stands in the trees to oversee the proceedings.

The stand is a good vantage point to see enemies approaching, but Lexa will be using the view to the village to watch over the determined blonde.

 

~

 

**TonDC - Nightfall**

 

~

 

Clarke stands with Echo beside a roaring fire, cautiously watching a few men attaching leather straps to two posts in the ground that stand about five feet apart. She knows they are for her. She will be holding tight to the leather straps as she endures the physical pain of the 34 deaths she is holding herself personally responsible for. She swallows a lump in her throat and glances back to the fire.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, Clarke.” Echo speaks softly, eyes never leaving the blonde beside her. “You don’t have to do this.”

Clarke sighs, shaking her head. “Yes I do.” She kicks forward a small rock that had come away from the fire ring and runs a hand through her hair. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I need to do this, Echo. If I don’t…” She trails off, afraid to finish her thought.

“If you don’t, you’ll be lost to us all anyway,” Echo states, but it sounds more like a question to Clarke’s ears.

“I’m already lost. Either I’ll come through this and find myself, or I won’t and it won’t matter.” She breathes in deeply and turns her piercing gaze to meet hazel. “I’m just not sure which I’d prefer right now, so I’m leaving it in the hands of fate.”

“Fate doesn’t decide if it’s our time to die in the trials, Clarke.” Echo is serious, turning her body to face the blonde and maintaining her eye contact. “It will be your will that will either see you through this, or see your fight come to an end.”

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke whispers, glancing back over to the now completed posts for the trials.

“Those words should not be uttered to you for a very long time.” Echo steps forward and rests her arm on Clarke’s shoulder. “Don’t make me speak them.”

Clarke closes her eyes and nods, taking a shaky breath as Echo steps back when Indra approaches them. “Yumi!” she commands, looking at Echo and then walking towards a hut where Nyko and another man stand.

Echo glances at Clarke, shaking her head when she makes to come with her, and turns to follow Indra. As she enters the hut with the others, she can’t refrain from asking, “Is our Heda here?”

Indra pins her with a glare. “You did not tell the girl, did you?” she grinds out between her teeth. Echo is one of her best, but she doesn’t want her closeness to the Skai girl to cause her to disobey her orders.

Echo shakes her head, fighting an eye roll. “No, of course not.”

“Good.” Indra steps around the table and comes to stand in front of the three. “Heda is here. She will remain out of sight until the end, but she will be observing the trials. Nyko, Paun,” she says, attention directed at the two healers, “you had better be at your best when the time comes.” She pauses, knowing they would but having to speak the words anyway. While much of it will be up to Clarke, their care after will be most important. “Do you have the herbs?”

Paun nods and grabs a satchel on his waist. “There haven’t been trials in many years, but I was able to come up with enough to make her see the visions and allow the truths to come forth.”

Indra nods and looks to Echo. “Is she ready?”

Echo looks towards the entrance to the hut. “She’s ready for the physical, but no one can ever truly be prepared for the rest.” She feels guilty, knowing Clarke is unaware of this portion of the trials to come once she succeeds in the physical pain, but it is their way. To truly cleanse oneself and to become whole, the body as well as the mind and spirit must be purged and find their way back.

“Then it is time.” Indra turns to the table and grabs a small box before making her way out of the tent and to the center of the trial ring. The two posts and their leather straps stand waiting, as well as four roaring fires to each side, causing a harsh heat to fill the center, right where Clarke will spend the remainder of the night.

All of the people in the village have gathered, forming a large circle around the ring, just outside the bounds of the fires. Indra and Echo stand inside, with Nyko and Paun off to the side. Indra waits for the murmurs to quiet down after raising her hand. “People of TonDC!” she shouts, and the rest of the voices hush, the people looking to her.

“Tonight we shall witness the first trial to ever be requested by one that is not of our 12 clans. The trial of a Skaikru. Clarke!”

Most of those gathered know, but a few gasps are heard by those that were unaware as Clarke makes her way forward into the center of the ring. She stands tall with her head high despite the many eyes that are watching her. She let her eyes dart around briefly, searching, but quickly chastises herself and faces Indra, locking their eyes.

“Clarke of the Skaikru, as is our way, we ask that you state your reason for these trials, so that all who bear witness can know the truth.” She nods her head to Clarke, signifying it was her turn to address the people.

Clarke swallows and makes sure her voice is strong and does not waver as she says, “I wish to undergo the trials of the Trikru, to pay for the deaths of 34 lives that I am responsible for. 18 of your own, felled by one of the Skaikru in my name, for which true justice was not given because of my actions, and for 16 innocent children whose lives I stole to save my own people in Mount Weather. Many more lives were taken that day, which I am responsible for; however, it is the innocent in which I seek retribution: your innocents and theirs.”

There are several gasps and lots of talking that rise from the grounders, and Clarke grits her teeth as one warrior steps out of the ring and towards her with a hateful glare on his face. “What about the warriors you burned to death in your ring of fire Skai girl?” he spits at her.

Clarke turns to face him and then looks around, making eye contact with as many as she can while she speaks, raising her voice for all to hear. “I am responsible for those deaths, it is true, but I do not seek justice on behalf of their lives as that was a response to an attack on my ship. It was an act of war in which I retaliated in the only way I could to ensure the survival of my people. Just as any of you would have done the same for yours.”

The voices continue on for a bit, before settling slightly. Clarke looks back to the grounder and sees something shift in his eyes, perhaps respect, but she can’t be certain, before he gives a short nod and steps back to his place.

Indra nods and addresses Clarke once more. “And you accept all the proceedings of these trials, knowing some, but not all, of what lies ahead?” Clarke nods and replies with a firm yes, eyes still focused on Indra. “And tell us, Clarke of the Skaikru, should you be victorious, what is it you request?”

Clarke takes a deep breath and raises her eyes to the sky, taking in the stars and the bright full moon that shines above them. “I wish to no longer be known as Clarke of the Skaikru but as Clarke of the Trikru.” She pauses as the sounds of surprise echo around her, the only people not surprised by this being Indra and Echo.

“You wish to be one of our people and to relinquish all ties to your own?” Indra states, making it clear that Clarke will need to choose.

“Yes, I would only ask to act as liaison for the Skaikru, to maintain peace between us. I didn’t do what I did on that mountain just to leave them completely unprotected.” Clarke swallows, not sure how her request will go over.

She glances to Echo, who smiles a small smile at her, and then back to Indra who is averting her eyes to someone or something off in the distance. Clarke glances but can’t see before her attention is grabbed by Indra once more.

“As you wish, Clarke. Should you come through the trials, you will forever be known as Clarke of the Trikru and liaison to the Skaikru. With this acceptance, you will choose a duty to perform for our clan and a weapon to wield in defense yourself and others.”

Clarke nods. “I accept.” She swallows. She knows what duty she will choose, but her heart clenches at the thought of wielding any weapon.

Indra nods to her right, where a few men sit and begin a slow rhythm on drums that sat in their lap.

“Then let us begin.”

 

~

 

Lexa stands tall, staring down at the blonde from her stand hidden in the trees. The warmth of the fire gives her an ethereal glow now, but Lexa knows Clarke would be detesting its heat soon enough.

She can’t explain the feelings coursing through her body. She is enthralled by Clarke. She has been since they met, but seeing her now, hearing her voice, her determination… it is like nothing Lexa has ever witnessed. Her heart pounds in her chest in anxiety and, dare she think it, hope.

She grips her hands tightly against the wood of the stand, leaning forward as if being that little bit closer to Clarke will somehow relax the worry in her chest. Her nails dig into the wood until her knuckles are white as she watches Clarke remove her jacket and as she hesitated, only briefly, before pulling her shirt up over her head, leaving her only in her pants, boots, and the small top that holds her breasts. She is magnificent, and Lexa’s breath catches in her throat. She shouldn’t be thinking this way, knowing what is going to happen to mar the so far perfect skin of the blonde, but she can’t help but find herself even more attracted to this girl that fell from the sky.

As Clarke hands her shirt over to Echo, Lexa cocks her head to the side slightly at the faint smile the blonde awards her with. She doesn’t have time to dwell on it as Clarke steps inside the ring of fires to stand between the two posts. She doesn’t make to grab the leather straps, not yet, knowing the punishments she seeks need to be chosen as she waits, feeling the heat intensify from the close proximity of the fires.

Lexa listens intently as Clarke chooses her punishments and feels her stomach lurch. The gorgeous blonde has chosen the blades for the 18 deaths of the Trikru. 12 cuts would dig into her arms, six on each side, three above her elbows and three below. The final six would come as three on each of her sides. Lexa lowers her head and closes her eyes, breathing deeply through her nose. She wants to stop this but knows she will not. Clarke chose this, and Lexa will never again take a choice away from Clarke if she can help it.

Glancing up, she watches as 17 of her people are chosen, and each draws out their daggers. Indra will be the 18th as she is leading the trials. She watches in awe as Clarke keeps her resolve, even though she sees a tiny tremor course through her shoulders. She hears Indra ask what she has chosen for the 16 children from Mount Weather, and that is when Lexa knows Clarke is struggling to keep her firm resolve and not let her feelings show.

Clarke leans her head back, looking to the sky. To many it would seem as if she’s thinking, perhaps debating her choices, but Lexa knows from the tightened fists at the blonde’s side that she has already made her choice. Lexa isn’t surprised; it is the same choice she herself would have made. Her voice carries over to Lexa, and even though she expects the decision, she still feels her knees go weak. 

“Brands. 16 brands for the 16 lives I stole from those children, to forever be a part of me,” Clarke says, her voice clear, only trembling slightly. Echo steps forward, presenting Indra with the brand that will be used. Lexa can’t make out the shape from her distance but is relieved to see that it at least seems small, although it would have to be to fit 16 brands on her petite body.

Clarke makes her choice yet again; she will have two lines of eight brands, each down the left side of her back, beginning at her shoulder, ending at her lower back. Even though it isn’t a thought she wishes to have at the moment, nor was it something she wanted Clarke to endure, Lexa can’t help but think that the two rows of the round-looking brands that will go down Clarke’s back will look attractive and formidable.

She shakes her head, watching intently as Indra nods and the members with the daggers all step forward. Lexa holds her breath once again as Clarke reaches up and grabs the straps of leather, wrapping them around her hands as she holds on tightly and stands tall. 

It is beginning.

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the trials. I hope you all enjoyed this and are prepared for what happens next. Thanks for reading!


	5. Trials of the Skaikru Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is joined in her despair as the trials take place. Clarke faces family members of Finn's victims.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be warned this chapter describes what some might see as torture. Please remember this is something Clarke chose voluntarily, and is a rare, but sacred part of the Trikru way of life. There will be blood, there will be pain. You have been warned.

**The Ark**

~

 

“He’s sure about that? Lincoln!” She grabs his arm to stop him from packing some things into a small pack and pulls him to face her. “Do you trust what he told you?"

Lincoln looks at Octavia with a tight-lipped expression and nods. “Miko and I grew up together. He has no reason to lie to me about this.”

Octavia swears and drops her head. “Can she survive it?” She doesn’t want to let her fear for Clarke’s life show, not when she is still fighting to hold on to the anger she feels for the other girl, but she can’t hide it.

Lincoln cups her cheek and rests his forehead against hers for a moment, allowing her a moment of peace. Pulling back, he nods. “You Skai girls are strong. If anyone could do it, it’s her. But let’s get moving.” 

“Hey,” Octavia stops him once more, “look, I know we planned on leaving the Ark anyway, but we weren’t heading back to TonDC. Why are you so worried about going? Won’t they be angry with you?”

He smiles a small smile. “Heda pardoned me so that I may be with you. It doesn’t matter if that’s here, with them, or elsewhere, but we need to be there. You may still feel angry at Clarke and Heda for TonDC, but you know in war, it was the right call.” He stands up, pulling his pack over his shoulder. “And I know you miss her.”

Octavia can’t deny that. Bellamy is her brother, but over the time spent on the ground, Clarke has become like a sister to her, and they have grown closer than she and Bellamy in different ways. She never felt like she belonged to the Ark people, but she feels more herself and at home with the Trikru and Lincoln. Now with Clarke making the decision to face the trials she has only heard about briefly from Lincoln in order to make peace within herself and become Triku, why is she questioning it?

Octavia turns and secures her sword to her back and a dagger in the sheath on her side. Picking up the pack Lincoln readied for her, she heads out the door. “Let’s go then.” 

Lincoln can’t do anything but smile and follow her out.

 

~

**TonDC - The trials of the Skaikru Heda**

 

~

 

Clarke takes a slow and deep breath, closing her eyes as she grips tightly to the leather wrapped around her hands. She stands with her knees slightly bent, trying to be relaxed and not too stiff. She isn’t sure it will help her much either way, but it feels like the right thing to do.

The heat from the fire around her is hot. She can feel the first few beads of sweat begin to drip from her hairline and down her temple, despite most of her upper body being bare. After she rid herself of her jacket and shirt, Echo presented her with a small loose top, with thin bootlace style ties that go around her neck and her lower back, just enough material on the front to cover her breasts. She had been shrouded in the front by Echo and another woman as she exchanged her bra for this new material. She knows it was created to expose the most skin of her back and sides while leaving her chest covered from view. For that, she is thankful.

She knows Indra is speaking once again, something about the people stepping forward to begin, but she can’t hear it all. Her mind is already racing with the thoughts of the dead. She is seeing Finn firing that rifle into innocent villagers. She can hear the anguished cries of family and friends, hovering over the lifeless bodies of their loved ones. She is hearing the screams and coughs of the children in Mount Weather as they died their slow and painful deaths at her hand.

She is preparing herself to welcome what is coming. Even in the haze of her thoughts, she can’t help but hear Indra sending one of the men from the lineup away, taking his dagger. She can’t be certain, but she thinks he is shaking his head and gesturing towards her, seemingly unwilling to take part. She is confused by this, expecting more of them to want a turn at her. She doesn’t think on it too long as she notices Indra slowly turning towards Echo whose eyes harden at her, but she obeys her general and hesitantly steps forward and accepts one of the daggers.

Echo looks down at the dagger in her hand, clenching it tightly in her fist as she slowly looks towards Clarke, pleading with her eyes for her to understand. Clarke can only smile a small smile back at her, nodding her head resolutely. She knows Echo doesn’t want to do this, but she will do it all the same, for it’s what is asked of her, and it’s what Clarke herself wants.

Clarke breathes in deeply once more, shuddering only slightly as she feels the flames lick their way toward her bare skin. She knows it can’t reach her, of course, but that doesn’t stop her skin from burning. She knows those that will be cutting into her will feel it also, but their duration will be quick while hers will last through the night. She stands up a little straighter as the first warrior approaches her. There is something in his eyes, and she keeps focused on that as she feels his dagger make a smooth and precise cut across the upper left part of her arm.

The metal of the blade provides a small cool bit of relief before the sound of her skin giving way reaches her ears and the pain of the cut registers. It hurts, badly. She had known it would and manages to keep her mouth shut, not willing to cry out in pain at the first one. She knows she will eventually, but she won’t yet.  

The air hits the now opening wound, causing it to burn even more, and the metallic smell of her blood reaches her nose. She raises her head higher, fixing her gaze on Indra as she nods her head, ready for the next.  

Knowing what to expect makes the second cut hurt even worse. The grounder is a young woman, perhaps younger than Clarke herself, and the cut feels deeper than the first. It is slower, too, and on the same arm, just a couple inches lower than the first. “This is for my brother.”  

Clarke’s eyes snap to hers, and she feels her chest constrict. She doesn’t have much time to think about it, but she knows immediately how they were chosen. 18 people died, and these must be their family members. She briefly wonders if any of the victims are blood relatives of Indra and Echo, before realizing two more had made their cuts, uttering the names of their lost. 

They are staying consistent, the cuts being made down her left arm, with one more to go before the six are completed for that side. She is beginning to feel light headed and feels her knees tremble slightly. She tightens her grip with her right hand, knowing her left is slowly becoming useless. The blood is hot running down her arm, making a pool down her armpit and into a puddle on the ground. Her arm is numbing, and she is thankful she wrapped the leather around her hand a few times, because she wouldn’t have been able to hold on to it any longer otherwise.

The next walks up, a small boy, no older than 12, who looks more shaky than she is. She feels a sob form in her throat, wondering who had been taken from him. He turns to back to look at Indra who is about to approach when Clarke finds her voice, raw and full of remorse and undiluted agony. “No.” Indra stops, watching as Clarke unwraps her right hand from the leather, and uses it to undo her left. She gasps as the blood starts to flow the other direction and staggers to her knees. 

She knows the last available spot on her left arm that is free is closer to her wrist, which is too high for him to reach. Using her right hand to hold her left, she holds her trembling arm out to the boy. He hesitates, turning again to look back towards his people. Seeing a few nods, he turns back to Clarke, taking a deep breath. “I do not wish to hurt you,” he whispers softly. His eyes are a watery blue, unshed tears residing within them but unwilling to fall. “But I must do this for my father.” 

Clarke’s sob chokes in her throat, and she lowers her eyes with her head shaking. “I’m so sorry. I know that doesn’t help you, but I am so, so sorry,” she cries, holding her arm out to the boy, who holds her left hand hesitantly, dragging the blade over her arm. It isn’t nearly as deep as the others, but it is a clean cut, and the blood soon begins to flow. 

Just as she lowers her right hand to the ground to push herself back up, the boy rubs one finger in the blood and then once down his cheek, below his right eye. “A tear for you, Clarke. My father’s fight is over, but yours has just begun.” He lowers his already quiet voice and whispers softly, “Ste yuj.” 

Clarke can only nod as he walks away, and she staggers to her feet. She had heard that once in the past, right before Lexa had carried out the sentence for Gustus. “ _Ste yuj,_ ” he had whispered to her.  _Be strong._

Clarke walks backwards the few steps she had taken forward and reaches up with her right hand, again wrapping the leather around her hand. She knows she won’t be able to raise her left and just let it hang to her side for now. She raises her eyes briefly, catching Echo’s, and is grateful to have a caring face staring back at her. She steels herself and barely catches her breath before the cuts begin on her right arm. The first one on her upper right arm just below her shoulder feels vicious. It is done in anger and in pain, and she can’t stop the scream that tears from her throat against her will. 

Another name is uttered to her, but she can’t hear it over the sound of her own scream as the next cut comes. Her right arm is beginning to weaken, and she is starting to black out from the blood loss. She shakes her head, trying to clear it. She will get through this facing it all, not allowing the reprieve the darkness would allow her. She looks to Nyko, who spares a glance at Indra before stepping forward. 

They talked about this, shortly before the trials began. In order for her to stay conscious through the blood loss, she would take some herbs in water that would help. When she felt herself starting to fade, she would nod to Nyko, who would provide more to help her. He holds up a small cup, filled with a mix of water and the herbs, and has her drink. Stepping away, he nods, and they resume.

 

~

 

Lexa paces back and forth, arms crossed with one hand against her mouth as she bites at her thumbnail. The anguish of Clarke’s scream nearly broke her resolve to rush down to the blonde, but a well pointed glare from Indra kept her rooted in her place. She can’t believe the strength Clarke showed when she let go of the straps and lowered herself down to her knees, offering herself up to the young boy for the final cut to her left arm. She wonders at the being that was Clarke Griffin, how the blonde has so much strength of will and spirit. It is rare indeed for anyone, but especially of someone who hadn’t grown up on the ground, in the ways her people had. It makes them tougher, in such a way she knows the Skaikru don’t possess. All but this blonde screaming in agony before her as the final cut to her right arm is made. 

The blonde is swaying, barely able to continue holding onto the leather strap, but she has stamina. Lexa knows some of it had to do with the herbs to keep her awake, but even then it must be exhausting to keep to her feet. 

Lexa stops pacing to lean forward on the rail of the wooden stand to glare towards one of her warriors. He appears to be taunting Clarke, dragging his dagger against her stomach, causing her to tremble.  He isn’t cutting her, and Lexa feels her blood boil, just as Indra shouts at him, “Em pleni!”  _Enough!_  

He spits at the ground at Clarke’s feet and sloppily slices at her left side. It won’t be an even, neat cut, and Lexa knows she will make him pay for that. The trials may be a right of passage and a tradition of her people, but it isn’t meant to be a revenge scheme. The grounder raises his voice to call out, “Daunde ste kwelen!”  _That one over there is weak,_ before sauntering away, proud of himself. 

Lexa grinds her teeth and eyes Indra.  _Clarke is not weak,_  she growls in her head. She sees Indra motion to one of the guards, who grab the man and lead him away. 

Clarke’s strangled cry and hunched over form break her heart. She isn’t sure how much more of this she can stand. The woman she… cares for is suffering, and she can’t stop it. It is eating at her more than she wants to admit. Finding Costia, already gone at the hands of the Ice Nation, had shattered her. She doesn’t want to compare, but seeing this, seeing Clarke taking every bit of this pain, this suffering of her own free will, is destroying Lexa emotionally, yet she can’t bear to look away. If Clarke is determined to go through this, Lexa at least owes it to her to remember it all, committing it to memory so that, in some small way, Clarke isn’t going through this alone. Not this time.

 

~

 

She feels nauseous. Her head is spinning, her body hot yet cold. She is weak, and she wants to scream and laugh all at the same time. She is possibly losing her mind. It wouldn’t surprise her. She is quickly losing focus on her surroundings, but there is one more to go, then she will have a short reprieve before the next trial: the branding. 

Indra has taken her turn before Echo, even though the general is meant to be the last. Clarke isn’t sure why, but her head is too foggy to contemplate the reasoning behind it. This round is nearly over.  _Just one more,_  she thinks to herself as Echo approaches her slowly.

Clarke uses what little strength she has left and raises her head to meet pained hazel eyes. She tries to smile at her, to let her know it is okay, but she feels it might have come out as more of a grimace. Echo sighs out loud and steps close to the blonde, resting her hand to the side of her face, cupping her cheek gently. Clarke allows herself to relax her head into the warm hand and close her eyes just for a moment before opening them and nodding gently.

“Yu gonplei nou ste odon.”  _Your fight is not over,_  Echo whispers with an edge to her voice, challenging Clarke to do anything other than survive this as she makes the final cut to her lower right side, smooth and clean with Clarke barely feeling a thing.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I did this chapter justice. I edited and re-edited several times and I'm just not sure. Let me know your thoughts before the next part is up. Thanks for reading!


	6. TonDC - Silent Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second portion of the trials.

**TonDC - Silent Suffering**

 

~

  

Lexa sighs out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she watches Echo make the final, quickest and cleanest cut to Clarke’s right side. She swallows thickly as she watches the tender moment between the two, forcing back the thoughts that are going through her mind. Now isn’t the time.

She stands up and takes a deep breath as she watches the two healers gently tend to Clarke. They won’t let her die. They will give her the herbs to help fight infection and will bind her arms and sides as best they can, knowing they only have a couple hours before the next round would begin.

She clenches her jaw when Clarke cries out and sobs once her right arm is released and she is gently sat down on the ground with her back to one of the posts. You can almost see the relief in her shoulders to no longer be on her feet, but her head is very unsteady and looks ready to fall forward at any moment.

The healers are quick and efficient, cleaning up the blood and binding her wounds quickly, stopping any more of the blonde’s precious blood from leaving her pale and weakened body. 

A shake of the stand she is in alerts her to a presence below her, climbing up the ladder. She moves to the side and peers down in time to see Octavia climbing in with Lincoln right behind her. The girl’s eyes are hard as they meet her own but soften instantly when she sees the pain in her Heda’s eyes. Lexa knows Octavia hasn’t completely forgiven her or Clarke, but she is here, and for now, that is enough.

Octavia’s eyes dart down below, and she covers her mouth with her hand as she takes in Clarke’s form being tended to and hearing her weak cries of pain, even though it is obvious Nyko and another are being as gentle as they can with her. “Clarke…” she whispers from behind her hand, sniffling slightly. “Is it over?” She turns, looking between Lexa and Lincoln hopefully.

Lexa only shakes her head in the negative as she turns back to focus on Clarke. “She’s being treated for the 18 cuts, and then they will move on to the 16 brands.” Her voice is low and even, nothing like how she is feeling inside.

“18 cuts, 16 brands…” Octavia mumbles to herself. “34.” She leans back into Lincoln as it makes sense to her, taking comfort in his strong arms wrapping around her slight flame. “The village victims and the children in the mountain, right?”

Lexa clears her voice, the act giving away her emotions slightly. “Yes.”

“Can I see her… after the brands?” Octavia asks hesitantly.

Lincoln shakes his head. “The brands aren’t the final portion. One more remains.” He pauses, glancing to his Heda, unsure if he should continue.

Lexa feels his gaze upon her and turns to face them. She pauses, taking in their comforting pose, with Octavia wrapped protectively in Lincoln’s embrace, and for a moment, she lets herself envy them. “The final portion of the trial is the dream walk. It isn’t physically painful but mentally. It’s meant to be the final cleansing to unite mind and body." 

Octavia takes it in, trying to understand exactly what is being explained to her. “What happens in this dream walk?” Sensing both of them hesitating, she stands tall, pulling away from Lincoln enough to face them both. “Speak true.” 

Lincoln takes this as his cue, glancing to Lexa for a moment before directing his answer to his love. “The healers will give her a tonic to drink that will cause Clarke to enter a trance-like state. It’s like sleeping, although she will be awake but not conscious to what’s around her. She’ll be seeing… reliving, so to speak, the things that haunt her on the inside.”  

Octavia leans over the railing, gripping it tightly much like Lexa herself had earlier in the night, and takes a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. She knows what she went through on the Ark, as well as some of Clarke’s story. She can’t imagine having to relive any of that, and her heart feels for the girl down below her that has finally quieted for the time being. If it wasn’t for the blood soaked bandages and pants she wore, she’d almost seem peaceful.  

Turning back, she speaks with finality, much the way Clarke does when she is driven and intent, leaving no room for argument. “I  _will_  be there with her for that. I will not allow her to go through that alone. Do not try to fight me on this.” Her eyes dart back and forth, fire blazing within them.  

Lexa can only nod as she, too, has no intention of staying away any longer than necessary. “We will both be with her the moment the tonic is administered and will stay at her side until it she is awake and it is over.” 

Octavia lowers her eyes to the commander, showing her respect, and resumes her place tucked into Lincoln’s arms. “Mochof,”  _Thank you,_  she whispers. 

“Pro,”  _You’re welcome,_ Lexa responds, turning away.

 

~

 

Clarke jerks at the feeling of a hand being placed on her shoulder and immediately regrets the movement when she realizes where she is and what is happening. Her body is screaming at her in agony, and she can’t help the moan that escapes her lips as she falls forward, her head touching the dirt below her. She feels gentle hands tuck under her arms and lift her up onto her shaky legs and close to one of the blazing fires. Once in position, she is placed down onto her knees and sat back on her heels. 

Echo steps back and lowers herself down to be at eye level with the blonde. “Hei Clarke,”  _Hi,_ she whispers softly. “Ha yu?”  _How are you?_  She smiles when Clarke huffs out a snort, then frowns at the grimace that graces the broken girl’s face.   

“Terrific, don’t I look terrific?” She smiles and breathes in slowly, feeling the morning dew in the air. “Is it time?”  

Echo nods and pulls the brand from behind her, showing it to Clarke. She is pleased to see the small smile pull at Clarke’s lips at its design. The small round brand with little lines coming out from the sides remind her of the stars in the sky. It is fitting for where the blonde is from and for part of the Trikru history. Their legends teach them that all of their fallen spirits create a light in the sky until such time it’s ready to be re-born into its new body. She tells this to Clarke and watches as a single tear fall down her cheek.  

Clarke braces her hands on her thighs and nods. “I will receive them now and wear them with honour.” She looks to her left and calls to Indra, “Let’s begin.”

Indra steps forward and takes the brand from Echo’s hand. She has taken it upon herself to do the branding, for she won’t trust one of the others. Especially not after the glare she received from her heda when one of their men got out of line during the cutting. This will be done properly and controlled, and she is going to see to that herself. 

Holding the brand over the fire until it is heated red, she takes a moment to glance up into the trees, meeting her commander’s eyes. She holds her gaze, trying to convey as much as she can, so that she will understand why she is the one to brand the blonde. Seeing Lexa lower her eyes and then glance back up, she takes that as her sign of understanding. 

“Take a deep breath Clarke,” Echo whispers, not moving from her position on her knees in front of her new sister. “Focus on me.” 

Clarke has just started to commit the caring hazel eyes to memory when the first brand scorches her skin, and the breath she has taken in is released in a gut wrenching scream as she falls forward with her aching arms on her thighs. 

The weight of the iron is short on her skin, but the searing pain and the smell of her flesh burning nearly makes her sick as she breathes through her mouth and pushes herself up with her hands again, keeping them tightly gripped on her thighs. The pain in her arms from her weight on them, even just briefly, nearly takes her breath away. She looks away from her hands to focus again on hazel in front of her, before screaming again in agony as another mark is burnt into her back. This time her gaze doesn’t waver, even as her body shakes and her nails dig into her thighs so hard she thinks she may draw blood. 

She can hear voices in the background; she hears a cry of her name that sounds familiar, but she can’t focus on it. All she can do is lean forward and bite down on her lip as she tries to keep her screams from waking those that have gone back to their homes. She knows it is futile as another scream tears from somewhere deep inside her, and her hands leave her thighs to dig into the hard ground in front of her. 

Echo lowers herself down even further, trying to talk Clarke through it and keep eye contact with her, but the pain is so overwhelming there is no way Clarke can focus, let alone try to understand the meaning behind the woman’s words. The sound of screaming and crying children rattles through her mind as she feels brand after brand come down on her skin. She is nearing the point of blacking out when, suddenly, Echo is pushed over and hands are gripping the sides of her face and eyes are trying to meet her unfocused blue. 

Clarke licks her dry lips, voice hoarse from screaming, and whimpers out the name of the person she least expected to see at that moment: “Leksa.”  _Lexa._   

Lexa is on her knees in front of the blonde, holding her face delicately between her own and brushing away her tears with her thumbs. It feels like a dream, one that she hasn’t woken from, and she can’t form any other words at that moment other than her name in return: “Klark.” 

“Leksa,” Clarke whimpers, her head lowering slightly, her body sagging in fatigue, and Lexa can feel her heart throbbing, willing itself to rip out of her chest to wrap itself around the blonde in front of her. 

She can hear Lexa’s voice shouting out an order through the haze of her cloudy mind, and she focuses just enough to understand that Lexa is ordering Indra to stop, to let Clarke have a rest, but she can’t let her stop. She knows there is one final brand to be made, and she hasn’t come this far to rest now.  

Gathering what strength she has left, she raises her hands to Lexa’s and focuses as best she can on the swimming green in front of her. “I’m not finished,” she whispers and swallows as she raises her voice, glancing to Indra, who is standing at her commander’s side, holding the cooling brand. “Nodotaim.”  _Again,_ she says and pulls Lexa’s hands down to her thighs and holds her there tightly. 

Lexa nods to Indra and threads her fingers with Clarke’s, allowing the blonde to grip her hands as tightly as she must as the last brand is laid on her back. Clarke grits her teeth, groaning out a low scream as her hands tighten over Lexa’s, turning them white with effort.  

As soon as Indra backs away, Nyko and Paun quickly begin applying a salve to the burns as delicately as they can. Lexa scoots forward, not caring in the least that she is being watched as she pulls Clarke’s head to rest on her shoulder, letting her tired body slump against hers as they tend to the burns. Each jump of Clarke’s body causes Lexa’s chest to clench tightly, knowing all she can do is be here and whisper soothing words and stroke the blonde’s hair until it is over.  

Once they finished, Lexa pulls Clarke to wrap her arms around her shoulders and lifts her from the ground with her hands just under the girl’s rear on her upper thighs. She swallows thickly at the feel of Clarke wrapping her legs around her waist, knowing this isn’t meant to be an intimate moment but one of comfort and ease as she carries her to her hut. Clarke will get a full day to rest her body and hydrate herself, before the next night comes and the last trial begins.

 

~

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? I hope this is conveyed the way I hoped for it to be. A little more to go for the trials and then we're moving on. :)


	7. TonDC - End of the first night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The physical portion of the trials is over and now Clarke prepares for the last step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter won't be as intense as the last couple, but will set the scene for the next one.  
> Any mistakes are mine. Forgive me.

**TonDC - End of the first night of trials**

 

~

She thinks she’s dreaming, but she can’t be certain. Her entire body feels weak and heavy like it’s useless to try and move. That’s a good thing, she thinks, considering any amount of moving she thinks she might be doing is causing her extreme pain. Maybe this is a nightmare.

She can hear voices that are fading in and out with brief glimpses of warm torchlight each time she’s able to gather enough strength to open her eyes. The pain and the feeling of being dragged down into darkness against her will makes it hard to focus. She hears her name whispered reverently and thinks her heartbeat picks up at the sound. There are other voices, but she only has the desire to try and focus on one. Lexa’s voice. Lexa is here with her.

She knows she’s fading into the darkness and doesn’t have the energy to fight it any longer. She feels a cool pressure against her lip and sips at the water as best she can before her head is gently lowered back down. She fights to open her eyes one last time and is met with worried green, darker than she’s ever seen them. She tries to convey as much as she can in her look, but feeling it isn’t enough, she uses the last of her strength to whisper, “Please don’t leave.” The world goes dark before she can hear a response.

 

~

 

“How is she?” she hears as Octavia walks over to stand on the opposite side of the bed Clarke is resting on.

“Still asleep,” Lexa replies, sighing. “It was deep for many hours but seems to be a bit restless. I think she’s uncomfortable.” She lowers her head down to rest against her hands that are holding onto Clarke’s right hand. She’s been in this position most of the morning, and it’s now midday. 

Octavia nods and sits down beside Clarke, across from her heda. “She doesn’t like sleeping on her stomach,” she says, glancing over the blonde’s body, “but I guess that’s the least painful position she could be in.”

Lexa looks across to the girl, tilting her head. She doesn’t ask, but she wonders how she knows this about Clarke. 

“It’s not what you think,” Octavia assures her. “Not that I know what you’re thinking…” She pauses and laughs softly. “One morning, back at the drop-ship, she woke up in a foul mood complaining that the next time she gets knocked unconscious to make sure she’s on her back or side because if any of us put her on her stomach she’ll smother us in our sleep.”

Lexa can’t help but let a small grin take over her face, “I don’t believe Klark would ever hurt her people.” Looking to the blonde, she reaches her hand up to move a stray lock of hair out of her face. “You can blame this position on the healers. It seemed like the least likely to cause her additional pain.”

Octavia smiles. “She will understand. I think a stiff neck and rough sleep will be the least of her concerns when she wakes up.” She stands, making her way towards the door. “There is some broth and bread waiting for her when she comes to.”

Lexa doesn’t look back but simply nods her head, continuing to watch over the girl in front of her. She gently places the hand she has been holding back on the table just under Clarke’s chin. Taking comfort in the knowledge that people she trusts are just outside, she uses one finger and delicately traces over the hand, memorizing each scar, freckle, and crease. 

She pauses briefly, her hand hovering in the air over Clarke’s as someone else approaches. Recognizing the footsteps, she allows herself one final touch and then stands to face the healer. “She hasn’t woken yet, Nyko.”

“I know, Heda. She may sleep most of the day if we let her, but she needs to eat some, and I need to change her bandages. It would be best that we wake her, rather than the pain she will feel from that.” He proceeds forward and takes the position Octavia had just occupied.

Lexa hates to wake her but knows he speaks true. Leaning forward, she gently brushes the blonde hair back a few times before resting her palm on Clarke’s warm cheek and whispering her name softly. She repeats the motions and calling of her name until the blonde begins to stir.

 

~

 

The darkness doesn’t seem as endless, and the air doesn’t seem as thick. She can feel consciousness coming to her and feels relief flood through her as she is able to recognize Lexa’s voice calling her name in a soothing tone and begins to feel a warm hand gently rubbing over her face and head. It feels nice. 

Until the pain begins to register, and she can’t stop a whimper from escaping her lips and her body tensing. She can’t hear anything but the screaming of her skin. Her arms feels raw and are throbbing viciously, and her back feels as if it was on fire yet cold at the same time. She knows she has tears streaming down her face when a thumb wipes at her cheek.

“I…” she tries, but her voice cracks. She tries to swallow and begin again, “Help.” That has to do for now, because she can’t get anything else out even as she tries with all her strength, which is nearly non-existent, to push herself upright from the table.

“Skai Heda, wait, let us help you,” she hears a man say before feeling two strong hands lift her under her arms and another pair of hands swiftly pull her legs around so that, within seconds, she is sitting upright on the table with her legs dangling over the side. She cries out as the feeling of her skin shifting on her back and sides sent flares of pain throughout her body. She feels her head fall forward slightly and is grateful for the hands that hold her up by pressing gentle pressure below her collarbone.

Raising her head, her eyes meet Lexa’s, and she can’t help but smile even as tears continue to stream down her face. “You’re here.”

Lexa breathes out a sigh of relief as eyes, as blue as the clearest waters she’s ever seen, meet her own, more focused than she has seen them since the mountain. “I’m here, Klark.” She swallows.

Nyko walks around to face the blonde with a warm smile on his face. “She didn’t leave your side, Skai Heda.” He glances at Lexa in what seems to be a bit of fear mixed with a bit of mischievousness, while Lexa just looks down rather bashfully.

“You asked me to stay,” she states, looking back up into Clarke’s eyes. “I stayed.”

Before anything more can be said, Echo makes her way inside in a hurry, stopping abruptly next to Lexa, but her focus is solely on her blonde sister. “Klark,” she says with such happiness the blonde can’t help but smile at her.

“Looks like I’m still here,” she states, raising an eyebrow at Echo, remembering the woman telling her that her fight isn’t over.

“I expected nothing less,” she replies as she steps forward and rests her forehead against Clarke’s in a display of comfort. “I’m so glad you’re awake,” she says as she takes the blonde’s hands in her own, squeezing gently.

“Klark needs to have her wounds tended to. Perhaps you can go get her the food Okteivia spoke of,” Lexa questions, but it sounds more like an order with the edge to her voice.

Echo leans back and smirks at Clarke, cocking an eyebrow, knowing her commander can’t see her face. “I’ll be back soon,” she states and makes her way out of the hut.

Watching with slight amusement in his eyes, Nyko clears his throat to address the blonde. “Are you ready, Skai Heda?” he asks, having all of his supplies at the ready to tend to her numerous cuts and burns.

Clarke clears her throat, accepting the cup of water Lexa presents to her and drinking deeply. She glances up and hands the cup back. She takes a deep breath, reaching her right hand out slightly, wincing at the heaviness and the pain, but keeps it hovering in the space between herself and the woman in front of her.

Lexa understands and steps forward, taking the hand in her own. “What do you need, Klark?”

Clarke clenches her jaw before taking both of the commander’s hands in hers and putting them back on her chest and gripping her wrists tightly as she nods for Nyko to proceed. “Just you.”

 

~

 

Lexa walks around outside as the sun is setting, taking deep breaths and enjoying the cooling breeze as it wraps around her, blowing loose strands of her hair this way and that. 

She had stayed with Clarke while her wounds were redressed, then as she had eaten and finally succumbed to more sleep. Lexa is ever amazed at the strength the blonde possesses. She only made but a few whimpers, choosing to bite her lip or grind her teeth in effort to keep quiet as Nyko finished up. She had also continued to grip at Lexa’s wrists, squeezing tightly during a few of the more painful moments, then releasing as the pain lessened some. The blonde had even apologized, although Lexa was quick to assure her it wasn’t necessary, and she would gladly do it for her until she’s healed. Clarke had rewarded her with one of her endearing smiles. It may not have been a full smile, but it was a start, and Lexa is happy to even be allowed in the blonde’s presence.

Hearing footsteps approach, she turns her body to face Octavia and Echo who stop before her. She can’t help the slight glare on her face as she looks at Echo, but quickly diverts her attention to Indra’s second. “Okteivia. Eko.”

“Heda,” Octavia begins, “you said I could be there for Klark during the dream-walk, and I wanted to make sure I was here when it was time. Linkon told me that once it begins, no other interruptions can be allowed.” 

Lexa keeps her eyes on Octavia as she speaks and nods her head once, but then turns to Echo and tilts her head. “And what of you, Eko?”

Echo straightens herself even taller, making eye contact with her commander. “I wish to be present as well, Heda. Klark and I have become close, and I wish to be there for support.”

Lexa narrows her eyes slightly, not liking the feeling that is building up within her chest at the thought of Echo and Clarke becoming close. It isn’t an emotion she is familiar with, and it troubles her. However, she will leave that decision to Clarke as she will not make it for her. “I will leave that up to Klark once she wakes. We will begin shortly.” With that she turns to make her way back to the healer’s tent.

Echo turns to Octavia, giving her a short nod before jogging to catch up with Lexa. “Heda, wait,” she calls out, stopping when Lexa turns back to her, waiting for her to continue. “I just wanted to assure you that my feelings towards Klark are nothing you should fear.”

Lexa’s eyes harden as she turns to fully face her warrior and rests her hand on the hilt of her sword. “And what exactly is it you think I fear, Eko?”

Echo sighs. “She cares for you, Heda. It is true, she cares for me and I for her, but it is the bond of sisterhood, nothing more. It is nothing like what you two could share.” She speaks firmly but quietly, knowing how her commander is with her emotions since Costia and wary of the others walking near them.

Lexa clenches her jaw and nods. She isn’t sure what to say on the matter. She doesn’t want to say anything, least of all to someone that isn’t Clarke. But she understands now how Echo sees Clarke, and digging back into her memory, she recalls that Echo lost a clan sister several winters back. She can’t fault her for this, and it is honestly a relief to know that Clarke will have one more person to help protect her and look out for her. Since a verbal conformation may be required, she speaks the only thing she can at that moment: “I understand.” With that, she turns and walks away.

 

~

 

Clarke yawns as she sits up as gently as she can. She really needs to stretch, but she isn’t ready to open up any of the wounds Nyko and Paun so carefully stitched up for her. Instead, she settles for rolling her neck and shoulders, wincing as the pull on her back causes her burns to flare up in pain.

“Careful, Skai Heda,” Paun says as he approaches her and helps her to stand up. “Nyko and Heda will be in shortly. I’ve come a little earlier to explain the last step of your trials.”

Clarke nods and walks around some, needing to stretch her legs. “Paun,” she starts hesitantly, “why do you and some of the others call me Skai Heda? I’m not officially the leader of my people.”

Paun looks up from his mixing of something in a bowl. It’s some form of herbs as far as Clarke can tell. He regards her gently as he explains, “Your people may see another as their leader, but as far as we of the Trikru are concerned, you are their leader. It is you we made an alliance with, and it is you who has made the decisions and saved your people. That is something we honour; not one chosen by a group, but one chosen by fate.”

Clarke thinks on that briefly, recalling Lexa telling her their leaders are chosen through reincarnation. She can’t imagine herself as a reincarnated leader, but then, she can’t really make peace with any decisions she has made thus far, regardless of the fact she’s sure she would make them again.

Since she doesn’t have a response, Paun decides to show her what he is working on. “This mixture is a combination of several rare herbs found throughout many areas where we have allied clans. When mixed with water and drank, it puts your body and your mind into a calm and relaxed state. You will still be awake, but it will be to you as if you are dreaming.” He walks over to her, showing her the mixture that is now ground to look like a fine powder. It smells sweet.

“Once you drink this, you will focus on a small flame, breathing deeply as they begin to work. How long it lasts solely depends on you and how much you need to face,” he explains, pausing as she takes it all in.

“So, I drink that, and go into an awake but trance-like state?” she asks, trying to understand what will happen and why this is part of the trials. It doesn’t seem like it will be such a big deal.

“It is kind of like that. However, it causes things you have buried deep within to come to the surface, and you will feel as if you are reliving it. As that happens, you may say things as you did when you experienced them, or you may say the things you wish you could have. It’s about facing your inner demons, Skai Heda. The ones we fear and hurt us the most.” He sets the bowl down and pours some water in, waiting until the mixture dissolves.

Clarke swallows hard, her mind suddenly racing at the possibility of what could play through her mind during this. She knows some things, but others she is terrified to think of. Clearing her throat, she addresses him once more. “Who will be present during this?” she hesitantly asks.

He smiles kindly at her. “Only those you wish to be present, and a healer of your choice to tend to you should you require it. It is safe, but sometimes the inner workings of the mind can cause undue stress on the body, especially when it is still healing as you are.” He waits a moment to see if she has any questions, but she only nods. “Do you know who you wish to be present, Skai Heda?”

Before she can answer, Octavia, Echo, and Lexa all enter the hut. “I’m not giving you a choice here, I will be with you,” Octavia states boldly, making her way to Clarke to take her hand and squeeze gently. She wants to hug her friend but doesn’t want to risk hurting her. 

The blonde squeezes back and huffs out a laugh. “Honestly, Okteivia, you were my first choice, because you know how life was on the Ark, and you know the most about me. I would be honoured if you were with me in this as well,” she replies seriously and then turns to the other two women.

Echo is watching the scene with a warm smile on her face, and Lexa is staring at her boots, looking as unsure of herself as Clarke has ever seen her. It is sad yet endearing to see, and the blonde knows they will need some time alone to talk after this is all over. For now, she only has one thing more to say.

“Eko, Leksa,” she addresses the two, and both pairs of eyes lock onto her, “I would like both of you with me as well, if you would.”

Echo nods, still smiling, and Lexa looks at bit shocked yet relieved at the request. “Whatever you need, Klark,” Lexa says and hesitates only briefly before adding, “Would you like me to send for anyone else?” 

She doesn’t have to say who; Clarke knows she is asking about her mother and shakes her head. “No. I would just like you three,” she turns to Octavia, “and Linkon, as the healer.”

Paun smiles and nods. “Linkon has been witness to this before and knows how to proceed. I will fetch him.” He walks over and grasps one of Clarke’s hands and kisses it softly. “It was a pleasure to meet you, but I must return to my village. You will heal well, Klark. These three will see to it.” With that, he exits the hut.

Turning to the three women, she glances at each of them before coming to a decision. “Okteivia, go grab Linkon, and let’s get this started. Eko, could you please put a couple blankets against the wall so that I can sit against it during this?” At her nod, she turns to Lexa. “Can we speak privately for a moment?”

Lexa nods and directs her to the far end of the hut, waiting for Clarke to begin. “Leksa,” she breathes out and looks into the green eyes before her with hesitance, “some things you may hear… you probably won’t understand, and some if it you won’t like.” She steps closer to the brunette, leaving only a couple inches of space between them. “I just need you to promise me that we can talk after this is over. I’ll answer any questions you may have, clear the air, so to speak, but please do not leave while this is happening.” She looks away hesitantly.

Lexa slowly extends her hand to cup Clarke’s cheek, only pausing to make sure her touch is accepted, before holding her gently and caressing her with the pad of her thumb. “You request that I stay, and I will stay. I will not leave, although I’m not sure why I would?” she questions softly.

“You have a habit of coming to my rescue and my defense. I don’t want to come out of this and find out you went to pick a fight at the Ark,” Clarke states seriously, cocking an eyebrow at the commander.

“I see.” She considers this, wondering what she may find out that has Clarke worrying she will go charging off to the Ark. Vowing to herself not to do anything without Clarke’s knowledge at least, she nods her head. “I promise I will stay, and after, we will talk.”

Clarke shakes her head and lets out a small chuckle. “You didn’t promise not to go pick a fight.”

Lexa gives her a half smirk and lowers her hand. “One thing at a time.”

The hut door opens, and in stride Lincoln and Octavia. Turning towards the back of the hut, Clarke smiles, seeing Echo has outdone herself by making a very comfortable-looking pallet of furs and blankets for her to sit on and rest against.

“Okay, let’s do this,” she states as she makes her way over and has Lincoln and Octavia gently help her lower down until she finds the most comfortable position. 

Lexa does outside and orders the guards to not allow anyone entry in the hut until they have word from her. Once inside, Lincoln hands Clarke the herb mixture that has dissolved in the water and advises her to drink it all. Once she finishes, he places a candle in front of her and tells her to focus her breathing and just relax.

The three women watching each get into position, Octavia and Echo sitting on either side of Clarke, with Lexa choosing to slowly pace back and forth in front of her.

It only takes a few minutes of staring at the flame, seeing Lexa in the background pacing, before Clarke feels like she is drifting off, even though her eyes never close.

Lincoln checks her over and puts the candle to the side. “It’s begun.”

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed!


	8. TonDC - Things that linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last trial has begun. Clarke is deep within the recesses of her mind and her emotions. Which ones are the strongest needing release?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm terribly sorry for the delay. I had several pages written, hated it and scrapped it all. I think I'm mostly happy with this one, although this is just the first part.
> 
> NOTES!
> 
> Italics are Clarke's memories. If it is bolded, this is something that she's saying out loud and the others in the room can hear. Regular text is within the hut between the others.
> 
> Hope that makes sense! :)

**TonDC - Things that linger**

 

~

  

Only a few minutes had passed since Lincoln uttered his words, but it felt like hours to those in the room, waiting with bated breaths. Only Lincoln had been part of this trial before so the others were anxious at what may happen as they curiously watched Clarke’s breathing slow, almost as if she were asleep, except that those blue eyes were dark and unfocused at a point in the back of the room.

Octavia looked away from Clarke to glance at the other two women in the room before settling her gaze on Lincoln. “How will we know?” She barely whispered the words when Clarke’s body tensed and they watched as her hands clenched into tight fists on her lap. 

Lincoln just looked at the woman he loved with a sad smile before leaning back to keep his eyes on the blonde.

 

~ 

 

_A nine year old Clarke giggled as she ran around the hallways of the Ark. She was hiding from her best friend Wells and knew she had lost him. She had just started to make her way back to the mess hall when voices caught her attention. Ever curious, she turned and snuck to the end of the hall and peered around the corner._

_She saw Chancellor Jaha and some men from the guard near one of the air locks. Inside she could see a sad man, tears in his eyes. Clarke was confused because he wasn’t wearing a spacesuit. He couldn’t go outside without one. She was about to remind them when suddenly the sound of the outer door opening seized her voice in her throat as she made eye contact with the terrified man before his body was sucked out into the vastness of dark space._

_She didn’t realize she had screamed until one of the guards grabbed her as she ran for the airlock. “_ ** _He wasn’t wearing a spacesuit! He’ll die!”_ **_She cried out, looking to Chancellor Jaha, her best friend Wells’ father, trying to understand._

**“ _What did you do?”_** _she cried. He walked over to her and slowly took her hand, “I think it’s best if we get you home, Clarke. Your parents can explain it to you.”_  

_She felt cold at the feel of his hand. She didn’t understand. Her mom and dad always told her they were on the Ark rather than the ground to survive, so why would they send a man out into space without a suit? They knew he would die. They killed him. “_ **_You killed him.”_ ** _She whispered sadly. “_ **_I want my daddy.”_ ** _She said as she took off running back to her room._

 

_~_

 

Octavia lowered her head and sighed, realizing Clarke’s first memory was that of her seeing someone floated for the first time. She recalled her and Clarke talking about it once when they landed. Octavia knew what floating meant, but had never seen it until her mother was floated, but Clarke had just been a child her first time and hadn’t known about it until then. She understood, but Octavia knew it had left a sour taste in the blonde’s mouth after the explanation her parents had given her. Especially when she found out the man’s crime was simply taking more medication to try and save his sick son’s life. 

She cleared her throat and glanced at Clarke, seeing her breathing had slowed some. “She was remembering the first time she saw someone floated on the Ark. She was 9.” She said, not making eye contact with them. “All crimes were capital punishment on the Ark. A man had taken more than his share of medicine for his sick son, and he was released into space. That’s how the guilty were executed.”

Everyone was quiet but tense. Lincoln had been told of this by her before, so it didn’t come as a surprise to him, however he did see the understanding on his Heda and Echo’s faces. 

“Not so different from here,” Echo commented softly, “except space did the job for you, rather than a sword or knives.”

“But not all the crimes were worthy of death.” Octavia spat and then calmed, apologizing. “While she’s calm, there’s something you should all know about us. The 100 that came down first. We were chosen, because we were all prisoners.” She glanced to her Heda, seeing her jaw tense and her eyes dart from Octavia to Clarke in confusion. “Everyone had a different reason for being locked up. Mine was simply for just being born. On the Ark, you were only allowed one child. My mother had two, and was floated, and I was locked up.” 

She cleared her throat and stood up to pace around. “Some crimes were for violence, some for theft…” she turned back and glanced at her friend, “some were simply because someone knew too much and wanted to do the right thing.”

Lexa and Echo both watched her, the question burning their tongues, but both hesitant to ask. Octavia saw this and shrugged, smiling sadly. “Clarke’s father found a flaw with the Ark’s life support. He wanted to tell everyone, in hopes they could work together to find a solution. The Chancellor and the council, including Clarke’s mom, disagreed.” 

She walked back towards Clarke and bent down, pushing a stray strand of blonde hair from her forehead. “Clarke agreed with her father. Because he planned to go public, they had him floated. Clarke was devastated, but she was a loose end. Two months before her 17th birthday they locked her in solitary confinement within the skybox…the prison. Until the day we were sent to the ground, a few weeks before her 18th birthday, the only person she saw was her guard. She had no other contact with anyone for over a year.”

The room went silent with everyone taking in what they were just told. Lexa was warring within her mind. The commander in her was trying to rationalize why the council thought they had to segregate this girl, who is now a leader in the eyes of many. Would she have made the same call? She could understand not telling the population to keep a panic from spreading, but on the other hand, when it was something that impacted all people, she found herself looking to her people knowing they would help fight in anyway they could for survival. She found herself angry for Clarke’s loss and for her imprisonment, yet without it, she may have never met the blond.

Any other thoughts were interrupted by the shouts that came from the blonde in front of them.

 

~

 

**_“Dad…dad no. No, no!”_ ** _She was begging them, pleading with them to understand and not take her father from her. The people had a right to know and because the council disagreed, her father was being taken to the airlock to be floated.”_

_“Get your hands off her,” her father called to the guards that grabbed her. “_ **_Let me go!”_ ** _she tried again, struggling against their grips on her arms. She pulled free and flung herself into her father’s arms._ **_“I’ll warn them, I’ll find a way.”_ ** _She promised even as her father told her no, not to do that. Knowing she would too, be punished. The Ark guards grabbed her once more as the others pulled her father from the room._

**_“Let me go. Let me go! Dad! DAD!”_ ** _she cried out, still struggling against the guards._

  

~

 

The room was tense with sorrow as they saw tears leaking out of Clarke’s unfocused blue eyes, breaths ragged as she called out, reliving the memory of her father being taken away. Her arms were pulling left and right, as if she was struggling to free herself, held by unseen forces.

“Is the physical reaction normal?” Echo inquired, looking to Lincoln.

“It can be, though it is rare. The more impact a memory has on someone, the stronger it manifests during the trial. This one is particularly painful to her.” His eyes flickered to Octavia’s.

They all knew without her saying anything that she was reliving the day her father was taken from her.

 

~

 

“ _Here, give this to Clarke. Tell her that I-“ Jake started but was interrupted by the sound of his daughter’s voice as she approached._  

_“_ **_Dad!”_ ** _she called out, being allowed through by Chancellor Jaha and hugged her father tightly, her breaths coming out in strangled gasps as she clung to him and he to her. “It’s okay,” he whispered to her, “it’s okay.” He sat her down and pulled back to hold out his watch and place it in her hand, “Here, keep that for me.”_  

_The moment is interrupted by Jaha’s voice, “Jake. It’s time.”_

_Jake pulls back taking a shuddering breath, and kisses Clarke’s forehead. “I love you kid.”_

_Her voice is strained, she can’t breath and can only whimper out “ **I**_   ** _love you_ ** _” as he turns to enter the air lock. He smiles once, before the doors are opened and he’s sucked out._

_Clarke begins to crumble, whimpers of pain leaving her mouth as she tried to speak maybe to scream while taking in air and leaning into her mother. “_ **_Oh my God…”_ ** _she chokes out, devastated and leans her head into her mother’s shoulder._ **_“I’m so s-sorry.”_ ** _She cries out, allowing her mom to hold her as she hears “It’s not your fault.”_

  

_~_

 

Lexa swallows hard, gripping onto the table she’s currently leaning against as she watches Clarke at her weakest. The death of a loved one is the worst pain one can endure, she knows, and she knows how fond Clarke was of her father. The scene before her feels so private and she feels as if she’s an intruder but there’s no where else she could possibly be than here in this room with her. 

Lexa feels slightly better when Octavia scoots close to the blonde, hoping her closeness might offer some comfort. Neither she, nor the others were prepared for what they saw.

Octavia is shocked when she feels Clarke fall into her after she mutters “Oh my God…” and can do nothing except gently wrap her arms around the blonde and hold onto her head, pressing a soft kiss in her hair. Hearing Clarke’s pleading apology she feels her heart constrict and tears began pooling in her own eyes. She holds her tighter and says the only thing she can, “It’s not your fault.”

~

 

They all relaxed slightly when Clarke finally calmed and raised back into her sitting position, eyes still a deep blue remained unfocused. It was obvious she was still locked into yet another memory, but this one didn’t seem to be causing as much physical distress as the last.

“ **You remember that time you betrayed me and got my father executed**?” The blonde suddenly blurts out, “ **Yeah I remember.** ” She finishes, her jaw tightening from the clenching of her teeth. 

Octavia translates for them, “Her best friend on the Ark, Wells, accepted the blame for turning in her father.”

“ **But since you brought it up, and I didn’t, because I don’t want to talk about it** , **what were you thinking?”** She spoke again.  

It was like a puzzle to those in the room, hearing only Clarke’s side of the conversation in her memory. But oddly, as confusing as some bits were, the parts Octavia couldn’t help them with, it somehow still struck a chord in them and shed some light on the inner workings of the girls mind and feelings.

An incredulous huff left the blonde then, **“I made a mistake, Clarke?”** she mocked and began shaking her head with a broken look on her face. **“Not good enough.”**   

She leaned forward, anger in her glazed eyes and a snarl on her lips, “ **You know, I bet you couldn’t wait to run to daddy, tell him everything, so that he’d finally believe you were the perfect son he always wanted.”** She paused briefly, **“I want an explanation!”**  

**“I thought I could trust my best friend…guess we were both wrong.”** She sighed, leaning back, **“No you’re not. If you were my friend you’d walk out into that fog and never come back.”**

The occupants of the room waited, but it seemed that was the end of her current memory. “She harbours guilt over her friend, even though he betrayed her. Why? She didn’t take his life, did she?” Echo asks, her question directed to the only one that might know.

Octavia shook her head in the negative, “No she didn’t. But she blamed him for an act he didn’t commit. That’s why she feels guilty. Wells didn’t turn in her father.” She breathed deeply, “Her mother did.”

~

 

_Clarke turned in a circle, looking around at the steel walls of her prison cell, number 319 in confusion._ **_“What am I doing back here? I was on the ground…”_ ** _she muttered to herself as she eyed her various drawings on the wall. She turned to the sound of a small whimper, seeing a girl with blonde hair in a long braid curled up on her sleeping cot, covered in her grey wool blanket facing the wall._  

_Who is that…she wondered as she stepped closer, afraid to startle the girl. As she stood next to the bed, she realized the girl had started to turn and she stepped back quickly in alarm. The girl on the bed was her._

_“_ **_What’s going on?”_ ** _She asked, but she got no response from herself. I must be dreaming…she thought, walking back towards herself who now sat up and was staring blankly in front of her. Clarke sat down slowly, and stared into her own familiar blue eyes, before feeling as if she was pulled at all directions before everything changed._

_She was no longer on the Ark, but in a wide open field, scattered with tall grass and patches of some unknown flower, woods on all sides but one, where water stretched as far as she could see. It sparkled in the sunlight and she felt so happy. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, until a laugh caught her attention from the water’s edge._

_“What are you waiting for, get over here!” The voice called, warm and sweet and she was helpless not to follow it. She took off running, loving the feel of the dirt beneath her bare feet as she got closer and closer._

_As she approached the water, it was then she realized she had finally seen true beauty and for the first time in her life, truly felt whole. The voice belonged to a girl that was radiant with sun-kissed skin that looked warm and inviting as she held her arms out. Her long brown hair partially down, the rest in various braids and green eyes that rivalled the intensity of the woods themselves._

_She sighed as she stepped into those arms, feeling them wrap around her lovingly and breathed in the scent of home. She had a place, her heart was light and she never wanted to lose this feeling. She was complete._

_It was when her other self suddenly woke and wailed out in sorrow that Clarke came back to herself, falling on the floor of her old cell as she watched herself curl into a ball and release the most gut wrenching sobs that she remembered it all to clearly._

_“_ **_I had that dream on the Ark.”_ ** _She whispered, feeling as broken in despair as she had remembered feeling that night. The night she dreamed of a love that even time would lie down and be still for._

_She had passed it off, she was in the Ark, high above the earth which couldn’t contain life. This girl couldn’t exist. Even if she did, how would she ever really know?_  

 

_~_

 

Lincoln looked pensive, focusing on Clarke intently before speaking hesitantly, “She spoke that she had a dream on the Ark. I’ve never heard of such a thing, but perhaps she was reliving a dream she had?” He furrowed his brow, not sure if he even believed what he was saying. 

All eyes turned to Octavia, obviously hoping she could help. She shook her head as she herself tilted her head and considered Clarke’s last couple of sentences. “Don’t look at me,” she started, “I don’t have the slightest idea on this one.” 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part one...let me know what you think!  
> Thanks for reading and sorry again for the delay. Real life...how dare it interfere?!


	9. TonDC - Dwell within the mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing with the last portion of Clarke's trials. The dream-walk. Secrets revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: Clarke's dream sequences/memories are in italics, the things she's saying out loud that the others in the room can hear are bolded. 
> 
> I wasn't going to post this tonight, because I'm busy tomorrow, but figured maybe this would hold you over until Wednesday/Thursday. :)

**TonDC - Dwell within the mind**

 

~

 

The moon was high overhead and other than the guards on watch, TonDC was quiet. Quiet, except for one hut where four people sat diligently watching over their blonde friend. 

A nervous shudder ran through Clarke and they could see a few beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead and above her lip. Her breath hitched and was then held.

_“If you so much as look at her the wrong way I will slit your throat.”_ _That was the first thing one of the commander’s guards said to her as she approached. All she could do was keep eye contact and steel her nerves as she swallowed and entered the tent._  

_As she approached, the air froze in her lungs, her steps slowed, approaching the sitting commander in disbelief that she desperately tried to keep from showing on her features. "_ ** _There’s no way…it can’t be her."_ ** _She thought to herself as she took a few more steps and stopped, eyes taking in the woman as she sat, completely relaxed with her eyes fixed on Clarke. She looked feral, yet bored. War paint obscured Clarke’s view of her eyes, but there was no mistaking her features, the strong jaw line, her long hair with loose waves and from what Clarke could tell, braids near the back. "_ ** _She’s real."_ ** _Her thoughts keep racing, but she had to focus._

_“You’re the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive.” The woman spoke, and Clarke nearly closed her eyes at the sound of her voice, but kept her gazed fixed and chin raised._

**_“You’re the one that sent them there to kill us.”_ ** _She replied._

_“Do you have an answer for me, Clarke of the sky people?” The commander asked, not bothering to deny or even respond to Clarke’s reply._

_Clarke hesitated briefly, hearing the woman speak her name for the first time, but powered on._ **_“I’ve come to make you an offer.”_**

_“This is not a negotiation.”_

 

_~_

 

Lexa stepped forward quickly, lowering herself down before Clarke, trying to see anything in her eyes as she listened to her own questions in her mind.

“What is it, Heda?” Lincoln asked, aware something had grabbed her interest suddenly.

Lexa glanced at him and back to Clarke, “She’s reliving the first time we met, when she came to seek an alliance to join against the mountain men.” 

“Then why do you look so confused?” Octavia asked, seeing the confusion on her face.

“Because…” Lexa started, “the first things she said, they never took place.” Knowing more questions were to follow she held up her hand and tried to clear her mind. “She said…” she broke off, shaking her head.

“Before, she said, ‘It can’t be her’ and ‘she is real’” Echo replied. “That is what you speak of?”

**“I can help you beat the mountain men.”** They heard Clarke say.

Lexa gave a stiff nod, still crouched in front of Clarke. “She didn’t speak those words to me, yet her eyes never left me, and the rest of our meeting played out all the same.”

Lincoln licked his lips before replying, “Heda…her thoughts. Clarke is reliving that day, to be sure, but what we’re hearing isn’t just what was spoken, but also her own thoughts as they came to her. It must be.”

“Then the question is,” Echo began, “why was she so convinced you weren’t real?” She turned to Octavia, waiting for her thought on the matter.

“I think there’s a lot more going on inside Clarke than any of us are aware of.” Was Octavia’s response. She turned and grabbed a cloth, dipping it in a bowl of water and ran it over her friend’s now sweat soaked forehead. “Come back to us, Clarke.”

 

~

 

**_“I did. With Anya, we fought our way out together.”_ ** _Clarke kept her gaze on the commander steady._ **_“I have to make her understand. This is the right thing. She has to trust me.”_ ** _Her thoughts still racing hoping for the girl to understand._

_“Another lie, Anya died in the fire, you killed her.” Another guard replied, her angry glare fixed on Clarke as she stood dutifully by her commanders side._

_She glanced around to the guards in the room as she reached inside her jacket pocket, slowly pulling out Anya’s braid she had taken, as she had once saw Anya do with one of her fallen. She then turned her eyes back to the commander, seeing her hardened eyes soften ever so slightly._

**_“She told me you were her second,”_ ** _she began_ **_“I’m sure she’d want you to have this.”_ ** _She slowly stepped towards her, eying her guards as she did so and held out the braid as the commander leaned forward to take it from her hand, their fingers just barely brushing but it was enough to tingle her hand as she pulled back._

_She was so focused on taking in the girl in front of her, seeing her green eyes clearly for the first time being this close to her that she nearly missed being asked if Anya had died well._

_“_ **_Yes,”_ ** _she replied._ **_“By my side, trying to get a message to you.”_ ** _Her throat felt thick with the other thought in her mind that she didn’t dare say out loud._ **_“Shot along with me by my own people after escorting me safely home. I tried to save her…”_ ** _She swallowed it back however, as now wasn’t the time._

_She made her case, telling her how they needed to join together and how the mountain men were turning their people into reapers, but that she could turn them back. When one of the guards came at her, drawing her weapon, the commander stood up to shout at her as she let out an irritated breath._

_She then stepped down from her thrown, coming to stand just a foot away from Clarke. The blonde was floored by her._ **_“She’s magnificent, a fierce burning flame”_ ** _she thought wanting to smile but knew it wouldn’t be right with the situation she was in. She could see every detail of her face, her eyes and couldn’t stop the memory of her dream on the Ark from filtering through her mind._ **_“I can’t believe it’s her.”_ **

_Her inner voice stopped as she heard the commander tell her to prove she could turn reapers back into men. She wanted to see Lincoln._

 

_~_

 

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Lexa huffed out as she stood, crossing her arms over her chest. She was purposely ignoring the smirk on Echo’s face when they heard Clarke utter the word magnificent, knowing it was her of whom Clarke was speaking of. “That was the first time we had met, how could she have known of me before then?”

The room was silent as Clarke had stilled again for the time being and the rest were trying to figure out the puzzle that was Clarke’s mind. 

Octavia was pacing slowly back and forth, her eyes kept darting back and forth from her friend to her heda. She had a hunch, but it wasn’t her place to say, that was only for Clarke. Just as the Trikru had their beliefs and traditions, so did the Skaikru. Although many of her people thought one such belief to be a fairytale, Octavia couldn’t help but to hold onto it. Especially at this moment; especially for Clarke, the Skaikru and the Trikru combined.

Lexa’s question would have to go unanswered for now as Clarke tensed once again and her eyes, although unfocused looked resolved even with unshed tears lingering in them as she spoke. **“Can I say goodbye?”** They heard her ask.

Lexa clenched her fists tight, knowing what Clarke was remembering now. “She dreams of the boy Finn’s death.” She closed her eyes, remembering the blonde all but begging her to take her instead, recalling killing her warriors in a ring of fire, of killing one of Anya’s men by slitting his throat. But Lexa only wanted the truly guilty party, regardless of why he had done it.

 

~

 

_She knew what she had to do in that moment. Finn was going to die, to pay for his crimes._ **_“Can I say goodbye?”_ ** _She asked and at the commander’s nod, she made her way to Finn, doing the only thing she could to apologize to him for not returning the love he felt for her. She kissed him, told him she loved him and hugged him as he told her he was scared._

_He was scared of being tortured, just as Clarke was scared of the same, but not for the same reasons. She was scared of what her people would do, or think of the grounders if they watched him tortured through the night. She couldn’t lose this alliance. She was scared of how it would destroy Raven, watching the boy she loved suffer. She couldn’t let any of that happen. Not while she could do something about it._

_She hugged him close, and pressed the tip of the blade Raven had slid inside her sleeve just under his sternum, knowing the precise area to puncture to give him the quickest death she could. He may deserve to pay for his crimes, but Raven and their alliance with the Trikru couldn’t suffer for it._ **_“You’re gonna be okay,”_ ** _she whispered to him, tears falling from her eyes now as she felt his warm blood coat her shaking hand,_ **_“You’re okay.”_ ** _She said as she felt him tense and then whisper “Thanks Princess” as the life drained out of him and his body sagged._

_She stepped back, blood on her hands and the blade as she turned towards her people that were lined up along the fence protecting the Ark, staring down at her. “It is done!” She heard the commander shout to her people as they began to uproar at their denied vengeance._

_She continued to face her people with what she had done, and she felt her heart clench at the screams she heard come from Raven once she realized what she had done. She stood still, tears streaming down her face and let the sounds of her friends’ cries absorb into her, trying to take in the pain she had caused her._ **_“I’m so sorry Raven,_ ** _” she thought brokenly,_ **_“God I am so sorry but I had to. I can’t let this alliance fail._ ** _” Her thoughts screamed, but knowing it was no use._

 

_~_

 

They watched, hurting for the blonde but unable to do anything for her as she cried, losing her breath and rubbing fiercely at her hands, as if trying to wipe away the blood that must have coated her hands in her mind.

Lexa remembered the look on her face that night when she entered her command tent. She had done well to try and hide it, but the tears still threatened in her eyes and the pain was obvious if you knew what to look for. She had seen it. She had felt it once before herself. However now, hearing the blonde and knowing some of her inner thoughts that night that she had never spoken, she felt slightly changed on the events. Clarke hadn’t just tried to spare him torture, but had acted to protect the alliance she was trying to secure. 

There certainly was more going on inside Clarke’s mind for sure.

Octavia turned to her then, “Did you hear her say those things after she killed Finn?”

Lexa shook her head, “No. Her lips never parted once she stepped away from him. She simply stared towards your people.”

Octavia leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and put her face in her hands, rubbing slightly. She wasn’t sure how much more of this they could take, let alone Clarke.

**“What is? Love?”** They heard her say and noticed how Lexa’s head shot up. **“So you just stopped caring…about everyone?”** She recalled their conversation. She couldn’t believe she had opened up to the blonde about Costia. She never spoke of her to anyone, and yet she couldn’t stop the words fleeing her then. **“I could never do that.”**  

“After the burning ritual at TonDC, Clarke asked how to get over the pain.” She says to the others, leaving out the rest of the conversation. “I told her to recognize it for what it was; weakness.”

Octavia studied her heda, seeing the pain she poorly masked in the low light of the hut. “Clarke feels too much to keep everyone out. But after all she’s been through, I think she’ll be more selective in the future, to protect herself.”

“ **The dead are gone and the living are hungry.”** Clarke whispers sadly before lifting her hand as if to reach out to someone, **“No, no no no. Lexa please, you can’t believe we had anything to do with this. I could never harm you. I didn’t wish that.”** Clarke cried out, dropping her arm as her eyes lowered in defeat.

Octavia quickly turned to Lexa, “When did that happen?”

Lexa shook her head and sighed out deeply, “It didn’t, Octavia. Those words, I believe yet again, weren’t meant for us to hear.”

 

~

 

_“What is it?” Her mom replied as Clarke’s face changed into hurt and anger._  

**_“You’re talking about dad? What I did to Finn was nothing like what you did to him!”_ ** _She seethed out to her mom, ignoring her as she pleaded with her not to do this now._ **_“I was protecting everyone, I didn’t have a choice! You did. You turned him in.”_ **

_She couldn’t believe her mother was defending what she had done. Her words were falling on deaf ears._ **_“You knew dad would never stop. You knew what would happen to him.”_ ** _Clarke stood up, turning back at her mother’s pleading and eyed her. “_ **_We are the same.”_ **

 

~

 

_“_ **_I can’t save anyone”_ ** _she whispered, listening to Raven’s pained screams. She turned and stared at him, taunting her from the other side of the room, until she looked down as he glanced to the cup on the floor and she stood up and took off out the door._

**_“One of your people tried to kill you Lexa, not one of mine. I can prove it.”_ ** _She declared, taking the bottle from Nyko and taking a few large gulps. At the commander’s response to explain, she continued._ **_“The poison wasn’t in the bottle, it was in the cup.”_ ** _Bellamy put the pieces together, accusing Gustus of targeting the alliance._ **_“We didn’t do this and you know it.”_ ** _Clarke stated with conviction._ **_“Please Lexa, you have to believe me._ ** _” She yelled in her mind._

 

~

 

_“This would have been Finn,” Raven whispered, watching the grounders take turns cutting Gustus for his betrayal before turning to glance at Clarke before walking away._  

_Clarke followed her with her eyes before turning back to watch Lexa kill her trusted guard Gustus for his betrayal. She saw the pain it caused, but kept her eyes neutral when Lexa turned to face her, resolve covering any other emotion on her face._

 

_~_

 

“I don’t understand.” Echo scratched at the side of her head. “These trials, are for painful memories, to deal with hurts that plague the mind. How is this painful enough to be included?” She asked as she looked between the other three in the room for a response.

Octavia ignored her imploring gaze and focused back on Clarke. Echo noticed, “Octavia,” she began but was cut off.

“I have a suspicion, but I won’t break Clarke’s trust.” She replied firmly.

“So you know then?” She asked again.

Octavia glared at her, “I have an idea, yes. But it is not my place and if you care so much for Clarke as you say you do you’ll let her be the one to answer your questions.”

Echo’s eyes widened, lowering her head in shame. “I’m sorry, I am concerned for her, that is all. My apologizes.” She stood and walked a good distance away, lost in her own thoughts.

 

~

 

_“Clarke, can we talk for a moment?” Raven asked a few minutes after letting the others hear the repeating message coming over the radio waves, and nodded her head back towards her tent. Clarke followed hesitantly, sitting down inside as Raven did._

_Raven looked at her and cleared her throat, “Look, I understand why you did it. I know you were in love with him too and only wanted to keep him from suffering.”_

_Clarke shook her head, feeling her eyes water. She was so tired of crying._ **_“That’s just it Raven, I wasn’t in love with him. I cared for him yes, we were close when we first landed but that’s all it was.”_**

_Raven shook her head and furrowed her brow, “He was in love with you. He chose you, Clarke, I don’t understand. You were with him-“_

**_“One night Raven. I was scared and weak and he was there. That sounds harsh, but that’s all it was.”_ ** _She took a shaky breath,_ **_“I couldn’t have loved him, Raven. He wasn’t meant for me.”_**

_Raven watched her before rolling her eyes, trying to lighten the mood some, “Whatever Clarke, you talk as if you’ve had the dream of your twin flame.” She snorted, no longer believing in such a thing now that Finn had not only chosen someone other than her, but was out of her life now for good. She stopped when she noticed the pained look on the blonde’s face. “Clarke…”_

**_“I know not everyone believes in the story of the twin flame,”_ ** _she hesitated,_ **_“I wasn’t sure I did either until I had the dream.”_ ** _She swallowed, waiting for her friend to accept what she had revealed._

_“When? Who is it?” Raven fired off the questions, her inquisitive nature needing to be fulfilled with answers._

**_“I dreamed of her while in solitary on the Ark. I had never felt anything so intense and complete as I did in that dream, in her arms.”_ ** _She admitted, a faraway look in her eyes. Feeling a blush spread up her neck as she got lost in the memory she shook her head and faced her friend._ **_“I haven’t spoken of this to anyone else. Can I have your word that it will remain between us?”_**

_Raven nodded, but a smirk was crossing her features. “Sure thing, Clarke. But let’s be real here, you know who she is, don’t you?” She questioned and crossed her arms. “Tell me who she is and your secret is safe with me.”_

_Raven smiled and Clarke knew whether she told her or not, Raven would keep her secret about her dream, but she found herself wanting to tell her friend. She needed to talk about it with someone as it was eating her alive inside._

 

_~_

 

“Twin flame?” Lexa asked, focusing intently on Indra’s second. “What is the story of the twin flame, can you tell us this?” She asked gently.

Octavia sighed, “There were many beliefs on the Ark. Some were carried forward from before the bombs, some new ones that resulted from them and others that people believed to be things we made up to make ourselves feel better. The story of the twin flame, was one such belief.”

She stood up from her position beside Clarke and stretched her arms over her head before dropping them and facing her commander. “Legend has it that a twin flame is a type of soulmate who one is connected to from many lives, past, present and future. They are the other half of one’s soul, believed to reunite with each life. As the story goes, they are so entwined beyond any physical lifetime the energy is so intense that they can even cause emotional, and physical heartache on each other before uniting. It’s a form of draw to each other.” 

“So this twin flame…Clarke has dreamed of her?” Echo asked from her position in the back of the room.

“Apparently she has.” Octavia replied. “Even when only one flame is living, it’s believed that the other exists within other realms, watching, protecting, loving and even connecting with their twin in many unearthly ways, such as in dreams.”

“But if Clarke believes her to be living now, in this world-“ Echo started but was interrupted by Lincoln.

“She dreamed of her from the Ark.” He said, making eye contact with Octavia as she smiled down at him, still seated nearly Clarke. “She was outside our world.” Octavia nodded.

**“So I have your word then,”** The blonde interrupted their discussion, still locked within her present memory. They saw her take a long deep breath and were surprised when she even closed her eyes, only to open them once more, focusing exactly as she had been all night.

“ **Raven, my twin flame…”** she spoke softly, hesitantly as she revealed her secret. 

Everyone in the room froze, no one dared to breathe. 

**“It’s Lexa.”** She sighed out and for the first time that night, the seated blonde with her unfocused blue eyes smiled.

 

~

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a lot of "NO!"s from my wife for leaving it here...what are your thoughts?
> 
> Until next time, thanks for reading!


	10. TonDC - How long must this continue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love can't exist without pain.  
> Hope can only survive with the presence of fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback and kudos. It means so very much to me.
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay on this, but hopefully you enjoy it. I'm thinking one more chapter of Clarke's trial and then we'll be moving on.
> 
> Edited to add... Holy mistakes. I've fixed some but I'm tired and on my phone. Forgive me.

**TonDC - How long must this continue…**

 

~

 

The room froze. It wasn’t the type of freezing when something horrible happens or something terrifying. It was the type of frozen that takes place when everyone holds their breath, waiting for someone to utter the first sound. The type of frozen where you strained your ears waiting for the sound yet not wanting it to come from your own mouth. 

Octavia was the first to move, just barely. A slight tilt of her head and her eyes darted to and locked on her heda. Lexa’s entire body was a statue. She couldn’t even make out the rise and fall of her chest from her breaths. If not for the water she could make out in the steely green eyes and the fact that the commander was standing upright, Octavia would have been convinced she was unconscious.

She dared a glance back to Clarke, happy to see the blonde was quiet, aside from a little quicker than normal breathing, but her body was relaxed now. She looked up to meet Lincoln’s eyes, begging for him to break the silence they found themselves trapped in. At any other time she would have laughed at his widened eyes and quick shake of his head, but now wasn’t the time for laughter and all she could do was wait. 

Echo had taken in the scene in silence like the rest, but wasn’t content to let it continue. She turned slowly towards her heda and knew she had to do something and only prayed the woman wouldn’t punish her for it. Without further hesitation, she slowly approached the still frozen leader and gently grabbed her forearm. Lexa’s gaze didn’t leave Clarke, but she did take a small shuddering breath. That was all Echo needed before she tightened her grip and pulled, dragging Lexa with her to the corner of the room quickly. 

Snapping out of her shocked state, Lexa looked to the blonde quickly and then back at Echo, but rather than the glare she was expecting, Echo was shocked to see an emotion she had never really seen on her strong leader’s face: fear. Lexa opened her mouth, but no sound came out and she swallowed hard, her frame now visibly shaking. 

Echo stepped closer to her, still holding onto her commander’s forearm, just below her elbow. “Leksa,” she started slowly, hesitantly, afraid of using her heda’s name, even considering the circumstances. 

Lexa met her eyes, not upset, but instead looking rather relieved. She nodded once, “Leksa is fine for now. I’m afraid your _heda_ ” she bit out the word, “isn’t prepared to deal with this.” 

“She is, but Leksa needs to first.” Echo replied softly, squeezing her arm and letting go. She nodded behind her, to the small table and chairs where they could sit. Once seated, Echo retrieved some water and sat it down in front of her leader. Even though Lexa was a war hardened leader, smart, fiercely determined and strong, she had never looked younger and more unprepared to Echo. “Do you return her feelings?” She had to ask, even though she knew the answer but she wanted to hear her say it out loud. 

Lexa’s eyes never left the hazel in front of her as she nodded, then looking back across the room.Her panicked eyes softened as she took in the blonde’s features in the warm glow of the candlelight. “I’ve loved her from the first moment I saw her.” She grit her jaw and looked away, focusing hard on the table in front of her. 

Echo tilted her head slightly, studying the words and emotions that were trying to escape and being forced to recede in front of her eyes. “Then why do you fight this? It is destined.” 

Lexa pinned her with her eyes, “Even if that were true, I-“ she stopped, lowering her gaze. “I don’t deserve someone like her. Not after what I’ve done.” 

“What you’ve done? What is it that makes you feel you are undeserving of her love? Of happiness?” Echo leaned forward, resting her arms on the table in front of her.  

“I betrayed her alliance. I left her people on that mountain to die.” She hung her head, feeling shame, something she didn’t feel often. “I made a deal with the enemy.”

“You saved our people, Leksa. You kept your word, your duty, to all of us.” She scooted her chair over so that she was sitting next to the brunette. 

“I hurt her!” She bit out lowly, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. “You didn’t see her eyes when I left…she was broken.”

Echo reached forward, clasping her hand over one of Lexa’s, smiling when she wasn’t met with any resistance. “So were you,” she whispered, squeezing softly, “You both are and now is your chance for healing. Together.”

Lexa pulled her hand away then, ever stubborn as she put her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands. “She can’t possibly still want anything to do with me…and even if she did, she is of the Skaikru and -“ 

“Shof op, Leksa. Hod op.” _Shut up, Leksa. Stop._ Echo stated firmly, drawing pale green eyes to meet her determined look. She was going to talk sense into this woman if it killed her. And Lexa might. “You’re making excuses out of fear.” She held up her hand when Lexa went to speak, “Beja” _Please._  

Lexa nodded, gritting her teeth and allowing her to continue. Her glare was fierce however, not appreciating being told to shut up by one of her warriors, but let it go. 

“She is here.” Echo started, “You made choices you had to make, as did she. But she is _here_ Leksa, she is with us.” She turned her head, smiling softly at the blonde who was mostly calm, but muttering softly. “She sought us out, willingly asking to take the trials for herself. To make herself whole once again. And she will be stronger for it.”  

“I know this, Echo. But that doesn’t change the facts of what has happened. Our people will never accept someone that killed hundreds of our warriors; someone from the sky…with me.” She spoke softly, admitting her fear. 

Echo leaned back, a smug smile on her face. “That is your worry?” She asked, almost ready to roll her eyes. _Love really does make us crazy._ She thought to herself.  

“Chich op,” _Speak_ Lexa bit out, not appreciating the self satisfied look on Echo’s face.  

Echo shook her head, smile never leaving her face. “You were here, from the beginning of the trials, were you not?” Seeing Lexa quirk her eyebrow she continued, “Should Clarke come through the trials, what was her request?” 

Lexa stiffened, realizing what she was referring to. “She asked to become Trikru,” she whispered, more to herself. “To be one of us.” 

Echo’s smile brightened, “She asked to become one of us, and only to be liaison to the Skaikru. To be with you, Leksa.” Her smile lowered as her face became serious, “She did what she had to do, in war, to protect her people. Just as we did. Our people will understand that. And as one of us, they will have no reason not to accept her as your life partner.” 

The wheels in Lexa’s mind were turning, but she still couldn’t let it be that easy. It couldn’t be. “You move ahead to quickly, how she feels could change once this is all over. It may have already.” 

Echo shook her head, exasperated. “You feel you don’t deserve her forgiveness but you fail to see that you have always had it. You’ll believe it coming from her.” She glanced back, hearing a whimper come from her sister. “Hopefully that time will come sooner rather than later.” Turning back to her commander, she stood. “Think about what I’ve said, Heda.”  

She smiled softly and made her way back to the blonde, taking up her spot at her side, taking her hand that was now tensed into a fist. “Come back to us, Klark.”

 

~

 

_The sound was piercing, as was the heat from the blast. She felt herself and her mother being thrown to the ground as her ears began to ring._ **_“Mom”_ ** _she called out, looking over towards her, “_ **_Mom, are you okay?”_ ** _Seeing her mother rise she breathed out in relief, “_ **_Thank god, come on, we can’t be here. We, we have to go.”_**  

_She watched as her mother’s confusion cleared. “You knew. You knew and you let this happen?” It was a question yet sounded more like a statement to her ears._  

_Clarke shook her head slightly,_ **_“We had no choice.”_ ** _She started as her mom turned towards the village._  

_“So many people…her people.”_  

**_“We had to protect Bellamy. Without -“_**  

_“No, no stop it! I don’t want to hear it.” Abby stood up, backing away a step. “Tell me this was Lexa. Please Clarke. Please tell me this wasn’t you.”_  

**_“I wish I could.”_ ** _She stepped towards her mother seriously,_ **_“You can’t tell anyone about this. If anyone finds out we knew, the alliance of the 12 clans will break. We’ll lose the war.”_**  

_“You crossed a line, their blood is on your hands. And even if we win, I’m afraid you won’t be able to wash it off this time. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” Abby turned and walked back towards the now burning village._  

_“_ **_Mom. Mom, wait!”_ ** _Clarke cried out, tears beginning to stream down her face as her mom walked away._

 

~

 

“See.” Lexa pointed to Clarke, but kept her eyes focused on Echo. “She suffers because of a choice I made, even before the one on the mountain.” 

“I didn’t agree with what happened,” Octavia stood up, facing the other two women, “I hated Clarke for a while for that, but believe me when I say, she doesn’t let anyone force her hand. She makes her own decisions, so don’t give yourself that much power over her.” She paused, feeling only slightly bad for her comment and nodded her head slightly in respect. “Heda.” 

 **“This is my fault.”** They turned, hearing Clarke speak again. **“I convinced Lexa that Bellamy was our best shot.”** Her voice cracked as tears poured over her cheeks, **“She sacrificed her people in the village to give him a chance because of me.”** Choked sobs wracked her body, causing her to lean forward, grabbing at her stomach.  

“She doesn’t suffer because of you for this, Heda.” Lincoln advises her. “She suffers because she feels she forced _your_ hand.”  

Lexa sighed out, raising her eyes to the ceiling, willing her tears to dry. “Come sit beside her.” She hears, turning to face Octavia as she stands, backing away from her spot beside Clarke. “I think she’ll find some comfort in your presence.” 

Lexa hesitated briefly, before stepping past Echo and lowering herself to sit cross legged beside the blonde. “And maybe you’ll find some comfort in hers.” Echo whispered in her ear softly before too standing and giving her heda as much privacy as she could. 

Lexa sat close enough to feel the blonde’s warmth and to smell the unique scent that was Clarke, but not close enough to touch her arm and hurt her. She looked at the tensed fist next to her leg and slowly took it in her own, wrapping both hands around Clarke’s right. Her breath hitched in surprise when within seconds, the blonde’s fist slowly released and Lexa found the fingers of her left hand threaded between Clarke’s. 

**_“Lexa.”_** Clarke whimpered out and all she could do was take in a shaky breath and lower her head to her hands, still holding the blonde’s, hoping for her to come back to her soon.

 

**_~_ **

 

_The roar of the warriors was all around her, ready to invade the mountain, to get their vengeance, their justice and bring their people home. The doors were opening and the roaring intensified. Clarke turned back to them shouting_ **_“Attack!”_ ** _but was caught off guard as another voice called out “Chil daun!” Stand down. The noise quieted some as the attention was diverted to a group of soldiers, with Lexa in the lead coming down the path towards them._

_Clarke stepped forward as Lexa stopped just in front of her, eyes guarded and blood covering her face. That’s when she noticed one of the mountain soldiers next to the commander. Emerson, she recalled. His hands were tied. She glanced back to the door, seeing the frail and weakened hostages of the Trikru slowly making their way out._

_She turned back to Lexa,_ **_“They’re surrendering?”_ ** _She asked, not quite believing it, but hopeful all the same that this was now over._

_“Not quite.” Came the reply, but not from Lexa. From Emerson, who just looked towards Lexa and Clarke couldn’t stop herself from following his movement back to the woman in front of her._

**_“Oh Lexa, no, please don’t let this be happening.”_ ** _She thought to herself, seeing the woman she loved try to mask her emotions, but it was useless. It was useless in the set of her jaw, it was useless in the bobbing of her throat as she nervously swallowed and it was useless to hide what Clarke could so clearly see as devastation in her eyes._

_She knew. She knew in that moment what had happened, but she heard herself asking anyway._ **_“What did you do?”_**

_“What you would have done.” Came the reply. “Save my people.” The shakiness to her voice was subtle, but it was there. But Clarke couldn’t allow herself to focus on that. Not when her mind was spinning out of control but she had to keep herself standing. Had to keep herself as focused as she could, even as she felt every single fibre of her being screaming at her as the intense pain of longing and sorrow enveloped her in a hold that was crushing._

_She couldn’t acknowledge the small sharp intake of breath that Lexa took, nor the clenching of her jaw._ **_“Where are my people?”_ ** _She asked slowly, gritting it out between her teeth, taking in as little air as she could in fear of it leaving her completely and finding herself not only gutted, but robbed of air too._

_“I’m sorry Clarke. They weren’t part of the deal.” Her voice was level, so completely turned off from any emotion that anyone could see or hear from the outside. But not from Clarke. She could see it, hear it and feel it. But she held it back._

_She watched as Lexa swallowed again and turned towards the smug bastard and cut the bindings around his wrists. “You made the right choice Commander.”_

_He turned, making his way back inside as Clarke focused her gaze on Lexa once more. Her eyes were wet, she could feel it, but she could feel the hollow pain in her stomach more. It felt like drowning, like all the air was sucked out of her in that moment. Her heart was pounding, threatening to rip out of her chest and leave nothing but a bloody hole behind. She wanted to reach up, to touch her chest to see if it was still there but she was frozen. Frozen in her torment, as hot flames licked at her skin. As ice invaded her chest and took hold._

_She felt Lincoln approach, heard him speak, she even responded to him but the only words she could hear over the sound of her own blood rushing through her ears was Lexa’s. “I do care, Clarke.” She heard. “But I made this choice with my head and not my heart. The duty to protect my people comes first.”_

**_“My head and not my heart,”_ ** _she heard echo through her mind. Trying to give the words meaning, purpose, but she was falling over a precipice, with nothing but a shattered soul waiting for her on the rocks down below._

**_“Please don’t do this.”_ ** _She heard herself beg, knowing it was useless, but needing to say the words regardless._

_“I’m sorry Clarke.”_

_The words sounded sincere, but broken. She was broken. She was losing everything and couldn’t stop what was happening around her. The warriors were retreating, she could hear it. Lincoln was being taken, and Lexa was looking at her with that look that screamed for her to understand._

_“May we meet again.” Was the last thing she said, before the facade nearly broke and she watched as Lexa turned and walked away with her people._

**_“May we meet again.”_ ** _She wanted to say back, amongst other things. But instead she said nothing. She stood there helplessly as she felt more alone that she ever had in her life._

_She had only felt this level of loneliness on the Ark the night she had the dream and woke up alone._

_Only this time, she truly felt like she was dying inside._

 

_~_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think?
> 
> Thanks for reading. :)


	11. TonDC - My flame flickers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of Clarke's trials. Hold on, we're almost to the end.  
> Well, the end of the pain. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully two back to back chapters will make up for the delay this week between updates. That and the cliffhangers.

**TonDC - My flame flickers**

 

**~**

 

_“Clarke let’s go. We’ll come back with reinforcements.” She hears their voices calling to her as they begin their walk back to the Ark._

_“Clarke. Clarke, come on.” She hears again, turning around to face them, seeing Monroe watching her. “It’s over. I’m sorry.” She too turns to walk away as Clarke stands there, unwilling to take a step away._

_Turning back to face the closed door to the mountain she stares at it, eyes hardening and jaw set, forcing her mind to override what she’s feeling in her heart._ **_“It can’t be over.”_**

 

_~_

 

_“What is wrong with you?” Octavia raises her voice, stepping in front of Clarke and putting her hand on the gun she had raised at the entrance from the reaper tunnels._

**_“I am getting through that door!”_ ** _She states heatedly, her eyes unfocused with too many warring emotions running rampant through her body. She felt like a live wire ready to snap, a volcano ready to erupt and she had no way of stopping it._

_“And that’s your plan? Bellamy’s counting on you. Everyone is always counting on you!” Octavia’s voice is firm and loud, eyes fierce._

**_“What do you want from me?”_ ** _Clarke pleads._

_“You trusted Lexa. You let a bomb drop on TonDC. You let all of those people-“_  

**_“I am doing the best I can!”_ ** _Clarke cries out desperately, voice breaking like her soul. Shattering inside her, barely able to hold itself together to make it through this day._

 

_~_

 

The emotion clawing its way out through Clarke’s voice is heart stopping. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears, her left hand is clenched around an unknown object while her right is squeezing tightly to Lexa’s as she faces more of her haunted memories. 

“I told her it wasn’t good enough then.” Octavia whispers, eyes cast down to the floor, unwilling to look up at them. “I was so angry with her. I knew she was hurting but all I could do was focus my pain and anger on her. And she just took it.” 

“That’s what true leaders do.” Lincoln spoke for the first time in nearly an hour, his voice soft but full of emotion. “They suffer for their people.” He looked then to his commander, respect in his eyes. 

Lexa gave him a small nod in thanks, holding tightly to the pale hand still wrapped in her own. Clarke’s grip was tight, painfully so but she craved it. She craved anything she could do to help her through this.

 

~

 

_She felt numb. No, that wasn’t right. She felt dead inside; cold. She was holding onto that fiercely, because if she let anything else in, she would surely break before her people were saved._

_Looking at the smug look of Dante Wallace made her skin crawl. She heard his words, but let them float around her, not penetrating her resolve to end this. She directed Monty to get them into the command centre, taking the former president with them as a hostage._  

_“Deliverance comes at a cost. I bare it, so they don’t have to.” He responds in question as to why he wasn’t with his people on Level 5. Those words manage to penetrate into her mind just as Bellamy realizes it was Dante that made the deal with Lexa. It was his idea, not his son’s._  

_The monitors flicker to life and Clarke swears that she can’t take anymore surprises today._ **_“Oh my god._ ** _” She sees her people, friends being held, chained to the wall, one on a table surrounded by the so called doctors of the mountain._

_“Is that Raven?” She hears Bellamy’s voice just as she notices her mom is one of the prisoners chained to the wall._ **_“Mom.”_**

_“Tell them to stop, now!” Bellamy roars, thrusting a walkie in front of Dante, who only calmly replies that he won’t do that._

_The precarious hold she had onto that shocking and jumping live wire that is her resolve snaps as she watches the cameras focused on Level 5 and see’s Emerson._ **_“Emerson,”_ ** _she seethes as she stalks over to Bellamy and takes the radio from his hand._ **_“Carl Emerson,”_ ** _she starts slowly, her voice hollow, dripping with barely concealed rage._ **_“Mount Weather security detail, come in.”_ **

_“Who is this?” He replies back and the feeling that takes over her almost makes her want to smirk but she reigns it in, not understanding what’s happening inside her. She can only focus on the task at hand._ **_“You know who it is. Give the radio to the president.”_**

_They follow him on the cameras, until they see Cage in the hallway with the radio announcing his presence to them. Clarke watches steadily, her voice level._ **_“I have your father. You don’t let my people go, and I’ll kill him."_**  

_“How do I know you have him?”_

_She turns to Dante, putting the radio in his face long enough for him to reply “Stay the course, Cage.”_

_“You won’t do it.” Cage replies and Clarke can only disagree._  

**_“You don’t know me very well.”_ ** _Her voice is still low, devoid of any emotion. Empty, just how she feels inside._ **_“This ends now. Release my people.”_**

_He denies her, of course he does. And there’s Dante once again trying to reason with her and rationalize their actions. She spins on him, her gun held at his chest._

 

_~_

 

They jerk in surprise as Clarke is suddenly on her feet, her body tense and her left hand held out in front of her, mimicking holding a gun.They’re all standing relatively close to her, but giving her enough space as they are no longer sure what to expect.

“Lincoln,” Octavia begins, but sees him shaking his head, eyes unbelieving at what they’re seeing.

“This, isn’t supposed to happen.” He breathes out, eyes never leaving Clarke. “I don’t know how she’s standing right now, still trapped inside her mind. This has never happened before.”

“Will she hurt herself?” Echo asks, stepping between Lexa and Octavia, looking past Clarke and searching Lincoln’s eyes.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so. But she’s channeling that moment stronger than should be possible. Just keep your distance, we don’t know exactly what took place. Don’t crowd her.” Was all he could think to advise them. 

 **“And I need his son to believe me.”** The blonde states, voice low and her hand still tightly clenched in front of her. 

“She’s holding her gun on Dante.” Octavia realizes, watching with wide eyes. Bellamy told her she killed him, and she’s watching the proof of it unfold before her eyes. 

**“Don’t make me do this.”** She breathes out, eyes focused now for the first time since this trial began. Focused, but on nothing specific within their room. She was focused on a man only she could see.

Lexa took in the blonde, knowing what was going to happen. She could see it in the stance, in the resolved look on Clarke’s face. She was going to kill this man, it was just a matter of time. Clarke was going to take her kill. Lexa swallowed hard. 

**“I didn’t want this,”** she says, shaking her head ever so slightly in the negative before they all saw the slight jerk in her wrist and they all held their breath, realizing the shot had been fired. Lexa only breathed out slowly, eyes closing for a moment before again resting them on the blonde.

 

~

 

_Clarke kept her finger on the radio, allowing Cage to hear the shot, as well as the sound of his father dying. She slowly began to lower her arm, her hand only slightly trembling. Her head was clouded with voices, screams in her head making no sense except in their sounds of anguish. She realized it was her own voice resonating within her mind and her resolve cracked, eyes filling with tears for just a moment, before shutting herself down again to press forward._  

**_“Listen to me very carefully. I will not stop until my people are free. If you don’t let them go, I WILL irradiate Level 5.”_ ** _She lowered the radio and watched him once more. She could feel eyes on her but ignored it. Now was not the time for weakness._

**_“Cage, listen to me. I don’t want anyone else to die. Stop the drilling and we can talk. There might be a way to get us all out of this.”_ **

  _There was no reasoning with him. On some level she knew that but it wasn’t in her nature not to try to find another way. However in the end, it always seemed to come down to death._  

_She watched as Emerson left to come for them and Cage made his way to the dorm where they were drilling into her friends, killing them. She had to know, the time was now._ **_“Monty can you do it? Can you irradiate the level?”_**  

_He nodded, “I can do it.”_

_“Wait a second Clarke we need to think about this, there are kids in there.” Bellamy began._

**_“I know.”_ ** _Clarke nodded, eyes fearful but determined._

_“People who helped us.” He finished, watching as her eyes pleaded with him._  

_“_ **_Then please, give me a better idea.”_ ** _She countered, willing for him to come up with something, but knowing it was futile._

 

_~_

 

The tension in the room was palpable. They watched a one sided event that only Clarke could fully understand. They put the pieces together from her words, her body language and the warring emotions inside her eyes. Fearless and determined, cold and dead, and breaking apart into pieces; each one fighting for dominance. 

Air escaped the blonde in a choked whisper, **“What have I done?”** Her body was heaving, her arms were trembling and her shoulders looked rock solid with tension.

**“Figure it out.”** She grit out, eyes pained and trained hard on one area, just slightly above eye level. Lexa knew there was nothing there, but she couldn’t help but follow Clarke’s gaze, trying to see what she was seeing.

 

~

 

_Her mother. He took Raven off the table and put her mother there in her place. He was punishing her because she killed his father and he knew she could see him. So she could watch as they drilled into her mother, causing her pain and making her scream._  

_Her emotions were uncontrolled on the inside but she tried not to let it show. She heard Bellamy’s warning, that there would be no coming back from this, but she didn’t care. She had to save her people, she didn’t care if she came back or not. She owed it to her people to see them free as she vowed to. Beyond that…she couldn’t think beyond that._

_She watched Octavia take down a few guards before becoming trapped in the Mess Hall with Mya. Hearing the lack of keystrokes she questioned Monty._ **_“Why are you stopping?!”_**

_He told her he was finished. All they had to do was pull the lever, the vents and hatches would open, pulling in outside air and Level 5 would be irradiated._

_She looked to several monitors, taking in the scene before her. Emerson in the hallway, ready to blow the door. Octavia being captured by guards and forced to her knees and Bellamy whispering that his sister was his responsibility. Her mother, nearly unconscious from the pain still strapped to that damn table and all of her friends lined up dreading their turn in her place._ **_“I have to save them.”_ ** _She whimpered out brokenly as she put her hand on the lever._

 

_~_

 

**“I have to save them.”** The blonde said, her body bent forward slightly and her right hand out in front of her. She stared up again, towards the walls and looked down to her hand and then nodded her head. Her hand slowly began to recede back, a matter of inches before it stilled.

She looked up then, acknowledging some sound the others couldn’t hear as she tilted her head to the side.

“That must be the moment she pulled the lever, letting the air from outside in.” Octavia explained what they were seeing. “I was in the Mess Hall, where the people had gathered. I watched their skin burning and peeling away from their bodies as they slumped in their seats or fell to the floor.” She cleared her throat. “I was in the room, but I know she saw it all from the command centre too. She saw it moments after she pulled the lever.”

Clarke then stood up straight, turning her body, eyes still focused above her, eyes showing the terror she felt on the inside, but her voice not betraying her. **“Let’s go get our people.”**

 

**~**

 

_She paused at the entrance to the Mess Hall, glancing throughout the room and taking in the sight of death before her. Death at her hand. She forced down anything she was feeling at that moment as best she could and made her way further into the room. She stopped as she approached Jasper, Mya’s body in his arms and tears on his cheeks._  

_He glared at her, “What did you do?”_  

**_“We had no choice,”_ ** _her voice broke slightly, seeing the pain she had caused him. He was convinced if she had given him just one more minute, he could have ended it by killing Cage, but Bellamy told him they would have never stopped._

**_“We have to go to the dorm.”_ ** _She spoke quickly, afraid her voice would leave her and made her way to the others._

_She slowed, as they neared the hall, seeing a room full of toys and teaching materials and she grit her teeth and walked inside. She looked at the small bodies crumbled on the floor, some in their desks and one pair of little girls holding hands. She felt bile rise in her throat and her hand raised to her mouth. She felt Bellamy pulling at her arm, knew he was speaking but she couldn’t hear anything except the cries of these little children. She looked at all of them, committing them to memory and counting until she reached the end. 16. She turned and left, heading towards the dorm._  

_Upon entering the room, she saw Kane helping her mother who was now sitting up on the table._ **_“Mom,”_ ** _she breathed, running to her and hugging her tightly, only then allowing a whimper to escape her._

_She stared at her mom’s tear filled eyes, terrified of the reaction she might then receive but her mom only gave her a broken-hearted smile._

**_“I tried,”_ ** _she began, nodding her head repeatedly as a tear fell down her cheek,_ **_“I tried to be the good guy._ ** _” Her voice cracked and she shrugged her shoulders, her emotions beginning to fall from her against her will, but too weak to fight against them._

_“Maybe there are no good guys.” Her mom whispered back to her and she kept nodding her head and pushed forward, hugging her tightly once more._

 

~

 

“ **I tried,”** The blonde brokenly whispered, a lone tear falling and the hearts in the room broke even further as they watched the torment cross Clarke’s features. **“I tried to be the good guy.”** She said, shrugging her shoulders and allowing her tears to escape her eyes as her shoulders sagged and her head fell forward.

Clarke then fell to her knees, startling the others as she let out a blood curdling scream, wrapping her arms around her midsection and rocking forward as if it would somehow lessen the pain she had coursing through her.

Lexa moved swiftly, dropping to her own knees in front of Clarke and putting her hands on either side of the blonde’s face as she cried, angry sobs wreaking havoc on her already tormented body. The brunette could only lower her head to Clarke’s, resting her lips against her forehead and whispered to her, trying to soothe her. 

“Klark,” she gently called, pressing another kiss to blonde hair as the girl continued to cry. “You’re safe, Klark. I’m here.” 

She turned towards the others, eyeing them all as she spoke firmly, leaving no room for argument. “Gon yo we!” _Everybody out!_

Octavia hesitated but at Lincoln’s gentle press on her shoulder she turned and followed Echo out of the hut.

Now alone with Clarke who was still whimpering and crying out in agony, Lexa settled herself down and spread her legs out, pulling Clarke further into her by the material of her pants, still careful of her tender skin. She leaned back against the wall behind her as Clarke fell forward against her chest, her sobs subsiding some as she felt the warmth beneath her cheek.

Her eyes blinked slowly as she took in a shaky breath, taking in a scent she could never forget, but only crave as she hiccuped and sniffled. She closed her eyes again, burrowing her head against Lexa’s chest, reaching for one of her hands to wrap around her back.

She felt Lexa tense and hesitate with her arms coming to hold the back of her head, stroking her hair gently. “Hold me.” She whimpered, burrowing herself into Lexa further, not that it was really possible to do so. “Please.”

Lexa swallowed and drew her legs up slightly, allowing her thighs to frame the girl between them, as one arm continued to hold and soothe the head on her chest and the other gently wrapped around her back in a delicate embrace.

She relaxed as she felt some of the tension leave Clarke and her body sagged against her, all of her upper body weight now resting on her own. She could only smile as a couple tears slid out of her green eyes and she lowered her head to rest on Clarke’s and closed her eyes, content to stay this way until the blonde asked her to move.

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we have it. End of Clarke's trials and she's back with us now. Wonder what will happen next? ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	12. TonDC - but burns brightest when you are near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trials are over, but the story is just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you all made it through the trials. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

**TonDC - but burns brightest when you are near**

 

**~**

 

Lexa blinked her eyes a few times adjusting to the light in the room. The sun was up and the sounds of the village being rebuilt and life moving on could be heard. She took a deep breath and sighed out, letting her fingers on her left hand slowly glide over the tender but healing flesh of Clarke’s back.

The blonde was still laying against her, head resting lower on her chest, her breasts acting as a pillow. She may have slept sitting up all night, but she’d never felt better. Clarke had one arm resting on her neck and the other wrapped around her back. She smiled when she heard a soft sigh and felt a nuzzle on her chest.  

“That feels nice.” Clarke whispered, slowly waking and feeling the light tracing motion of Lexa’s fingertips gliding along her mostly bare back.

“Are you comfortable?” Lexa asked, remembering what Octavia had said about Clarke’s preference to not sleep on her stomach.

“If I were anywhere else but where I am right now, I would say no.” She responded, lowering her hands to the floor on either side of Lexa, preparing to rise.

“You don’t have to move…” Lexa started, pushing away a lock of blonde hair that had fallen in Clarke’s eyes as the blonde raised her head up. She locked eyes with focused blue that looked clearer than she ever remembered seeing.

“I don’t want to, but I should.” She pushed upwards, cringing at the feeling of her skin stretching and gasped out a strained breath as she sat upright with Lexa’s soft palm on her chest. “Thank you.”

Lexa stood, holding her hands out to help Clarke rise to her feet with her assistance. She watched as the blonde took a deep breath and stretched as best she could without further agitating her wounds. She noticed a couple spots of blood, one on her side and on her arm from the angry man she still had to deal with. “I’ll fetch a healer.” She turned and made her way to the door only stopping as Clarke called out to her.

“Leksa,” she called, her voice sounding like more of a question, her eyes never leaving the commander.

“I’m just going to speak to the guards, I’m not going anywhere.” She promised and poked her head outside, speaking quickly before turning back. “You have people wanting to see you,” she hesitated, seeing Clarke bite her lip in worry. “Perhaps after your wounds have been treated and you’ve had something to eat.” Seeing relief, she made her requests, and what sounded like a command a bit louder and then turned back.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke started, stepping towards the woman she couldn’t bear to be away from, “I know I’m probably being weak but-“

Lexa cut her off with two fingers on her lips, “You are the strongest person I have ever met, Klark. Do not apologize. Not to me. Not for anything.”

A knock on the door interrupted them and upon Lexa’s call, Lincoln stepped inside carrying a fresh jug of water and some food, along with a satchel over his shoulder. “Heda, Klark” he addressed them, placing the food on the table and gathering some supplies out of his bag.

Clarke drank the water Lexa poured and passed to her, enjoying the cool liquid as it soothed her dry and aching throat. With a sheepish look, she passed it back to her for a refill. “Slower this time.” Lexa suggested and Clarke nodded. 

Taking a sip she turned to Lincoln, “How is she?” She asked, knowing he would understand.

He smiled as he began removing the bandages against her side, noticing blood had begun to leak through. As he cleaned and dressed the cuts he filled her in. “She’s worried about you.” He raised his eyes to meet hers, “We all are.”

Clarke winced as he switched to her other side, making quick work of the bandages on her side. “How is she, Lincoln?” She ground out.

He sighed, “She’s glad you’re alive, but wants to see you for herself. I think she’s concerned with how you will be, now that the trials are over.”

She nodded, thinking about all she had gone through, especially the last day. Or two. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. “How long did it last? I mean, how long was I under the influence of that drug?”

Lincoln glanced to his heda and off her nod he answered, “Nearly eleven candle marks. Half a day.” He clarified.

She swallowed, her mind recalling all the memories she experienced. “Is that normal?” Seeing him shake his head slightly she pressed on. “What else?”

He finished up her arms and moved to rub some more salve on her back, using the break in eye contact to again look towards his heda.

“Tell her what she wishes to know Lincoln.” Lexa replied.

“I’ve only seen the ritual done a couple of times myself, but from what others have told me, the longest one has been under is about 7 hours. They go through the pains of the past, sometimes speaking out words once spoken, and then awake with a truer sense of self.” 

He paused and walked back around to face the blonde, squatting down so that he was at eye level with her in her seated position. “You surpassed the time of any other before you and not only that, but you also stood up and moved some. It was like you weren’t just reliving it in your mind, but with your body at times as well.”

Clarke swallowed, thinking back. She recalled every single second of every memory, but didn’t know she had moved an inch. “Did I hurt anyone? Here, I mean.” She asked, looking to Lexa for an answer.

“No, you didn’t. We were all fine.” Lexa responded stepping forward to cup Clarke’s cheek. “What took place in this room, will not pass our lips for any other to hear. You have my word.”

“And mine,” Lincoln replied standing up. “And I’m sure you know you have Octavia and Echo’s trust as well.” Seeing her nod, he smiled softly and made his way to the door. “I’ll hold them off while you eat.”

“Lincoln, please ask Indra to come see me.” Lexa requested as he made his exit. Turning back to Clarke, she brought over a plate of assorted foods for her to eat. “Let’s have some lunch and help you get your strength back.”

The blonde nodded and began eating slowly, her thoughts clouding her mind as she worried about what Lexa and the others might have heard, but more than that, what they thought of it all. “Leksa,” she whispered, locking her eyes with warm green ones, “are we-“ she stopped, debating on how she wanted to word her question. Nothing sounded right so she decided to just lay it out there. “Will we be okay?”

Lexa set her bread down and took one of Clarke’s hands in her own, “We will be just fine Klark, you needn’t worry.”

Clarke shook her head, closing her eyes. “That’s not…what I meant. Or at least not how I meant it.” She tried to explain but the words weren’t there. She changed her direction, “Can you tell me what you learned, or if you have any questions? I want to make sure the air is clear between us. No miscommunications.”

“We heard your side of every painful memory or thought you had. From the Ark to the ground, things we knew and some we shouldn’t unless it was of your own free will.” She gently rubbed her thumb over the back of Clarke’s hand. “But I feel you are wanting to clarify if I know something more specific.”

Clarke could only nod, knowing how perceptive Lexa could be. “I had a dream on the Ark,” she began slowly, “a dream I couldn’t believe would be true. A dream that gave me proof of what I thought was a fairytale.” She looked to Lexa, judging her reaction.

“You spoke of a dream, and Octavia described the tale some of your people believe in. A twin flame.” She tilted her head, looking at Clarke softly as the girl lowered her head, a soft pink tinging her cheeks. “But then you explained it to your friend Raven in another memory, putting the pieces together.”

Clarke’s head shot up, her eyes pinning Lexa in her spot. “Does this bother you?” She asked timidly. “I didn’t tell you when I had the chance…” She licked her lips, “Before we kissed, or after. I feel like I betrayed you for not telling you.”

Lexa shook her head, pulling her chair closer to Clarke’s so that she could cup her cheek and wipe away the lone tear that fell from her eye. “Osir keryon ste teina.” She whispered, smiling softly and leaned forward to rest her forehead against Clarke’s. “You couldn’t have betrayed me Klark, because my soul too had recognized yours the moment you stepped into my tent asking for an alliance.”

Clarke gasped, searching Lexa’s eyes, “How-“ she started but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Komba raun, Indra” Lexa called out and in stepped the general. She approached swiftly and stopped just before her heda, a small bundle in her hands.

Indra nodded to Lexa and turned her attention to Clarke. “I am glad to see you are healing well, Clarke.” She held out her hands, passing the bundle to the blonde. “Echo gathered you some clothes so that you may change and be more comfortable.”

Clarke took the clothing, feeling how soft the material was compared to that of the clothes from the Ark. “Mochof, Indra for bringing them.”

Indra nodded and then faced her heda. “You wanted to see me, Heda?”

“I wished to hear how the preparations are coming along and to question if Malik had been dealt with.” She was direct and to the point. 

She had recalled the man’s name early in the morning when she had woken briefly while holding Clarke protectively in her arms. She wouldn’t let his vengeful cut to Clarke, during a sacred ceremony go unpunished.

“The hunters are out and the village has been notified. We will accept a new life into our kru and present her before our feast, honouring her as one of us.” Indra’s eyes flickered briefly to Clarke before landing back on her leader, “As for Malik, he’s being held awaiting your judgement, Heda.”

Lexa nodded and Indra made her exit. Turning her attention back to Clarke she softened at her slightly confused look. “You have made it through your trials, Klark kom Skaikru. Today you will rest, bathe and be dressed for the ceremony tonight, welcoming you into our clan as Klark kom Trikru.” She said with a smile, that slipped slightly in worry. “If that is still your wish?”

Clarke stood and took Lexa’s hands in both of hers. “It is one of my wishes, yes.” She replied softly, stepping in close and hearing the slight hitch in Lexa’s breathing. The blood was rushing into her ears and her heart began to pound. Being this close to her was deliciously intoxicating. She couldn’t stop her eyes from glancing down to soft pink lips and then back into a deep green.

“I want to know all of your wishes,” Lexa breathed out, leaning in slightly to nuzzle her cheek against Clarke’s, soaking in the closeness she has yearned for all her life. She had never felt anything this intense and they were just sharing the same space.

Clarke shuddered, sliding her hands up Lexa’s arms, linking them behind the brunette’s neck and pulling her closer, letting her nose drag up a long smooth neck, breathing in her scent. She whimpered, hands gripping tighter as her knees trembled at the feel of Lexa’s hands coming to wrap gently around her waist, mindful of her sides and resting warmly on her lower back.

Time felt as if it was standing still. They were locked in an embrace that felt eternal, holding each other close, feeding off of each other like a flame feeds on oxygen. The longer they stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace, the brighter the glow that lit up inside them. They felt warm, their skin tingling and the air crackled with electricity around them. The only sound they could hear were their soft panting breaths, the only thing they could feel was each other’s heart pounding fiercely against their chests, as if they were trying to reach the other.

Clarke felt _alive_. More alive than she could ever remember feeling, except in the dream she had on the Ark. She felt loved and protected, but more still, she felt as if this feeling inside her was ready to consume her at any moment and she wanted to drown in it. 

She breathed in deeply. Lexa had a soft but wild scent about her; earthy and sweet. The small gleam of sweat that was forming on the skin of her neck making it even more addicting, as if it were calling to her. She couldn’t stop herself if she wanted to, and she didn’t. She parted her lips slightly, pressing them against the spot where neck and shoulder meets, leaving a tender open mouthed kiss. The sound that escaped Lexa’s lips wrecked her.

Lexa wasn’t sure what that sound was she had just made. A cross between a whimper and a groan and her mind went blank with nothing but the feel of the woman in her arms, holding tightly around her neck and her tender wet lips pressing into her skin. Her hands flattened on Clarke’s lower back, pulling her in just a fraction more as gently as she could. She let out a shuddery sigh next to the blonde’s ear as she trailed her fingertips lightly up the girls spine, feeling goosebumps appear. 

Clarke whimpered, and it was tearing through Lexa’s chest, never wanting to let go of this precious gift in her arms. They were as close as two people could be and it wasn’t close enough. Their skin began to burn, both breathing heavier, both trembling in each other’s arms as the waves of heat thickened around them, heating their bodies and the room around them.

“Do you feel what I feel?” Clarke whispered, scared to break the moment they were secluded in.

“I feel everything.” Lexa answered honestly, pressing her lips against the pale neck under her lips, content to stay in this moment, letting the feelings wash over them.

 

~

 


	13. TonDC - Becoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little short chapter to keep you hanging on for the next...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics now are thoughts and or feelings. Sometimes memories. You'll figure it out. :)

**TonDC - Becoming…**

 

~

 

Clarke sighed and tilted her head slightly, offering her neck to Lexa’s lips that were gently resting against her skin. She used the nails of her left hand to scratch a trail up the back of the brunette’s neck, under her long and wavy locks as she guided her closer.

Lexa clenched her eyes tightly together, the feeling in her stomach coiling tightly and a tingling heat spreading throughout her body. It was excitement and longing so intense she felt as if she was losing herself. Her conscious mind was slowly slipping to the point where all she could think, feel and smell was _Klark_. 

The commander in her on some level, knew that this wasn’t normal, this feeling of her control not being her own, but it felt right. It felt natural. More natural than anything Lexa had ever experienced in her 20 years of this life. Since she had been called to lead, she had been the commander first, Lexa almost never, as she was unable to merge the two and still be what her people needed her to be. But right now, right now the commander was nowhere in sight. There was no room for anything except whatever this was being shared between the two of them and Lexa wouldn’t do anything to hurt Clarke again.

“Klark,” she whispered, feeling her heart pounding against her chest, knowing Clarke felt it too by the feeling of nails trailing down the back of her neck in response. Her knees nearly buckled as she turned herself over completely to the feelings coursing through her and lowered her lips to sample the pale smooth neck below her lips. She was gentle, pressing one, two and a then a third soft kiss up her neck before parting her lips slightly to press an open mouthed kiss just below Clarke’s chin, feeling her pulse. She paused then, taking a slow breath in, committing the blonde’s scent into memory.

Clarke swallowed hard and could do nothing but grip Lexa tighter and try to press herself closer. She knew it was impossible, there wasn’t a breath of space between them. They were touching in every available spot but it just wasn’t close enough. She whimpered, feeling her eyes fill with hot stinging tears as she pulled back ever so slightly and rubbed her cheek against Lexa’s, nuzzling her, trying without words to convey this delicious yet painful feeling she couldn’t seem to sate. _My chest…it aches. I’m longing. It hurts. She’s not close enough but how can she be closer?_

Lexa feels it in her soul as she feels Clarke caressing her cheek with her own. It feels incredible. She pulls back just enough to rub her nose against Clarke’s and opens her eyes to find no sign of the blue she adores. Instead, she’s met with closed eyes and teeth biting into a lower lip.

“Klark,” she whispers and grins when those bright blue eyes open immediately at her call, but then frowns in worry at the tears she finds filling them. “What is it, Klark?” She questions softly, raising her right hand to cup her cheek and wipe away a falling tear. “Has my touch hurt you?” She worries and starts to ease her other hand off the girls back.

Clarke begins shaking her head back and forth quickly, grabbing Lexa’s arm to keep it around her and presses their foreheads together. She stills, trying to calm her racing heart and her short breaths, trying to make them deeper and longer. Her heart melts at how Lexa just stays where she is, not questioning any further, content to let Clarke have the time she needs. “I’m hurting, but it’s not you hurting me, Leksa.” She finally whispers, leaning back to sincerely stare into soft green eyes. “I just…” she huffs softly, leaning her head against Lexa’s neck and closing her eyes.

Lexa feels confused. Still content, still warm and still slightly out of her normal level of control, but very confused. She keeps her left hand at Clarke’s lower back and guides her right back around to hold the blonde’s head against her, running her fingers through her hair. “What do you need?” She whispers against her ear, “What can I do?”

Clarke sighs out but doesn’t answer, instead lowering her head slightly so that her ear is pressed against Lexa’s chest. She stays this way, eyes closed until she can feel her heart slow its panicked beating and while it’s still fast and very strong, it now matches Lexa’s own. “Our hearts are in sync.” 

It wasn’t the answer Lexa was looking for, but it was the best one she could have gotten. 

 

~

 

“They have to be finished eating by now, what’s taking so long? When can I see her?” Octavia questions, looking back and forth between Lincoln and Indra. She’s trying not to cause a scene, but she needs to see Clarke for herself, to know that she is okay and to tell her that she’s sorry.

“The commander has asked not to be disturbed. You will be allowed to see her when she says it is time. For now, you will leave them be and head to the West clearing to stand watch for the hunters to arrive back.” Indra stared at the girl, daring her to challenge her orders and fought back a smirk as Octavia turned and strode off. 

Hearing footsteps approaching she didn’t bother to turn before calling out, “And the same goes for you too.” The footsteps stopped and then turned again as Echo left, heading in the direction of Octavia. Indra smirked, shaking her head. “I hope this day ends quickly, for I fear we both may have our hands full by the end of it.” With a nod to Lincoln, she turned and walked away.

Lincoln stood there rubbing the back of his neck, staring off into the distance. “Strong and fierce, but they sure can be a handful.” Turning, he smiles as Nyko approaches him with an amused expression on his face.

“I have a feeling it’ll only get worse.” Lincoln agreed, hugging his good friend. “Will you be staying in TonDC or traveling with the commander when she heads to Polis?” He asks.

Nyko considered it and gave a grunt, “I would like to stay in the village, but I will do as the commander requires.”

Lincoln could only nod, “As do we all.”

 

~

 

Lexa had guided herself and Clarke over to the makeshift pallet of blankets on the floor in the back of the hut, making sure to help the injured blonde down slowly. As gentle as they were, she still noticed a grimace cover Clarke’s face before she found a comfortable position to sit in, with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap. 

Lexa sat in front of her in a similar way, their knees touching and took Clarke’s hands from her lap and placed them in her own, threading their fingers and squeezing until Clarke looked up at her. She could feel her chest aching with a pain she couldn’t remedy and staring into the blue eyes in front of her it only seemed to grow more intense. She took a slow breath in through her nose and held it, smiling as Clarke watched and did the same. As she let it out and Clarke followed suit, she leaned forward and kissed both hands she held in her own. “How can I ease the pain you feel here?” she asked as she released one of Clarke’s hands to press her palm against her sternum.

Clarke wet her lips looked up to the ceiling, taking another breath and releasing it slowly before locking their eyes once more. “Tell me,” began, squeezing the hand in hers tightly, “how you felt when you walked away.”

If Lexa was caught off guard at the question, she didn’t let it show. Instead she lowered her head and closed her eyes tightly as she remembered that night on the mountain.

~

_She was shaking, her heart was racing and she wanted nothing more than to scream and punch every tree she passed on her trek back down the path leading to the main door where Clarke and the rest of her army waited. She clenched her teeth and took short breaths through her nose, willing her eyes not to fill with the tears she wanted to pour out. Instead she bit her lip until she tasted blood and kept walking, calling out to her men and preventing them from following the yelled command to attack that was given by Clarke._

_She could see her blonde hair, her questioning eyes, even as this distance. She cleared her throat softly, eyes darting on either side of her to see if anyone noticed. She almost couldn’t stand the look on Clarke’s face, because even in the confusion of not knowing, it was if she was already sensing what was to come, and the dread of it left Lexa’s heart feeling like it was a metal anchor, pulling her down. She just wanted to let it._

_She could hear herself saying the words, but had no control over them herself. The heda was in charge right now, Lexa was simply screaming in the shadows unable to be heard. Her heart was pounding, trying to fight its way out and into Clarke, but the commander’s hold was solid, her mask only slipping if you caught the clench of her jaw, the flaring of her nose or the aching breath she took as she turned away from Clarke and began walking away._

_The commander did what she had to do. The commander did right by her people._

_Lexa screamed in torment, drowning in the shadows._

_~_

 

Lexa looked up into liquid blue and didn’t fight the tears she felt sliding down her cheeks. “Like my entire world had flickered out of existence.” She tried to speak evenly as her voice cracked. “I had never felt the pain I did in that moment…” she paused, cupping Clarke’s cheek again, “and every moment since until I found out you were here.”

The blonde let out a shaky breath and shook her head, “I shut down, Leksa.” She whispered, recalling everything she felt at that time, and what she had to do afterwards. “It was like I could feel myself, but I wasn’t in control. I became something else to get through it, but it still lingered inside me even after.” She leaned forward and wiped the tears from Lexa’s face, “I still feel it, I know I always will, for what I had to do, but it’s not controlling me any longer.”

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.” Lexa said as Clarke nodded in understanding. “You sacrificed your own pain, and the pain of accepting the duties of leadership to save your people.”

“As did you,” Clarke replied, as they both smiled softly, knowing they were finally understanding each other better in this moment than they ever had before. She cleared her throat, “Are we going to be okay?” She asked, pointing back and forth between the two of them.

Lexa could only nod and lay back on the soft blankets, holding her hand out to Clarke. “Get comfortable and let’s rest. I know the others are just waiting for their chance to see you.”

Clarke raised to her knees and considered Lexa’s position and her comment. “I know, but we can rest for a while yet, right?” She tucked some hair behind her ear, “I understand if you have to go, I know I’m keeping you away from your duties.”

“My duties are well handled right now. My priority is you. Come,” she requested softly. “Do not worry about how, just do what will be the most comfortable for you with the least amount of pain.”

Clarke bit her lip and inched forward on her knees, “Are you sure about that?” She asked hesitantly. Seeing Lexa’s face soften and her head nod, she could only put her slight nervousness away as she slowly raised her leg to straddle the brunette’s hips. 

Lexa took a small breath in, relaxing her body so that she didn’t have any tension in her frame to spook the blonde. She wanted her close, but she also wanted her comfortable. Once she was straddled over her hips, Lexa gave her a warm smile and raised her hands up slowly as Clarke leaned forward, pressing their chests together and lowering her head to rest in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

Clarke felt warmth envelope her as she connected her body to Lexa’s, her arms resting at Lexa’s sides; one hand lying on the brunettes strong shoulder, the other on the floor beneath. She breathed out in relief when two arms came up to surround her, one on her lower back, tracing soft patterns and the other cupping the back of her neck as if she was the most delicate thing around. She shifted her lower body slightly, allowing one leg to slip between Lexa’s, their legs tangling together. “Is this all right?”

Lexa tightened her hold, “Perfect.”

As their breathing slowed and their bodies relaxed, they both closed their eyes and submitted to the feeling of being completely and totally open to the other. The swirls of heat surrounding them was tangible, as was the tingling sensation they each felt everywhere their bodies touched. Lexa could feel the soft breaths of air from Clarke on her neck and the sensation was beautiful, as if new life was being poured into her. A calmness she had never felt settled within her.

Clarke grinned, thinking that if she could be in this position, she’d gladly sleep on her stomach all the time. The feeling of Lexa’s body warmth, the protection she felt with those arms holding her close and the smell of her. _I could lose myself in her scent._ She breathed deeply and nuzzled her nose into her further, placing a soft kiss against her collar bone. “Beja nou bants ai.” _Please don’t leave me._

Lexa stiffened briefly, shocked to hear her more of her language fall from Clarke’s lips. _She learns quickly,_ she thinks. She relaxes her body, feeling Clarke sink into her further and she flattens her hand on her lower back and cups her neck. “Nowe.” _Never_ she whispers.

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit on tumblr or twitter!  
> ladyofblessedpain.tumblr.com  
> @kolewis


	14. TonDC - ...requires preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to make another decision.

**TonDC - …requires preparation**

 

~

 

Clarke woke to the sounds of morning. She could hear children laughing and yelling while running about, their parents calling out to them and of course, the sounds of birds chirping. Her eyes were still closed but she could almost see warmth that surrounded her as she lay cuddled up on Lexa. 

At some point during the night she had slid to the side, with half of her body still covering the brunette and the rest at an odd position on the floor. She was warm and protected still, laying on an outstretched arm with another hand holding onto her upper thigh which was laying on a warm stomach. She sighed and leaned forward to place a kiss on Lexa’s shoulder but drew back quickly getting to her knees.

“Klark?” She heard Lexa’s sleep heavy voice call to her as the brunette sat up, now alert at Clarke’s groan of pain. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke bit her lip as she pressed her hand to her side, pulling it away to see sticky blood on her hands. “I think I tore one of the cuts open.” She hissed as she pressed her hand back to her side as Lexa leapt to her feet and quickly ran to the door calling for the closest healer.

Turning back with Nyko behind her Lexa gently helped Clarke to her feet so that she could lean against the table as Nyko got to work cleaning and stitching the one stubborn cut on her side that refused to stay closed. She grit her teeth, turning back to the door, eyes cold.

“Leksa?” Clarke questioned softly, shocked that she immediately stopped and faced her. “Where are you going?” She asked shyly, casting a quick glance to Nyko, who kept at his work, not paying any mind to the two women.

“Not far, I’m just going to summon Indra.” She promised giving Clarke a soft smile and poking her head outside the door. Seeing Indra she nodded her head back towards the room and waited for her to step inside.

Indra knew her commander was angry, she could see it in her eyes, “Yes Heda?” She asked, standing tall awaiting her orders.

“We need to deal with the issue of Malik,” she began, glancing back to Clarke. “She heals quickly but the cut he made was deep. Deeper than it should have been for the trials and it bleeds still.”

Indra cautiously looked towards Clarke, seeing the blue eyes focused on them. “As she was the one targeted for his vengeance during a sacred proceeding of our people she is the deliverer of his punishment, Heda.” She knew her commander knew this, but she wasn’t certain of what else to say. She knew what grief could do to people and the man was grieving, but he knew better than to handle it in the way he did.

“Has he shown any remorse?” Lexa asked, eyes looking hopeful but not convinced. Seeing Indra shake her head slowly she sighed. “She won’t make the kill.” She stated, putting her hands on her hips.

“I know, Heda. Perhaps if not for the trials and he attacked her for another reason…” 

Lexa nodded, “I’ll need to talk with her about it.”

Indra hesitated only a moment before deciding to tell her commander what she felt she needed to know, “If it makes any difference Heda, the people are behind you. Even those that lost someone, whether in the ring of fire or the shooting. They already see her as one of us, as they do with Okteivia. The morale is high.” She pauses once more, “Malik was the last of his bloodline and his anger should he be freed, will come at a cost to us.” 

She looked over towards the blonde who was thanking Nyko and turning to head towards them. “It will come at a cost to you.” Indra held her commander’s eyes a moment more. “Hodnes laik uf.” _Love is strength_ she said, before turning to face the blonde. “Klark,” she nodded with a smile and left the hut with Nyko.

Clarke took in Lexa’s pensive look, reaching out for her hand and smiled as Lexa’s fingers met hers before she even looked down. “What is it?”

Lexa debated only a moment about whether or not to tell Clarke, knowing she would never be anything but completely honest with her. “One of our men, Malik, is being held awaiting judgement for his crime.”

Clarke tilted her head to the side, “I’ve kept you too long from your duties, I’m sorry.” She shook her head and tried to pull her hand back but found it held firmly in Lexa’s. “It’s okay, I know you need to handle things and I should talk with Octavia and Echo.”

“You should, but that’s not the issue.” Lexa rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb softly, “You still want to be one of us, yes? To adopt our ways, however harsh you may think they are?”

Clarke held Lexa’s eyes, trying to read her. She felt different since the trials. Still sad, still somewhat shaky, but more alive and more herself than she has ever felt in her life. She knew that was because of Lexa and because this is where she was meant to be. “Yes. While some things I wish could be different and maybe with time they will be, but I have a better understanding now than I did before. I hope you believe me when I say this. Life should be about more than just surviving…but we have to survive first to have it.”

Lexa gave a small half smile before letting her face be serious once more. “Malik was the one that cut you,” she trailed her hand softly over Clarke’s thin shirt, dark blood staining it, “here.”

Clarke studied Lexa’s frame. It was mostly relaxed, but with a tense edge to her where her hand hovered over her cut side. “That was the trial Leksa,-“ she was cut off by two fingers pressed over her lips. It was a serious talk, a serious moment, but she couldn’t stop herself from kissing the fingertips lightly before Lexa lowered them.

“Our traditions are sacred to our people. They are to be conducted with precision, purpose and fairness. His cut was none of those. The trial you faced was not a trial of punishment, Klark. He made it vengeful for his own loss. That is a betrayal not only to me, but to the rest of our people.” She stepped in closer, needing to feel Clarke’s warmth. 

Clarke nodded, understanding what she meant, “And if you let him off, it will be disrespectful to everyone and taint the trials.” Lexa nodded, as she rested her forehead against Clarke’s. “So…his fight is over?” She asked softly.

Lexa pulled back, her hand coming to rest on Clarke’s neck. “It is.” She glanced over Clarke’s face, taking in her calm features, “I have to pass judgement on this before the ceremony tomorrow. We can’t let his actions taint the rest of the proceedings. Indra knows the people are expecting it and I’m sure they wish to have it over with so that we can be at peace once more.”

“When will you do it?” Clarke asked, knowing it would be Lexa’s duty to carry out. Her eyes studied the green in front of her, suddenly seeming anxious. “What’s wrong?” She stepped closer, nuzzling Lexa’s cheek, “I understand what has to be done. It’s okay.”

Lexa shook her head slightly, “I can do this, of course, but it’s not my kill to make.” She states simply, watching and waiting for Clarke to find the meaning in her words.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “I don’t-“ She paused, glancing towards the door then back into cautious green, “Oh.” She licked her lips, “Because it was done to me, during my trial…my cleansing, the kill is mine.” 

Her words were softly whispered, but Lexa heard them loud and clear. “By our ways yes, but you can choose another. I can do this for you, Klark. I _will_ do this for you.”

Clarke took a shuddery breath, swallowing thickly. She didn’t want to kill. She understood their ways. She understood the ways on the Ark, however much she may not have agreed with it all. Her side was throbbing and her mind kept seeing the man’s face. He seemed pained at first and then just hateful. But why wouldn’t he be? However, he knowingly disgraced his people’s ways. The people expected what was to happen; expected her to be the one to carry it out. And she wanted to be accepted by them. To be one of them. To be with Lexa. She wanted to be strong again.

She leaned in once more, touching their foreheads together. “No Leksa,” she said with a strength she didn’t know she possessed. It was like she suddenly felt her resolve. Her inner strength grew and she was firm in her convictions, “I’ll do it.”

“Klark,” Lexa started to protest but found herself silenced this time with two soft fingers against her lips.

“I’m all for being under the commander’s protection,” she started with a slight quirk of her eyebrow, “but some things I will need to do myself.” She smiled as Lexa nodded and returned her earlier kiss left on her fingers.

 

~

 

“Stop pacing before you get us both sent back on guard duty.” Echo snapped at Octavia as the girl made another loop around the cooking fire. 

“I’m sorry, I just really want to see Clarke. What is taking so long?” She sat down heavily next to Echo who was nursing a cup of something that smelt horrible. “And what the hell are you drinking?”

Echo smiled, “It’s a tea meant to help keep you alert, although the taste is enough to do that.” 

She tried passing it over but Octavia held a hand up and shook her head. “No thank you, keep that to yourself.”

Lincoln walked over, hesitating before lowering himself into a squat and catching his love’s eyes, “You can see her now.”

He rolled his eyes towards Echo as Octavia was already up and running towards the hut before he even finished his sentence. “You can go too. Heda said Clarke wants to see you both before she takes her to the springs.”

Echo nodded and stood, placing her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, “Thanks Linkon.”

 

~

 

“Are you sure? I mean really sure?” Octavia asked yet again when Clarke had to finally roll her eyes and throw a berry at her head.

“Yes, I’m okay, I swear to you. I feel more rested and more myself than I ever have.” She assured her as she continued to eat some of the fruit that was brought to her.

“Okay but, I mean your body Clarke…” Octavia started as Echo approached them.

“Is spoken for, Okteivia.” She teased and leaned down placing a kiss to Clarke’s head. “Hey sis.” She grinned as Clarke stood and hugged her before waving her hand to join them.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “You know what I mean.” She stared hard at Clarke, who had yet to change her bloody clothes. 

“I know, I’m gross. I wanted to eat and talk to you two before heading to the springs and finally getting clean and into some actual clean clothes.” She took a sip of water and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry if I scared you two when I was under the influence of that drug, but it means a lot to me that you were both there.”

“I wasn’t going to let you go through that alone.” Octavia shook her head glancing to her right to see Echo doing the same. “And we were worried about you, but you didn’t scare us.”

“She’s right,” Echo stopped, “and you’ll never hear me say that again, but in this case she is.” She teased and smiled. “We just want you whole, Klark.”

Clarke nodded, “It’s happening,” she smiled, glancing towards the door.

“Don’t worry, she’s not far despite Indra trying to get her to go for a walk.” Echo laughed, “It’s almost like you two are tethered together.” She stopped laughing, looking quickly over to Octavia.

Clarke blushed slightly, shrugging her shoulders, “I know you two know about the dream and I know Octavia filled you in on our beliefs on the Ark.” She paused, contemplating, “I can’t explain it, but I dreamed of her and that dream came true. She’s here, alive and…” she paused not sure how to say any more. She glanced around the room before looking at two of the people she trusted most, “I love her.”

“We know, Clarke.” Octavia smiled and reached out her hand to grab Clarke’s. “And i’m sorry…I was hard on you about a lot of things and I know I have my right to be upset and not agree, but I had no idea how you felt and now I just feel horrible. I can’t imagine going through what you did, knowing and feeling the way you felt.”

“You don’t need to apologize, it’s okay.” She squeezed her hand and reached out to take Echo’s. “Are we good?” She asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow and receiving two matching smiles in return.

“Yes, we’re good.” Octavia replied and Echo agreed.

Echo stood, “I’m going to help Indra see to the final preparations.” She glanced at Clarke, “I’ll be there for you.” She nodded once, seeing Clarke understood and left the tent.

“What am I missing?” Octavia questioned as she followed Echo out with her eyes. “She wasn’t talking about tomorrow was she?”

Clarke could only sigh and begin telling Octavia of her decision regarding Malik. She knew the girl was a Trikru now herself, but she still wanted her on her side and things to be repaired between them as she accepted her life with them as well.

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this one. I'll try to get another up tomorrow after work.
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr or twitter!  
> ladyofblessedpain.tumblr.com  
> @kolewis
> 
> or hell, catch me on hangouts for a chat! kolewis83@gmail.com :)


	15. TonDC - Cleansing waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it hot in here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you all like this chapter and it holds you over for a few days as I feel it may take me a bit longer to get the next part up. (You know, work and all that fun life stuff that just gets in the way.)
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> ~Nickole

**TonDC - Cleansing waters**

 

~

 

The ride to the springs was short and mostly relaxing. Lexa had offered for them to walk, or even pull a small cart for her to ride in but Clarke would have none of it. She had only once had a chance to ride one of these amazing creatures and then she couldn’t fully enjoy it. There was always the fear of a threat and danger looming her way. Now, she felt relaxed and wanted to take it all in. It was incredible, despite the pains she would receive now and again from her wounds. Lexa kept them at a slow pace, their two companions not far behind them and Clarke was happy.

The sun was shining and she was riding a horse. She sat atop a beautiful black gelding with a white diamond on his forehead and two white socks on his back legs. He felt strong and powerful under her, but almost seemed to sense that he was carrying something important as he was more gentle than Clarke would have imagined.

Lexa’s own horse, a solid white mare, seemed anxious, tossing her head about and eagerly pulling them forward. Lexa had smiled and patted her neck, explaining to Clarke that she hadn’t ridden her in a while and she was restless.

They neared a body of water that was bright blue and sparkling from the light of the sun. Clarke could tell Lexa had a specific area in mind as she steered her horse off to the South, heading towards what looked like a small cave. “It’s beautiful here.” She admired, looking around as Lexa only hummed in response. The wind picked up slightly and despite the sun being out, she felt goosebumps cover her arms even with the long fur she had wrapped over her. “The water is going to be cold isn’t it?”

“Out here yes,” Lexa began, sliding off her horse and passing the reigns over to Kiern, one of her most trusted guards. She turned to help Clarke down from her horse, but saw that Echo had beaten her to it. She called out to them, “Ste der” _stay there_ as they took the horses and headed for a small clearing just outside the cave and hitched the horses to a waiting post and then began to setup a temporary camp.

“Out here?” Clarke asked, stepping in close to Lexa. “We’re going into the cave?”

Lexa smiled, “In the hottest months the river is fine to bathe in, but you’d find it quite cold any other time. We use this cave, where shallower water flows and warms quickly from our fires.”

Clarke didn’t quite understand, but as they entered the cave and took a sharp right just a few feet inside, she understood. Torches had been lit along the walls, apparently in preparation of their arrival, along with what looked like large troughs of water in a steel container being warmed over a fire. She noticed a crude makeshift handle on either side and considered it.

Watching the blonde with an adoring expression Lexa felt compelled to explain, “I sent a rider ahead to prepare, as we do when we plan to use this area. The water is filled and heated, and then added to the closed off portion there.” She explained, pointing to a small pool like hole that could fit several bathers at once. “When the water is cooling or more is required, you pull the lever to add the heated water.”

Seeing Clarke smile and nod in understanding, Lexa laid down the two packs she had brought with her, and crouched to pull out a couple of towels, wash cloth and some soap. She then stood and reached her hand out, halting just in front of Clarke where the blonde was holding the fur around her shoulders. “May I?” 

Clarke smiled, allowing Lexa to take the fur from her and watched as she carefully folded it and sat it near the edge of the pool. She then turned back and bit her lip once before catching the act and stilled, eyes catching the blue watching her. “I’m not sure if you wish for me to stay with you or if I should fetch Echo?”

Clarke watched her for a long moment, taking in a bashful Lexa, actually looking timid and unsure of herself. She shook her head as she smiled, reaching forward to take Lexa’s hands in her own. “Join me?” She asked in a breathy whisper.

She saw the brunette’s throat bob when Lexa swallowed, her eyes widening just slightly. “It doesn’t have to be,” she paused, considering her words, “sexual. However, I would like for it to be intimate.”

Lexa remained still for what seemed like a torturously long time and Clarke began to wonder if she had overstepped. “I’m sorry, you can get Echo if you like, I don’t mean to push.”

That snapped Lexa out of her haze, her hand coming up to tilt Clarke’s chin up that had lowered. “Klark,” she called softly, waiting for her to look up, “I want nothing more than to be in your presence, your request simply caught me by surprise. I only wish for you to be comfortable.” She smiled and slid her hand to cup behind her neck as she pulled her in close. “Even if we were ready for that, you still need time to heal.”

Clarke licked her lips, eyes darting down to stare at the pink lips so close to her own, “But you can stay close.” She replied, “And help me?”

“Of course.” She smiled and pressed her lips against Clarke’s cheek. She turned around then, allowing Clarke to undress in private, but instructing her that she could lower herself in safely near the wall where a stone was in the pool to act as a step.

Clarke hissed at the feel of the warm water as she lowered herself down until she was nearly sitting, back against the wall and her head relaxed on the edge. She let out a contented sigh at the feeling, despite the burning pain she could feel as the water licked at her healing cuts and softened the branded skin on her back. “You can turn around, Leksa.” She called softly, waiting for the tensed woman to face her.

Lexa turned and kept her eyes on Clarke’s, never letting them lower out of respect. Clarke felt warm inside at the thought of Lexa respecting her in such a way. She felt her cheeks heat up, feeling slightly guilty as she couldn’t help but imagine what Lexa looked like under all of her layers of clothing and armour.

Lexa licked her lips and caught the way Clarke’s eyes followed the movement before her eyes darted back up. “How,” she started and stopped, choosing to bend over and remove her boots. “Shall I roll up my leggings and sit near the edge to help you wash your hair?”

Seeing the blonde shake her head, she halted her movement of rolling her pants and gave Clarke a quizzical look. “How will you need me, Klark?” She whispered, but knew she was heard in the quiet of the room.

“I need you equal with me, so stop the modesty and get undressed and get in here.” Clarke stated firmly, leaning her head back to close her eyes, giving Lexa the same privacy to disrobe as she had afforded to Clarke. She kept her eyes closed, even as she heard various pieces of clothing falling to the ground and grit her teeth. She wasn’t sure what was coming over her, but knew she had to try and control herself. The water was warm, but her skin felt like it was being kissed by the sun. She couldn’t stop her eyes from opening as she heard the water moving, her eyes meeting Lexa’s just a moment before the brunette had fully lowered herself into the water.

Clarke had fought her eyes from lowering, but she couldn’t help the hitching of her breath at the sight of a smooth and tanned expanse of skin she saw of Lexa’s upper chest and shoulders. 

“So, I’m sure smell as terrible as I look,” Clarke huffed a laugh at herself. “Let’s wash first and then maybe you can help me with my back and hair?”

Lexa smiled and grabbed the cloths and soap she had brought with her. “Compliments of Luna, some of her people make the best smelling soaps of all the clans.”

“Remind me to thank her when I meet her.” Clarke smiled and set about to washing the last week and a half from her body once and for all, all the while taking cautious looks at the beauty in front of her.

After washing herself thoroughly and gently cleared away the blood from around her healing cuts, she couldn’t keep from looking at them over and over. Her eyes trailed over one arm, then the next before raising them slightly away from herself to look at her sides. Most of the scars would be clean, sharp and light, she could already tell by how much they had healed in just a few days. It was incredibly fast. She wondered if they healed faster on the ground in some way? She shook away the thought, it was nonsense. The only cut looking as angry as the others should was the one delivered by Malik. Her hand stilled, tracing over it slightly, wincing. She closed her eyes.

Lexa watched her quietly as the blonde seemed lost in her thoughts. She didn’t seem troubled, but she was taking stock of her wounds, looking over each one. Lexa followed her eyes as they took in her arms and her sides, making sure to avoid her eyes from directly looking at the blonde’s breasts. She was surprised Clarke didn’t seem as shy about her nudity as she had expected, but then Clarke would of course expect nothing less than from Lexa than her respect towards her body. At that Lexa smiled.

Clarke hesitantly looked up, feeling eyes on her and smiled as she lowered herself back down into the water so that it was up to her shoulders. “Wash my hair?” She asked softly as Lexa crossed over towards her and slid behind her. She sighed as Lexa puller her hair off her neck and gently guided her head back so that she could wet it. She felt light, the water holding her body gently and her head in Lexa’s hands, that were now massaging her scalp. She let out a soft moan at the feeling.

Lexa’s nose flared at the sound Clarke made and bit her lip, concentrating on her task. Feeling the blonde hair was thoroughly soaked, she reached for the soap and created a thick lather as she massaged it into the long hair. She heard Clarke’s intake of breath and saw the smile the crossed her face. “I don’t know how they make it smell so fresh.”

“I’ll have to find out what Luna’s people use.” Clarke decided, relaxing further into Lexa’s hands. “And I’m half tempted to never wash my hair again if this is the treatment I’ll receive.”

Lexa stilled only briefly before rinsing the soap out of her hair. “Only half tempted?” She teased, smirking.

Clarke’s smile grew, loving this relaxed playful side of Lexa. 

 

~

 

This woman was magnificent. It only took a minute of her eyes soaking her in once Lexa had finished with her hair that Clarke’s thoughts continued their earlier path. Lexa had moved back from behind her and as she did so, the blonde took further notice of the tattoo on her arm.

Seeing Clarke’s gaze, Lexa shifted herself so that her right side was facing the blonde, raising slightly so that she could see her tattoo better. “Mark of the commander.”

Clarke took it in and then stepped forward, catching a few more marks, “May I?” She asked, reaching her hand out of the water to gently rest on Lexa’s shoulder, turning her to face away from her.

Lexa could only nod, tingling at the feeling of soft fingertips gliding over her shoulder and onto her upper back as she turned and stood, allowing Clarke to see her back in full. She felt Clarke gently brush her wet hair to the side and heard her gasp as she felt both of those delicate hands tracing the various designs on her back. She couldn’t stop a shiver from rolling down her spine. 

“Are you cold?” She hears even as Clarke’s hands continue their mapping of her back, going over each tattoo before finding and tracing over several raised scars from her time as commander.

“Quite the opposite,” she replied, her voice feeling dry. “My body feels like a flame.” She paused, not meaning to describe the feel of her skin in quite that way, knowing what she knew of the Sky people’s beliefs, but not finding a better fitting description in her vocabulary.

Clarke’s hand stilled but remained on her back and Lexa could feel her deep breath as it was released onto her skin. She felt the air around them grow hotter, almost moist. She took her own breath, willing her heart to slow down even as it increased in its pace.

Clarke was burning. The pull towards Lexa was like a magnet, stronger than ever and she was helpless against it. And she loved it. She could feel her insides yearning to be closer, just as she had back in their hut the days before. “Leksa,” she whispered, the name sounding like a question leaving her lips.

Lexa turned her head to the side, not able to see Clarke fully but showing her she had her attention, “Klark?”

“Don’t…don’t pull away, okay?” She stepped closer, not waiting for an answer as she began trailing her hands down Lexa’s back slowly. She pressed her front against the strong back and carefully wrapped her arms around narrow hips, pressing her palms flat against a toned stomach as she hugged her close, resting her face in the middle of her upper back.

Lexa had to use every ounce of strength she had not to collapse into Clarke’s arms. It was as if everything holding her up had just disappeared and nothing remained but Clarke. The feel of her breasts against her back, her lower half pressed into her backside and her hands holding her so tenderly around her waist. It was indescribable and yet Lexa’s own arms felt empty and yearned to hold her in return. She settled for wrapping her own arms over Clarke’s and leaning her head back to touch the blonde’s as she sighed out in perfect contentment. She was allowing herself to be held. Any time in the past she knew she wouldn’t have allowed this, but she was helpless against it. She craved it and relaxed into her arms feeling the whirlwind of emotions erupting within her and turned herself over to it.

The change in the air of the room was drastic. While no wind was blowing through the cave the torches still danced and flickered, their flames growing and the heat they provided increased. The tempo of their hearts sped up, stronger and faster but pacing with the other in perfect sync.

Clarke panted softly, her warm breath caressing Lexa’s ear and causing her to shudder. Soft lips pressed a lingering kiss just below her ear, causing the brunette to groan as she felt her arms and sides flare with heat that was merging with the heat she was sure her heart was giving off in it’s strong rhythm.

Clarke moaned softly, feeling the heat in her body growing steady and tightened her hold. “Leksa,” she cried out, feeling her eyes burn and her body begin to tremble. “What is this?” she whispered softly.

Lexa lowered herself to her knees and rested herself on her heels, feeling Clarke do the same yet never releasing her hold. She brought her arm up, wrapping it around Clarke’s head, trying to hold her in some way as her body blazed and her face felt damp.

Clarke shifted, moving her face to rest on Lexa’s shoulder, now able to meet the watery green eyes in front of her that shone with such a fierce intensity that her breath caught. She watched as green eyes mapped her face and dart to her lips even as her breaths became shorter, soft puffs against her lips and then to meet her eyes once more.

“Our flames are melding into one,” she whispered before turning completely in the blonde’s arms, brushing their noses together and pausing, chest rising and falling quickly as she hesitated. One hand held the side of Clarke’s neck, the other linking their fingers together.

Clarke kept her eyes locked on Lexa’s, squeezing her hand and pulling it forward as their chests pressed together. Their lips brushed together once softly, before parting and claiming each other’s fully.

~

 


	16. TonDC - Healing Fires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pieces to the puzzle coming together, or more being found?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got some help going through and fixing my horrible issue with tenses and such, so I'll be updating and fixing that as I go. So far the first two chapters are done and I'm being extra cautious about it now. :)
> 
> Any other mistakes are mine of course!
> 
>  **Updated 30 April 2015:**  
>  It's been brought to my attention that there are some questions in regards to later chapters and my use of spelling of character names in speaking forms. You will see Klark, Leksa, Okteivia, Linkon when these characters and some others are addressing each other in spoken words, but not in the narrative. I did this for you, as the reader, for one very important reason, which is so that you have a better understanding of who accepts and see's each other as "one of them" aka the Trikru. So if Lexa says "Klark", that's for you to understand it's because Lexa has accepted Clarke as a Trikru. So if she or another grounder didn't, I'd still use "Clarke" when they are speaking to each other.
> 
> I hope this helps and makes sense and if not, please feel free to hit the comment box and leave me a question. Happy to answer any you may have.

**TonDC - Healing Fires**

 

~

 

_Wow._  

It seems like such a small word, but it has such a large encompassing meaning. It’s also currently the only word that keeps replaying in Clarke’s mind as her lips bend and meld with Lexa’s. 

Their bodies are fused together, holding each other gently yet with purpose as their lips glide over one another in a torturously slow dance. Clarke can feel a hum in her ears, drowning out all other sounds except those of their lips as they meet and part and the breathy moans that leave Lexa.

Their kisses slow even further, almost lazily as they grin, bumping their noses together. Clarke’s heart has never felt more full and she never wants this feeling to end. Wrapping her arms around the brunette’s once more, she slides their cheeks together and buries her nose in wet hair and breathes in deeply.

Lexa smiles, feeling like a young woman in love, rather than a commander with the weight of the world on her shoulders for the first time in her life. She had loved Costia, it’s true, but that was a young love, untainted by the duties of her position and was doomed to end even if Costia had survived. She would always think of her fondly, but knew without a doubt in her mind or her heart, that this is where she was meant to end up. In her Skai Queen’s arms.

“Klark,” she whispers softly as the blonde pulls back to flash her a dazzling grin, her cheeks a rosy red.

“Leksa,” she whispers back, rubbing their noses together and pressing another tender and lingering kiss to the lips she craves.

“As much as I would love to stay here like this, I need to dress your wounds and we need to be heading back.” She hates having to do it, but they must. She has no intention of ever losing Clarke again.

Clarke simply nods and pulls back slightly, blushing as they both stand up fully and she takes in Lexa’s form that is no longer hidden by the water or their bodies. “You are breathtaking,” she whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa’s chest, just over her heart.

Lexa feels her body shiver and bites her lip as she smiles, nearly feeling silly at how giddy she finds herself in that moment. It may be unbecoming of a commander, but here, alone with Clarke, she is just Lexa. “And you are magnificent,” she replies, resting her forehead to Clarke’s for a moment, then pulls back to grab for their towels.

As Clarke turns to exit the pool, Lexa’s hand on her lower back stills her. “What is it?” She asks, feeling Lexa’s fingers trail down her back to the side of her brands. “Are they looking infected?” They felt fine, but she needed to ask.

Lexa studies them for a moment, in awe of how quickly they are healing. If she didn’t know any better, she would have assumed it had been a week if not two since the brands were made, not a few days. “They’re nearly healed.”

Clarke turns, accepting the towel from Lexa and steps out. She pats herself dry gently before dropping her towel and looking down to her arms and her sides, eyes wide. “Leksa,” she starts, glancing up to concerned green eyes as Lexa stops in front of her and studies her body. “We’ve only been here an hour at most and look,” she points to her side and to one area of her arm where the two deepest cuts were and sees they are now completely closed. The rest look older than they are. “How…” she starts and just waits for Lexa to help her explain this.

Lexa gently trails her fingers over Clarke’s healing scars, her brows furrowed in thought. Her rational mind tells her this isn’t possible, but then, since Clarke has entered her life, everything she once thought was impossible, has been anything but. She takes in every scar, looking to the blue eyes in front of her each time she passes over one with her fingers, judging her reaction. “Does this hurt?”

Clarke shakes her head. Her body is still tender and sore, but feels must better than it should at this point in the healing. She watches Lexa’s face, trying to decipher the contemplative look, as if she would somehow gain access to Lexa’s thoughts. “Tell me what you’re thinking?” she asks softly.

“The only thing I keep coming back to, is the feeling we get when we’re close together, sharing ourselves in some way.” She pauses, turning to grab Clarke the fresh clothes they brought with them and allowing her to dress as she did the same.

“The heat you mean?” Clarke asks as she dresses.

“Yes, I have taken notice of it each time. It’s increasing intensity, as well as feeling of a burning sensation in my own arms and sides. I didn’t put it together until now, but it sounds crazy in my head.” She admits her thoughts to Clarke, glancing up from where she was lacing her boots to await her response.

“Do you think that somehow I’m healing from the heat?” Clarke asks, confused but recalling stories and conversations she had with her father that were starting to ring true.

“Considering how I’m feeling right now, I’m going to say I think you may have been channeling my energy, and that’s how you’re healing.” Lexa says, feeling almost certain, if not a little silly for her explanation, as she has never heard of such a thing to be possible. “I really don’t know how to put it into words.”

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asks concerned, cupping Lexa’s cheek.

“Tired, and I wasn’t earlier.” She smiles and waves off Clarke’s concerned look. “I’m not going to fall over Klark,” she teased her, “It is just more noticeable to me now.”

“The flames flicker in wanting, only to be made brighter when fused with its twin. When the heat reaches its climax, the joining will result in one flame with the will of two.” Clarke recites from memory, her eyes have a faraway look to them.

Lexa watches her, not wanting to interrupt as she can tell Clarke is recalling something from the recesses of her memory. She simply watches her, taking her in. Clarke strokes her cheek once more before lowering her hand, her eyes clearing up.

“There’s more to this, but I’ll need to send Okteivia to the Ark to grab something for me. I never went back for it.” She sighs, gathering up the rest of their things to which Lexa takes out of her hands with a smile. “I can carry that.”

“I know you can, but I’d like to.” Is Lexa’s response and how can Clarke possibly say no to that? She can’t, so she laces her fingers with Lexa’s free hand as they make their way out of the cave.

“Is this okay?” Clarke asks, referring to their hands with a light squeeze. “I mean, for now?”

Lexa nods, “Of course. After your ceremony I’d like to discuss more with you in regards to our people.”

Clarke feels butterflies in her stomach at the words Lexa used. _Our people_ she had said. She felt it, but it was amazing to hear that Lexa already considered her one of her people. She squeezed her hand tighter. “Of course.”

“And when we return you can speak to Okteivia about what it is you need her to retrieve from the Ark.” Lexa didn’t question what it was, she just knew that it was important to Clarke and that was enough for her.

“It’s a journal,” Clarke informs her. “My fathers’ mother had written in it, stories of her past and he added to it and then gave it to me. He used to read to me from it when I was younger, telling me stories of the twin flame and how I was destined to find mine. He and my mom used to argue about it since she thought it was nonsense and he was giving me false hope.”

Lexa listened intently as they exited the cave to find Echo and Kiern had the horses saddled and were ready to head back. “There should be time, if you’d like to send her for it before evening.”

“Where are you sending me?” Echo asks with a smile, handing a pouch of berries to Clarke as well as a waterskin for her to drink some water.

“Okteivia actually,” Clarke smiled at her, “I need her to fetch something of mine from the Ark.” She paused, considering, “Would you be willing to travel with her and Linkon? I’d feel better about it so they don’t get held up getting back.”

Lexa turned at this, “Do you think they will have an issue at the Ark?”

Hearing his heda’s concern, Kiern stepped up, “I’d be happy to escort them if it would please you, Heda.”

Clarke shook her head, “No, but I know how my mother is and if she realizes what Okteivia is getting, she’ll know where I am and I’m not ready for that right now.” She turned to Echo, with a mischievous grin on her face, “I figured between the two of you, if needed, you could come up with something to distract her and hopefully keep Okteivia out of trouble at the same time.”

Echo smirked at this, as did Lexa and Kiern. “Of course, Klark, it would be my honour.”

Lexa turned to Kiern, “Thank you, Kiern, but I’d prefer you stay near to us in their absence.”

Kiern nodded once, happy to be of service to his heda. He was young and felt honoured to be trusted at her side and that of the Skai girl. “Yes Heda.”

With that, they all mounted their horses and began the ride back to the village.

 

~

 

The afternoon sun shines down on them as they dismount their horses just outside the entrance to the village. Two younger boys come up to them and take the reins, leading the horses to be tended to. 

Echo smiles at Clarke and heads off in search of Oktevia and Linkon while Clarke, Lexa and Kiern make their way to Lexa’s tent. Lexa asks Kiern to find Indra for her and send her in to see her. He nods and takes off. Turning back to Clarke, Lexa holds the flap of her tent open for her as they enter. “What is it, Klark?”

Clarke turns to Lexa, an amused expression on her face. “How did…” she shakes her head and huffs out a small laugh, “Nevermind,” she paces a bit, bringing her hand to her mouth to bite one of her nails as she thinks. Lexa however, steps forward and takes her hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss it softly and lowering it down, keeping it in her own as she studies the blonde.

Clarke takes a deep breath and lets her concern out, “Malik,” she begins, wetting her dry lips, “Does it have to be like Gustus?”

Lexa understands what she’s asking. Clarke wants to know if he’ll be tied to the post, and cuts to be made on him until the end, where typically she would use her sword, but this time it would be Clarke. “There are no rules here,” she begins, “but ultimately that is usually the way these things take place.”

Clarke nods, considering what she’s been told. “How would the commander feel, about a slight change of how it’s handled?” 

Lexa raises and eyebrow, “How would the commander feel, or how would I feel?”

“There may be two sides to you Leksa, but you are one in the same. I don’t want to do anything to disgrace you or your” she pauses and corrects herself, “our people.” She squeezes the hand in hers.

“His fight will be over tonight, Klark, but like I said, I can and will do this so that you don’t have to.” She reminded her, tilting her head slightly as she studied the blonde who was already shaking her head.

“I know that, and I will end it myself. I just have a different way in which I wish to approach it.” She didn’t comment further, not wanting to think any more about it than she already had and planned to. She just patiently waits for a response.

“As long as the result is the same, the _commander_ should have no issue with your change.” Lexa smiles then, “And I trust you, Klark.”

“Mochof,” Clarke replies as Indra, followed closely by Okteivia enter the tent. Clarke turns to her, tilting her head towards the outside as Lexa nods, a small smile on her lips as she and Indra talk.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk.” Clarke tells her and leads her outside. They begin walking a short distance away to be out of hearing distance of any eager ears. “I have a favour to ask of you.” 

“What’s up, what do you need?” Octavia asks and Clarke smiles at her eagerness to help.

“Do you think you, Linkon and Echo could make a quick trip to the Ark, to get something of mine? Preferably without my mother finding out or knowing I am here?” She asks, seriousness in her voice but a pleading in her eyes.

Octavia frowns, “What is it?” she asks and then “And why would Echo need to come, not that I mind?” she adds on quickly.

“I left it in one of the wall plates that was loose near the mech bay. Raven can show you where, she promised me no one would find anything I put there.” She ran her hand through her loose hair and sighed, “And I’m sending Echo to run interference in case my mom gets nosey.”

Octavia nodded, “I can do that for you, no problem, but what do you want us to tell her if she asks about you, or why we’re there?”

“I plan to have Echo talk to her to propose a meeting with Leksa. I want to test the waters and gauge my mother and Kane’s response without them knowing I’m in the picture.” She see’s Octavia’s eyes widen and continues, “This will give you and Linkon time to find my dad’s journal and you can say hi to Bellamy. No more questions should be raised.”

Octavia nods, understanding her idea. “Alright, we can do that, but why the rush? I mean, there are other matters today that you’re dealing with.” 

“I know, but it’s important to me. Please?” She pleads, needing the girl to do this for her.

Octavia smiles, “Okay, I’ll go get Linkon and Echo and head out. We’ll talk later?”

Clarke nods back, “Thank you Oktevia. We will talk later.” And with that, she watched the girl head off and made her way back towards Lexa’s tent, shaking her head to herself as she saw Kiern in the distance keeping a watchful eye on her and following her back.

 

~

 


	17. The Ark: Lying by omission is still lying / TonDC: Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they are misunderstood. Who would we be if we didn't at least hear them out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't the death of Malik as I had told some of you. Turns out this chapter got much longer than I anticipated, so I split it up. Tomorrow for that, but this will help set the scene.
> 
> Keep in mind my previous notes in regards to the spelling of the names when they are speaking - (Klark, Okteivia, Linkon etc) as that isn't about the pronunciation, but about them seeing and accepting each other as Trikru/one of their own.
> 
> Enjoy!

**The Ark – Lying by omission is still lying**

 

~

 

“Not that I think you will, but try not to get cornered by Klark’s mom,” Octavia whispers as they trek up the path to the gates. “Remember we’re here to try for a meeting with Leksa about an alliance, not about Klark.”

Lincoln nods as does Echo. “I’ll stay by your side. Once we propose the meeting and get the response, we will hang around long enough for you to see your brother and buy us some time to find Klark’s journal, yes?”

Octavia nods, eyeing the guards on duty as they approach with guns trained on them. She raises her hands in a show of non-violence and hears her name called as Bellamy pushes past one of the guards. “Open the gates!” she hears him call out and can’t help but smile.

“Big brother,” she whispers as he wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly. “How have you been?”

“Good, glad to see you.” He turns to Lincoln and holds out his hand, “Lincoln,” he smiles and shakes his hand firmly, glancing just behind them where he locks eyes on the third of their party.

Octavia turns to her, “Bellamy, you remember Echo don’t you?” She teases as she watches him step forward as if to hug her, but stops short, shrugging a little and smiling at her.

“Hi Echo.” He holds out his arm and she clasps it.

“Bellamy,” she starts a small smile on her lips, “I’m glad to see you’re well.”

“And you,” he grins and steps back and his face becomes serious as he looks at his sister. “I have to ask-”

Octavia begins shaking her head before he continues, “I don’t know where she is Bell.” She feels bad for saying it, but it’s not a lie exactly. At this particular moment, she doesn’t know where Clarke is. She could be with Lexa, in a tent, walking around camp…it’s a lie, but it’s a necessary lie right now for Clarke’s sake. She’ll keep it from him for now, but hopefully not much longer.

He nods once, accepting her answer and leading them inside the gate. “So what brings you guys by?”

“We actually came at the request of our heda,” Echo tells him. “She wishes a meeting with your leaders to talk of renegotiating the terms of an alliance for peace.”

He stops at that, turning to look hard at Octavia, “I knew you left to be with Lincoln, and I understand that, but Lexa betrayed Clarke…betrayed us all. She left our people to die.”

“She did.” She isn’t going to argue with him. She can’t because he’s right. “You do know, however, that it’s the same thing Clarke would have done in her place.” She watches his jaw tense as if he wants to argue but he doesn’t. Instead he nods and leads them into the Ark.

“Abby is in the med bay, Kane is around. I’ll find him for you.” With that he takes off and disappears down a hallway.

“Okay, Klark said the journal is hidden in the mech bay and that Raven would know where it is,” Octavia whispers. “I know where that is but someone has to talk with Kane and Abby and try to keep them busy.”

“I’ll do that,” Echo states, “Linkon should stay with you. Perhaps I can help us accomplish two things on this journey. You get the journal and I will get them to help understand our heda’s choices so that when Klark is ready, her job will be easy to broker a peace between us and the Skaikru.”

“I hope you are successful,” Octavia sighs, “Klark’s mom can be rather stubborn.”

Echo grins, “At least we know where Klark gets it from.”

“Octavia, Lincoln” they hear a mans voice and turn to see Kane walking down the hall with Bellamy and stops as he reaches them, turning to Echo. “And I don’t believe we have met, I am Marcus Kane.” He holds out his hand.

Echo eyes him briefly before clutching his arm and nods, “I am Echo. I was one of the Trikru saved with the help of Bellamy from the mountain.” She watches as his eyes widen and he turns to look at Bellamy with a smile.

“I’m very glad to hear that. Bellamy tells me you come to seek a meeting between us and Lexa?” He asks, locking his hands together behind his back standing tall.

“I do.” She turns, motioning to Octavia and Lincoln, “Octavia wanted to visit with her friends while we discuss, if that is acceptable?”

Kane smiles, “Of course. Right this way and we can talk in private. I’ll send for Abby as well, otherwise I may never hear the end of it if I exclude her.”

Echo nods to Octavia and Lincoln as she follows him out of the room.

Octavia turns to Bellamy, “Are you busy currently?”

“Nothing pressing, why?” He asks, smiling and wraps his arm around her shoulder.

She leans into him, “I wanted to catch up with Raven a bit, privately,” she adds before he can offer to join her, “care to keep Lincoln company for a bit and I’ll find you after?”

He looks at her a little oddly but the nods, “You know where to find her,” he says and then turns and heads back towards the entrance. “Lincoln, care to help me make some spears for hunting?”

She watches them leave and makes her way to Raven’s work area.

~

 

**TonDC – Forgiveness**

 

_~_

 

Clarke makes her way through the village, headed for a small stone building near the outskirts. She had promised Lexa she just wanted some time to herself and would be back soon and told her to use the time to catch up with Indra and her close guard. Lexa agreed reluctantly, but Clarke knew she understood the need for solitary at times. 

She was aware, however, that Kiern was still keeping a watchful eye on her as he had been for the last hour or so as she was taking in the sites of the village and enjoying the warm afternoon. However now, her wandering wasn’t as aimless as it had been. She knows where she’s going and only hopes he doesn’t pose an issue for her.

As she closes in on the building and the guard standing outside of it, Kiern appears at her side. “Skai Heda,” he starts, coming around to stand in front of her. “This is our holding for those awaiting Heda’s judgment, it is not a place for yourself. They are dangerous.”

Clarke takes a breath, not really wanting to fight with anyone on this right now. “I know and while I appreciate your concern, I need to speak with Malik.”

His eyes widen and he starts to shake his head, “Heda would not approve.”

“Would your Heda approve of you upsetting me?” She asks, wondering if he would back down under her glare. “I know she told you to watch me, but I’m quite certain she also gave you instructions to help me with anything I may require, yes?”

His nose flares slightly. He knows what she’s doing, manipulating him to get her way but he can’t help the thoughts that if he does go against her wishes, he may be punished for it and he likes his position as one of his commander’s guards. Sighing he steps back and nods to the guard who steps aside and allows her entrance.

It’s dark, walking down the few steps into the cool stone room and the few torches on the wall give enough light to see a few cells but only one is occupied. Malik.

As she approaches, he raises up from the ground where he was sitting and approaches the steel bars separating them. “Skai girl,” he grunts out, “why have you come?”

She considers him, looking into his eyes. She’s not sure what she’s looking for, but she looks all the same. “I wished to speak with you, is that alright?”

“I’m the one in the cage, talk at me all you want.” He walks over to the side wall and sits down, his back against it.

“I don’t want to talk at you, Malik, I want to talk with you.” She clarifies, waiting on him to respond. He turns his eyes back to her, looking at her but not saying anything. Taking this as a sign to proceed, she steps closer to the bars to observe him. He’s not a large burly man like many of the other middle-aged warriors she’s seen. In fact, he doesn’t appear to be a warrior at all. “What is your profession?”

He looks at her with confusion and a bit of wonder, “Why would that matter now? I know I am to die for my tainting of a sacred trial. My fight will end at your hand.”

Clarke swallows, knowing he speaks true, but not wanting to think on that now. “What is your profession?” she decides to repeat instead.

He turned his eyes away from her and sighed, “Marksman.”

She furrowed her brow, “You were a hunter?”

He turned to her with a gruff laugh, muttering something that sounded to Clarke like _branwada and Skaikru_ before shaking his head. “I make and give marks to the people.”

She nods in understanding, “You design and give tattoos.” Seeing his nod she smiles. “I like to draw.” She states simply.

“What does a girl from the sky draw?” He asks, and she can tell he is actually curious to know.

“The Earth from the sky, what I imagined the ground to look like…” she pauses, sighing, “I never felt like I belonged there, in the sky. I was a piece that never fit into place.” She isn’t quite sure why she is telling him this; she just feels she needs to.

He seems to be thinking deeply about something while watching her and she can see the moment his face softens, “I was raised with the expectation to be a great warrior, but I never felt it call to me. I never wanted to hurt another. I disgraced my family because I would rather draw and create than fight and kill. I did it because it was expected of me.”

Clarke turned then and looked to Kiern who was standing off in the corner. “Give me the key and wait for me outside.”

“I can not leave you unattended Skai Heda, and I will not leave you with him unguarded.” He didn’t know what the girl was thinking but his heda would not approve of this he was sure of it.

Clarke sighed out, “Malik is going to give me a mark. Go get what he will need and come back and open this door. You can stay while it’s done.” She looks at him, waiting for him to challenge her. “Your commander agreed to my terms about how his life shall end so do not question me again.” She was channeling every bit of Lexa she could in that moment, because she didn’t have it in herself to give commands and orders, but she was running low on time and needed to get this over with.

Kiern for his part only hesitated briefly, spinning on his heal and making his way back up the stairs and out the door.

Turning back to Malik, Clarke grinned, “That wasn’t too hard.” She couldn’t help her laugh that came out when he gruffed a laugh and smiled at her.

“Why do you trust me to mark you?” He asks, standing up and walking over towards the bars to look her in the eyes. “I could kill you, I have nothing to lose.”

“But you do,” she whispered, lowering her eyes. “What you did in the trials, it came out of a place of pain. Who did you lose?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to hide the shine in them but Clarke saw it anyway. “His name was Larik. We were going to head out on our own. He understood me when others did not. I asked him not to go, but he said he must one last time. It was his last time.”

Clarke swallowed thickly, “I’m so sorry, Malik.” Her own eyes filled with tears and she hesitantly rested her hand on his that were holding onto the bars. “There has been so much death and loss.” She whispered out.

He nods, “You never fit in the sky and I never fit on the ground.”

“And that’s why I know you won’t kill me.” Seeing the question in his eyes, she continued, “We are a lot alike, you and I. Killing me won’t bring him back, but maybe in death, you’ll take your place at his side in the sky.”

He looked at her as if her words were from the heavens themselves, as if he never considered such a notion to be possible. “Is this what the Skaikru believe?”

“We have many beliefs, but I believe we are joined to those we’ve lost in death and I believe that place is far away from here.” She clears her throat, hearing footsteps approaching and Kiern appears back at her side, looking over her as if something could have happened while he was away. “I’m fine.” She says and nearly rolls her eyes.

His eyes turn hard as he glares at Malik, “I’m doing this at her request, but I won’t hesitate to end your life right now if you hurt her.”

“The Skai Heda has nothing to fear from me.” He states and backs away from the bars as the door is opened. “Now, Klark of the Skaikru, soon to be Trikru, what mark shall you receive?”

Clarke grinned as she took one of the coal pencils Kiern had brought that was contained in Malik’s tools, cleared a spot on the floor and began to draw.

 

~

 

**The Ark**

 

~

 

Raven sat on her workbench, trying to absorb everything she had been told. Her mind was reeling. “I really don’t know what to say.” She really didn’t. She knows Clarke has strength in her, she knows about her dream…but she honestly wouldn’t have placed any bets on this outcome when the girl left Camp Jaha. “But she’s alright?”

Octavia nodded, “She’s healing, but it will take time. Her ceremony to be welcomed into the Trikru is at nightfall, so I don’t have much time.” 

“I wish I could come with you, but I know that would raise too many flags right now.” Raven lowered herself to the ground and made her way around her bench, opening cupboards. “You will tell her I support her and I will see her as soon as I can, won’t you?”

“Of course I will, I know she’ll be happy to see you and know she has one more person on her side.” Octavia stated as she kept a grip on her pack, it’s private contents not to leave her side until safely in Clarke’s hands.

Raven turns back and closes the distance between herself and Octavia as she holds out her hand, “Will you give this to her for me?” She hands her a small box constructed of old metal parts with a hinge on it to open the lid. “After her ceremony? And don’t go opening it, it’s for Clarke.”

Octavia rolls her eyes and takes the box, adding it into her pack and closing it back up securely. “I won’t. Thank you, Raven. Klark appreciates this.”

Raven nods and leans in to hug her friend, “Be safe on your journey back. Send for me when it’s time.”

Octavia smiles and heads out to rescue Lincoln and find Echo.

 

~

 

“Are you out of your mind, Marcus?” Abby is angry and her eyes are dark. “How can you even be taking the time to hear her out?”

Kane sighed and gave a sympathetic smile to Echo before addressing Abby. “Echo was one of the Trikru held in that mountain, watching her people be drained of their blood and killed and the same fate would have become of her if not for her commander.”

“And our people could have died!” Abby screeched, turning her glare on Echo, “I’m glad you are alive but your _commander”_ she spit out the word “betrayed my daughter and our alliance. We all could have been killed!”

“I understand your fury, as does my commander,” Echo started softly but firmly, “however her duty, first and foremost, was to protect her people who have been suffering at the hands of the mountain men for decades!” She sighed, collecting herself as she had allowed her own voice to rise, and that was not her intention. “Do not think that Lexa made that decision lightly, nor without great pain in her heart. She cares for Klark, but she did what she had to.”

Abby stills, considering her words but still angry, “I still don’t think this is a good idea,” she turns to Kane, “We have no way of knowing we won’t be betrayed again or that they aren’t just trying to eliminate us now that the mountain has fallen.”

Echo stands from where she had been seated and placed her palms flat down on the table, connecting her eyes with the woman’s. “The mountain was felled by Klark’s hand and our people know that. She is seen as a hero to them. She has their respect.”

“Your commander made a deal that freed them, why would they respect her? Is it because she killed them all? Is that all you people want is death and destruction?” Abby’s voice was angry again, the fire still burning in her eyes.

Echo ground her teeth, ignoring the woman’s bating words, considering them nothing but savages. “Klark took away their fear of them. Her…sacrifice at the mountain ensured that no one else would be killed, tortured or turned into reapers.” She raises herself up, walking towards the woman and stopping just outside her personal space, “You may be the acting leader here, but Klark was in charge and freed her people without your assistance. She will carry that with her forever.”

The room was silent as her words sunk in, but while she wanted to give them more time to process, she couldn’t stop her next words, “You consider us barbaric and savage, but it is how we have survived down here while you were floating in your ship in the sky. You can’t tell me your people haven’t had to make hard choices; choices that others would see as cruel and otherwise murderous in order to survive. We are no different, except that while we truly do want peace, you are being stubborn and fighting against it.”

Abby went to reply but stops when Kane raises his hand to silence her. He looks to Echo and nods, “Tell your commander to send word when she wishes to hold this meeting, then we will talk.”

“Thank you, Marcus of the Sky. Lexa’s assessment of your character was true.” She smiles as she says it letting him know he had her respect as a leader. She glanced towards Abby before turning to seek out Octavia and Lincoln. 

“Wait!” Abby calls to her and swallows, approaching the woman slowly, “Do you have any word on Clarke?”

Echo could see the pain in the woman’s eyes and she knows she cares for her daughter, but now wasn’t the time. “I’m sorry, I do not, but maybe in time, I will have word to send.”

~

 

**TonDC**

 

~

 

“The mark is complete.” Clarke smiles, feeling him slather some kind of salve on her new tattoo that is on the right side of her back, opposite her star shaped brands. She is glad it is done. The pain is minimal, considering what she had been through, but she knows it will still be sore for several days. She’s also aware it took longer than planned when she hears voices rising outside the door.

Reaching back she lowers her top down over her back and stands up, turning to face Malik. She cannot stop herself from feeling for him. As he had worked on her mark, they spoke some of their lives and she knew if the situation were different, she could have called him a friend; but the situation wasn’t different and the next time she sees him, she will be ending his life.

“For what it is worth,” Malik sighs and looks at her softly and glance down to her covered side, “I am sorry for my actions.” He holds his arm out and she clasps it firmly in her own.

Clarke is pleased by his gentleness towards her arm, even though it doesn’t hurt quite as much. “It’s worth a lot to me and I know it would be so for Larik as well.” She holds his gaze, hoping he can see the truth and the sincerity in her words.

He nods and swallows, “It will be you, ending the night for me and not the commander, yes?”

“It will be I that begins and ends it Malik. You have my word that you will not suffer at my hand.” She says softly, brows furrowing at his shaking head.

“It is our way. I dishonoured my clan.” He states, eyes flickering to the door at the sounds of raised voices again. “You should go.”

“Everyone has their own way and your heda is allowing me mine tonight.” She stepped back and exited his cell and made for the stairs as Indra stomped her way inside. “Indra?”

“Klark! Heda is most concerned of your whereabouts.” She gruffs out and glares at Kiern and then back to Clarke. “Why are you in the prison?” She turns to Kiern, “Why is she here?”

“Don’t blame him, I made him bring me. I wished to talk to Malik before tonight, I believe that is my right to do so.” Clarke was firm even though she can’t deny that Indra still intimidates the hell out of her, especially when Lexa isn’t around. “Let’s go, we shouldn’t keep Leksa waiting.”

 

~

 

“Where have you been?!” Octavia all but yells at her as she enters Lexa’s tent. She’s startled to find four sets of eyes on her, one angry and three concerned. Octavia is obviously the angry one. “Leksa has her guards out looking for you and it took all we had to keep her here when one of them reported seeing you near the prison.” She whispers fiercely at Clarke.

Clarke diverts her attention, ignoring Octavia for the moment and settles her eyes on Lexa’s. She can see the brunette is tense but her eyes are pained. She swallows, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry any of you.” She says, but her eyes never leave the green locked on her.

Indra chooses that moment to waltz in, still angry. “Heda, Kiern allowed her to speak to Malik, that is where we found her.”

“I’m capable of explaining my whereabouts myself, Indra.” Clarke huffs, crossing the room and approaching Lexa cautiously, “Are you angry with me?” She whispers softly, tilting her head to the side.

Lexa looks towards Indra before nodding towards the door, signaling her to leave. Indra sighs but obeys the command, dragging Lincoln out with her. Turning back to Clarke she cups her cheek with her warm hand, “I’m not angry, Klark, but I was concerned. I wish for you to let me know where you plan to be, or for how long so I don’t send out search parties.” She smiled softly, her eyes softening even more as Clarke nuzzles into her hand.

“I was afraid you would disapprove, but really I didn’t mean to be gone so long.” She admitted this easily, happy Lexa wasn’t upset with her.

“I may not have agreed with it, but I wouldn’t have stopped you if you had told me your intentions.”

Clarke felt badly now and lowered her eyes, “In all honesty, I didn’t know I needed to speak with him, it just hit me and I went with it.”

“Did you get what you needed out of your time with him?” Lexa inquired, curious but not willing to push Clarke into telling her.

Clarke nods, “Yes, I really did and I’m glad. I may not like what I have to do, but this helped me and I know now the right way to handle it.” She was confident, more confident that she felt she should be. Perhaps that was Lexa’s influence on her, or maybe it was buried inside her all along and Lexa just helps it come out.

“Then that is all that matters,” Lexa smiles and turns towards the two still waiting awkwardly inside her tent, several paces away but still close enough to have heard their conversation. “As for you two, I believe you have news for Klark?”

Clarke’s eyes widened nearly forgetting what she had asked of them. “Okteivia, did you get it?” She asked hopefully.

Octavia steps forward, opening her pack and handing her the old and delicate leather bound journal, watching as Clarke took it and held it delicately in her hands. “Raven kept it safe for you and wants you to know that she supports you. She also wants you to send for her, when it’s safe to do so.” She eyes Clarke, hoping she understood that she meant when the Ark was aware of her presence there.

Clarke only nods, her eyes never leaving the journal in her hands as she walks over and takes a seat on the floor near Lexa’s throne, leaning her back against it, only tensing slightly as the tattoo on her back stings. She can hear Echo speaking to Lexa, telling her about the meeting she had with her mom and Marcus but she will ask about that later. The only thing she’s concerning herself with at this moment, is the journal in her hands until nightfall.

 

~


	18. TonDC - Vindicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to summarize this, except to say that I'm sorry I'm not sorry. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Apologies** to those who started reading this as soon as I posted it, only to have me take it down because I'm a moron and forgot the first part of the chapter... *hangs head* Forgive me?

**TonDC – Vindicated**

 

~

 

_The love between the twin flames cannot be described in the language of Earth. It is an absolute state of unconditional love and beyond the capability of any being whilst incarnated, to envisage or experience this incredible level of love in its fullest capacity. After incarnating here for an extensive period it is sometimes hard to conceive of that magnitude of love. Love absolute._

Clarke releases a heavy sigh, rereading the last paragraph again. In essence, the twin flames in their human forms cannot fully experience the magnitude of their love. It’s an unattainable feeling they are constantly seeking. She understands that, knowing no matter how close she is to Lexa, it never feels close enough. She can be pressed tightly against her, soaking her in, sharing her breath and still have a longing in her chest. She whimpers, biting her lip.

Lexa, seated on her throne with Clarke between her legs while she braids Clarke’s hair, stills at the whimper. Leaning forward she gently wraps her arms over the blonde’s shoulders, nuzzles her cheek and places a tender kiss to her neck. “What is it, Klark?” She whispers softly, smiling softly as the girl in her arms raises her left hand to rest on the side of her head, holding her close.

“Can I read something to you?” Clarke asks, pulling the journal up with her right hand as she feels Lexa nod against her and reads her the passage. She knows the precise moment the words hit home within her as Lexa’s breath catches and she burrows her face into Clarke’s neck and breathes her in.

Pulling up a few moments later, Lexa brushes her lips over her cheek before quietly asking, “Who wrote these words?”

Clarke takes a deep breath before turning slightly and standing up, closing the journal carefully. She feels Lexa watching her as she gently winds the leather cord around it and crosses over to Lexa’s bed, tucking it safely under one of the pillows. “Many people wrote in it judging by the varying styles of writing, dates and experiences, but those specific words, were written by my great grandmother.”

Lexa held out her hand, happy when Clarke smiles and takes it and sits herself sideways on her lap, resting her head on her shoulder. “How can you be certain?”

“Her name was on the entry, ‘Kalista Griffin’. My dad never told me she had written in it, I mean, I was young when he would tell me stories but…” She trails off, her mind wandering.

“But you thought they were make believe?” Lexa asked softly, unsure of why Clarke seems so unsettled.

“No, I believed every word my father told me.” She smiles at the memory of him, it is bittersweet considering she witnessed his death. “I still do.”

Lexa raises her hand and lowers her palm to Clarke’s chest, resting over her heart. “Then what troubles you?”

“A few things, honestly, but none that I wish to dwell on right now, not with everything to happen soon.” She leans forward and gently claims Lexa’s lips with her own, her stomach clenching tightly at the soft whimper she pulls from her brunette love. Smiling as she pulls back, she assures Lexa that she isn’t keeping her in the dark. “I want to read more and discuss it with you after the dust settles in the next few days. Would that be okay?”

Lexa returns her smile and presses a kiss to her temple, “Yes.” She replies simply. “I trust you, Klark.”

Clarke takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “I hope that is true,” she says, “because I have a request before we begin this evening.”

Lexa nods, waiting to hear what Clarke will require, “If it is within my power, it is yours.”

“Rather than a funeral pyre, I want to send Malik out to sea afterwards for the burning. Who is your best archer?”

Lexa considers this, understanding how Clarke wants to release his spirit by fire but while drifting out to sea rather than on land, but not why. “I have several that would be up to the task, but I feel Eko should be your choice. She’s an excellent archer and she will do anything at your request.”

Clarke nods, knowing the words to be true, but feeling her face warm up. She still doesn’t feel she deserves the dedication, care and unyielding loyalty her friends have shown her.

“Do not be afraid to embrace those that wish to pledge themselves by your side, Klark. It is a rare and special gift not easily obtained.” Lexa nudges her playfully until Clarke smiles and promises she will try.

Clarke’s head turns to face the door of the tent when she hears commotion from outside and the sound of drumbeats are heard. “It’s time.”

Lexa knows it’s a statement, but she stands with Clarke and answers her anyway, “Yes, it’s time.”

~

 

**TonDC – The sun sets and the stars appear**

 

~

 

Clarke takes a deep breath, looking down at herself before she exits Lexa’s tent. She’s wearing dark nearly black pants that are tight fitting but comfortable and a loose long sleeve top given to her by Echo and her black boots. She rolls her shoulders slightly, stretching her neck as a warm body presses closely and gentle hands rest on her shoulders. “You can do this, Klark.” Lexa’s whisper is soft yet full of support. She nods her head and steps outside into the evening. 

They make their way slowly to the area where she had completed the physical portion of her trials to see many of the Trikru in the same positions as before, only this time it was Malik in the center and he was tied against a single post. Clarke turned to Lexa, seeing her nod and step forward to address their people, raising her hand in the air to silence them.

“Kru kom Tondisi. Raun faya, oso wada kiln laudnes-de kom fotaim.” _People of TonDC. In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past._ Lexa turns to one of her guards and gives a short nod of her head for him to translate for her as she speaks to everyone, but does so that Clarke can understand her words. “Klark has completed her trials and upon the nights approach, we will welcome her as one of the Trikru!”

She smiles as many cheers are heard all around her and some chants of the blonde’s name. Holding up her hand once more to silence them, she continues, “First, in accordance with our traditions, Malik,” she holds her arm out pointing in his direction, “must pay for his lack of respect and tainting of our scared Rite of Passage Trials.” She glances around, hearing many murmurs of support. “As is our way, Klark, since it was her trial, will release his spirit.”

She clenches her jaw slightly, preparing for any backlash from her next words. “Klark, being from the Skaikru, has many different traditions. As such, she has requested to complete this duty herself and we will not be partaking in the cutting ceremony this night.” _There it is_ she thought begrudgingly, several voices sounding out at once, clearly not happy with this turn of events, however not nearly as many as she had originally expected. Apparently Clarke was already beginning to not only garner respect with her people, but a place of her own amongst them to be respected.

“Nou mou,” _Enough_ she calls out, raising both hands and is pleased when they all quiet down. “I have agreed to this request and anyone who wishes to challenge that, may step forward now.” Turning in her place she completes a rotation before nodding her head to Clarke and stepping back. “You may proceed, Klark.”

Echo and Indra stand to the right of their commander while Octavia and Lincoln take up her left side. They are all inside the circle of Trikru, close enough to get to Clarke should they need to. They watch with hesitant eyes as Clarke steps forward and directs her attention to the guards on either side of Malik and hear her speak, “Breik em au,” _Free him_ she directs them.

The guards look towards their heda before cutting Malik’s binding and freeing him from the post. They do not move beyond that and Clarke glances back to Lexa and receives a small smile and a nod of her head, trusting her intentions. “Leave us,” she orders and the guards step back, joining the rest of their people.

Clarke steps forward and sighs, making eye contact with Malik. “See, I kept my promise. I will not see you suffer.” Her voice was soft but strong, despite the tears she could feel burning her eyes and the gut-wrenching pain she was beginning to feel in her stomach. She fears she may get sick before this is over.

Malik could only smile, his own eyes glossy like Clarke’s, his heart swelling at the kindness this sky girl was showing him, more so than any of his own people had, other than Larik. “I am sorry I cannot repay your mercy, Klark.” His voice is low, but he knows those closest to him can hear his words.

Clarke can only nod, not trusting her voice just yet. She reaches behind her back with her left hand, unsheathing a small silver dagger Lexa had provided to her and holds it out handle first. She hears the gasps around her and feels her friends tense and begin to step towards them but she simply holds her hand up and doesn’t face them, her eyes staying focused on Malik’s.

He is confused, not understanding what she is doing. “Skai girl?”

She can’t help but smile, liking the sound of that. After all, underneath everything else, she is still just a girl. Her chest aches with the breath she chokes on, holding back a sob. “Take it,” she manages to whisper out.

He may not understand, but he does his best as he slowly reaches forward and takes the dagger in his right hand. Their eyes are unwavering as if they’re having a silent communication that no one else is privy to. Perhaps that’s exactly what they are doing. It is then he knows what he will do as he lowers himself down on his knees and presents the dagger in his outstretched palms to her. “Klark of the Trikru, please release me so that I may join Larik and be redeemed.”

She shudders out a breath, reclaiming the dagger once more and steps in close to him and cups the side of his face with her right hand. “I have no doubt in my mind, that you will see him again,” she whispers as she feels hot wet tears stream down her face as the blade buries itself to the hilt into his neck. His eyes show pain, but understanding and acceptance too. Clarke holds the side of his face gently as she moves with his body as she slowly lowers him to the ground, and lowers herself on her knees.

She knows she only has a few seconds but it’s all the time she needs. Inhaling deeply, she holds his eyes as she speaks. “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next.” Her words hang as a sob tears from her throat, his eyes growing darker as his spirit leaves him. “Safe passage on your travels, until your final journey to the sky.” She lowers her head, unable to stop the freezing clench in her chest or the intense pain she was beginning to feel course through her.

She says her farewell as the final light in his eyes dim and they start to slip closed. “Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.” _May we meet again_.

 

~

 

Lexa watches in awe of Clarke as she directs her men to free Malik. She knows the blonde has a plan and Lexa agreed to trust her when they spoke earlier. She only hopes her faith in this man was well placed. 

She whips her head over to Indra, a question in her eyes when she hears Malik apologize to Clarke and can see he is being sincere with her. Her general meets her eyes and can do nothing but shrug as she had told her he showed no remorse, but obviously that is untrue, or had changed once Clarke had spoken to him. Lexa felt her chest swell; of course it had changed once Clarke had spoken to him.

She felt Octavia and Indra both stiffen at the same time as she does when Clarke presents him with the dagger. She’s on the balls of her feet ready to step forward when the blonde only raises her hand, halting their movement and they all still, holding their breaths.

Clarke floors them all. Lexa can’t imagine that one single person seeing what she is seeing could possibly believe it if not for witnessing it themselves. This girl, this strong yet fragile girl that fell from the sky that made hard choices, willingly chose to take part of trials that others have not survived, was taunted and wounded by this man and had somehow not only chosen to forgiven him, but had also given him her respect and was now in tears at her duty to take his life.

Who is this creature Lexa has been so blessed to have in her life?

She tenses and grips the handle of her sword at her side tightly as she watches Clarke bury the dagger into his neck, the easiest spot for a quick and clean death. She feels the despair and a pain so cold in her chest it nearly has her gasping for breath. _Klark_ she whispers brokenly in her mind, feeling her loves pain as if it were her own.

“That’s one of the sayings from the sky,” Octavia whispers to them as Clarke speaks, “except she changed ground to sky for him.” Octavia herself is in wonder at her friend. She doesn’t think she would have the strength to do what she is. She feels pride in her heart and it swells even greater as she hears Clarke speak their ‘May we meet again’ into the Trikru’s native tongue.

 

~

 

She keeps it together long enough to stand, backing away from Malik’s body as a few men wrap his body in a sheet and place him on the makeshift raft and carry him down to the water’s edge. She follows silently, not daring to look or speak to anyone. She feels badly for it, but she can’t handle possibly seeing any pitying stares and she certainly didn’t want any comfort right now. Well, that’s a lie. She does want it, she just can’t let herself accept it right now. 

She knows Lexa is closest to her with the others trailing behind slowly and for that she is grateful. She may not be able to talk to her right now with the feelings she has coursing through her body, but she still needs her near. She will always need her near.

Her chest remains cold with a numbing feeling slowly beginning to creep in as she watches the raft pushed off into the water and how it begins to float away. She catches sight of Echo out of the corner of her eye and is thankful her friend, _sister_ , she thinks to herself, is a good shot as she fires an arrow and it lands with precision on the raft and the flames take hold. She swallows as she hears a chorus of people saying “Yu gonplei ste odon,” as they watch the flames rise and waters carry it’s vessel further out of sight. One voice is different from the others, it’s warm husk breathing out a “May we meet again,” and Clarke feels her heart screaming in her chest with her love for Lexa that is consuming her.

Her mind and body feel as if a war is raging between them. She knows she did the right thing and did it the right way by Malik and now he is free, but she still feels horribly guilty. He was a good man deep down and now he was gone. She only takes a little comfort in the knowledge that he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be on the ground, alone, without his love in a place he felt he never belonged. She can understand that better than most.

She looks down to her left hand, seeing his blood and that of countless others coating her fingers, dark red and sticky, even though there is nothing there. Lexa had made sure of that, washing away every trace before they made their way to the shore, and yet she could still see it. She could still feel it and as unlikely as it seems, she can still smell it. Lexa steps closer to her, but keeps herself from touching her, as if she knows she needs her but isn’t ready to. She can’t believe how well this woman understands her. She feels something deep within her yearning for Lexa; her touch, her warmth…but she just can’t let herself sink into it. Not yet.

Tears begin to stream down her face as she stares out into the sunset that is quickly fading, along with the raft with Malik upon it. For a moment she thinks about how beautiful the sunset is, the colours like nothing she could have envisioned from the Ark. The pictures in books or movies didn’t do it justice. The moment is brief, however as her sides flare in pain, and suddenly she’s on her knees, a wail leaving her lips. It’s as if every cut to her side is happening all over again and all at once. She lurches forward as her back burns, feeling the brands hot on her skin and when she manages to open her eyes, hearing her name being called in concern, she sees her arms coated in blood. She looks up in time to see Lexa’s worried green eyes and they’re the last thing she sees before everything goes black.

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still love me?


	19. TonDC - Panic! At the Village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's injured, Lexa's worried and someone is about to put themselves in a place they do not want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to get another update up tomorrow, but no promises. Probably Wednesday. Take a deep breath before you read.

**Panic! At the village**

 

~

 

Echo turns as she hears Clarke scream, watching her fall to the ground. Lexa drops to her knees beside her, holding her head in both hands while she calls her name frantically. Clarke doesn’t respond, only cries out in agonizing pain before her form slumps forward into Lexa’s waiting arms and stills.

Echo’s eyes go wide in fear, running quickly to her commander’s side. “Heda, what’s happening?”

Lexa doesn’t respond, she simply yells out commands, relinquishing her hold on Clarke as Lincoln scoops her up and quickly rushes her back to camp with the rest of them following closely.

“Leksa,” Echo whispers, her hand on Lexa’s elbow drawing her attention.

Lexa shakes her head, watching as Lincoln gently rests Clarke once again on the healers table, face down and gets to work removing her shirt so that he can tend to the bleeding wounds. She’s relieved when Nyko enters and immediately begins to help Lincoln, using cloths to slow the bleeding on her sides, Octavia holding some to Clarke’s arms that rest above her head. “Sou nou teik em wan op!” _Don’t let her die_ she growls out, eyes wide and chest breathing heavily.

Echo stays at her side, feeling the anxiety rolling off her commander in waves. She turns to Indra, who catches her eyes, “We need to address the people. They will be confused and not understand what is happening.”

This catches Lexa’s attention long enough for her to nod to Indra, “Beja, Indra.”

“Yes Heda,” Indra replies, turning to do just that. She hesitates and turns back to Echo, “Help her.”

Echo nods, assuring the woman and watches as she makes her way back outside. She takes in the scene before her with pain in her heart. Clarke is whimpering again, but not fully conscious. Blood soaked cloths litter the table and floor below her as Lincoln and Nyko’s swift and caring hands stitch and bind her wounds while Octavia holds the cloths to her left arm. Lexa is at the head of the table now, sitting with one hand clasping Clarke’s with her head resting upon it and the other holding pressure with a cloth to the other arm. She is still other than the shuddering breaths she releases.

Approaching her commander, she can’t stop herself from placing her hand on the back of her head in a show of comfort. Lexa tenses briefly before her shoulders sag and her grip on Clarke’s hand visibly tightens as the air around them grows thick, the torches in the room growing hotter, providing more light to the room.

“Linkon,” Nyko breathes out, raising his hands from where he was stitching a cut on Clarke’s left side. Lincoln too has stilled, his movements halt and his eyes wide as he glances up to his friend.

“What, why are you stopping?” Octavia demands, looking between the two.

Lexa’s head shoots up, as does her body looking at the two men. Before she can utter a word, her eyes focus in the same spots theirs are. Cuts that were open and bleeding freely were now a dark pink but closed, without the assistance of a healer’s stitches. The stitches they had already applied to other cuts, looking as if they were not required. Seeing this, Lexa removes one of the cloths on Clarke’s arm, hearing Octavia’s gasp as she does the same. While they looked angry and painful, the cuts were closed, looking like normal healing wounds.

“Heda,” Lincoln began, his voice soft, “Naikou and I were both amazed with the rate at which Klark seemed to be healing…” he hesitates, unsure of how to continue and looking towards his friend for assistance.

“Heda, these wounds look now, how they should have at this point days into the healing process, yet they were fresh yet again only moments ago.” Nyko didn’t ask any questions of her, the questions were clear enough in all of their eyes.

Their eyes turn as Indra approaches, giving a curt nod to Lexa. “I told our people that Klark’s wounds had not yet fully healed, and that we would postpone her ceremony until her strength fully returns.” Seeing an accepting and grateful nod, she presses forward, taking matters into her own hands. “Obviously something very incredible and unlikely is happening, but until we know more and assure the safety of Klark and our heda, no words about this will leave this room.” She eyes every one of them, save for Lexa, and then turns to take her post at the entrance to guard the room.

The healers back away, allowing Echo and Octavia to clean away the dried blood from Clarke’s skin as Lexa hovers over her protectively. She trails her fingers through blonde hair and over her shoulders soothingly, her eyes taking in the tattoo that now resides on the right side of her back, centered to the length of the star shaped brands. It’s a tree, strong and bare with no leaves. It seems familiar to her.

“That looks like the tree to the South wood, beyond the clearing.” Echo states, considering. “But why would Malik give her that mark?”

Octavia turns her head, “Klark drew that.” She looks towards Echo, tilting her head slightly, “It looks like a tree you’ve seen here?”

“It does,” Lexa whispers, trailing her fingers over the tattoo, “It is the only tree we have seen that doesn’t bloom. We assumed it was due to the radiation, but it also never dies. It’s considered sacred among our people.” She glances up to Octavia, “When has Klark drawn this tree?”

Octavia shrugs, “I don’t know when she first drew it, but when we landed on the ground, I’d see it everywhere. On one of the walls of the drop-ship, in the dirt at night around a fire…even in the mountain.” 

Lexa lets her mind wander, still caressing Clarke’s back with her fingertips. She smiles when a whisper of her name falls from Clarke’s lips. She lowers herself down to be at eye level with blue eyes and strokes her thumb over a frown line above her eyes. “I’m here, Klark. You’re safe.”

 

~ 

**The Ark**

~

 

“Are you absolutely positive about this?” Marcus rubs his hand over his face, sighing heavily. “What were you even doing there, you could have been killed!”

Monroe shrugs her shoulders, “I just felt like Octavia was hiding something when she was here, so I followed them. I stayed out of sight, no one saw me, but we have to go now. There’s no time to waste.”

“Are you sure it was Clarke?” Marcus asks, although he is already sure of her answer before she nods her head.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but she’s hurt. The scream, the blood, she needs our help Kane!” She yells, fearful for Clarke. Her friend, and the leader she willingly followed. Clarke saved their lives.

“What’s going on?” Abby demands from the doorway. “Monroe?”

“The Grounders have Clarke, Abby. She’s hurt and she needs us.” Monroe pleads, knowing if anyone would help, it is Clarke’s mom. She isn’t disappointed.

“Marcus, she tells us my daughter is in their camp, injured and you’re just sitting here?” Abby seethes, approaching him and glaring into his eyes. “They lied to us when they said they didn’t see Clarke.”

“Have you considered they did so at Clarke’s request, Abby? She left Camp Jaha for a reason.” He tries to get through to her but the rage in the woman’s eyes won’t let the truth in.

“Our Alliance is off, the Commander betrayed Clarke, and now we find out she is there and injured. I’m going to get my daughter back before she’s killed!” Abby spins on her heel but is caught by Monroe’s hand on her arm.

“Abby, I want to go see Clarke, to help her, but I don’t believe they are hurting her.” She expresses her thoughts, “I just know your healing would be beyond theirs to help her. I’m not saying we go charging in to start something with them.” She sighs and releases the woman’s arm, “If Clarke is there, it’s because she trusts them and I trust Clarke.”

“I don’t and she’s still my child.” She stresses, breathing deeply. “Fine, no attack, but I want a rescue mission. Right now, under the cover of darkness while we have it.”

 

~

 

**TonDC**

 

~

 

“I wish to see your Commander.” She hears the request, lifting her head from its place next to Clarke’s. The blonde had woken only long enough to request a bed, to many thankful laughs and had then promptly fallen asleep with her head on Lexa’s shoulder. She glances down to see her still sleeping peacefully and gently slides out from the bed, dropping a kiss on her brow and exits her tent.

“It is not yet dawn, Chancellor. What brings you?” Her shoulders are tense, eyes focusing on Abby but taking in everything around her. She feels unsettled and doesn’t like it.

“You send Echo to request a meeting about our alliance after you betrayed Clarke and now I have reports of her being seen in this village.” Abby’s voice is hard. “Where is she?”

Lexa raises her chin defiantly as Indra approaches her side with her hand on her weapon. “We will talk of the alliance at a more suitable time and when you are not here looking for revenge.” She nods her head, turning to head back to her tent when Abby’s voice stops her in her tracks.

“Lexa!” Her name is yelled out, anger swirling behind the eyes of her loves’ mother. “Don’t walk away from me.”

Lexa’s face hardens; no one speaks her name other than a trusted few, but certainly not this woman, who has no respect or honour. Before she can speak, Indra beats her to it, stepping in front of her into Abby’s personal space threateningly, “Mind your place, Abby of the Skaikru.”

Lexa feels panic fill her chest but keeps her features schooled so as not to let it show. Her skin begins to tingle and her heart rate picks up. She swallows before addressing the woman, “Go back to your camp, Abby. There is nothing for you here. We will talk at a later time.” Her voice is firm, not giving away the fear that’s taking hold of her as Abby lets out a small smile before raising her hands mockingly and backing away, turning to leave the village with her soldiers in tow.

“Something’s wrong, Indra.” She whispers, turning to her. “Send a few warriors to follow them and make sure they are heading back to their camp and search ours.”

Indra turns just as Echo comes staggering out of the commander’s tent, blood running down the side of her face as she nearly falls in her rush to get to them. “Leksa, she’s gone. Skaikru have taken Klark.” Echo pants out, her arms holding tight to Lexa’s that are keeping her upright.

Lexa pushes Echo into Indra’s arms as she runs for the door of her tent, throwing back the tarp and rushing to her bed. She sees a spot of blood, most likely Echo’s, but no sign of Clarke or even Octavia, but a long slice had been cut and torn into the back of her tent. She turns around, shoulders heaving as her mind races, the panic in her chest only growing as she feels cold and incredibly alone. She ducks out the back through the torn section and scans the darkness around her, seeing nothing and steps back into her tent. 

In a fit of despair she grabs the closest thing to her, a ceramic pot and throws it forcefully at her throne causing it to shatter into pieces before dropping to her knees, tilting her head back and letting out a blood curdling scream that carries out into the darkness.

 

~

 

Octavia is furious. She’s trudging along, more like being pulled along, behind two Ark guards with her hands bound tightly in front of her and a gag in her mouth to keep her quiet. She glances to her right where Clarke is being carried on a stretcher, but she too is bound and silent thanks to whatever the guard had injected her with when it was obvious she wasn’t going to leave willingly.

She sees the lights from the Ark come into view and fights harder against her bindings but is nearly jerked off her feet by a sharp tug of the rope.

“Hey that’s my sister!” She hears his voice and is thankful that at least her brother wasn’t a part of this madness. They have no idea what they have done.

Bellamy is held back by two more guards as the gate is opened for them and promptly closed. She turns, seeing Abby and a few others making up the rear, realizing she must have been Lexa’s distraction. “What the hell are you thinking?” She screams at the woman as soon as Bellamy has removed her gag. “Are you trying to get yourselves killed?”

Abby turns toward her but speaks to the guards, “Take Clarke to the med bay, and have Jackson clean her up and check her wounds. I’ll be there soon.” Looking back to Octavia she answers her question, “Why did you come here under the pretence of an alliance when you knew Clarke was there all along?”

At this Bellamy pulls Octavia toward him by the shoulder, “O…you said you hadn’t seen her.” He is hurt, but she doesn’t lose her resolve.

“I did what I was asked to do.” She replies to him but loud enough for Abby to hear her.

“What Lexa told you to do you mean.” He growls, clenching his jaw.

“No, not Leksa, Bellamy. I did what Klark asked me to do.” She turns her eyes on Abby harshly. “She sought out the Trikru when she left here. She wasn’t ready to see any of us yet.” She shook her head, holding her hands up to display her bindings. “Let us go.”

“I can’t do that,” Abby starts, turning toward the Ark, “Clarke belongs with us. I just need to heal her and give her time to see that.”

“You’re making a huge mistake, Abby.” Octavia calls at her retreating back before facing Bellamy. “She’s going to start another war.”

“A war? Why, because Clarke is back with her people and not Lexa’s prisoner?” He huffs out an incredulous laugh and scratches the back of his head. 

Octavia rolls her eyes, “You really are dense, big brother. Klark belongs with Leksa. They love each other.” She pauses, allowing it to sink in as his eyebrows raise and his face softens, “There’s more going on than you realize and as soon as she comes to, you’re going to have to fear her just as much as Leksa for this.”

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	20. TonDC - Kwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of probably 2 or 3 of this portion of the story. We have to deal with Abby and make her see the light...so to speak. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine but hopefully they were all caught. Sorry for the delay on this! More to come Friday :)

**TonDC – Kwin**

 

~

 

“Heda!”

“Heda!”

“Weron bilaik Skai Heda?” _Where is the sky commander?_

Lexa sighs as she hears the call of her people, demanding to know what is happening and where Clarke is. She needs to address them, but she also wants to get her horse and take off towards the Ark. She wishes she could already be on her way. The burning in her chest has only grown stronger as her anger flares within her. Her eyes are hard, but the pain is obvious to those closest to her to see it.

Who did Abby think she was? Clarke’s mother, of course, but to take the girl out of their camp, out of her tent, without the blonde’s agreement to such? One of the Ark guards attacked Echo, and made off with not only Clarke, but Octavia too.

According to Echo, Clarke, who was half asleep, had stated she wasn’t leaving, only to be injected with something and be forcefully taken, even though she and Octavia had tried to stop them. The Ark guards had shocked them with a shock rod like the one Clarke had on her when she entered the village and then proceeded to knock Echo out with the butt of one of their guns. She grits her teeth harder, clenching her fist.

She raises her hand up, calling for silence to her warriors and some of the villagers that have gathered. “The Skaikru have taken Klark and Okteivia, by force, back to the Ark camp.” She hesitates, hearing the uproar from her people. She swallows, moved by their loyalty and how they are offended on her behalf by what has happened. “They also attacked Eko during their escape, using their false leader, the _Chancellor_ she calls herself, to distract us. I will be riding for the Ark to settle this matter.”

Several of her warriors push their way to the front of the crowd, drawing their weapons and dropping to one knee, holding them out in front of themselves. They are offering her their services, without her request. She feels her heart clench. “I will not ask any of you to risk yourselves, though if you wish to come, I will not stop you and will be grateful to you for your assistance.”

Several more stepped forward, also presenting their weapons on one knee. Kiern is one and he rises and steps forward, “Heda,” he begins, sheathing his sword, “Klark, as well as Okteivia, are Trikru now. You have my sword at your command. I will go to war with you to get them back.”

“Sha Heda.” She hears a chorus sound around her. She looks to Indra, who nods her head as well, Echo doing the same. “Ai na on raun.” _I can fight_.

“Heda, I wish to join you as well. Okteivia is my partner, through this life and the next and Klark is as my sister. I will fight with you.” Lincoln swears, lowering to one knee.

“Heda,” A softer voice calls and Lexa turns her head to face the woman. She isn’t a warrior, but she is the wife of one. Her daughter, barely three summers, is hanging on her leg.

“Come forward,” Lexa calls softly, maybe too softly, but her emotions are at war inside her. She’s furious, ready to kill and the feeling in her chest only grows but she holds nothing but love and loyalty towards her people. This isn’t their doing. “Makina, yes?”

Makina nods, stepping forward. “Heda, though you have made no claim, it is obvious to many you have found your true life bond with the Skai Heda.” Makina pauses with worry evident on her face, waiting to see how her heda will react to her statement.

Lexa see’s no point in denying it and she will not lie to her people that are willing to risk their lives. Not about this. She nods, lowering her eyes.

“You are a strong and courageous commander,” the woman continues, voice stronger now so the others can easily hear her words, “you have sacrificed much to make peace between the clans and have lost much in the process.” She doesn’t need to go any further as everyone knows what Lexa has lost in her young life already. “But I believe everyone will agree, that the strongest commander deserves to have the strongest ally. The strongest commander needs to have an equal, a balance, if you will. The Skai Heda, is that for you.”

Lexa can feel her eyes shining with unshed tears, but she raises her chin, nose flaring and holds it at bay. She may be feeling more than she ever has, but she will not appear weak in front of her people. Instead she nods, waiting for the woman to continue.

“It is our honour to stand by you, to fight and to die for you, Heda, as you would surely do the same for us. As Klark, would do for us. She liberated us from any future threat of the mountain. My husband is home now and I never have to fear that my children will be taken. Go rescue our Liberator, Heda. Bring home our queen.”

Lexa swallows, her eyes looking around the gathered people, their feet stomping in the dirt, chanting ‘Heda’ and ‘Kwin’ _queen_. Her heart swells with pride and resolve is written all over her face. She takes the woman’s hand in her own, and in a rare show of personal thanks, lowers her head to the woman’s hand, resting her forehead against it, whispering her thanks. “Mochof, Makina.”

The warriors and villagers alike watch in awe, and their chanting grows louder as does their eagerness to head out to bring home their soon to be queen. They know in doing so, they will help solidify the peace achieved by the greatest commander their people have ever known, and they will do whatever it takes to keep them both safe. To lead them home.

 

~

**The Ark**

~

 

The sun had risen about an hour ago and Octavia’s eyes were boring into Clarke’s head, pleading at the blonde to finally come out of the drug induced sleep she was in. “Clarke,” she calls softly, not wanting to risk one of the guard’s coming back into the room. “Clarke!” She tries a few more times, letting her voice go as loud as she dares, before she notices the blonde start to stir and groan sleepily.

“Leksa,” she hears Clarke call out in confusion and feels her heart lurch as she closes her eyes. “Okteivia?” Clarke questions, raising her head from the hard metal table she was laying on. “What’s going on?” She sits up, rubbing at her eyes, feeling groggy and drugged. _Why do I feel drugged?_ Her eyes snap open, focusing on Octavia who is still bound at her hands. “Why are you tied up and why the hell are we at the Ark?”

“I am so glad you’re awake. Your mother thought it was a good idea to distract Leksa, attack Eko and then drug you and bring us back here.” Octavia growled out angrily, still fighting at her bound hands.

“Why would she do that? What is going on?” Clarke sits up, wincing slightly and gets off the bed. Just as she started for the door, it opens and in steps Monroe.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry,” the girl begins, remorse shining in her eyes, “I thought you were in trouble but I never thought they would bring you back here against your will, I didn’t know.”

Clarke shakes her head, “You were worried about me, and I get that. What I don’t get, is why Okteivia is still tied to a chair and why my mother thought it best that she go behind Leska’s back to see me.”

“I saw you in pain, I saw blood,” Monroe begins to explain, eyes trailing over Clarke’s arms but not seeing any open wounds, “How…”

Clarke turns to Octavia, running her hand through her messy blonde hair. Seeing Octavia only shrug she sighs. “I don’t know exactly, and I was working on figuring that out until all this happened.”

“I’m really sorry, Clarke, please believe me. I didn’t mean to betray you. I didn’t know about you and the commander.” She stops talking, seeing Clarke’s raised eyebrow and eyes dart to Octavia.

“Don’t look at me, Princess, I didn’t say anything.” Octavia denies, shaking her head.

“No, but you told Bellamy, who told me when he found out I was the cause of your mom’s mission to TonDC to get you back.” Monroe shrugged sheepishly.

“Whatever, I’ll deal with that later. Can you go get my mom please? I’m assuming the doors are guarded out there?” Clarke asks, knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to just walk out.

Monroe nods and leaves, and Clarke turns around the room, looking for something to cut Octavia’s binds. Finding only a scalpel, she figures it will do and after a couple minutes she has the girl freed. “Thank you, talk about stiff as hell.”

“I can’t believe this, what the hell is she thinking?” Clarke seethes, feeling herself grow angry. “Does Leska know we’re here?”

“Even if they didn’t make the mistake of knocking Eko a good one and leaving her there to tell her, Leksa would know where you were. My concern is the reaction your mom is going to get from her.” Octavia watches Clarke’s eyes narrow.

“She’s going to bring her army here isn’t she?” Clarke asks, but already knows the answer.

“If someone took Leksa from you, against her will, what would you do?” From the hard look in Clarke’s eyes and the hitch of her breath, Octavia knows this isn’t going to end well.

“She’s angry,” Clarke mutters, feeling the anger course through her in waves, but can’t deny the underlying current of panic as well. It’s cold around the edges, threatening to grasp her heart and squeeze, “and she’s panicking but trying to hide it.”

Octavia tilts her head slightly, concerned but with a slight smile on her face too, “This is incredible. I never thought the stories my mom told me could ever be true, let alone that I’d get to witness them.”

Clarke considers this and swallows hard as the pain in her chest as Lexa’s absence settles in. “When we get out of here, I think we’re going to have to share some stories and figure all of this out.”

Octavia didn’t get a chance to reply before the doors opened and in stepped Abby and Marcus. “Clarke, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.”

Clarke can’t even spare the man a glance as she’s too focused on the hard eyes of her mother staring back at her. “What exactly is it that you think you’re doing by going behind Leksa’s back, attacking one of my friends and bringing me and Okteivia here against our will?”

“Do you even hear yourself, Clarke? Lexa betrayed us! You left us and then we find out you’re being tortured by those people! Have they brainwashed you?” Abby huffs out, clearly not understanding why her daughter is so upset. She doesn’t have time to react before a loud slap sounds through the room and she’s holding her cheek that is now flaming red and burning like the sun. Clarke just slapped her.

“Listen, and listen carefully! Leksa did what she did to save her people. She made a deal and broke our alliance, yes, but she did so as the duty to her people came first and she saved hundreds of lives and lost none! It’s no different than any of us would have done and you know it!” She was seething, her heart rate was picking up and she could hear the pounding in her ears. “You’ve said it yourself, we are the same. Our people have done no differently in the past and will more than likely do the same in the future.”

Abby was taken aback, not having a valid argument for that, still stunned that she was slapped and rubs at her cheek before changing her focus. “Look at yourself, Clarke! Your arms,” she reaches forward to take the blonde’s hand but stopped short as Clarke stepped away from her and closer to Octavia. “They have mutilated you!”

“They didn’t do anything to me I did not request,” Clarke’s eyes were dark and her head was spinning. “I sought them out, I requested the purification trials and I came through it of my own will.”

“Purification trials…Clarke,” Abby shook her head, “Who are you? What has that girl done to you?”

Clarke huffs out a laugh and shakes her head. The laugh was cold and calculated and she pins her mother with a glare even Lexa would be proud of, “That GIRL, has saved my life. That girl has helped me heal. That girl…” she pauses, feeling Octavia step closer to her back in support and smiles, “Is my twin flame and I am in love with her.”

The room is silent. The silence carries on for only a moment before Abby breaks it. “You have got to be kidding me.” She turns around, hands on her hips and faces the door as she begins to shake her head. She turns back to Clarke with an incredulous look on her face, “Those stories your father told you are nonsense Clarke. Fairytales. And if you want to be the big bad leader you think you are, maybe you need to grow up and stop living in a dream world!”

Clarke can feel her pulse racing, her blood is on fire and she feels like combusting. Her skin, feeling scorched by the sun as her sides begin to throb. “They are **not** nonsense! I had the dreams. I felt the connection the first time I laid eyes on her in the dreams and even stronger yet the first time we met. I have felt her energy, her love.”

“She’s using you, Clarke, can’t you see that? You believe these stories and now she has this to use against you to make you think you belong to her!” Abby yells, throwing her hands up in the air and turning to Marcus to back her up. “Can you talk any sense into her?”

Marcus stands stunned, his eyes never leaving Clarke’s. “You dreamed of her?”

Clarke turns to face him, “Yes. On the Ark, just after I was sent to solitary.” She swallows, recalling the dread she felt after seeing her father floated and then confined to her cell with little to no human interaction except with that of her guards.

“Marcus, tell me you don’t believe those stories.” Abby is exasperated at this point.

Marcus smiles softly at Clarke and turns to Abby, his voice low, “There was a time you believed in those stories as well.”

Abby swallows and clenches her jaw, her eyes hardening, “And then I grew up.”

Marcus sighs and starts to speak when commotion from outside the door grabs their attention. Monroe comes flying through the door, breathing heavily. “Grounders, outside the gates. Hundreds of them!”

Marcus glares at Abby, “I’m going to speak with the commander. You need to make peace with your daughter’s choices Abby, before you ruin us all.”

Abby shakes her head, “I would if I felt it was her choice.”

As Marcus heads outside Clarke is pacing the room. “You can’t keep us here. We are not children.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Clarke. Octavia is free to leave if she wishes, that’s her choice, but you are my daughter, you are still injured and you will be staying here until I say otherwise.” Abby is firm, hands on her hips and lips in a tight line.

Clarke sags back, catching herself on the hard metal table and takes a slow deep breath, “Okteivia,” she whispers, glaring at her mother as if challenging her to take another step.

“Klark,” Octavia rests her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, catching her eyes, “Are you okay?” She whispers softly.

“I’m tired, weak and my body is aching.” She glances down to her arms, seeing the scars that are red and just newly appear healed, looking aggravated and angry.

“Is it happening again?” Octavia asks, unable to see Clarke’s side now that her shirt has been cut away and replaced with a blue loose fitting ark shirt.

“My right side,” Clarke whispers, pulling her shirt up slightly and Octavia gasps as she sees the fine red line of blood beginning to bead to the surface.

“You need Leksa,” Octavia replies, turning to face Abby. “If I’m free to leave, I’ll be leaving now.”

Abby steps in front of her as Octavia makes for the door, “You can wait for Marcus to return unless you’d like to be restrained again?”

“Are you serious right now?” Clarke screams, breath heavy as she pushes herself up and stalks towards her mother, “Let her go, you have your prisoner.” She spits out, nose flaring in anger but it’s not as forceful as she’d like with the pain that’s gripping at her heart and she whimpers when she feels the cut on her side, Malik’s cut, split and blood begins trailing down her side.

“Clarke, lay on the table, you’ve ripped it open!” Abby demands. She pushes her daughter back onto the table and grabs her medical tools to begin stitching her up. “If you’ll just relax and let me do my job maybe we can talk about all of this rationally in a few days when you’re stronger.”

Clarke whimpers as she feels the cut open up further, the pain searing in her side as her arms began to ache. She’s scared, she realizes, because for the first time since her dream on the Ark, she feels helplessly alone.

“It’s alright Clarke, just relax, I can take care of this” Abby whispers, trying to soothe her daughter who reaches out, only slightly relaxing when Octavia provides her hand.

“You can’t fix this.” Clarke grimaces, her heart feeling cold dread as the rest of her body feels numb aside from the areas where her wounds reside which are increasing in their painfulness.

“Abby please, let me get Leksa,” Octavia begs, eyes worrying over Clarke’s body that is quickly becoming depleted of its energy.

“No. I’m the doctor here, she is not and she is not welcome in the Ark.” Abby is firm, eyes never leaving the stitching she’s doing on Clarke’s side, the blood not slowing.

Octavia only shakes her head and squeezes Clarke’s hand. She hopes that Marcus has better luck outside than they are having inside.

 

~

 

“Commander,” Marcus calls as he is escorted by a few of her warriors.

“Marcus of the Sky People.” Her tone is even, but her eyes flash in rage. “Were you among those that took Klark, Okteivia and assaulted Eko?” She pins him with her eyes, searching for any lie he may try to tell as she rests her hand on the hilt of her sword, drawing his attention to it.

“No, of that I promise you. I did not know of Abby’s intention until they were already back.” He is sincere, hoping she will believe him. “I do not wish to have trouble between our people.”

“Be that as it may, it appears your Chancellor has other wishes.” Indra bites out, stepping to her commander’s side. “Where are Klark and Okteivia?”

“I assure you, I am working on sorting this out. Clarke and Octavia are in the medical area of the Ark and both are unharmed. Unhappy, but unharmed.” He makes this clear, catching all of their eyes, including those of Lincoln’s, knowing his attachment to Octavia. “They will come to no harm.”

“Unlike Eko,” Lexa growls, waving Echo forward with a flick of her wrist. Echo steps forward and Marcus can already see the large bruise and painful looking gash on her right temple, dried blood still matted in her hair.

He lowers his eyes, glancing back up towards the Ark and then back to the women in front of him, “I apologize on behalf of the guard that did this to you.”

“I do not want your apologies, Marcus.” Lexa steps closer to him, a foot of space between them. “I want Klark and Okteivia back.”

He nods, but hesitates in speaking, “Okteivia will be free to go upon my return, I’ll see to it, but Abby will be harder to convince to let Clarke leave with the wounds she has.”

Lexa’s nose flares as her anger grows. Her insides are screaming at her that she needs to get to Clarke, because the blonde needs her. She feels as if she’s overflowing with emotion, with energy and she wants nothing more than to storm the gates of the Ark and obliterate everything in her path. She knows, however, that she cannot, as she would not risk Clarke’s love or respect by hurting those she has suffered to protect. She grips the hilt of her sword tighter, grinding her teeth until she feels like they will break. “Take me to Klark.”

Marcus hesitates, “I don’t know if that will be the best idea-“

Lexa grips his throat with one hand, a short dagger against his neck below it, “Make it the best idea,” she seethes, several warriors drawing their weapons and stepping forward.

He can only nod and keeps his eye contact with hers. He isn’t surprised when he sees behind the anger to the despair pooling in her eyes. She truly loves Clarke. “Let me have words with Abby, Commander. Let me make this right.”

Her nose flares and she sheathes her dagger and then lets him go. “I will trust your word that she will remain unharmed and I expect to see Klark within an hour, either here with us, or in the Ark.”

He nods, turning to make his way back up the hill when they hear a pained scream, followed by Lexa’s name. He turns around slowly at the feel of Lexa’s sword against his back, her eyes wet and tortured while her body trembles. “I give you my word I will make this right.”

Lexa is becoming dizzy with the rush of emotion that has taken over her. She is ready for a fight, rage bubbling over in her zeal to get Clarke back and yet she doesn’t want to hurt those Clarke has sacrificed so much for; but the sound of that heartbroken scream of her name from Clarke’s lips nearly brought her to her knees. Her body was pulsing with energy begging to be released so intensely that she can’t stop the tremble in her frame or the shaking of her sword as she holds it out. She gives in to the urge to her knees as she watches Marcus run his way back up to the Ark and can do nothing but try and calm her breathing, knowing her people are watching her every move, waiting to see what she does.

She feels utterly helpless and raw as she once again hears the scream of her name, this time weaker but still filled with a longing she will never be able to put into words. She wants Clarke to know she’s there, that she’s coming for her, but there’s only one way she can think of to do so that Clarke can trust, since she doesn’t know if she will trust the word of Marcus himself. She glances back, taking in the warriors behind her, standing ready for commands as she begins hearing them softly start to chant once again. ‘Heda, Kwin, Heda, Kwin.’ 

She smiles, a pained and broken smile, but a smile nonetheless. Turning back to face the Ark, she hears the chants behind her growing louder as she stands tall, raises her chin and summons every ounce of energy she has inside her to yell out the name of the girl that fell from the sky, to land in her heart.

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think!


	21. The Ark - The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are reaching a boiling point. Clarke's not doing so well and Abby is in denial. What else could happen?

**The Ark – The truth**

 

~

 

“Jackson grab me another bag.” Abby is frantic but determined, her eyes never once leaving her daughter. Clarke is pale, ghostly pale and she’s been fading in and out of consciousness even with the sedatives she was given.

“It’s the last one, Abby, this isn’t working.” His words are soft but his eyes display his worry as he watches her try and close another wound yet again.

“It has to work,” she breathes out, eyes finally leaving Clarke to look at him as he replaces the now empty bag of blood. “Why aren’t they staying closed?” She was muttering softly to herself now, trying to wrap her mind around this. Nothing in her medical training, or in her years of experience has prepared her for this.

Octavia however, is happy to answer her question, “Because it’s not your medical know-how that will save her! She needs Leksa!” Her eyes are wild as she stops her pacing and fixes her glare to the woman, whose hands and shirt are covered in her daughter’s blood. “Look at yourself, Abby.”

Abby glances down at her self, her hands now shaking in her worry and nervousness. “There has to be a rational explanation to this.”

Octavia throws her hands up in the air, beyond irritated, “Jackson,” she fires his name at him and throws her arm in the air pointing at the whimpering blonde on the table, “is this working?”

For his part, Jackson swallows and takes a nervous glance to Abby before lowering his eyes and shaking his head, “No.” It is that soft but firm response that has Abby looking up and watching her right hand assistant. “We’re going to lose her if we keep this up.”

Octavia then advances on Abby, standing right next to her, “Is your pride and arrogance worth your daughter’s life?”

Abby swallows hard, even as tears fill her eyes and begin tracking down her face. The tense moment is interrupted as the medical bay doors open and Marcus comes rushing back in. He freezes halfway inside the room as he takes in the sight. Clarke is deathly pale, blood coating her torso and sides, blood soaked bandages wrapped around her arms and Abby with despair and blood all over her hands and shirt.

“Abby, enough is enough. Regardless of what you think or believe, what have you got to lose at this point? Please, let me send for Lexa.” He’s barely finished his sentence but Abby is already shaking her head, tears streaming down her face.

“She’ll only betray her anyway,” she whispers, hands shaking and grabbing for another piece of thread to try and stitch her daughter even though her efforts have proven useless.

Marcus stills, “Is that what this is about? Abby, Callie…” he starts but is interrupted by another wail from Clarke, her voice coming out dry and rough.

“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! I’m going to get Leksa and so help me Abby if you try to stop me I **will** kill you.” Octavia threatens and heads for the door. It opens and two guards step into her path, but she is expecting as much as she easily takes out the closest guards knee and gets behind him, holding his back to her front as a shield from the shock rod the other guard strikes with. He doesn’t use it long as he is hit from behind and falls to the ground, a smirking Raven standing behind him holding a metal wrench.

“Raven,” Octavia smiles, knocking her guard unconscious and dropping him. “How did you know?”

“Besides hearing Clarke everywhere in this tin can, I have the place rigged with cameras.” She shrugs and steps into the medical bay shaking her head. “Go get Lexa,” she says to Octavia without facing her and hears her take off. “Abby…what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save her…to protect her.” Abby sighs, pleading for someone to believe her. Her eyes are starting to clear as she takes in her daughter’s now still form, lowering her head to her chest. “Her heart is so faint.” Her voice is filling with defeat and regret as she slumps down into the chair beside Clarke’s bed. “I’ve lost her.”

Marcus steps forward to approach her, nodding at Jackson and Raven as they do the only thing they can right now and hold towels to Clarke to try and slow the blood loss. “Are you still talking about Clarke?” He inquires as he looks down on the woman, “Because Clarke isn’t lost to you yet, but she will be if you keep this up.”

Abby looks up with fury, her nose flaring, “You’re always the one getting what you want, aren’t you Marcus?”

This takes him aback, but he can only shake his head and slide his back down against the wall to sit next to her chair. “I loved her too, Abby.”

“And yet we both lost her anyway, didn’t we?” Her voice carries her sorrow and her anger as she looks over to Clarke, feeling shame fill her.

~

_Meanwhile_

~

Lexa remains still, staring up the small hill to where the Ark sits with its fence and guards, guns trained in their direction. She can feel Echo and Indra near but focuses all her senses on the girl held within the Ark. Her spirit is _aching_. This aching feeling sits heavy in her chest, clawing at her for release. Every fiber of her being is pulling her towards Clarke, but she stands frozen, willing Marcus to keep his word. She feels her sides flare in pain, as if a great wild tree cat has used it’s claws to dig into her and pull and the feeling nearly crumbles her. _Klark_. Her body tenses as she hears another pained scream fill the air and though the others do not hear what comes next, she can feel her name being called within her by the blonde. His time is up. _Nou mou._ She thinks. _Enough_.

She doesn’t turn back and doesn’t acknowledge anyone as she begins to run up the path leading towards the ark. She hears Indra give a few orders and knows the woman, Echo, Kiern and Lincoln will be at her flank. The cheers and noise the rest of her people make fill her with even more determination as she increases her pace, only slowing as she reaches the top of the hill to see Octavia running towards her.

Lincoln steps around her to take the girl into his arms, holding her tightly. They share a few words before he sits her back down, knowing she has news for their commander.

“Heda,” Octavia breathes out her name, lowering her eyes in respect before nodding her head towards the ark. “Come.”

Lexa doesn’t hesitate as they all make their way through the gates, the guards listening when Bellamy orders them to open the doors at Councilor Kane’s orders. Octavia nods her thanks to him and walks quickly, leading them into the ark. Two guards requesting the grounder’s weapons halt their progress. Lexa has one by the neck against the wall outside the ark before any of them can blink, seething in rage.

The others can’t hear her words, but whatever she says has him nodding his head quickly and a wet spot appearing on the front of his pants. He continues to nod, afraid to anger the commander further as her body is noticeably shaking with pent up energy, ready to kill. She releases him roughly and turns to follow Octavia through the hallways until they reach the door of the medical bay. Lexa takes in the still unconscious guards and nods in thanks to Octavia.

As she approaches the door, she turns back with questioning eyes, as the door doesn’t automatically open as the others have. Octavia scowls and bangs her fist on the door several times. Clarke is in that room. She is so close that Lexa is nearly insane with the proximity and feels her heart clench as she is still kept at bay. Something inside her snaps as she rears back and with an open palm she slams her hand into the door and it starts to slide open, but gets jammed in it’s track. It’s enough however as Lexa turns sideways to step in the gap and shoves at it, forcing it further into it’s crevice in the wall and runs into the room.

The sight in front of her nearly has her screaming in rage as she takes in her love’s weak and broken body, lying on a cold and hard table covered in blood. Her once soft and beautifully pale skin now a sickly white, her lips pale and cracked with dark circles around her eyes. Lexa does not hesitate to take her left hand in her own, threading their fingers together and places her other on Clarke’s blonde head as she lowers herself to press their foreheads together. She can hear the shallow breaths and the feels the weak beat of her heart as if it were her own. She swallows hard as she releases a shaky breath, moving slightly to be at the head of Clarke’s bed, her left hand still holding tightly to Clarke’s but her right arm is now around her, holding her close with her forearm resting on Clarke’s chest. She places a kiss on a sweaty forehead and once again rests her own against it.

The room around them is still, everyone taking in the scene but afraid to breathe too deeply as even that sound may disturb them. Lexa’s breaths begin to even out and as they do, Clarke’s breaths become a little deeper and a little stronger.

Raven steps quietly over to Octavia and clasps her hand. Octavia smiles sadly at her, biting her lip and tightening her other hand on the one that Lincoln holds. They peer over at Echo who is standing with worry written all over her face, next to a not as stony faced Indra and a very confused Kiern.

The coolness of the room is suddenly dissipating and warmth begins replacing it. It doesn’t take long for anyone to realize where it’s coming from, as they cannot only feel it, but can see the thickness of the air surrounding Lexa and Clarke. It’s almost as if they are being shrouded by a nearly invisible force that is holding them. It’s only when a whisper of “Leksa” catches their ears that they see the small and soft glow that begins to form. A glow that is emanating from under Lexa’s right hand that is covering Clarke’s heart.

“Ai hodnes en ai Kwin, ai laik hir,” _My love and my Queen, I am here_ Lexa whispers softly, rubbing her cheek against Clarke’s tenderly.

“Beja nou bants,” _Please don’t leave._ Clarke gasps out in a less painful whisper, but her throat is still dry. She slowly raises her right hand and cover’s Lexa’s that is still resting over her heart.

“Nowe.” _Never_ Lexa breathes in deeply, holding onto Clarke even tighter, her face nuzzling against her neck.

She can feel herself relaxing slightly, the overwhelming presence of energy that has been coursing through her from the moment Clarke was taken, beginning to leave her. Her body is humming, and her heart is pounding out a steady rhythm, finally content at its proximity to its missing half. She allows herself a smile when she feels the soft thump against her palm becoming steady and getting stronger. She may not be able to explain what is happening, but deep inside she doesn’t feel the need to. Everything feels as it should with Clarke in her arms. Everything is warmer and brighter and her body is tingling with energy even as she notices her strength begins to weaken.

Echo takes notice also and glances around quickly before grabbing at a stool and placing it behind Lexa’s legs and rests her hand on Lexa’s shoulder until she’s sitting. She takes a moment to look over Clarke and a thankful smile graces her lips as she can see, while still a bloody mess, Clarke’s colour is coming back and her wounds are no longer bleeding. She steps back with eyes wide as the heat coming from the two women hits her and she nearly loses her breath. The warm glow they are seeing is growing, now encompassing Clarke’s upper body and Lexa’s head and hands where they are touching her.

The glow only intensifies as Clarke finally takes a deeper breath and her eyes open. Shining blue meets with soft green as she smiles and tilts her head searching for Lexa’s all too eager lips. They both sigh, feeling their heartbeats spike in intensity as their lips caress over each other slowly and tenderly as if nothing else exists in the entire world but the two of them and the love they feel flowing through their veins.

They pull back with a bump of their noses and endearing smiles on their faces. “Ai hod yu in,” _I love you_  they whisper at the same time as a round of gasps are heard throughout the room’s occupants.

Indra, Echo, Lincoln, Kiern and Octavia all immediately drop down to one knee and lower their heads and eyes before each glance back up with awe written all over their faces as they stare at their heda and her Kwin.

Abby is now on her feet, eyes wide and mouth open in a show of shock. Marcus, now also standing, can only nod with a smile he shares with Raven, and Jackson looks as confused as Kiern had earlier.

The glow coming from the two women is now a shining beacon, shooting upwards and beyond the roof of the ark. It is a sign, a sign of which the Trikru will understand and hold reverent, from this day until their last day.

Outside the ark, the guards and the other Arkers stand in wonder at the appearance of a warm yellow glow rising from the ark and shooting skyward, disappearing within the clouds. It isn’t until Monroe turns that she see’s something equally incredible. The hundreds of grounders that had escorted Lexa and were waiting down the hill are all on one knee with their eyes trained on the glow. There are murmurs coming from them, but one stands out strongest amongst the rest.

“Skai en graun!”

“Skai en graun!”

“Skai en graun!”

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might think it's over...but we're just beginning. :)


	22. The Ark - Shall set her free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's awake, emotions are running wild and a little more detail on the past. Oh, and maybe Clarke can do something also...

**The Ark – Shall set her free**

 

~

 

“What are they saying?"

Monroe turns hearing his voice, shrugging. “Sky, but I don’t know about the rest.”

They watch as the glow slowly recedes before disappearing completely and listen as the chanting follows suit. Monroe eyes the boy, “What do you think it means?”

Monty shrugs, a bewildered look gracing his features. “I don’t know, but whatever it means, it must be important to them. Wanna go see what we can find out?” His voice gives away his excitement.

Even as she’s nodding Bellamy approaches shaking his head, “Not gonna happen.” They frown at him and he smiles lightly, “We’ll find out when they’re ready to tell us, but right now we have to sit tight.”

Monty considers him, “You know what that light was, don’t you?” Monroe’s eyes widen.

Bellamy is still shaking his head, “No, but I have a pretty good idea where it’s coming from, but unless you want a pissed off princess and an even more pissed off commander, I suggest we get back to work and wait for the news to come to us.” 

They both display frowns and nod, but Bellamy can hear them making bets as they walk away. He shakes his head and smiles as he heads over to relieve one of the guards on their watch.

 

~

 

Lexa can feel the swirl of heat and energy crackling around them but can only focus on Clarke’s shining eyes that are staring back into her own. She’s beginning to feel a lightheadedness creep up but breathes deeply, focusing on Clarke and keeps it at bay. She smiles softly at the wonder clearly taking over Clarke’s features as her eyes glance from side to side, seeing the glow that they are creating together. She heard the gasps in the room moments before but didn’t dare look away as the heat began to intensify, but now seems to be waning. With another moment of awe on both their faces, it finally recedes until it is no more but a tingle beneath their hands.

Lexa sighs as she feels her body sag into Clarke’s. She still feels energy vibrating through her body but the underlying exhaustion is there. If she were back in her tent, she would pull Clarke to her and sleep the rest of the evening and night away with Clarke snugly in her arms. They aren’t in her tent however and that thought causes her body to tense and the hairs on the back of her neck to rise.

She looks down as she feels Clarke pulling at her and moves around to her side to assist her in sitting up on the table, and then to her feet. They are standing face to face, a breath apart with their arms gently holding onto one another. It’s only a clearing of a throat that breaks them out of their haze and Lexa’s eyes harden as she watches Abby approach them.

“Clarke...” Abby begins but halts her movement when the blonde turns around quickly, eyes hard and colder than she’s ever seen them.

“Stop, don’t…don’t come any closer to us.” Clarke is still gathering her thoughts and right now her mind is a whirlwind and she knows she’s not in control of her emotions. She feels all encompassing love from Lexa, but that’s not all she’s feeling. She’s also experiencing emotions of terror, pain, longing, desperation…she can’t possibly put all of it into words. She’s angry, that much is expected, but the rage she’s feeling, she doesn’t believe is her own.

She turns her body back to Lexa, the brunette still tense and eyes never leaving her mother’s. “Leksa,” she whispers and smiles as Lexa breaks her stare and her eyes meet Clarkes instantly. She doesn’t say anything further, just simply slides her left hand up Lexa’s arm, over her shoulder and then cups her neck and feels some of the rage within her ease as Lexa’s relaxes into her touch. “I’m safe.”

Lexa’s eyes open at the softly spoken words and nods once, trying to reign in her desire to take action against the blonde’s mother. Her nose flares briefly before her duty as commander cuts through her thoughts and she turns to see their friends, her warriors, all on bended knee. “Indra, beja, _please_ address our warriors. Let them know they may return home, Klark and I will follow at first light.”

Indra rises and nods, locking eyes with Lexa. “There will be questions.”

Lexa is aware of this and she can’t help but release a slight smirk, “Answer them accordingly. I will speak to them tomorrow.”

In a very rare occurrence, Indra smiles and nods. “Yes Heda,” she turns to Klark and bows, “Kwin.” She then turns on her heel and exits the room.

“Kiern,” Lexa calls and he rises, stepping forward before once again lowering his head in respect. “Please stand guard outside this door. No one is to enter.” He nods, following Indra before him as he nods to Lexa and bows to Clarke.

Clarke squeezes Lexa’s hand, drawing her attention back, “Kwin?” She asks and feels her chest tighten as the smile that Lexa gives her causes her heart to race.

“Yes,” Lexa lowers her forehead to Clarke’s, “Queen.” Her voice was very low so that only Clarke could hear her. She knew her people understood the word, but didn’t need Clarke’s mother or Marcus to know until Clarke was all right with it. She raises her eyes and bites her lip nervously, waiting to see how the beauty in her arms would respond.

Clarke was very still, her lips parting, as if to say something but then close as a blush spreads over her pale cheeks. “Oh,” she says softly and smiles once again at Lexa, claiming her soft and supple lips in a gentle kiss. Their kisses are slow and languid, and Clarke has to taste more of her, slipping her tongue out to trace along Lexa’s upper lip, drawing out a quiet whimper. She pulls back, feeling the rush of feelings taking over her. There are all of those emotions again, she can’t settle on just one and it’s making her slightly dizzy. Her smile fades however, when she sees Lexa’s smile droop some and her eyes look tired. _It’s not me feeling dizzy_ she thinks to herself and snaps herself into motion. “Eko, a chair please?” She requests, not allowing her eyes or her hands to leave Lexa’s body.

“Yes Kwin,” Echo obeys and grabs for the nearest chair and placing it behind Lexa, trying to hide her smirk as Clarke pushes the brunette down into it with a little more force than necessary. She then see’s Clarke glance down at herself, noticing her exposed midsection as half of her shirt had been cut away in haste. She looks around, not seeing anything before removing her jacket and handing it to her kwin.

“Mochof, Eko.” Clarke responds, slipping on the jacket and then promptly sitting sideways in Lexa’s lap, wrapping her right arm around her shoulders and her left hand tangling with the fingers on Lexa’s right. Lexa’s other arm, finds its home around her waist. She feels alive being this close to the woman, but she can’t lose focus.

Her mother is standing next to Marcus, but not close enough to touch and is watching the both of them. Clarke watches as her eyes flicker to the other occupants of the room before setting back on Clarke and Lexa. “Is there a problem?” Clarke asks, irritation clear in her tone and she clears her throat as she tries to center herself emotionally. She feels a presence beside her and smiles up at Raven warmly as she passes her some water. “Thank you.” She sips on it and stares back to her mother, waiting on an answer. “Well?”

“Clarke I-“ Abby stops, not even sure herself of what she wants to say. “Are you alright?”

Clarke feels a tense below her and relaxes herself further into Lexa, feeling her do the same. “Am I alright?” Clarke asks in a mocking tone. “Do you mean after you had me taken, against my will I might add, and kept me apart from Leksa and nearly died because of it?” She kept her eyes on her mother, “I’m terrific.”

Abby swallows, wiping a stray tear from below her eye, “You were hurt, and I am your mother. I had to get you and protect you!”

Clarke outright snorts, much to Octavia’s amusement who chuckles before quieting at the disapproving glare she receives from Abby and Kane.

“Did it ever occur to you, that you could have asked Leksa to see me?” Clarke asks in an almost bored tone as she hands the cup back to Raven and uses her free hand to trace patterns over Lexa’s hand and forearm.

“Monroe said she heard you scream and saw you bleeding! For all we knew you were being tortured and held captive! She did betray you after all!” Abby’s voice was loud and hard, throwing her anger towards the commander.

Lexa once again stiffens, her hand on Clarke’s hip tight but not enough to cause her pain. Clarke closes her eyes, feeling as if pressure was forming against her chest and her head. She takes a deep breath and opens herself up to the feeling, standing up quickly with her eyes pale and cold, focusing on her mother. “You have no right!” Clarke roars. Her voice drops some as she keeps one hand entwined with Lexa’s but steps forward into her mother’s face. “I am not going to repeat my earlier statements on this subject. All you need to know is that I am Leksa’s, and she is **_mine_**. We are the only two that get to make decisions on our life together, not you.”

“Clarke, look at yourself!” Abby pleads, looking at her daughter’s arms, her scars pink and healing now, but very obvious still against her pale skin. “How could you let them do that to you?” Abby advances, angry at the destruction she saw on her child’s body. “How could **you** ,” she points her finger towards Lexa’s face, “let this happen if you claim to love her so much?”

Clarke felt it as soon as Abby took her first step towards them. She felt the jolt in her hand, the rush to her chest and her mind clearer and sharper than it has ever been. She feels _powerful_. “NO!” The words are an order, crackling in the air as she raises her left hand with her palm out and feels the snap of restraint as a white light comes forth, extending from her palm to encompass herself and Lexa.

As Abby finishes her question, her eyes narrow at Clarke, questions floating through her mind but not forming on her lips. “What? How?” She steps forward again, raising her own hand to reach out towards the spherical light surrounding them but jerks her hand backwards quickly at the shock she’s given as her arm goes numb and falls limply to her side. “Your eyes,” she whispers as she looks closely, but not close enough to again test the bounds of the apparent force field surrounding the two women.

Clarke’s eyes are pale; so pale they are nearly gray and crackle with the electricity she feels inside. “Back. Off.” She seethes, not lowering her hand until Abby finally nods and backs away from them. Once she does, Clarke takes a shuddering breath and lowers her hands, feeling as if a veil is removed from her and her head feels like her own once more. She looks down to her hand and clenches it a few times before turning her head to look at Lexa who is looking at her with such a look that Clarke’s breath hitches and the warmth from Lexa’s hand grows. She feels Lexa pull on her hand gently and she resumes her previous place in Lexa’s lap, sighing as arms once more surround her.

The silence is again broken, but this time by Raven who lets out a low whistle, “This is bad ass!” She grins and turns to Octavia who shares her smile and nods. Echo and Lincoln look to each other with a look of wonder on their faces, still almost unbelieving that this is happening in their lifetime and they are here to witness it.

Clarke turns back to her mother, pinning her in place with her eyes, “Now, I’m tired and I really want to go home, so you’re going to stop with the dramatics and tell me what this is all about. You can’t possibly deny what Leksa and I are to each other anymore.”

Abby shakes her head and sits down, her head in her hands. “I know.”

“So why don’t you start by explaining who Callie is or was to you and Kane?” Octavia interrupts and Clarke’s eyes go wide.

“Callie? What does she have to do with any of this? Did she make it down?” She fires her questions rapidly.

“Who is Callie?” Octavia questions and shrugs at Raven’s incredulous look, “Hey, I spent my life living in a hole in the floor and then in lockup.”

“Callie was my mom’s best friend, and Marcus’ wife.” Clarke clarifies, still watching her mother who has her head resting on her clasped hands, tears streaming down her face.

“And to answer your question Clarke, she was on the Exodus ship.” He lowers his head, “We have only found a couple survivors, the rest are dead.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, there are plenty of people unaccounted for!” Abby responds forcefully looking up at him.

“There were plenty more that we couldn’t identify the remains of too.” He sighs, rubbing his face, “There is no point in having false hope.”

“You were never good enough for her,” she chokes out, lowering her head once again.

Clarke watches this back and forth for a few minutes, coming to a sudden realization, “You were in love with her.”

Abby’s eyes dart up to her daughter’s, who are once again a clear blue and sighs. “We were young, Clarke. Younger than you are now.”

“I still don’t understand what this has to do with your actions.” Clarke shakes her head, clearing confused.

Marcus clears his throat. “Your mother and Callie were the best of friends, closer than any two people I had ever seen. They loved each other, it’s true, but your mother isn’t telling you everything, Clarke.”

Abby sits still, not daring to look at anyone or anything except the floor in front of her. “ACE” she hears and snaps her eyes to Raven’s. “The initials carved into the wall in Med Bay near the engineering access panel. There was ACE and a flame. Was that you?”

Abby swallows thickly, but nods.

“A for Abby, C for Callie, but what’s the E?” Octavia asks, trying to connect the dots but failing.

“Ellis,” Clarke replies, “your maiden name was Ellis before you married Dad.” Clarke takes it all in, her mind processing before her eyes clear. “You thought she was your twin flame.”

Abby’s agitation is growing and she doesn’t want to discuss this any longer, “I was young and impulsive, believing in stories that were never to come true. We fell in love, or at least I did, until she fell for Marcus, but wanted to stay friends. I married your father and that was that.” Abby grits out the rest and stands, turning to pace the other side of the room.

Lexa watches the older blonde and can’t help but feel a little for her. A little, fleeting amount. She hugs Clarke tightly to her and presses a kiss to her shoulder, earning a nuzzle of noses from Clarke.

“She betrayed you,” Clarke whispers, starting to understand now why her mother had such forceful and negative responses to the stories her father used to tell her and again to Lexa. “And you forgave her to keep her in your life.”

Abby turns then, tears streaming down her face, “I just don’t want you to face the heartbreak I did Clarke. Heartbreak, that I still feel every single day as if it has just happened.”

“But Dad,” Clarke begins but stops when she see’s her mother shaking her head and trying to smile through her tears.

“I loved your father Clarke, I did. It took a while, I won’t deny that, but I did love him. But he wasn’t her.” She sighs, feeling guilt fill her once more.

“Well that explains the back and forth with you and Kane then,” Octavia realizes, “You two are always fighting or at odds about something since you’ve come down here.”

“Before that, actually.” Raven adds, having seen the arguments between the two.

“There are a great many things we don’t always see eye to eye on, but Callie was always one.” Marcus tries a smile at Abby.

“And I’m sure the fact that she still cared for me was the reason you tried to have me floated, regardless of your supposed reasoning.” Abby bit out, walking towards the door. She stops short, turning back to Clarke, “I would like to speak with you, privately, before you leave tomorrow if that’s okay.”

Clarke stands and pulls Lexa up with her but nods, “We will speak, but Leksa remains with me.” She doesn’t leave any room for argument and Abby sees as much and nods her head, leaving the room.

“Well that certainly was intense,” Raven comments and steps close to Clarke to wrap her arms around her, “I’m really glad you’re safe, Blondie.”

Clarke chuckles, returning the hug, “Thank you, Raven.” She pulls back and makes her rounds, hugging Octavia, Lincoln and Echo before attaching herself back to Lexa and turning to Marcus, seeing him step forward.

“Do you think we can still have peace between us?” He’s speaking to Clarke, but his eyes glance back to meet Lexa’s also. 

“That is something we’ll have to discuss at another time.” Lexa is tired and that is the only reply she can muster at the moment.

“Leksa’s right. I want my people safe, but trust will need to be earned and right now, because of my own mother, once again, you don’t have it.” She pulled Lexa towards the door, “Okteivia, make sure Eko and Kiern have a place to sleep tonight. Leksa and I will be in 319. There’s something she needs to see.”

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support. It has been incredible to me to see how people are responding to this story.
> 
> May be a few days on the next update, but I promise I'll make it worth it. *winks*


	23. The Ark - 319

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke get some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Lexa and Clarke this chapter. :)

**The Ark – 319**

 

~

 

Clarke guides Lexa by the hand as they slowly walk down the halls of the ark. They take a few turns and cross into room that is half destroyed, but several doors line the inside wall. The other side is open, seeing out into the distance behind the ark.

Lexa looks around, taking in their surroundings. She has only been to the ark a few times, but had never been to this section. “What is this place?”

Clarke leads her further down until she stops outside a door with painted letters that read ‘319’. She holds Lexa’s hand, smiling at the soothing caress she feels Lexa making with her thumb. “What’s left of this area was a part of what we called the Skybox. It was where the juvenile defenders were held until our 18th birthday when we were given a review. If we passed, we rejoined society. If not…we were floated.”

“Executed,” Lexa responds, eyeing her softly.

Clarke nods and steps in front of the door with her back to it and facing Lexa. “This was where I spent my last year before the 100 of us were sent to the ground.”

Lexa’s eyes dart to the door behind Clarke as if she’ll somehow see inside, but then directs her attention back to the blonde in front of her, “You wish to show me the room?”

“Yes,” Clarke replies softly, stepping into Lexa closely and wrapping her arms around her neck and sighing as Lexa guides her own arms around Clarke’s waist. “This room is where I first dreamed of you, of where I would stare out at the Earth,” she sighs, “and it is the room where we can have some privacy and talk before we rest. If that is okay with you?”

Lexa smiles and hugs Clarke to her closely, rubbing her back softly. “I would be honoured for anything you wish to share with me, Klark.”

Nodding her head, Clarke releases her neck but reclaims her hand as she uses the other to press the button outside the door. As it opens, she sighs and steps inside, pulling Lexa in behind her. Clarke doesn’t say anything, she just simply watches Lexa take in the small room. Lexa’s eyes are wide with a soft smile on her face as she absorbs the various random drawings on the walls and the floor. She allows Lexa her hand as the brunette steps closer to the wall, her hand hovering over a sketch of a flower, as if wanting to touch it, but not allowing herself. She lowers her hand back down and turns again before freezing, staring at a spot about a foot off the floor in the back corner of the room, nearly hidden by the bed.

Clarke watches her closely as she lowers herself down to her knees and sits back on her heels, staring at the two drawings that were done close together, but were obviously two separately done pieces. “Klark,” she hears her name reach her ears and she approaches the sitting brunette and stands behind her.

Lexa can feel the moisture gathering in her eyes as she stares. This time she cannot stop herself from reaching out and tracing along the edges of the tree that is drawn with precision and great detail with her left hand. Her right hand also reaches out, hesitating only briefly before placing her palm flat down on the wall to the side of the drawing that matches that of her tattoo on her arm. “The Mark of the Commander,” she whispers and then turns her head to meet Clarke’s gaze, seeing the blonde nibbling on her bottom lip. “You drew these before you fell from the sky?”

Clarke sits down cross-legged and facing Lexa, “I did.” She watches as Lexa turns back, studying every single detail of her drawings. “I dreamt of that tree many times. The first time, I was on my 13th birthday.” She see’s Lexa’s brow furrow slightly, as if she’s trying to figure something out. “What is it?”

“You are 18 seasons now, are you not?” Lexa’s mind is wandering, trying to reach for a piece of the puzzle that seems just slightly out of her reach. The exhaustion she is feeling isn’t helping either.

“Yes, I actually just turned 18 last month.” Clarke continues to watch Lexa, intrigued by the confusion she sees in the soft and tired green eyes. She’s about to question her again when Lexa smirks and shakes her head slowly and asks another question.

“When did you draw my Mark of the Commander?” Lexa is now biting her lip, waiting in anticipation of Clarke’s response.

Clarke tilts her head, confused by the questions but answer her regardless. “The year after, nearly to the day.”

Lexa nods and takes Clarke’s hand in her own, “I can’t be certain, but I believe you started dreaming of the tree during my 15th season when I was found to have the Commander’s spirit and began my training. That tree,” she turns to look at the drawing once more, “is where I took my vow to protect and lead our people.” She watches as understanding takes over Clarke’s features, “The following year, I had completed my training and was given the mark.”

It’s Clarke’s turn to look back at her drawings in awe as she squeezes Lexa’s hand tightly. “What of the tree?” She asks softly, pleading into Lexa’s eyes for more answers. “What is its significance?”

“Besides that I am of the Tree Clan?” Lexa smiles, clearly teasing and cups Clarke’s cheek, caressing it softly. “I will take you to the tree one day soon. You will need to see it for yourself. It is quite a sight to behold.”

“It is not only real, but still survives?” Clarke feels astonishment. She knew the tree must represent something, considering the pull to draw it and to have it as her own mark upon her back, but she wasn’t aware that it would still exist if it ever even had.

“That tree Klark, survived the bombs. It has stood for over 100 years.” Lexa pauses, licking her lips, a motion that doesn’t go unnoticed by Clarke. “It is the only tree we have ever seen to never bloom, yet it never dies either. It withstands the sun and the winter but never falters to either one.”

Clarke swallows, “It’s immortal?” She questions and upon seeing Lexa’s confusion, she clarifies, “It will never die?”

Lexa simply shrugs, “That is not for us to know. All we know now is that it has remained standing through the destruction and remains standing today. For how long, we may never know.” She stands up, pulling Clarke with her and walks to the center of the room and looks up, “Is this where you could see the Earth?”

Clarke looks up with her, now only seeing a darkened sky with stars shining above them where she once had seen the Earth. What a difference a few months can make. “Yes, when the ark was in the right positions. Sometimes I would look up and see nothing but darkness.”

Lexa frowns and pulls Clarke closer to her, hugging her tightly. “I’m sorry you were subjected to such isolation and loneliness, Klark.”

Clarke pulls back, a soft smile upon her face, “Thoughts of you and drawing the tree and your commander mark helped. I didn’t know why at the time, only that it brought me some peace.”

Lexa smiles and nods, “For that I am glad.” She turns her head and looks over at the bed and before she could even contemplate asking, Clarke lets out a soft chuckle and pulls her over to it.

“Lay down and get some rest, Leksa, I’ll go grab another blanket and pillow and come back and sleep down beside you.” She releases Lexa and turns for the door, only to be pulled back with a warm hand on her forearm.

“No,” Lexa breathes and takes off her outer layers so that she is only in her pants and a dark soft shirt. “Stay with me here.” She lies back on the bed with the cover’s pulled back, holding her arms open to Clarke.

“It’s a small bed, Leksa, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Clarke smiles at her. As much as she’d love to sleep close to or even on top of Lexa, she wants her to get some rest and has no issue with sleeping on the floor beside her, as long as she is close.

“I will only be uncomfortable if you do not remain as close to me as possible.” Lexa swallows, for the first time alone in Clarke’s presence, she feels slightly nervous.

Nervousness is not something she is accustomed to and the feeling doesn’t sit well with her. She thinks about it as Clarke lays down and curls her body into Lexa’s, her head laying on her open arm and allowing her left leg and arm to settle over Lexa’s own legs and midsection. This is only one of the first times she’s been with Clarke, without the blonde in pain or needing more healing. This is the first time she has been the more vulnerable one. She swallows, realizing that she is weak, and possibly not in any position to be able to protect Clarke should something happen. She tenses slightly at the thought.

“Leksa?” Clarke questions, tightening her hold on the brunette and sighs when she feels Lexa’s arms wrap around her and hold her close. She smiles when she feels a soft kiss land in her hair and leans back a little to tilt her head up and catch the worried green eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Lexa leans down and rubs their noses together before answering, “I feel nervous that if something were to happen, I am not in the proper strength to be able to take care of you. I worry for your safety.” She lets out a heavy breath, all to aware of the drain her body is feeling even as her heart thumps along to the beat of Clarke’s own in happiness at the proximity of her love.

“No one will disturb us and we will be safe. You know Indra, Kiern, Linkon, Eko and Okteivia won’t let anyone near us, and I trust Raven would advise me if anything were amiss.” Clarke tries her best to assure the brunette, but is all too aware that it will only provide a little comfort. Lexa is the take-charge type, not one to sit idly by.

Lexa nods, but still can’t chase away the feeling inside her. She isn’t concerned really about any issues, but knowing she would be of little use if any arose just doesn’t sit right with her. Instead, she uses her right hand to tilt Clarke’s chin up and claims the soft lips below for her own. The ache she feels in her chest is slightly sated as Clarke’s lips caress her own in a soft dance. Her fingers glide along a smooth jawline before sliding into blonde hair and scratching softly.

The whimper that leaves Clarke’s mouth causes heat to rush through Lexa’s body, warming her skin as she sighs out in a breathy moan of her own. The shiver that runs through her body can’t be contained as Clarke’s fingers dance below the hem of her shirt, teasing the bare skin of her side. She parts her lips, claiming Clarke’s more fully as she allows her hand to trail down Clarke’s shoulder and scarred arms before gripping onto her hip firmly.

Clarke’s heart is racing and her skin is on fire at the feelings coursing through her at Lexa’s touch. Her senses are full with everything Lexa, from the warmth of her body, to the tenderness of her hands, to the incredible feeling of her soft lips that are kissing her with more passion. She needs Lexa closer. She pulls back, breathing labored as she pushes down on Lexa’s shoulder, making sure the brunette is flat on her back before she straddles her hips and closes the gap between them once again. Her lips do not hesitate in finding Lexa’s own, nor does her tongue as it peeks out to glide a slow lick under her top lip. The sound that leaves the woman beneath her is absolutely sinful Clarke thinks. The groan is that of a desperate need, fueled by lust and by love and it shakes Clarke to her core as she dips her tongue inside and Lexa’s frantically meets it.

Their kisses become more forceful as do their hands that can’t remain still as they grip and pull on each other’s arms, sides and scratch softly. Their tongues meet and caress one another between soft grunts and pants as they test each other’s desire. After capturing Lexa’s tongue and sucking it into her mouth, she releases it and pulls away, much to Lexa’s disappointment if her whimper is anything to go by. She then nudges Lexa’s face to the side and presses hot open mouthed kisses down her neck and nips on her collarbone before licking a long and slow trail up to Lexa’s ear and sucking her earlobe into her mouth.

Lexa can’t stop the cant of her hips, nor can she prevent her hands from their missions. One is under Clarke’s top, massaging her back as the other is holding tightly to her hip, helping along the gentle rocking motions the blonde has begun to make. “Klark,” she groans out, feeling her body beginning to coil as a rush of white-hot heat floods her being and she’s desperately trying to keep herself from losing control.

Clarke releases her ear and husks her name softly, sounding more like a wanton groan than anything else, “Leksa…”

“Ungh,” Lexa can’t even respond to that, she’s delirious in the feelings overtaking her and wants nothing more than to disappear inside this moment forever. She grips at Clarke harder, unable to stop the slow grind they’re creating together as Clarke’s hot breath is now back on her neck, sucking with purpose on a spot that makes her toes curl. She’s sucking and biting softly where the neck and shoulder meet and Lexa begins to think she’s completely lost.

Clarke can feel the haze taking over her. She knows it’s not only hers, but Lexa’s as well. She feels a slight struggle, as if she should pull back and calm things down some, but then she feels herself drowning again. “Leksa,” she whispers out as she releases her neck from the torture of her lips, pulling back enough to see tightly closed eyes and parted lips panting for breath. “You are magnificent,” she whispers, smiling softly as she’s met with dark green eyes. She holds herself up with her hands on Lexa’s shoulders, but doesn’t break eye contact as she pushes away any shyness that remains as she continues to slowly grind down onto the body below her.

Clarke feels the heat encompassing them and knows Lexa can feel it as well by the light sheen of sweat she can make out on her face and neck. Her eyes never stray from their green counter parts, as she bites her lip and continues her deliciously torture-filled movements. Both of Lexa’s hands now reside on her hips, pushing and pulling them back and forth with a downward motion as her own hips rock upwards on each backward press. She licks her lips, seeing the absolute devotion in Lexa’s eyes and feels her soul crying out as she hears Lexa’s whisper of “My Skai Kwin” and allows herself to fall forward to claim her abused lips once more.

They kiss with purpose, tongues taking turns in each other’s warm mouths before Clarke whines low in her throat and pulls back panting heavily and meeting Lexa’s eyes. “Leksa, I don’t think I can stop.” She doesn’t expect Lexa to stop her, but feels like she needs to give her warning as the heat encompassing them is thick and air crackles all around.

“Never stop,” Lexa moans and pulls Clarke back down to her lips with her left hand as her right pulls her hips down to straddle her leg. This slight change allows for more firm motions against her as Clarke’s movements become more forceful as she reaches her climax.

“I am with you,” Clarke hears as her body tenses and jerks, followed by Lexa’s beneath her as they both groan with pleasure consuming them. They rest their foreheads together as the shocks gently ease, their panting breaths mixing together as they struggle for air.

Clarke feels her body give as she slides to Lexa’s other side, keeping one arm and one leg draped over her and holding her close as she presses kisses to the side of Lexa’s neck. Both of their hearts are beating wildly as the air around them still crackles with electricity. “Leksa?”

“Mmm?” Lexa responds, her body finally beginning to succumb to the rest it so desperately requires, even as her arms pull Clarke even tighter against her.

“I’m so in love with you, I feel it in every part of me.” Clarke’s voice is clear but soft, her eyes heavy and warm.

Lexa turns her head and opens her eyes that are shining with love, “And I ache for you in every way there is to ache for another. I am in love with you, my Kwin.”

They kiss softly, noses caressing and smiles gracing their faces as they drift off to sleep with their noses and lips touching.

They fall asleep wound so tightly together that no force in the world can wedge them apart.

~


	24. The Ark - Unconscious Protector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even at her most vulnerable she will be protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all of your kind words and support here, ff.net, tumblr and twitter. You guys are truly fantastic and I appreciate it so much.

**The Ark – Unconscious Protector**

 

~

 

A tickle on her cheek wakes her. A smile takes over her usually stoic face without even opening her eyes. She feels content, warm and loved and all she can do is tighten her arms around the body snuggled on top of her own. She goes by feeling alone, nuzzling her nose into soft hair and presses a kiss on Clarke’s forehead. The light sigh she earns in return causes her heart to speed up ever so slightly, happiness enveloping them. _This is what bliss feels like_. Lexa smiles again, breathing deeply and letting sleep claim her once again.

She’s not sure how long they continued to sleep for but it’s a light tapping just outside the room that wakes her. They are still very much in the same position, Clarke at her side with one arm and leg thrown over her, a hand cupping her neck and holding her in place. She tries to move gently so as not to wake the blonde in her arms, but given their position on the small bed, Lexa knows it is useless. She will wake her if she moves, and the blonde’s grip tightens and Lexa knows getting up isn’t going to be an option. She gathers her emotions and calls towards the door. “Enter.”

The door slides open and Echo slowly steps inside and stops the few feet away from them. A smile graces her face, even as her eyes widen in a bit of shock. Lexa assumes it’s from their position, that she is allowing them to be seen in such a state, but she can’t be sure.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Heda, but Abby was planning to speak with Klark, and I didn’t want her barging in on you unannounced.” Echo states her reason for being there; her eyes however are taking in the room and the various drawings Clarke had created.

“Thank you, Eko, I appreciate that,” Lexa responds, watching her warrior’s eyes as she glances around, but still comes back to them with a curious look upon her face. “What?”

Echo stills, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just in awe of her power. The stories always said the Last Commander and their Kwin would be a force, but…” she trails off, watching as she said, in a state of awe.

Lexa furrowed her brow, not quite understanding. “It has been becoming clearer to me, that I am the last, and Klark my Kwin, but what do you mean her power? You speak of yesterday?”

Echo shakes her head and crosses her arms with a smirk in place, “You haven’t noticed.”

“Noticed what, Eko?” Lexa isn’t in the mood for riddles this morning.

“Look around yourself and Klark, Heda.” Echo replies softly.

Lexa eyes her for one more moment before looking down at Clarke cuddled against her and smiles. It’s when her eyes begin trailing down their bodies that she realizes what it is that Echo is speaking of. Almost identical to yesterday, there is a soft white aura encompassing their bodies, hovering around them a few inches from their bodies. “I see.” Her whisper is soft, her own eyes wide. “She still sleeps,” she begins and stops, eyes darting back to Echo’s.

Echo nods, “Even when she’s blissfully unaware, she protects you, Heda.” Echo smiles then, “You protect her in your waking hours when you are strong and she protects you when you are weakened or at night at your most vulnerable.”

Lexa doesn’t get a chance to respond, as the door slides open once more and Abby walks in, “Clarke?”

The door and the call of her name jerks her out of her slumber as Clarke sits up quickly, her palm resting on Lexa’s chest, eyes hard towards the door. Unbeknownst to her, the previously soft aura round them has grown, stretching out away from their bodies by a couple feet, the white becoming whiter and thicker, pulsing with power.

Echo steps back quickly as it happens, lowering to one knee with her head bowed. “Kwin,” she calls reverently.

Clarke’s eyes leave her mother’s briefly to observe Echo. “Eko please, stand.” Obeying her Kwin, Echo does as she is asked while Clarke’s attention turns back to her mother. “What?” She asks, seeing a pair of wide eyes and can tell there’s something her mother wants to say, but the words haven’t formed yet.

Abby shakes her head, any doubt that may have remained within her gone in that moment, seeing the protective aura that her daughter was creating. She was protecting Lexa. She was protecting her flame. She swallowed thickly, shame filling her for her actions the day before. “I just wanted to make sure we get a chance to speak, before you leave.”

Clarke nods, “We’ll meet you in the council room after breakfast.”

Abby nods before taking one last look at them with a small smile on her face and then exits the room. Echo watches her leave and then turns back to the two leaders, seeing a mischievous look on her commander’s face as she stares at Clarke.

Clarke follows her eyes and turns to look at her beautiful love before cocking her head to the side and looking back and forth between them. They both have amused smiles on their faces. “What is so amusing to you two?”

Lexa lets a quiet chuckle leave her lips and Clarke thinks it may be the most wonderful sound she’s ever heard and knows she has to make Lexa laugh more. “Seriously, what?”

“I’m just wondering if you feel I need protection from Eko?” Lexa’s amused smile remains on her face as she looks around them, pointing out the cloud of protection that surrounds them.

Clarke’s own eyes wide, seeing what they are looking at for the first time. “Oh. I did this?” She knows she did, but she doesn’t know how. It just happened yesterday when she felt Lexa was threatened, but she had felt it happen. Today however, she wasn’t even aware. “Just now?” She questions.

“Eko pointed it out to me while you still slept,” Lexa’s smile softens and she runs her hand down Clarke’s back soothingly. “It seems you guard us even at rest.”

Echo nods, “It was smaller and softer when I first entered, at your mother’s noisy arrival, it increased in size and I’m guessing, in strength.”

Clarke swallowed and took a slow and deep breath, closing her eyes. _Lexa’s fine, I’m fine and everything is fine. Echo won’t hurt us. We’re safe._ She repeated the words in her head twice before feeling the heat that was swirling in her chest and down into her palms recede and upon opening her eyes, saw that the cloud had slowly dissipated.

“I feel very confused and yet not at the same time. Does that make any sense at all?” Clarke asks Lexa, linking their fingers together as she rises, pulling Lexa to stand from the bed with her. 

“It does, but I think we have to go along with it for now and we will discuss all the beliefs of our people and work out the rest.” She squeezes Clarke’s hand and together the three of them head out to get some food.

 

~

 

They spent the next hour attempting to eat while answering the many questions that were thrown their way. In hindsight, they should have had food brought to them to avoid this, but it was bound to happen eventually. They explained the best they could, what they knew so far, to the group at their table. Octavia, Echo and Lincoln helped, providing Clarke and Lexa a little reprieve between questions. Raven and Bellamy listened intently as Monty and Monroe asked the majority of the questions. Indra had looked irritated by the Sky People’s never ending questions and more than once Lexa had shaken her head at her. 

Clarke and Lexa held hands as they made their way to the council room to talk with Abby. Lexa had instructed Indra and Kiern to ready their horses for the trip back to TonDC. Indra was more than pleased to make the arrangements, feeling she had spent more than enough time with the Skaikru. 

“You’re feeling better today, right?” Clarke asks hesitantly, squeezing the hand in hers. “You feel back to your normal strength?” 

Lexa shook her head, seeing Clarke frown. “No,” she begins and a smile takes over her face, “I feel stronger than I ever have before.” Her smile widens as Clarke playfully bumps into her shoulder as they approach the door, knowing Abby waited inside. 

“Are you ready for this?” Clarke asks, turning to Lexa and stepping closer to her, resting their foreheads together. 

Lexa nods, kissing Clarke’s lips gently. “Let us speak to your mother and then return home.” The sparkle that lights up Clarke’s eyes is enough to convince Lexa they could face anything. She presses the button outside the door and watches as it slides open, revealing Abby sitting at the table in the middle of the room. She stands as they approach. 

“Clarke,” she sighs, trying to smile warmly at her daughter, before turning to Lexa and swallowing down her nervousness, “Lexa.” 

They approached the table, Lexa pulling out a chair for Clarke before grabbing one for herself and sliding it close to the blonde’s. Clarke halts her movement as she raises her hand, “Before we sit, please assure me this isn’t some last attempt the keep me here or from Lexa, because if it is, you may as well save your breath. It is not up for discussion.” Lexa understands then why Clarke stops them from sitting, she wants confirmation first. 

“I promise Clarke, it isn’t. I actually want to apologize for my actions.” The woman sighs, clearly stressed and runs a hand through her hair. “Please,” she directs her attention to the chairs and smiles as they sit. “Thank you.” 

She clears her throat before beginning, “While I can sit here and say my actions were only that of a concerned mother, and they were, but that’s not all it was about.” She licks her lips before continuing softly, “Clarke, all those stories your father told you…I grew up hearing them too. I grew up believing in them so much, that I was convinced my first love was my twin flame.” 

Clarke and Lexa both kept quiet, content to hear her out and listen to the woman’s complete story. Clarke is happy to finally have some honestly between herself and her mother. 

“I was devastated, to say the least when Callie told me she loved me, but that it wasn’t the same love I held for her. At the time, I thought perhaps she was just confused or scared, we were young and the feelings were so intense.” She sighs out a laugh and shakes her head sadly. “I continued being what I had always been, her best friend, until she told me about Marcus.” She grabs a glass of water and takes a long drink before continuing. “She told me, that she felt the fire that I had described finally and for a brief moment I was so relieved, but it was just that, a brief moment. The fire she felt wasn’t for me, it was for him.” 

Lexa swallows hard, not wanting to feel badly for the woman in front of her but finds herself faltering. She couldn’t imagine how it would feel if that had happened to her. It would destroy her, she thinks, looking to Clarke with such love her heart feels as if it’s at a breaking point. 

“That,” Abby suddenly says, pointing to Lexa, drawing Clarke’s attention to the brunette, seeing the love in her eyes, “that look on your face Lexa, is how I yearned for Callie to look at me. But it wasn’t meant to be.” 

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life Clarke, and I am sure there will be more, but I will not make the mistake of pushing my daughter away. I will not make a mistake that can cost me my only child. I love you Clarke, and I know I have a long way to go to earn your trust back and even further yet for yours Lexa, but I will spend the rest of my days trying.” She swallows, wiping quickly at the tears that are sliding down her cheeks. 

Clarke looks to Lexa, smiling softly as they squeeze each other’s hands tightly. She then stands and walks towards her mother, “You’re right. It will take a while to earn our trust, but you are my mother and I love you. I know, somewhere inside you were only doing what you thought was right, but you were blinded by something in your past and using it on my future. I nearly died, Mom. If Lexa hadn’t gotten to me when she did…” 

Abby chokes on a sob, her hand coming to cover her mouth as she cries. “I know, I’m so sorry, Clarke. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Clarke pulls her up and wraps her arms around her mother, holding her close. “You have to trust that Lexa and I will take care of each other. You have to trust me, to know what’s best for me now.” She feels her mother nodding against her shoulder and squeezes her tighter. She pulls back and wipes at her mother’s cheeks, “I have one thing to ask you, before we go.” 

Abby lets out a breath, clearing her throat and trying to compose herself, “Anything Clarke.” 

Clarke turns to Lexa who just smiles and nods at her, before standing to take her place at Clarke’s side and wrapping an arm around her waist. 

Turning her attention back to her mother, Clarke smiles, “I have an initiation ceremony waiting for me in TonDC. I would like very much, if you were there to support me.” 

Abby smiles back and nods, “I understand and I of course, will be there.” She pauses before eyeing Lexa, “I hope that’s not the only invitation I will be receiving.” 

Lexa raises an eyebrow before smiling, “It won’t be, but the other will take place outside Polis, whenever Klark is ready of course.”

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on two other fics, (yes they are Clexa) and while I'll still be updating probably twice a week, I'm not sure if I'll do more than two updates a week on this. Between writing, work and wanting to read myself, there aren't enough hours in the day! I hope you don't mind and hope you'll check out the others when I post them.


	25. TonDC - Klark kom Trikru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations abound to initiate Clarke into the Trikru, not only as one of them, but as their Kwin. Lexa takes a few matters into her hands. And Lincoln's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an overly dramatic chapter, but hopefully you'll enjoy it as it's the setup to the next chapter. :)

**TonDC – Klark kom Trikru**

 

~

 

The journey back to TonDC was uneventful and for that, Clarke was thankful. She had felt complete contentment settled behind Lexa on her horse, arms linked around her waist. The feel of being close to her, even in front of the others, warmed her heart. She found herself surprised at Lexa’s openness with her in front of some of her warriors, but she knew what they shared would mostly stay behind closed doors, or with the few of those they trusted. It wasn’t wrong or frowned upon to show affection with your love, quite the opposite, but Lexa was a very guarded soul and after what had happened with Costia, Clarke knew it would be a fear of hers.

She was broken out of her thoughts at a light tapping on the door. Turning, she smiles, seeing Echo and Octavia approach. “What are you guys doing down here?” Clarke had been guided down into one of the bathing rooms to prepare for the celebration upon returning to TonDC. Lexa had kissed her softly, telling her she had a few things to do and would join her before the sun began to set.

“I’ve made it my personal responsibility to guard you when the commander isn’t around and this one,” she points over her shoulder to Echo, “decided we should come check on you.” Octavia smiles at her, and Clarke is skeptical.

“Why do I feel like you two are up to something?” She can’t place it, but something is nagging at her and the innocent smiles on the two faces in front of her aren’t helping.

“You worry little sister, there’s no need.” Echo steps around her and plays with her hair. “Let me wash your hair and I will braid it for you.”

Clarke can’t help but nod, a smile on her face at the thought of her hair having braids like Lexa’s or some of the other Trikru. It feels like another right of passage she was earning and it warms her. “Mochof, Eko.”

Echo smiles and leads Clarke to the tub in the room as two women finish filling it with warm water and points, “Hop in.”

Clarke hesitates for only a moment, glancing between Echo and Octavia before rolling her eyes at herself and shedding her clothes and climbing into the tub. “This is ritual, is it not?”

“It is,” Echo begins and starts wetting and lathering the blonde hair in her hands, “usually two of the village women would see to this, not two warriors, but Okteivia and I asked if we could have the honour instead.”

Octavia smiles and nods, eyeing Clarke, “That, and we thought you might be more comfortable with us too.”

Clarke huffs out a laugh, not denying it. “I feel as if I’ve changed so much already in such a short amount of time, but then sometimes I don’t. I guess nudity in front of someone that isn’t Leksa is still odd for me.”

“I do not need to hear about you being nude with the commander,” Octavia laughs, splashing some water at Clarke’s face, “no matter how good looking you may be.”

Clarke rolls her eyes as she hears a throat clear and a husky chuckle, turning her eyes to meet green as Lexa enters the room. “I’m fairly certain Klark’s good looks are only for me to appreciate now.”

Clarke nearly laughs as the wide-eyed expression Octavia gets as she scrambles to stand up quickly and turn away from her. “O, she’s teasing you, Leksa won’t hurt you.”

Lexa smirks slightly, turning to Octavia, “While she’s right and I won’t hurt you, I certainly was not teasing.”

Echo grins as she lowers Clarke’s head gently into the water, washing out the suds. She watches Lexa carefully, seeing how her eyes sparkle and soften as she stares at Clarke and feels her own chest tighten at the love these two share. She feels envy at what they have together.

Lexa takes one of Clarke’s hands in her own and pulls her arm out of the warm bath and trails her fingers along it. She’s tracing the scars, committing them to memory before kissing the pale knuckles and lowering her arm back down. “I’ll be with Indra awhile longer, but I wanted to check on you seeing as the door was unguarded.”

“That’s because I have two personal guards in here with me,” Clarke smiles and shakes her head.

“I’d still feel better with someone at the door. I’ll be leaving Kiern outside if you all need anything.” She leans forward and brushes her lips softly over Clarke’s, willing herself to back away even though everything inside her is fighting to stay right where she is. Swallowing back the overwhelming emotion she pulls back just enough to see the shine in Clarke’s eyes and knows she’s feeling the same thing.

They kiss once more, before Lexa brushes her lips over her forehead and whispers softly for Clarke only, “I’ll see you soon, love.” With that, she stands and nods to Echo and Octavia before raising her chin and exiting.

“Wow,” Octavia breathes out, nearly out of breath. “Just being in the same room as you two, doing nothing but sharing a kiss and…just wow.”

Echo nods, not trusting her voice as she washes Clarke’s back now.

Clarke feels the heat around her and can smell it in the air. It’s thicker than it was minutes ago and she finds herself biting her lip. “I really need to read some more of my dad’s journal.”

“I believe Heda also mentioned finding the wise one in the next village to seek her wisdom also. We’ll have much to learn in the coming days, but for now, we must get you ready for the initiation ceremony that has been delayed for too long.” Echo holds out a large towel for Clarke to wrap herself in as she stands up, bath now complete.

She sighs as she dries off, feeling good inside, clean outside and ready for the evening to begin. “So what’s next?" 

Octavia and Echo grin at her and Clarke knows she’s about to find out.

 

~

 

Lexa nods to her people; proud of the work they are doing for the celebration to initiate Clarke into their ranks. Those that remained in the village had worked hard to pitch tents and rebuild fallen structures and homes while still making time to finish the small raised platform she now stands in front of.

The ceremony isn’t a large and grand event usually, but she can tell her people know that this time it will mean much more. They aren’t just welcoming a new clan member; they are welcoming their Kwin. She is also aware that she will need to speak on the whispers of her being the last commander as well. Nothing is ever set in stone, but with the way things are happening, she’s beginning to believe it all possible herself.

She watches as a few of her men carry a weapon’s rack over and carry it up onto the platform. There are a variety of weapons, including swords, daggers, chains and heaver club style weapons. She shakes her head before raising her hand and flicking her fingers, summoning them to her. “Yes Heda?”

“Please make sure there is a good strong staff amongst the weapon choices,” she instructs them, watching as one of them tilts his head sideways.

“A spear, Heda?” They are aware that all weapons need to be suitable to kill and protect, and a training staff wouldn’t do the job.

Lexa levels her eyes on them, “Yes, a spear, but also, make sure there is a good strong staff amongst the choices.” She nods as they understand and do not question her further and leave.

“You want to make sure she doesn’t feel obligated to choose a sharp weapon.” It’s not posed as a question, but Lexa feels Indra would like a response.

She gives a curt nod, watching the men and happy to see a fine staff placed amongst the weapon choices. “She may not ever wish to kill, and I will not force that upon her. However, with proper training, she can easily subdue with that weapon.”

Indra nods, understanding, “You know our kru will be expecting an announcement tonight as well.”

Lexa sighs, “They will be disappointed on this evening, for I will not push too much on her at once. There will be a time to speak of our bonding ceremony, but I will not spring it on her before I’ve had a chance to talk with her first.”

“I understand, Heda. That is your intention though, is it not?” Indra eyes her, a slight smile playing at her lips. 

Lexa allows herself a smile and the faintest of blushes, “Yes, I wish to be bound to Klark for the rest of this life and any others that follow.”

 

~

 

“It feels strange to be here, but like, not in a weird way. Does that make sense?” Bellamy can tell Monty is a little nervous despite his obvious delight at being amongst the grounders in one of their villages. There are a few cautious glances and a few snarls, but otherwise most people are fairly welcoming.

Bellamy nods at him, “Yeah, I think I get what you mean. Don’t worry, with Clarke and the Commander together, I think everything will be alright now.”

“I know, right? Like, how rad is it that Clarke not only found her twin flame, but it’s the leader of the grounders?” Monty smiles, his boy like excitement overpowering his nervousness.

“All that matters to me is that she’s happy,” Bellamy said seriously, stopping to look at his friend, “and the smile and love that radiates off of her when she’s looking at or even near the commander…tells me she is and will be.”

Monty nods and smiles before a young grounder who is giving him a shy smile takes his attention. He gives her a small wave and lowers his head slightly. “I think I’ll just go,” he points in the girl’s direction and see’s Bellamy’s smile as he shakes his head and walks away.

He continues on, glancing around the camp to make sure all of the people from the Ark that came to attend were safe and accounted for. He see’s Octavia as she exits a building, saying something to the guard outside before heading his way. “Octavia, where have you been?” He hugs her in greeting and pulls back.

“Helping Eko get Klark ready for tonight. Have you seen Raven?” She glances around, not seeing their friend.

Bellamy nodded over towards Kane and Abby who were sitting at a table nursing drinks, trying to converse with anyone but each other. Raven appeared to be keeping the peace as best she could. “Although if you plan to take her away, who knows what will happen with those two.”

Octavia thinks on it, realizing her brother is probably right and the last thing they need is any type of fight breaking out, verbal or not. “Care to join them and take her place as peace keeper for a while?”

Bellamy sighs, scratching the back of his head. “Fine, but find Lincoln and send him to help me.”

They approach the tense table together and everyone seems delighted at their presence. “Raven, I need you to come with me.” All eyes glance at Octavia as she rolls her eyes and grabs at the girl’s arm, “Come on.”

Abby is the first to speak cutting off anything Marcus was about to say. “Is something wrong, Octavia? Why do you need Raven?”

“She has to give something to Klark but don’t worry, I’m leaving Bell here to entertain you both. Lincoln will be by shortly and he’ll explain how tonight will happen.” With that she turns and leaves, Raven following behind her.

It’s only a few awkward and tense minutes later that Lincoln approaches and feels all eyes on him. “What?”

“You look,” Bellamy hesitates, unsure how to explain and not offend the kind grounder that’s fallen for his sister, “different. Good different.”

Lincoln cracks a small smile, “We do get dressed up during ceremonies and times of celebration. It’s not required, but since Okteivia has declared herself one of Klark’s personal guard and we are together it would be frowned upon if I did not.” He sits down next to Abby, sitting across from the other two men.

Marcus beats Abby with his question this time, “Clarke’s personal guard?”

Lincoln nods, “We are aware that you two are the chosen leaders of the Skaikru, but our people have always seen Klark as Heda. Now that she will be joining our kru and is known as our Kwin, she will be protected just as well, if not better than the commander herself.”

“I know our people have our beliefs, and it’s obvious that there is something incredible between them,” Abby licks her lips and sighs, “obviously they are twin flames, but what is this Kwin business?”

Lincoln sighs and rests his elbows on the table and laces his fingers together as he decides how to approach this conversation. “Just as your people have your twin flame, our people have our own legends…prophecy, if you will. All of our children are taught this at a young age, regardless of which clan you are born into so that the knowledge can be passed on and any that can witness it, will know what it means.”

He rubs his freshly shaved chin and rests his hands down on the table before he begins to recite from memory, “A time will come, when the last commander will be called. The last commander will sacrifice all in the protection of our people. The last commander will sacrifice the heart’s love as the final test of strength…” he pauses then, looking to the distance and seeing his Heda and feeling a stronger sense of devotion to her and to his people than ever before, “and we will know peace when the sky meets the ground and the sun shines in reverse.”

He swallows and sits quietly, waiting for his words to sink in. He watches each of them, knowing they are beginning to understand just how big of a deal this is. Bigger than even they thought before, knowing Clarke and Lexa were twin flames.

“Our dropship was the sky meeting the ground…” Bellamy starts and see’s Lincoln nod once.

“The sun shines in reverse…” Marcus whispers out, thinking back to the Ark, “That glow that came from them, the others said it went beyond the walls of the Ark.”

Lincoln nods again, “Straight into the sky, as if the sun was shining in reverse.”

Abby sits quietly before asking the question she felt they all must be curious about, “What does it mean if Lexa is your last commander?”

“Ever since the war, we were told there was a chosen among us, one who would lead us and keep the peace. Every commander seemed to be awakened when most needed and each commander would lead until his or her death when another would be called to take his or her place. There were always fights between the clans, first it was riots to scrounge any surviving supplies, then it was raids for land and resources for survival…it would have been impossible to not have a unified leader in each clan. Our heda, Lexa, was the youngest ever called. She’s also the only one who wanted peace between all of our people. She wanted to unify us all to leave in peace.”

Lincoln stands then but leans forward, resting his hands flat on the table. “You may find us simple, or sometimes savage, but just know that Lexa got us to this point, just as Klark did for your people. Their vision and sacrifices were required. There will be resistance, those that will call them out or seek to prove they are truly the last Commander and Kwin, but together, they will bring peace to all people. You can help us, or you can be excluded.” With that he stands to his full height and turns, making his way over towards his heda with a proud smile on his face.

He approaches her and stands silent at her side. She turns slightly, glancing at his attire, a small grin tugging at her lips. “Linkon, you look well.”

He grins back and nods, “As do you, Heda.” He will probably never voice his thoughts on the matter, but truthfully, he liked getting cleaned up and wearing his finest and softest leather and fur clothes. This time, it would be an even greater honour as he would have his love at his side and be witness to the initiation of Klark, his Kwin.

“I take it you conversed with the Skaikru and told them of our legend?” Her eyes stayed straight ahead, taking in the people around them, but she was eager to hear his response.

“Yes Heda, and there were only a few questions but the three leaders are aware and know the truth. I did not sense there will be any issues from them and I made their options clear.” He watches until she nods, turning to face him and clasps his arm with hers.

“Thank you, Linkon, feel free to enjoy your evening tonight with Okteivia after the celebration. I will have others posted for guard and healing duty as required.” Lexa smiles. She now understands more of Lincoln’s actions in the past and while at times it was against their ways, she knows now she would have done the same if in his place.

“Mochof, Heda.” He bows his head slightly as she takes off to prepare herself for the evening ahead.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've got a few stories on the go. I'll get a few chapters done on my next fic before I start posting though.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me!


	26. TonDC - Kwin Klark kom Trikru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's initiation into the Trikru ceremony.

**TonDC – Kwin Klark kom Trikru**

 

~

 

Raven follows Octavia down a few stairs and into a small room. There’s still faint sunlight coming through the few windows but the majority of the light is due to many candles and a few torches on the walls. She looks around, taking in the room before her eyes settle on Clarke and she can’t stop a gasp from leaving her lips.

Clarke turns and shrugs slightly eyeing her friend. “Well, what do you think?” She walks towards Raven and holds her arms out from her body just slightly, waiting for her friend’s response.

“Clarke, you look…” she pauses, words briefly escaping her, “you look beautiful- like royalty.” Raven is truly in awe at the sight in front of her.

Clarke is a beautiful woman, there’s no denying that. She has a beautiful body, her hair is bright and catches the sunlight and her eyes stand out and sparkle in the clearest blue. No matter how she had seen her in the past, on the Ark, covered in blood, worn clothing or otherwise, nothing could have prepared her to see her friend looking as she did standing before her.

Clarke’s hair was shiny and soft, all of it mostly down with the addition of several new braids. Two main braids started at her temples and were pulled back, much like her normal style, and locked together at the back of her head. Three more braids lay above the rest of her straight hair, but underneath the two tied together. Her face was clear and bright, her eyes coming to life and standing out with the help of her clothing.

She wore dark form fitting pants that were a deep grey, just a couple shades from being black. A lighter grey top could be seen underneath the long cape style jacket she wore, which was much the same as Lexa’s. It too was dark being the same shade of her pants and buckled just over the swell of her breasts and down to her waist. The ends trail behind her as she walks over to Raven. She stops and waits as Raven takes in the rest of her appearance. She has a shoulder guard over her right shoulder, opposite of how Lexa wears hers on her left and wears a long red sash attached to it that reaches the floor.

Raven steps around her, to take in the full view and can’t help but to shake her head and smile. Clarke’s sash, while red like the commander’s, has two long silver stripes that trail the length of it. “The commander wears one like this, only hers is solid red,” Raven muses as she comes back to face her blonde comrade. “What does the silver represent?”

Clarke looks to Echo who steps forward and answers for her, “Only the commander may wear the solid red, but the commander’s chosen life partner always wears one with a silver stripe. Klark’s has two, as this signifies not only her place as our Heda’s love, but also shows her position of Kwin. In the ranks of our people, she is second only to Heda.”

Lexa chooses that moment to step into the room having been frozen at the doorway taking in the creature before her that had stolen away her breath. “But forever first in my heart.” Lexa breathes out and crosses the room in three quick strides, placing her hands softly on Clarke’s neck, “You are enchanting, Klark.” Her whisper is soft, but not too soft as to not be heard.

Clarke swallows places her hands on Lexa’s and steps into her, connecting their lips tenderly. Pulling back, Clarke releases a beautifully wide smile and steps back but takes Lexa’s hand in her own as she takes in the commander. Her face is clear of war paint and her own braids are flawless and intricate. Clarke swallows feeling her mouth going dry at the site of her. Lexa looks fierce and powerful as if she can take on the world but when Clarke looks into her soft green eyes, she see’s nothing but undying devotion swirling in their depths. She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted.

“Okay, seriously, give us like five minutes and we’ll leave the room and come get you two before the ceremony.” Octavia starts, stepping up to the two of them, feeling the temperature in the room beginning to grow steadily warmer. “Beja,” she tries again and raises an eyebrow as Clarke turns away with a sigh and looks at her.

“Time starts now,” is all she says and gives Octavia her undivided attention.

Octavia turns to Raven and hands her the box she had asked her to give to Clarke what seems like a lifetime ago. “You’re here now, it should come from you.”

Raven nods and turns to Clarke, holding out the small box. “I made this for you but never found the right time to give it to you. I asked Octavia to bring it and then everything got crazy so…now I can give it to you.”

Clarke releases Lexa’s hand in order to step forward and take the box. “What was to be the occasion?” She’s curious; as a gift now would make sense she supposes, even though it’s unnecessary but if she had it to give to her previously...then why?

Raven shrugs a little, “You didn’t seem to notice how lost in your thoughts you would get back at the dropship when you thought no one was paying attention. Every single time something was bothering you or weighing on you, you’d start drawing. Whether it was on the ground with a stick or using a knife or coal on the walls of the ship…you were always drawing and it seemed to calm you for a while.” She smiles, looking to Lexa and then back at her friend. “When you told me about your dream and we discussed it that night, it all started adding up. The rest, well, just open it.”

Clarke takes a deep breath and opens the box, a gasp falling from her lip as she lifts the metal cuff. She hands the box over to Echo so that she can fully take in and appreciate what she’s holding. The metal was obviously salvaged from pieces of the Ark, but had been polished flat and heated to make it curve. On the top was a detailed replica of the tree that she would draw over and over again. The same tree she now wore on her back. The tree Lexa told her was very much real and she would see soon.

The tears were pooling in her eyes against her will but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. They were tears of joy and appreciation, not sadness or pain. To the left of the tree etched into the metal were the numbers 3 and 19 and to the right was the number 2148. “Raven,” she whispers and engulfs the surprised girl in her arms, hugging her tightly. “Thank you,” she voices with as much emotion as she can before pulling back and sliding the cuff over her left wrist into place, finding it a perfect fit.

Clarke shakes her head, watery blue eyes sparkling bright as she connects with Raven’s, “I can’t believe you actually remembered the date.”

“Of course I did Clarke. That night was the beginning of the rest of your life. You may not have known it yet, but it’s a day you will never forget. I just wanted to immortalize it as best I could for you.” Raven blushes and then turns to punch Octavia in the shoulder, hearing her snicker behind her.

Clarke shoots Octavia a glare and smiles when she raises her hands up in defense. Turning to Lexa, she holds her left arm out, showing her the wrist cuff. “I know the Trikru don’t keep track of the years much anymore, let alone the days and months, but this is the day I started having the dreams.”

Lexa takes her hand in her own, raising it to her lips and kissing her palm. Lowering her hand she turns to Raven and offers her a soft smile and nod of her head. “Thank you, Raven. This gift not only means much, not only to Klark, but to me as well. And it compliments her already gorgeous attire.”

Raven smiles and nods back to the commander before feeling her arm being grabbed and Octavia is pulling her and Echo towards the door. “We’re out of here before any more of your heart eyes and sappy words poison us all.” Seeing Clarke roll her eyes and Lexa look at her quizzically, Octavia just laughs, “You’ve got five minutes lovebirds and then I’m sending Indra and Abby in here after you!”

Lexa looks back to Clarke, still confused. “Is she serious about sending Indra and your mother in?”

Clarke only raises her eyebrow as she steps in closer and wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck, sighing at the feel of her warm arms around her waist. “I wouldn’t bet against it.” Leaning forward she rubs her nose against Lexa’s, drawing a soft smile from the brunette. “You look ravishing,” Clarke admits, trailing her fingers down Lexa’s shoulder and playing with the sash attached to her shoulder guard.

Lexa swallows, feeling the heat around them growing thicker, her hairs standing at attention. “We must not speak of ravishing right now,” her voice drops as she leans forward, eyes looking heavy with desire, “We have a ceremony to attend.” Her lips hover just over Clarke’s, the heat from them drawing her in.

“Leksa,” Clarke breathes out, pressing her lips against the tender ones above her own. Despite the heat and the raw desire they both must feel, the kiss remains soft and sweet, simply content to feel the other close and share the same breath.

A throat clearing at the door draws them out of their haze as they slowly pull back but keeping their hands laced together as they face the door. Lincoln stands there awkwardly and gives them an uncertain shrug, “Okteivia made me…”

Clarke laughs and see’s a small smirk on Lexa’s lips. “I’d much rather it be you than my mother or Indra,” Clarke replies. 

“They were the next in line if I failed,” Lincoln jokes back, but despite the teasing tone, they all know his words were true.

 

~

 

The group from the sky knew the looks on their faces must be priceless, but they don’t care.

Abby herself can’t believe the show of support she’s seeing from the grounders at the initiation ceremony of a Skaikru, as they called them, into their clan. She gasps, hand going to her mouth as she sees her daughter being led to the raised platform by Lexa. They both look like a couple out of an old movie she used to watch as a child on the Ark. While the clothing is still random pieces made out of leather and found clothing, they stand out amongst the other villagers and warriors. They look like a power couple, Abby thinks, and she supposes that’s a fitting assessment.

She expects to feel fear or apprehension as they begin, but finds herself oddly calm and looking forward to the proceedings. The smile on Clarke and Lexa’s faces certainly help.

“Kru kom Tondisi,” Lexa calls out, raising her hand and immediately silence takes place. “You have witnessed the trials overcome by Klark of the Skaikru and now you come to witness her become Klark of the Trikru!” Cheers and noise erupts and Lexa’s smile is contagious. Abby finds herself seeing a little more of the woman that her daughter must see in that smile. She welcomes it with a smile of her own.

“I have sought out Neeka, one of our most fair and wisest of elders to take on this task. She has helped bring many of our children into this world and has saved many of our lives,” Lexa turns to the woman and gives her a grateful smile, “and it is my honour to have her welcome one more into our fold.” Lexa steps back and takes her place to the side next to Indra who stands beside the weapons rack.

Neeka approaches Clarke and speaks to her, but loud enough that those gathered can hear her words. “By joining this clan, you become part of a greater family. As such, you are part of an endless circle of kinship, hospitality and protection. We give thanks to the ancestors who watch over us and to those who may follow.”

She directs her hands out in front of her and Clarke takes her cue and kneels before her, tossing her long coat out behind her to sit on her heels and resting her hands on her legs. Neeka then turns to address those gathered, “Here before you kneels Klark, soon to be a sworn part of this clan and to be forevermore known as Kwin Klark kom Trikru.”

Neeka turns to dip two fingers into a dark mixture before facing Clarke once more. “Klark, the mysteries of this world are many. We can never hope to learn them all but we can follow them on our journey through this life and the next. As one of the Trikru and as our Kwin, you will learn, grow and evolve every day. You will seek knew knowledge and attain it in direct proportion to your efforts.” She takes a breath, her old age causing her to tire quickly, “Are you willing and able to uphold the values and principles of this clan and to remain true to our Heda, our Last Heda, from this day until your last day?”

Clarke lowers her head and nods, looking up to connect her eyes with Lexa’s. “And in any and every life that comes after, wherever our spirits may move us.” She turns back to Neeka and closes her eyes as the old and soft fingers tremble slightly as they draw two tear tracks down her cheeks from her eyes with what Clarke now realizes, is war paint.

“Then rise and be reborn, no longer bound to the name Clarke kom Skaikru, but tethered to your true life and true love as Kwin Klark kom Trikru.” Her voice is warm and her smile lights up her eyes as she takes Clarke’s hand and helps her to her feet. “The sash you wear is yours alone, showing not only that you are of our clan, but your tethered status to our Heda.” She lowers her eyes with Clarke’s hand in hers and presses her forehead to her hands and then kisses them. “Mochof, Kwin, for allowing me to preside over this ceremony. It is my great honour to do so.”

Clarke smiles and lowers her own eyes in a show of respect. “Mochof, Neeka, for your participation.”

Clarke stands up fully and turns towards Lexa as Neeka is assisted down from the platform and Indra steps towards her. Indra directs her attention to the crowd and calls out, “We are near the end of this journey but before we conclude to celebrate with a feast and wine, Kwin Klark must make two final decisions.” The murmurs quiet to only those of the Skaikru, who weren’t aware of what was to happen next.

Indra turns back to Clarke and holds out her hand, pointing to the rack of weapons that stand beside Lexa. “You must choose your weapon or weapons of choice, to be trained in their art for the protection of yourself, your love and of your people. What will you choose?”

Clarke knew this would be asked of her and so she doesn’t hesitate to walk with her head held high over to the rack of weapons, her eyes glancing over them. She knew what her primary weapon would be, but surprises even Lexa when her hands reach out and take the two daggers in the center and slides them down into two well placed holding straps on the outside of her boots. She raises her body once more and reaches out.

Lexa can’t deny that she was a bit shocked that Clarke chose the two daggers, thinking that she would of course take a small blade or throwing knife. She’s further stunned when Clarke’s hand bypasses the staff and grabs a sword, much like her everyday weapon and grips it in her hand, feeling its weight before stepping back and nodding to Indra. Lexa feels her mouth go dry and can do nothing more than watch.

Indra nods, “Kwin Klark has chosen the stealth daggers and sword as her weapons of defense and protection. She will be trained until they feel as if they are an extension of herself.” She steps back and allows Echo to take her place.

“Kwin Klark will now choose a duty to perform for our people. Most of our people are assigned to their duties, based on ability and watching them grow from a young age, but since Klark is grown and now Kwin, the choice is hers alone.” Echo steps towards Clarke with a smile on her face. “What will you choose, Kwin?”

Clarke smiles and mentally reminds herself to tell Echo not to call her Kwin as if she is royalty. Echo is her friend and that’s how she wants it to stay. The choice, she has already made and seeing a pleased nod from Lexa, she smiles back and announces her choice. “I choose the role of healer as my duty to our people. I wish to heal, to learn more of our healing ways and to share those I have learned in return.”

The sounds of cheers and applause sound around them and Echo leans forward as if to nod to Clarke, but finds herself in the arms of her friend; her little sister. “We’re talking about this addressing me as Kwin business later,” Clarke huffs into her ear, drawing a smile from the warrior.

“As you wish, Kwin,” Echo replies with a grin.

Lexa takes a step forward then and takes her place beside Clarke, feeling the backs of their hands brush together. “Kru kom Tondisi, Klark has not only completed the cleansing trials but is now known and accepted as Kwin Klark kom Trikru from this day forward!” Lexa smiles as her people erupt into cheers and began chanting “Kwin Klark, Kwin Klark”. She turns her head when she hears a few people calling out questions over the chants and cheers.

She can’t make out their words and so raises her hands in a request for silence and lowers it back down as the noise settles. “Speak your questions and then let us celebrate.”

“Heda, when will your bonding ceremony be?”

“Heda will you pledge your vows to her at the sacred tree?”

“Is it true you are the Last Commander and Kwin Klark will help bring us to peace?”

The questions continue to fire out at her and Lexa briefly considers which one she should respond to first, but before she gets a chance, however, another younger voice sounds out.

“Kwin Klark, do you want to be tethered to Heda Leksa for always?” His voice is young but his eyes are wise as he stares at Clarke, waiting for her to answer.

Clarke steps forward, not noticing the silence that surrounds them now as everyone has stilled to watch this exchange. She does something no one expects as she bends down on one knee so that she is closer to his eye level since she’s standing on a platform.

“You are Jovan, yes?” Clarke asks, recognizing him as the young boy from her trial who placed his cut for his father upon her wrist and drew a tear on his own cheek for her.

“Sha, Kwin.” He responds, his eyes light and his hair fairer than those of the others.

“You wish to know if I want to be tethered to your Heda,” she begins, seeing his nod, “You want to know if I wish to be with her, in love and in pain, for all the rest of my days?” He nods again and she holds out her hand.

He considers her for only a moment, his eyes seemingly worried about something but he doesn’t hesitate as he raises his own hand and places it in hers.

Clarke smiles and covers his hand with both of hers and his eyes widen at the heat he feels from her hand. “I have wished to be with Leksa since the first day I dreamed of her when I was still a prisoner to the stars.”

Gasps are heard from many of the grounders around them, intrigued by this new knowledge.

She raises her left hand and ruffles it through his shaggy hair. “Nothing can ever feel more right than being by her side, for always.”

She sees the smile in his eyes before it takes over his lips and he nods, pulling her hand forward and placing a kiss upon it. “Mochof, Kwin.”

She pulls back and stands, nodding her head to him. “Mochof Jovan, for accepting me.”

Clarke raises her eyes in awe she pulls her focus away from the boy and looks out amongst the crowd. To her shock and surprise everyone gathered has lowered themselves down on one knee and bowed their heads in a show of respect. Even the warriors that were on guard of the ceremony, while still standing, have turned in her direction and lowered their eyes.

She turns back, seeking out Lexa in this turn of events and feels a pounding in her chest and a heat fill her body for everyone, every single person there including Lexa herself, were all on bended knee before her.

Not moving from her position, Lexa raises her eyes to capture Clarke’s and she doesn’t need the heat thrumming through her body to feel the things that single look brings to the surface.

She feels complete. 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. You can see my idea of Clarke's back brands and tattoo as well as the wrist cuff on my tumblr: ladyofblessedpain - just search Understanding and you'll find it. :)


	27. TonDC - I'll give you all I have, you just have to claim it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is officially Trikru now. What should we do next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know this is horribly late and I am so sorry. If it makes you feel better, even though this isn't the longest chapter I've ever written, it was the most intense for me. Two pages took me two hours. I'm not lying...so, I hope you enjoy. If not, be gentle?

 

**TonDC – I’ll give you all I have, you just have to claim it**

 

~

 

The air, although warmer than it was moments before, is still. Clarke can feel the steady rise of her pulse as heat fills her chest and slowly creeps up her neck to settle behind her ears. Their gazes remain locked, and Clarke is sure she should move; yet she feels anchored to the ground, suspended in a lossless amount of time as the air thickens and the faint sound of birds and the rustle of leaves in the wind can be heard. Outside the edges of her vision, she is aware of those around them and knows the silence that has settled over the camp won’t last, but they all hold steady, waiting for some sign from their heda or their kwin before moving an inch.

Clarke swallows and runs her tongue over her dry lips, seeing Lexa’s eyes darken, but she doesn’t dare move, and Clarke knows she is being patient. Lexa is waiting for Clarke to make the first move, to make the decision of how to proceed after what she has so clearly offered the blonde: _herself_.

While she can feel the eyes upon her, she doesn’t let it break her focus, which is still tied to Lexa’s eyes. Green eyes that are penetrating her to her very core, making her feel bare and exposed. She crosses the short distance, just a few steps, until she is but two feet away from Lexa, and stills when something in those eyes change. Lexa raises her chin; a look of fierce conviction shining in her eyes, before a breath is released and her sword is drawn from its sheath at her side.

She hears those around her startle with slight gasps and feels all the eyes suddenly shift their focus to Lexa as she makes a figure eight pattern in the air with the weapon before slamming it down to the wood below, and she knows something she could not have ever expected to happen is happening before her very eyes.

The commander of the united clans is doing something unprecedented. Clarke feels the sparks in her eyes as they burn with the rest of her while her body is encompassed in heat and the hairs on her arms rise from the electricity that is forming.

She takes the final step forward, watching Lexa closely. The brunette’s hands are both clasped on the hilt of her sword, and her eyes are imploring Clarke to understand.

 

~

 

Lexa watches in awe as Clarke lowers herself down so that she is at equal level with Jovan in order to answer his softly spoken but desperately serious question. This woman, who has not only been known as the Skai Heda but who has also brought down the mountain, is answering a child’s question with the utmost care and show of respect. Lexa is stoic as always, but inside, she’s astonished. Clarke has not only earned the respect of her people but also their fealty as Kwin, and here she is, making herself equal to a young one, this task as important as any other, because that is who she is. _She is the Kwin_.

Her throat bobs and her heart begins its steady climb as her emotions spar within her. She is the _Heda_. She is the _visionary_ and the one who united the twelve clans. She is the _last_ _commander_.

Blue eyes connect with her own, and she, while previously feeling weak as if a slave to that gaze, suddenly feels the tightly bound coils that have wound around her insides snap, and she feels empowered. She feels tethered only by a strength she never knew she could possess, a strength that flows from Clarke. With a flare of her nose and a short breath, she beseeches her love with her gaze, willing the blonde to make the first move and to understand that she needs her closer to do what she feels is necessary, to follow her _instincts_.

Clarke approaches her, one foot in front of the other. Such a short distance, yet time is standing still and racing around her all at once. There are only a few steps left, and Lexa knows this is the moment she was waiting for, and as if she can read her mind, Clarke halts.

With the practiced ease of a thousand draws, she removes her blade swiftly, swinging it down to cut the air at her right side and spinning it up and across her body to cut the air at her left. She performs a figure eight pattern, used to create space and break the binds that may hold you down in battle, and finishes with an offering of her sword by sticking it firmly into the wood below, just off to the right, and rests both hands on the hilt. And she waits.

As Clarke closes the gap with her final step, Lexa peers up into her sparkling and now lighter blue eyes and declares to Clarke, but for all those present to hear, “Ai badan yu op en nou moun, Klark.” _I serve you and no other, Klark._

~

Clarke feels as if her throat is dry and words will not form, and yet the sight of Lexa and the knowledge of what has just happened has her mouth watering. The energy around her is crackling. She can feel it coursing through her body, and her hands begin to tingle as if some unseen force is guiding her. She opens herself up to the feeling, letting it settle inside and around her, and she’s never felt more complete or as strong with a sense of overwhelming devotion as she does in this moment. Letting the energy guide her, she removes her own sword, raising it high above her with her outstretched arm, feeling the throb in her arm before turning her hand and letting the sword fall, as she herself had, from the sky.

She allows her hand to follow it down, hearing the _thunk_ it makes as it sticks into the wood just to Lexa’s left. Dropping down to one knee herself between the two swords, she raises her left hand and places it over Lexa’s that still rest upon her sword’s hilt. She feels her lips twitch as she looks out over their people, making eye contact with as many as she can in the few seconds she spares before letting the pull to Lexa have her, eyes seeking green once more. The words are resolute and clear, leaving no room for confusion. “Dison laik ain.”

The Last Commander, Heda Leksa kom Trikru, has offered her life and her sword to her love and her twin flame. Kwin Klark kom Trikru has just accepted this proposal and claimed her in return.

 

~

 

Lexa is quick to dismiss her people to celebrate, eager to be away from the cumbersome crowd and alone with Clarke. She, of course, extends them the required pleasantries and accepts their congratulations. She is quite pleased, more than she can possibly express, at their exuberance at their upcoming bonding ceremony. Her people feel, almost as strongly as she does, that this is without a doubt their destiny, and they are elated.

She watches as Clarke receive hugs, smiles, and even a few tears from the Skaikru and doesn’t quite hide her shock at the handshakes and pats on the shoulder she receives from them as well. While their customs are not completely foreign to her, she still feels a little bewildered by it all. Nevertheless, she has Clarke’s hand wound tightly in her own, and the heat between them is staggering, and she begins to wonder when their skin will simply fuse together, never to be separated.

She smiles politely as Clarke continues to speak with her friends but discretely seeks out Echo and Indra. Finding them standing side by side, she catches Echo’s eye first and gives her a short nod. She knows what to do. Turning back, she tries to focus on the conversations going on around her but soon finds herself lost in thought. She replays the moments after their declarations in her head and feels the rush of excitement bubble up inside her chest.

_Lexa knows. She **knows** deep down inside herself what is happening in these life-altering moments before her. She knows what she and Clarke are declaring before their people. Their people, who are now all acting as witnesses to the **betrothal** of their heda and her kwin._

_The very moment the words complete their journey from Clarke’s lips, Lexa loses her composure. She surges forward, using her free hand to pull the blonde in by the back of her neck and presses her lips to Clarke’s, sealing her promise._

_Through the rushing of blood she can hear between her ears, she knows cheers are erupting around them, but her senses are full and screaming **Klark** in such a way that she isn’t sure she can handle. Clarke feels like she is the steadier of the two of them, removing her hand from the top of Lexa’s and guiding her trembling hand to place it on her waist. Lexa whimpers, leaning into her further as Clarke slowly slides her hand behind her neck and buries her fingers in her hair as their lips speak the words their hearts cannot._

_The surprise and exclamations of their people are what break them out of their haze. The gasps and calls of “ **soncha!** ” **light** cause them to pull back and see what is causing the commotion. It only takes a second as they already feel it coursing within them, but seeing it surrounding them again brings smiles to their faces. Clarke’s protective glow and Lexa’s sky-inspired strength blend and encompass them in the brilliant light for all to see. Lexa understands now something she hasn’t ever been able to before. Hodnes laik uf. Love is strength._

Lexa is pulled out of her reverie by a gentle squeeze of her hand and turns her head to find shining blue eyes smiling at her. “Still with me, Leksa?” The blonde grins, raising a golden eyebrow at her.

She can only give her love a soft nod, unsure of her voice as the feeling in her chest grows stronger and her frame begins to tremble from the energy coursing beneath the surface. Clarke seems to sense this, or perhaps she’s feeling the same herself, because she simply smiles and pulls Lexa away from the others and back towards her tent.

Clarke licks her lips and clears her throat, drawing Lexa’s eyes from their path and back to her. “Will we have privacy tonight?” Her voice is soft, but Lexa can _feel_ the desire Clarke is holding in check, just beneath the surface.

“Sha,” _yes,_ she nods, squeezing the hand entwined with hers. “Ste kamp raun ai?” _Stay with me_ , she questions, searching Clarke’s eyes with a gentle smile.

Clarke looks at her for a moment, and Lexa knows she’s trying to translate her words. She may be picking it up quickly, but she’s not fluent just yet. Lexa widens her smile and asks again, “Stay with me?”

Clarke brightens and faces her, pressing their bodies close and hovers her lips just shy of Lexa’s. “Otaim.” _Always_. Her whisper is gentle, a soothing caress over Lexa’s lips that are burning with need. Lowering her forehead to Clarke’s, she lets out a shudder and grips Clarke’s hand tighter and quickens their pace until they are crossing the entry into her tent and into their first night of forever.

~ 

The candlelight in Lexa’s tent casts a warm and comforting glow around them, and Clarke feels herself tremble in anticipation. She can’t deny a bit of nervousness, but it’s only slight and hidden behind layers upon layers of desire and longing. She watches Lexa as she slowly removes her weapons and the outer layer of her ceremonial gear piece by piece. A memory springs to her mind, bringing her back to her time on the Ark and a girl she had befriended. Her name was Lina, Clarke recalls, and her family studied the languages of Earth before the war, keeping the history from being lost. It was Lina who taught her the word fernweh. She remembers Lina telling her that it meant feeling homesick for a place you have never been to. That is how her family thought of the Earth.

Standing here now with Lexa facing her, all gear removed except for a thin undershirt and her leggings, Clarke knows the feeling couldn’t possibly be about the earth. The homesickness she feels for a place she has never been to resides solely within _Lexa._ Fiercely protective and loyal Lexa.

Her feet carry her to the foot of Lexa’s bed, where she too begins to remove her weapons and her layers. Hesitant hands reach out, wishing to assist her with her task. Clarke can do nothing but surrender to those hands that gently release her from the confines of the material. Clarke knows they are both a little broken inside, their hearts scarred by past loves and past deeds, but the ebb and flow of the energy between them soothes those wounds. As a warm hand cups her cheek tenderly, she turns her head to press a kiss to the palm and feels her heart quicken at Lexa’s increased breaths.

Lexa’s eyes watch her own thumb as she drags it over Clarke’s bottom lip, before raising her eyes and whispering softly, “You’re a comet among the stars, but your trip across the skies is far from complete since your soul is meant to soar with mine.”

Clarke whimpers, her chest heavy and her knees weak. Lexa is prepared, always protecting her as she holds one arm firmly around her back and the other trails up her neck to bury in her hair. Clarke grips onto her hips, squeezing tightly and trying to ground herself as hot lips claim her own and her desire skyrockets. Even with her eyes closed, she feels as if she’s seeing every fiber of Lexa’s love.

Clarke only allows them to part as she feels herself being guided carefully to sit on Lexa’s bed. She pins Lexa with her eyes as her thoughts are made manifest on her lips, “You have a way with words that is heartbreaking in the best ways.”

Lexa closes her eyes, absorbing the words before shedding herself of her remaining clothing, and feels the already heady air become charged and crackle. Clarke is claiming her all over again as her eyes soak in every inch of skin presented to her. Standing abruptly, Clarke grabs at Lexa’s hips, pulling her in close and attacking her mouth with a groan.

Lexa knows her control is slipping, and she is ready for it. She has already given herself to Clarke in nearly every way she can, and she’s now ready to allow her body to be owned by her also. She feels it coming before it happens. She lets out a groan, feeling completely wrecked as Clarke lowers her mouth to her neck, claiming her by leaving her mark upon her flesh, and her hands glide up her sides and over a taut stomach to cradle her breasts. **“Klark.”** Her voice wavers, thick with longing, and her breaths come out in pants in place of words she can no longer properly form.

Clarke claims her lips again, sliding her tongue just under her top lip to request entrance, and Lexa knows she’s done for as she opens her mouth and Clarke’s tongue greets her own. She may be lost in a delicious state of euphoria, but she maintains just enough clear thought to forcefully rip the remaining bit of thin cloth from Clarke’s body and shoves at her bottoms, wanting them out of the way. Clarke easily complies, and with swiftness Lexa didn’t know she possessed, the blonde has turned them around and Lexa is on her back with blue eyes staring at her hungrily from above.

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.
> 
> — Vincent van Gogh


	28. TonDC - Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing the night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short...but hopefully it makes you feel alive...

**TonDC – Surrender**

 

~

 

Lexa feels it before she sees it. She catches the sparkle in Clarke’s eyes just before they darken and the energy that seems to be hovering in the air around her body. She knows she has never seen Clarke look more beautiful than she does in this moment, completely giving over to her primal instincts with Lexa being her prey.

The air is heavy and Lexa struggles to take in a breath, worried to break the intense connection she and Clarke are sharing. The blonde is still lingering over her, holding herself up by her hands on the mattress on either side of Lexa’s shoulders. Their lower bodies are touching, legs between each other and Lexa can feel the heat on her skin growing, making itself nearly painfully known.

Clarke’s eyes finally break from her own to map over her face. Clarke lingers on her lips and Lexa can’t stop herself from licking them, enjoying the expression that crosses her love’s face at the action. Her smug thought is wiped from her head quickly when Clarke settles herself more fully against her and her breath finally escapes her. “Something wrong, Leksa?” She hears whispered in her ear as Clarke leans in further, relaxing her upper body into the warmth below her.

Lexa is sure she can form a response, but yet again that thought is dismissed when she feels Clarke’s nose rub against the length of her neck and hears her take in her scent, a breathy whimper escaping her. She swallows the lump in her throat and grips Clarke’s hips tightly before slowly trailing her hands up her sides and over her shoulders.

Clarke submits to the feeling, sagging against Lexa and sighing, but it only lasts for a moment before Lexa finds both her hands removed from the blonde’s body and placed above her own head, being held firmly by Clarke’s right. “Don’t move them,” Clarke husks out against her ear and she feels herself clench, closing her eyes.

Lexa knows something is changing within her. The control she always holds so tightly to is slipping away in seconds because of Clarke. The stoic heda, behind these closed doors and pinned below her chosen, can no longer feel the need for that control. She doesn’t feel the need to fight or take it back. She doesn’t want to. She wants to feel whatever Clarke has to give her. And right now, Clarke is very slowly stoking an inferno as she rests her hands against strong shoulders, much like the night in the Ark, and is grinding their lower halves together in a slow and sensual dance.

As much as Lexa is enjoying every moment, she can’t help but feel her fingers itch to touch the beauty above her. She’s aching in every part of her body, a feeling so intense she feels her heartbeat pick up and her hands are trembling with effort to stay still. She thinks Clarke notices her struggle, if the lip she’s biting to try and hide a teasing smile is any indication. “Klark,” she husks, lost in the blue eyes that captivate her.

“Mmmm, yes?” Clarke responds, a very distinctive hiss to the word as she slows her hips but increases the pressure.

Lexa takes in a ragged breath, closing her eyes to try and focus. She can feel a light sheen of sweat coating her overheated skin already and knows the white-hot coil of energy that is building between her legs just might be the death of her. She’ll gladly suffer it.

“Beja,” _please_ she whimpers and bites down on her own lip, abashed at how much of a mess Clarke has already rendered her in such a short amount of time.

Clarke looks at her then, her gentle grind easing some until it’s just a whisper of a touch. Lexa isn’t sure which is more torture. “Beja chit?” _Please what_ Clarke asks, leaning forward to ghost the words over Lexa’s parted lips, before she traces the tip of her tongue slowly over the bottom one, but pulling back just before it can be captured.

“Hod in ai, beja,” _love me, please_ she begs, unashamed. That’s when it happens.

The air stills, heavy yet clear. Lexa feels the energy coursing through her being, spreading from the tight intensity radiating in her chest down to her toes. Her body is pulsing with it, calling out. Her eyes linger over Clarke and her jaw drops.

The blonde is sitting up again, but her hands are placed on Lexa’s chest, just over her heart while her head is tilted back as she appears to be trying to control her breath. She is taking longer and deeper breaths on each intake and letting them out slowly. Lexa can only watch in awe as the soft white glow begins to emanate from Clarke’s skin until both of them are completely shrouded in it. That’s when blue eyes meet her green ones once more.

“Ain Skai Kwin,” _My sky queen_ Lexa breathes out in wonder. She sits up, no longer able to stay laying back and not touching the blonde. She cups Clarke’s cheek; reverently stroking the smooth yet flushed skin with her thumb and laces her fingers with Clarke’s.

Clarke is quiet, but it does not worry Lexa, for she knows something profound is taking place and she is aware Clarke feels it too. “Ain yuj gona,” _My strong warrior_ Clarke whispers, “Ain hod in,” _My love_ she swallows, leaning in to delicately place her lips to Lexa’s, the air escaping them both. Clarke pulls back then, eyes determined and strong, focused yet gentle. “Lie back.”

The words are soft but Lexa hears them for what they are: a command. She lies back in her previous position and rests one hand inside the other above her head. She follows Clarke’s movement, watching as she scoots down the bed and begins to place kisses on her feet.

The progress is slow and steady as Clarke is clearly determined to map every single inch of her skin. Lexa knows when she has found a scar as she pays particular attention to them by kissing, licking and then kissing them once more before moving on in her journey up her body.

Lexa tries, but she can’t stop the small jerk of her hips as warm breath and soft lips caress over her inner thighs, so very close to the place that is currently in a delicious agony. She worries for only a moment as Clarke stills, but then feels soft puffs of air against her core as Clarke breathes in her scent. A delighted moan leaves her throat. The blonde manages to hold on to her control as she continues upward, pausing to suck at the inside of Lexa’s hipbones. A spot she finds out is sensitive; very sensitive as another soft grunt leaves Lexa, who nearly loses herself when Clarke switches sides to pay the same attention to her other hip.

As Clarke nears her breasts she pauses and Lexa opens her eyes, feeling Clarke’s call to her. Once their eyes meet, Lexa can see what Clarke needs and with a gentle smile and a short nod she closes her eyes a moment before opening them again. She see’s Clarke smile and lean forward, keeping her eye contact as she wraps her lips around a hard nipple. Their groans come at the same time, drowning with each other at the feel.

Lexa has shocks coursing through her and can feel the shiver run down her back as a warm and wet mouth alternates between broad flat licks and gentle suckles. She digs her nails into her hands, feeling herself slipping. “Klark,” is all she can say in barely a whisper.

Clarke releases her nipple with a soft pop and kisses a path across her chest to share her loving attention with its equal. Lexa just digs her nails into her palms harder as her chest heaves and her hips cant upward. The inferno is spreading, threatening to consume her and she wants nothing more than to burn in its flame until there’s nothing left of her. She cries out then, feeling the gentle motions against her throbbing center start up again.

Clarke must sense the change because she slips her thigh between Lexa’s and grinds down hard before claiming her lips hard. Lexa groans, rocking her hips with abandon as her tongue seeks out Clarke’s, battling each other in a loving match.

She knows Clarke is aware of what she wants, what she _needs_ , but she isn’t willing to let her have it this way; not on this night so when she lifts her hips to remove the friction Lexa so desperately needs, she quiets her whine with a soft “shhh, trust me,” before kissing her way back down her body, quicker this time.

Lexa can hear her heart. The pounding is echoing in her ears as her chest takes the beating and her lungs work harder to keep air flowing inside her. When she feels Clarke’s breath once more trail over her heated wet flesh, all she can do is let her legs fall open further and run her fingers through her own hair and grip tightly in anticipation.

Hot hands wrap over her hips from under her thighs and her body is keening at the first touch of Clarke’s tongue against her. The blonde’s tongue is dutiful in its purpose, laving attention thoroughly within her folds. When lips wrapping around her pulsing clit follow a soft flick, she groans throatily, pulling at her hair until it hurts.

Clarke hums in response against her before gliding her tongue down and pressing forward. Her tongue finds its mark, dipping into the source of Lexa’s desire. This time Lexa’s cries are loud and broken, any last restraint she may have had, gone.

She isn’t sure how long she teeters along the edge, savoring every intense second, but when those lips once more wrap around her clit and suck firmly as two fingers slowly fill her, thrusting slow and firm, she feels herself snap. Her hips buck, hands claw at the blankets and a guttural call of Clarke’s name leaves her lips before darkness consumes her.

 

~  


Her eyes blink slowly a few times as she comes back to herself. The intensity in her heart is stronger than before and her eyes prick with tears at the overwhelming feeling.

No one has ever rendered her to this point. She has never fully given up all control. She has never surrendered herself so completely. With Clarke…there was no other option. It was _instinct_.

The warm body against hers sighs, holding their bodies flush together. Her eyes grow heavy, despite her trying to fight it a little longer.

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” is whispered into her hair and for the first time ever, Lexa believes it.

~


	29. TonDC- Let the bets begin & Outside you're my alpha; but inside I'm yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some teasing bets between the Trikru and Skaikru - and some more loving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part is the tumblr easter egg portion - second part is what you really want.

 

~

**TonDC – Let the bets begin**

~

 

The nights may be getting cooler, but no one is feeling the chill as they drink, eat and celebrate around warm fires, family and friends.

Echo sits between Bellamy and Octavia, sipping on her wine as they share opinions and thoughts on the events of the evening. Everyone is in good spirits, with the Trikru and Skaikru getting along better than they ever have. It is an incredible time to be alive.

Her attention is brought back to the present when Octavia stands and the eyes around the fire focus on her. “Alright, so what are the bets?”

Echo tilts her head and furrows her brow, not understanding the question. She looks to her left to see Bellamy roll his eyes and Lincoln is giving a shake of his head, trying to hide a smile. “Bets? What bets do you speak of, Okteivia?”

Raven chooses this moment to chime in with a grin upon her face. “She’s wanting to place bets on how long it will be before Lexa and Clarke grace us with their presence again.” She stands and hip checks the brunette playfully. “Offer of favours owing?”

“Standard agreements considering most of us don’t have anything else to really offer.” Bellamy agrees, locking eyes with his sister.

“Alright, so who wants to start off?” Octavia rubs her hands together and looks towards Echo. “Eko?”

“This was your suggestion, Okteivia. You should start.” Echo isn’t sure how she feels about betting on how long her new sister, her _kwin,_ and her heda will be enjoying each other. Although, the idea is intriguing, a grin pulls at her lips.

“You all squawk like children!” Indra approaches, overhearing their conversation. “You would place bets on your kwin and your heda?” Her eyes are hard, glaring around the campfire and eyeing all of them in turn. She feels smug as she sees them all, with the exception of Raven, lower their eyes feeling rightfully chastised. “And not allow me to have a say?”

All eyes dart up to her, mouths slightly ajar. Indra raises her chin in a sign of superiority. “We will see them at morning meal. Our heda will never put her duties to our people on hold.”

The laughter that greets her causes her face to harden, but the laughter continues to grow more at this. “You all disagree?”

“With all due respect Indra, you have seen the way those two look at each other, yes?” Lincoln softly speaks, allowing his own eyes to glance to Octavia. “They found their way back to one another and they belong to each other. Duties or not, Heda will know matters are well in hand with you here and peace amongst our people.”

A round of nods are shared and Indra thinks perhaps she is underestimating her heda. “Very well, I have spoken so what say the rest of you?”

“Just on time for midday meal,” Lincoln offers off and Echo nods as well before seeing Octavia and Raven both shaking their heads at her.

“No, no ties in this. Lincoln chose midday meal so you have to pick another time,” Octavia explains.

Echo sighs, and lifts her eyes to the sky thinking. “They both carry responsibilities and take them seriously…so I’ll say just before midday meal by an hour.”

Octavia grins, accepting this and rubs her hands together. “Alright bro, Raven, looks like it’s down to us,” she states, looking between the two. “What’ll it be?”

Bellamy shakes his head, “Clarke will kill us if she finds out we’re doing this…” He hesitates only briefly before shrugging, “After midday meal. Clarke will be wondering where the food is.” They all snicker.

Raven eyes up Octavia, expecting the girl to throw out her own guess. When nothing but a stare-off seems to be happening Indra rolls her eyes and huffs. “Okteivia, choose now, you hesitate like a new babe in battle.”

Echo tries, but she can’t stop her snort that brings laughter from the others.

“Fine,” Octavia glares at the other warrior, “I guess sunset. They’ll be two saps for the sunset and that’ll get them up.”

“Lame,” Raven calls, “You guys are all really pathetic. We won’t see them until at least noon on the second day. They will not leave that tent except to hit the bath-house and even then, I don’t figure we’ll see them.” She puts her hands on her hips, satisfied. “They won’t take the chance of getting distracted by conversation when they have better things to do.”

Everyone is smiling, but they can’t help but wonder if they all misjudged, and if doing so will leave Raven victorious.

Maybe they should worry about what favours she will ask of them if she wins.

 

~

**TonDC – Outside you’re my Alpha; but inside I’m yours**

~

 

Clarke wakes to the sound of birds singing and soft puffs of air on the back of her neck. She smiles relaxing further into the warm embrace Lexa has her in and sighs out loud when the arm around her midsection tightens and pulls her in closer.

She opens her eyes, blinking a few times to clear the haze and trails her fingers over the Lexa’s bare arm that she is using as a pillow. Clarke knows she has never and will never feel as complete as she does in this moment, in the arms of her love. She sighs again, content and happy and places her hands over those that secure her.

“Mm, Klark, are you alright?” Lexa mumbles sleepily into her hair and Clarke knows she’s never heard a sound more delightful. She knows the commander rarely if ever lets her guard down except in her presence only. She relishes in this fact.

“Hey sweetheart, I’m perfect.” Is her honest reply as she shifts to gently turn herself in Lexa’s embrace so that her arms wrap around her back. Rubbing her nose gently against Lexa’s she draws a smile from the brunette who has yet to open her eyes. “Rise and shine, Leks.”

Lexa cracks a smile and opens one eye, “I’ll rise, but I refuse to shine.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow in challenge, “You can refuse all you want but your spirit shines brighter than any I’ve met before.” Leaning in she closes the gap and presses her lips against waiting ones.

Lexa lets out a soft whimper that sends a shiver through Clarke’s body. “Klark,” Lexa whispers out, pulling the blonde into her closer still, so that not a gap of space is between their flesh. Their legs are entwined, arms around the other and foreheads and noses still touching.

Clarke can feel her heart start to pound furiously, the tender moment growing more intense by the second. “What is it, Leksa?” Her voice is soft as if afraid to break a spell that has been cast over them. She trails her fingers up from Lexa’s hip, over the tattoos on her back and into her long and dark hair, gripping tightly. “What do you need?”

Clarke watches as Lexa’s throat bobs from her swallow and her pale green eyes flicker to meet blue ones. “Just you,” she whispers and Clarke feels her chest tighten and her heart quickens its furious pace. Something is changing within Lexa; or perhaps it’s something newly revealed and only to Clarke. The walls are down, no defenses in place. And Clarke can _feel_ it.

She takes just a moment of staring into the gorgeous eyes in front of her before feeling the shocks in her body begin and knows the temperature of the room is rising quicker than before. Pushing Lexa to her back, Clarke swiftly straddles her and lowers her body to be flush against the brunettes, delighting in the whimpered groan that leaves her throat. Slowly Clarke slides her body down, allowing Lexa to feel every inch of the skin of her stomach and breasts sliding against her own as she finds her place and stills. Using her right hand she takes Lexa’s left and threads their fingers together as her left hand leaves trails of heat along her chest, her sides and down to her thigh and back up.

Lexa’s breathing picks up, even as her body willingly submits to Clarke’s touch. Never would she ever have thought this to be possible; for her to completely relinquish control of her body to another. With Clarke, she doesn’t feel it was ever to be a question. It is just a habit that was already present within her soul. It is instinct. It is destiny.

Clarke closes her eyes, releasing the energy she feels bubbling to the surface within her and allowing the now familiar feeling of her protective aura to surround them. She will never take Lexa’s safety and trust for granted. She will protect what is hers. Lexa is hers. Clarke growls as her lips leave hot kisses along a hot and sweaty chest. “You’re mine, Leksa,” she breathes into the skin, continuing to brand it with her lips and tongue.

She’s focused on her task, but can feel the movement of Lexa’s nod and hears the desperation in her husky voice. “Yess,” she hisses out as Clarke takes a taut nipple between her lips. “I’m yours, Klark.”

Clarke has never in her life felt this level of desire, this level of carnal _need._ It’s consuming her bit by bit and she can feel what little control she has left slipping between her fingers. Her hand squeezes Lexa’s before letting go and making use of her hand to trail it down Lexa’s other side, sliding underneath to graze her ass and hook her hand under her thigh, pulling it up to her own hip. She continues her slow torture on the breasts before her, growling low in her throat when Lexa raises her other knee, trapping Clarke between her legs. Her blue eyes shoot up with pinpoint accuracy and catch Lexa’s and she knows Lexa can feel her emotions straining to break free.

Lexa takes a quick but deep breath in and tries her best to still her lower body from thrusting up against Clarke’s stomach. She’s throbbing, drenched and just needs some friction. She can feel Clarke’s struggle to keep her composure but she doesn’t want that. She wants her un-caged. She wants to feel anything and everything the blonde has to offer her. 

“Don’t hold back, Klark.” Her voice is soft but firm and Clarke feels it reaching into her soul. “Love me without reservation,” she requests and Clarke groans as her body begins to tremble. She knows there is more coming; she can feel it and when Lexa speaks her next words she isn’t disappointed. “I may be the alpha to our people, but in here, you are mine. Claim what is yours, Klark.”

 

~

 

Clarke _growls_. She actually growls and Lexa finds herself so desperate for the feeling of the blonde surrounding her, filling her and claiming her that she anticipates the snarl forming before she does it. What she doesn’t anticipate is Clarke’s reaction to it.

While Clarke can certainly be the most gentle and tender lover one could ask for, that isn’t what Lexa needs currently. It isn’t what Clarke needs. Their bodies, their hearts and even the energy within them and surrounding them seem to be in sync as the final bit of composure is abandoned and their bodies are a mess of limbs and roaming hands and desperate grunts.

Clarke grabs Lexa’s chin and pushes her head to the side, giving her full access to the exposed neck and doesn’t hesitate to bite down, feeling Lexa’s body arch under her and her short nails drag down her back. She would hiss in pleasure if her mouth weren’t already occupied by drawing Lexa’s blood to the surface to leave a large and dark mark upon her neck. After a few minutes she soothes it with her tongue before dragging it up her neck and nipping at her earlobe. Lexa whines, pulling Clarke by the hair to claim her lips.

Clarke allows her to lead the kiss, letting her take what she needs as she raises her lower body enough to straddle one of Lexa’s thighs and lowers herself back down. Surging forward, she pulls out of the kiss and licks her lips, smirking at the whine that leaves Lexa’s throat when she feels the slick wetness from Clarke coating her thigh. “Klark,” she grits out through clenched teeth and tightens her grip on her hips, pulling her down into her harder.

“Nuh uh,” Clarke teases, raising her body up slightly and pressing her own thigh against Lexa’s hot core, rocking slowly. “I’m leading this dance, remember?” She lowers her head, trailing her tongue over a puckered nipple and sucking softly.

Lexa bites her lip and nods her head. Part of her wants to keep her composure as much as she can and the other is screaming at her to be as wanton and greedy as Clarke will allow. And she knows Clarke will allow her anything.

Clarke watches Lexa’s face, knowing there is a war raging within her mind. She considers this for a moment, before moving to Lexa’s side and lying on her back, pulling at the brunette to take her previous place.

Lexa looks at her with a question in her eyes, but as she see’s Clarke’s eyes darken and roam over her body, she can feel what the blonde wants…what her own body wants. Before she can part her lips to ask, warm hands are gripping her hips and tugging her slightly forward. “Do it, Leksa.”

Lexa again swallows down any last reservations she might have still held and braces her hands beside Clarke’s head and lowers her body down. She groans and bites her lip as she slowly rocks herself against a firm thigh, feeling her essence slick beneath her. Her eyes flicker up and her breath catches at the look in Clarke’s eyes. The blonde looks absolutely taken by her, as if Lexa is the only thing in the entire world that exists or matters to her. She falls forward, kissing her for all she’s worth.

Clarke threads her fingers through Lexa’s dark locks, holding her securely into the kiss as her strong body rocks against Clarke’s in a timeless dance. Their lips are aggressive, with Lexa falling prey to the challenge Clarke’s lips present. Her tongue is sucked on and Lexa trembles, her body losing its rhythm. She pulls back, lips bruised and eyes blown as she watches Clarke chew on her bottom lip.

“Klark,” she begins but finds two fingers pressed against her lips and watches as Clarke smiles and shakes her head.

“Relax and let go, Leksa,” Clarke whispers, again claiming firm hips with her hands and raising her thigh, earning a loud groan from her lover. “There’s my girl.”

Lexa lets go of any other thoughts except of the feel of herself grinding hard against the offered thigh and leans forward, her breasts hovering just above Clarke’s lips as an offering. Clarke greedily accepts, claiming her nipple and sucking as Lexa’s hips pick up their pace, her movements becoming more and more reckless with the guiding help of two strong hands. She feels one leave her hip and slide down her stomach before coming between her desire and its friction. She wants to grunt in frustration but quickly realizes there’s no need as Clarke’s hand is now cupping her and the palm of her hand is assisting in her release.

The drawn out moan that leaves her throat is loud and she tosses her head back, her dark locks flowing down her back as her body rocks against Clarke’s hand and her opposite nipple is being tortured by her mouth. Before she realizes what is happening, Clarke is sitting and Lexa’s legs are wrapped around her waist and her hands are holding onto blonde hair tightly. “Keep going,” Clarke husks out, urging her on and Lexa can only abide by the request as two fingers slip inside and she feels the universe shatter behind her eyes.

She’s a dripping mess and she can hear the sounds her body is making against Clarke’s hand, the slap of wet skin combined with her moans and heavy breathing. A third finger enters and Lexa feels her hips jerking harder, Clarke’s arm around her waist holding her firmly to her as her mouth is devouring her neck and chest.

Neither of them notices the shocked murmurs outside the tent, nor the few snickers.

But most of all, neither of them are aware of the concentrated ball of energy forming between them, growing hotter and brighter before disappearing the moment Lexa reaches her climax, calling out her lovers name with reverence. 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Forgive me?


	30. TonDC - Surrender to her call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another surrender, another release.  
> What is going on between them?
> 
> Back to the real world soon. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super long, but sets the scene for what I need to happen next. Thanks for sticking with me. :)

**TonDC – Surrender to her call**

 

~

 

The murmurs of the few people still roaming about catch the attention of those who have already turned in for the night, drawing them outside their homes. No questions need to be asked as the glowing light emanating from Lexa and Clarke’s tent draws their attention within seconds. 

No one dares to draw closer; they are all content to stare in awe of what they are seeing. The glowing warmth they can feel, even from their distance, and the shimmering light that is directed skyward lightening the village as if the sun is already out.

Raven exits her tent, and after a few moments of her own contemplation, she catches the sight of Octavia walking towards her with a smug grin. Raven rolls her eyes, fighting a grin. “What?”

“You know what’s causing that, right?” Octavia smiles and nods her head in the direction of the commander’s tent.

“I have an idea, yeah. Kind of hard not to,” Raven replies with a chuckle as a groan covers the distance and reaches their ears. Raven allows her eyes to roam the camp and sees all but the posted guards avert their gaze and head back to their homes. She can’t be certain, but she thinks it’s out of respect for their commander and their kwin. The thought makes her smile but then grimace as a few of the Skaikru aren’t as respectable. “Go to bed!” she yells over at them and is pleased when they listen and disappear. Turning back to Octavia, she raises an eyebrow. “Still think you can win this?”

Octavia smiles and looks back towards the light, feeling its warmth beyond the chill of the night. “Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. We’re all going to win now.” She looks at Raven, speaking the words she knows she will understand, “Hodnes laik uf.” _Love is strength._

Raven smiles at the girl’s back as she walks away and heads back to the tent she shares with Lincoln. Octavia may be right, she thinks. Maybe with this union, they might all finally win.

 

~

 

She sees it the moment the change takes place in Lexa’s eyes. Clarke watches with hitched breath, a fast beating heart, and a tiny shocks coursing through her veins. Clarke had gotten Lexa to lower her defenses and allow her to love her body and soul. But now, now the beast is pacing behind wild eyes, filled with a burning passion and an un-sated hunger. If she couldn’t feel what was passing between them, if she wasn’t aware of the love they will always possess for each other, this look might make her shudder in fear. Instead, she shudders in anticipation. 

Lexa is quiet, but her eyes are speaking for her. The energy Clarke feels radiating off of her sweat-slick form hits Clarke like a tidal wave, pushing her back onto the blankets. Lexa is quick to follow, lowering her full body to cover the pale one beneath her. She’s breathing steadily yet deeply, her eyes locked with Clarke’s. Clarke waits, relaxing her body under Lexa’s while her eyes show the brunette everything she needs to see. She shows her _surrender_ to Lexa’s call. She surrenders to Lexa’s _will_.

A soft growl begins deep in Lexa’s chest and rumbles up into her throat as she claims the lips below hers roughly. Clarke is quick to accept her questing tongue, whimpering in delight. She’s not surprised, however, when her seeking hands are captured and held above her head with Lexa’s left hand. She knows they will remain there. Lexa’s free hand trails down her body, softly caressing all the exposed skin it can reach. Strong yet soft fingers drift down her side, teasing the side of her breast, before continuing down her side to grip her hip tightly.

She may not have use of her hands, but she can still use her body to feel Lexa further. She bends her knees, raising them enough to hold Lexa’s body between them and squeezing, drawing a snarl out of her lover. Lexa breaks the kiss, and Clarke smirks. The smirk doesn’t last long however as Lexa’s lips are quick to take up their place on a pale neck, attacking it with ferocity. Her lips are hot and wet, and Clarke can see the darkness of space again as her body feels like it’s flying. The lips move down just below her collarbone and up the other side to mark the opposite side of flawless skin. Teeth join in this time, biting down. Marking her, claiming her.

Clarke’s hips cant upward, searching for the friction her body so desperately craves. She wants to cry out when Lexa pulls back but stops her instead with a clench of her thighs. “Beja, Leksa.” _Please, Leksa,_ she begs, her eyes pleading.

Lexa considers her a moment, pulling back her hand that held Clarke’s, knowing she would not move them. She doesn’t. Satisfied, she raises up just slightly to take in the flushed skin of her sky girl, the heaving of her chest, and the want in her eyes. Seeing what she wants, she lowers her head and quickly seeks out a hard nipple, groaning around it as her mouth and tongue tease it. Little pants and breathy groans fall from Clarke’s lips, even as her body squirms, but she keeps her hands in place. She kisses down the body, letting her lips and tongue learn each reaction and pausing here and there to leave her mark on the flesh. As she approaches Clarke’s most intimate place, she looks up quickly beneath the hair that has fallen forward into her eyes and calls out her name, “Klark.”

Clarke’s eyes snap open to meet with Lexa’s for just a second before she feels that questing tongue tasting her. She grunts out in need, her hips again thrusting upward, searching as Lexa positions herself between her legs, using her toned arms to wrap around her thighs and hold her firmly in place. She’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Nowe. _Never_.

Lexa growls, her instinct taking over, as her mind gets wiped clear. She can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste nothing but _Clarke_. She grips the hips in her hands tightly, pulling them slightly forward as her lips and tongue devour Clarke, pulling sweet yet dirty sounds from her mouth. Lexa feels her ego swelling, her pride shining through. _She_ is causing these sounds. _She_ is driving Clarke’s pleasure, and _she_ will be her release.

Lexa sucks firmly on the nub between her lips, fighting a grin at the guttural sound that tears from Clarke’s throat loudly. Glancing up, she see’s Clarke’s hands fisting in her own hair tightly as her hips fight to move. Lexa knows she’s drawing out this torture, but it just feels… So… Damn… Good.

She gives in and releases the bundle of nerves with a soft _pop_ of her lips, and just as Clarke is about to whine in protest, two long and firm fingers fill her swiftly as her tongue licks softly and slowly up and down.

 _She’s trying to kill me_ … Clarke thinks as Lexa releases her clit from her harsh sucking, but before she can protest, Lexa is filling her roughly, and her legs fall open further, widening herself. She feels so wanton and needy, but Lexa is giving her everything. and she’s taking every last bit of it. Her hips begin jerking upwards to meet Lexa’s demanding thrusting; all the while her tongue is still slowly and tortuously licking her clit. The combination is maddening, and Clarke can feel herself slipping.

Lexa is propped on her knees now, giving her better leverage to take Clarke how she needs to. Her fingers are filling her hard and fast, sinking deeper with every thrust and every delicious grunt and swear that falls from Clarke’s mouth. Her tongue is still slowly licking Clarke’s clit, knowing it’s driving her mad. That’s exactly what she wants. She increases her thrusting; feeling her arm begin to burn but it just drives her on. The pain is nothing in comparison to bringing her kwin to release and with that thought, she adds a third finger. She removes her tongue and instead allows her palm to slap against the dripping and hot skin on every thrust of her fingers. Watching Clarke in the throes of passion is pulling at something deep within her, and she can’t stop herself from lowering her head and biting down into one of the parted thighs hard.

She’s glad she didn’t stop herself, because that final addition of a bit of pain sends Clarke back to the stars, and with a scream of Lexa’s name, she finally falls still, completely spent.

 

~

 

Clarke wakes feeling amazing. Her body is humming, and she can still feel a deep throb between her legs. She clenches them together. She turns, seeking out Lexa’s warmth but finds the bed empty. She frowns, beginning to sit up when Lexa comes in from the back of the tent, and their eyes meet. 

“Klark,” Lexa says softly. It’s only her name, the name she’s heard for nearly 19 years of her life, and yet it sounds like so much more falling from Lexa’s lips. She wonders if Lexa feels the same when she says her name.

“Leksa,” she calls back just as softly, and she knows Lexa feels the same when her eyes soften and a thick rush of heat spreads through her chest at the look in her eyes. “I feel you,” she whispers, still in awe at the connection they share.

Lexa steps forward, holding out a cup of water and some fruits on a plate for Clarke. “As I feel you, Klark. Always.”

She sits down beside her love and together they replenish their strength. “How long were you gone?”

Lexa cups her cheek and kisses her softly. “I wasn’t.” She watches as Clarke’s eyebrow shoots up, and she looks over Lexa’s body that is covered in her long coat. “Did you want Eko to see me bare?”

Clarke’s eyes widened in realization, “Oh,” she says and watches as Lexa just smiles at her and shakes her head before standing and undoing two buckles on her jacket and letting it fall open. Clarke nearly drops her glass and the piece of apple she was holding to her lips. “OH.”

Lexa grins and crawls back onto the bed and places her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. “She was tapping at the tent wall in the back and brought us some food. She wanted to keep us away from prying eyes.”

Clarke nods. “We can’t stay in here forever,” she sighs, not liking the idea but knowing it was inevitable.

“Everything is well in hand, Klark. But sneaking out late at night to take care of necessary business feels childish.” Lexa grins.

“Well,” Clarke starts, “we didn’t want to get stopped by our people to talk or anything did we?” She leans in, her eyes darting down to Lexa’s lips.

“No, we didn’t want that,” Lexa replies, claiming her lips with her own. “Nightfall, we’ll head back to the baths, if you like?”

“Mmm, I would like that, yes.” Clarke pulls back and grips Lexa’s hand. “But then it’s back to the real world, isn’t it?”

Lexa sighs and nods slightly. “Yes, but this,” she directs between the two of them, “this is our real world now.”

Clarke smiles brightly and claims Lexa’s lips once more. “I think I can get used to this.”

~

 


	31. TonDC - Mourning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes things clear.  
> Trouble might be brewing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay. I really have no excuse. I've just been busy and in love and spending time with two amazing women. However, you have one of them to thank for me getting this update out today...I couldn't tell her no. ;) I'm talking to you @Lilianafox.

**TonDC – Mourning after**

~

 

Their trip to the baths, while enjoyable and necessary, is brief. Lexa knows she has matters to attend to when she sees Indra eyeing her on their way out of the village. Clarke also knows she will be summoned to discuss further agreements with the Skaikru as well. Echo and Octavia were their escorts this time and as they re-enter the village, Lexa can’t help but feel pride at her people. All of them that took notice of their arrival either bow their heads or give them their nods of support, with whispers of ‘heda’ and ‘kwin’ falling from their lips in reverence as they pass. 

Clarke watches in awe, honestly expecting some good-natured jokes or jeering, something she expects of her own people considering they weren’t exactly quiet in their lovemaking. Lexa assured her of course, that it was nothing to worry about, that love is supposed to be unrestrained and nothing is to be held back. Her people respect this and will not make it awkward. Clarke believed her of course, but she still had a lingering worry there would be something…

 

_“Whoo hey Clarke, way to get your girl!”_

_“Nicely done commander! Clarke how are your lungs?”_

 

…And apparently she is right in her worry.

Lexa pulls up short on her mare and dismounts quickly. Clarke barely has a moment to react before one of the original hundred, Peter she thinks his name is, and Bellamy are both flat on their backs. Lexa has her foot on Peter’s chest and her sword aimed at Bellamy. If she wasn’t so turned on by this display, she would normally intervene, but for now she’s content to watch in awe with arousal flooding her body.

Lexa’s body is relaxed but her voice is sharp and low as she growls out, “Hod yu rein daun.” _Mind your place._ She looks between the two startled young men and her foot pushes down with more pressure on Peter’s chest when he tries to sit up. “Set daun!” _Stay down._

A small crowd has gathered now, Trikru and Skaikru alike watching to see what happens next, but no one is preparing to interfere with the commander defending the honour of her kwin.

“Tell me Bellamy of the Skaikru, is this how your people show respect to leaders? Is this how you respect someone you see as a friend and loved one, to disrespect them and their houmon? You and your friend dare to disrespect _my_ wife _,_ and to do so in public as well?” Lexa’s eyes are blazing but her focus never leaves Bellamy’s. “Ron ai ridiyo op.” _Speak true._

Lexa doesn’t hear the gasp behind her and her focus doesn’t break from the two below her.

“I’m sorry – we’re sorry, we meant no disrespect commander.” Bellamy speaks quickly and sincerely, eyes wide and darting from Lexa’s to the sword pointed at his chest. He chances a flicker of a glance over to Clarke, to see her focus entirely on Lexa and fights to roll his eyes at her dreamy look. Instead he focuses back on Lexa, his hands rising in surrender and kicks at Peter with his leg.

“He’s right, we’re sorry. It was all in good fun.” Peter tries, his body surrendering to the heavy heel of Lexa’s boot. She considers them both briefly before raising her eyes to the sky briefly and turning her head slightly in Clarke’s direction, but doesn’t say her name. She doesn’t need to. She can feel Clarke, she knows she’s watching her; she feels her heat.

“Heda ste pis.” _The commander is angry_ , is heard and several eyes dart over to Octavia who just smirks and shrugs, looking at her brother.

“Ai na sen yu in, Octavia” _I can hear you, Okteivia_. Lexa says with a low and even voice, but she is heard and Octavia loses her grin. Sort of.

Clarke closes the distance between them and reaches out to place her hand on Lexa’s arm, sliding her fingers down until they are resting on her sword hand. “Leksa, breik em au.” _Lexa, free him._

Lexa releases her breath and steps back, removing her foot from Peter’s chest and sheathing her sword. “Gyon au,” she says and upon seeing the confused looks still coming from the ground she fights an eye roll, “Go,” she repeats and watches as they both scramble up and brush themselves off. She waits, expecting and isn’t disappointed as Bellamy gets an embarrassed look on his face and steps forward hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, princess, I really didn’t mean any harm to you, or to Lexa- I mean the commander,” he mumbles softly.

Peter takes that moment to step beyond Bellamy to get further away from Lexa, “Yeah Clarke, really. It was just good fun, but we see now it was disrespectful and we apologize.”

Clarke laces her fingers with Lexa’s, giving them a gentle squeeze. When she feels it returned she nods briefly, “This isn’t the Ark. Remember that, okay?” They both nod and the attention is back on Lexa as she glances around quickly, making eye contact with all of those from the ark.

“Skaikru! While you are welcome, as guests in our village, you will honour and respect our traditions, our ways, and will never be disrespectful in a way such as this again. Am I understood?” Her voice carries in the distance and she is pleased when several nods and ‘Yes, commander’s’ are heard. “Very well, carry on.”

She turns and begins to walk towards her tent, Clarke’s hand still clasped in her own. “Forgive me Klark, if you are displeased, but I could not allow that disrespect for you or our love to go unaddressed. I told you there would be no awkwardness and yet there was.”

Clarke pulled on her hand, causing Lexa to stop and turn to face her, “That wasn’t your fault. Our people didn’t do that, the Skaikru did. I should have known to warn you about it. Those things were common on the ark.”

“They are not common here and will not become so,” Lexa states with finality, her eyes darting down to Clarke’s lips before flicking up and to the people around them.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Clarke smiles, stepping closer into Lexa’s personal space.

“Do what?” Lexa replies with confusion evident on her brow.

“Debate whether or not to kiss me when others are around.” Clarke reaches her hand up and grabs Lexa behind her neck, pulling her lips to press against her own. She smiles into the kiss as her brunette love relaxes and secures her hands upon Clarke’s hips. “Mmm, see.” Clarke smirks, pulling back and licking her lips, pleased as Lexa’s eyes follow the movement and her eyes darken.

“I just want you comfortable and protected. Otaim.” _Always_ , she whispers, resting her forehead against Clarke’s.

Clarke sighs, soaking in the closeness. “I always am with you,” she states honestly.

“Klark, come with me, beja.” _Please_ , Lexa asks softly, pulling Clarke towards a small grove of trees just past a few huts. Clarke nods and holds her hand securely as they cover the small distance together.

They walk for a few short minutes, deeper into the grove and away from the sounds of the village. Clarke knows, however, that even though there is the illusion that they are alone, they aren’t. There are at least four warriors hidden, watching over them to ensure their safety. She’s never felt as safe as she does with Lexa, under her protective watch and that of their people. She sighs, a smile on her face as she leans her head against Lexa’s shoulder.

They come to a stop near a blossoming tree filled with beautiful white blooms. Clarke’s smile is wide as she stands in awe at the beauty of it. She knows she has seen a picture of one in a textbook on the ark, but she can’t for the life of her remember what it is called.

“We call them White Wonders, because of their colour and rarity since the wars. However, one of our elders in Polis, has a book filled with the various types of trees, and it was known as a Cherry Blossom then.” Lexa recalls, watching Clarke’s wondrous look with love filling her heart for the charming blonde.

“It’s so beautiful,” Clarke whispers, walking closer and running her hand over the bark of the tree and closing her eyes. “It’s so alive,” she looks back to Lexa, confusion on her face. “I can feel it.”

Lexa smiles and nods, “You have an affinity for trees Klark. I felt it would be wise to have you feel a few of these, learn their energies, before moving on to the last.”

Clarke’s eyes widen, “You mean…” she trails off, thinking of the tattoo that now adorns her back, the tree that she knows exists somewhere on the ground…the tree that Lexa can take her to.

Lexa simply nods and approaches slowly, placing her hand next to Clarke’s. “What do you feel?”

Clarke looks into her green eyes for a moment before taking a slow and deep breath in and forcing it out, closing her eyes and opening herself up. She can feel the swirling of energy that is now becoming a part of her and it’s connection to Lexa. She can feel the strength within the brunette; she can feel her fierce protectiveness and her fiery passion. Her heart begins to race and her body starts to hum.

“Klark,” Lexa’s voice calls to her and her eyes flicker open. “What do you feel from the tree, not me.” She grins at Clarke, letting her know she isn’t upset, but that she needs to focus.

Clarke starts to try again, but stops, her eyes flashing brightly, “Leksa,” she begins and knows Lexa see’s her swallow.

“What is it, Klark?” Lexa tilts her head to the side and waits for Clarke’s reply.

“Back at the village…do you know what you said?” Clarke bites her lip and looks hopeful but a bit nervous. “You called me you-“

“Houmon,” Lexa finishes for her. “Wife,” she translates, although she knows it’s unnecessary. She lowers her head for a moment before gathering her resolve and locking eyes with Clarke. “I won’t say I’m sorry, because I will not apologize for how I feel, nor what I want. But I should have been more careful with my words, without speaking with you first.”

Clarke shakes her head and leans in, brushing her lips over Lexa’s gently. “Mmh, I liked it. We’ll talk more about this later,” she grins and kisses Lexa’s nose before pulling back, smiling like a fool at the pleased look on Lexa’s face. “Okay, let’s try this again.”

Clarke blushes, a tremble still in her body at the thought of being Lexa’s wife, and shakes her hands out and flexes her fingers. She then places her hand back on the tree and clears her throat and breaths deeply again. This time she’s still as the feeling of a flowing current settles within her. She can feel the crackle and hum of hers and Lexa’s energy, but she can also feel a softer and more grounded flow. It’s steady and smooth, slightly pulsing with life. The wind picks up around them and the rustle of the tree limbs soothe her as she feels Lexa’s energy joining in with hers, flowing in and through the tree and back into them. Calm, strong and secure.

Clarke opens her eyes and faces Lexa, “Wow, that was…” she can’t find the word she wants. “This is so…” she huffs and shakes her head at herself and just looks at Lexa for help.

Lexa for her part simply nods, “I know.” She removes her hand from the tree and steps back, taking both of the blonde’s hands in her own. “What did you feel?”

“I felt grounded,” she started, squeezing Lexa’s hands, “I felt safe, protected, loved.”

“These are all things, I always want you to feel, Klark. You are my priority; you are above the rest, do you understand?” Lexa’s eyes are pleading for Clarke to understand, to know how huge of a thing this is that she is admitting. Clarke of course, knows. She always knows. “I will always protect you, in any and all ways.” 

“I know,” Clarke whispers, leaning into her love, “you would give your life for mine.” She says the last part with a broken crack to her voice. 

Lexa nods against her, “Sha, but I also know, despite never letting it come to it, that you would do the same.” Their eyes meet and warmth envelops them as Clarke’s shield of energy surrounds their bodies. 

“Heda!” 

Lexa whips her head around to find one of her warriors dropping down from a tree not far from them, an arrow sticking out of his shoulder. 

She grabs Clarke’s hand jerks her back, shielding her, as she see’s the arrow come toward them. She knows the second it’s over, when the arrow pierces into her chest armor. 

Or should have. 

The arrow is lodged into the cloud of energy, several inches from Lexa’s chest. She turns, eyes wide to face Clarke who is holding tightly to her back. “Looks like we’re meant to save each other.” 

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than I planned, but the next section has a different flow so...yeah.


	32. TonDC - Hell hath no fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who attacked our ladies? 
> 
> A clue is found and poor Clarke just can't catch a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people,
> 
> Here's another update for you. - Things are starting to pick up now and might get a little crazy. Stick with me :) I won't let you down.

**TonDC – Hell hath no fury…**

 

~

 

Clarke’s eyes too are wide, staring in disbelief at the arrow that should have pierced Lexa’s chest as she grips onto her lover’s hips tightly. “Leksa,” she starts but is silenced by Lexa’s raised arm as she takes in their surroundings.

“Klark,” she whispers lowly, her eyes darting back and forth, but Clarke can sense she knows which direction the arrows came from but doesn’t wish to let their attacker know. “We need to get back to the village. Stay behind me. Please.”

Clarke squeezes her hips and remains silent, knowing that arguing that it is her shield that protects them is futile right now. Lexa is in commander mode. Despite the shield protecting them, Lexa grips onto one of Clarke’s hands and hunkers down, using the nearby tree’s as cover as they make the short walk back. Clarke’s mind is racing, trying to understand who would be attacking them on the Trikru’s land but especially so close to a village. Who could be so reckless? She takes a chance to look back and sees the shrinking form of the downed warrior and feels guilt flood her. He was there protecting them, and now he’s lying alone and bleeding.

“There’s nothing we can do for him now, Klark, we must save ourselves first. His duty to us is his honour, do not belittle it,” Lexa whispers, her form straightening as they pass the last few meters and are approaching the clearing of the village.

“I know,” Clarke replies taking a deep breath, “but his wound didn’t look fatal and can be treated.”

Lexa looks to her side, Clarke now walking next to her. “Let me gather the warriors. We will need to scout the area, and if he is still alive, we will get him back.”

Clarke doesn’t have to ask what she means. He won’t bleed out that quickly; it’s a matter of if whoever is out there kills him while he is unable to defend himself. “Where were the others?”

Lexa shakes her head, seeing Indra come into view. “I do not know.” She grits her teeth, angry at this turn of events and angry with herself for not seeing her warriors drop out of her view. Shame floods her.

“Leksa, don’t.” Clarke pulls on her hand, getting her to stop and face her. “You did nothing wrong.”

“I’ve done plenty wrong, but now is not the time.” She smiles a small and sad smile to Clarke before releasing her hand and marching over to Indra and several other warriors.

“Indra, veida!” _Invaders,_ Lexa shouts, and immediately several warriors are crowding around her asking questions all at once. “Ge yu ogud!” _Be ready_. They all hold their questions and gather any extra weapons they require and shout commands to others to get ready.

“I’ll grab medical supplies for your guard,” Clarke calls to Lexa, already heading towards the healing tent. She see’s Lexa wanting to argue, to tell her to stay where it is safe, but instead receives a short nod.

“Klark, what’s going on?” Octavia pants as she jogs over to her friend. “Linkon is with the other warriors, something about an attack?”

Clarke grabs a bag and some cloth and twine for stitching. “We were near the White Wonders, Leksa wanted to show me them, and suddenly one of the warriors calls for her and is falling out of the tree with an arrow in his shoulder.”

Octavia’s eyes go wide. “How many were there?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I don’t know. Leksa knows the direction the arrows came from, but we didn’t see the other guards.” She sees Octavia’s look and shakes her head again. “Don’t start, she already feels badly enough that someone got the drop on all of us. She was nearly shot right through the chest with one of those damn arrows!” Clarke’s composure starts to slip as she throws an empty bottle in her reach to the ground, shattering it.

“Hey, chil au.” _Calm down_ , Octavia whispers softly, placing her hands on Clarke’s shoulder. “How are you so sure she would have been shot in the chest? She looked fine out there.”

Clarke’s eyes blazed, and the young Trikru warrior actually stepped back at the sight of them. “Because my shield, or whatever it is, protected her. It stopped the arrow a few inches from her heart, O.”

Octavia visibly swallows. “Someone is trying to kill the commander…” She trails off, shaking her head in disbelief. “That’s an act of war.”

Clarke huffs and heads to her and Lexa’s tent to grab her sword and daggers. “Yes, it is.”

 

~

 

“Mela op, loka au!” _Heads up, eyes open,_ Lexa calls and takes off into the woods with her warriors behind her. “Gyon au!” _Go!_  

Clarke jogs to catch up with Lexa, falling into place at her side. “Leaving without me?” she asks, eyes still blazing as she feels heat flood her body and the glow of her shield coming up to surround them both.

Lexa raises her eyebrow and smirks, looking around them, in awe of her kwin. “Nowe ain kwin.” _Never my queen_.

Clarke returns her smile before focusing on their surroundings, her eyes sweeping back and forth as she had observed Lexa and their people doing. She can’t help but feel very grateful to have such amazing people at their side, specifically Echo and Octavia, who are flanking her and Lexa.

As they approach the White Wonders, Clarke begins to head towards the fallen warrior, who is now propped up against the tree he fell from, but is stopped by not one but three arms holding her back. She freezes, watching the three women observing the surroundings as several warriors spread out and search the nearby area. “They’re gone, aren’t they?” Clarke whispers.

“Heda! Em klir.” _Commander! All clear,_ Indra shouts, returning from the East with three warriors.

Lexa nods, and Clarke steps around her to see to the fallen warrior but feels Lexa still within her shield. Her brave love is apparently not going to let her out of her reach. Clarke is thankful for that. She doesn’t have to check for a pulse to know the warrior is dead. His throat has been slit, and a crude carving in the tree behind him is their only clue to their attacker.

Clarke crouches down and holds her hand out hesitantly, only pausing briefly before tracing over the damaged bark of the tree. Her fingers feel the angry cuts and her soul aches. She closes her eyes and opens herself up to the energy of the tree, and her breath catches. Pain, suffering, betrayal, and revenge flood through her. She opens her eyes and stares at the bark. To any others, it wouldn’t be easily identified, but to Clarke, the meaning couldn’t be clearer.

“Klark,” Lexa calls, crouching beside the blonde. “What does it mean?”

Clarke takes a deep breath and shakes her head in disbelief, turning to lock her eyes to Lexa’s. “You may have been targeted with that arrow, but the message is for me.”

“What message?” Octavia asks, approaching hesitantly, looking at the tree. “Klark…”

“Shof op, Okteivia,” Clarke orders, feeling guilty but giving the order anyway.

Octavia nods, even though Clarke isn’t facing her. “Sha, Kwin.”

Lexa takes in the exchange with worry flooding her. “Yu ste laksen…” _You are hurt,_ Lexa states, watching Clarke closely.

“Sha,” _Yes,_ the blonde whispers, standing up and brushing off her knees. “Let’s head back, I’ll explain everything.”

Lexa can only nod and pull Clarke with her, giving the command to her people to head back to the village. She watches as Clarke takes one last look at the tree, and she finds herself looking harder, trying to find the hidden message Clarke so clearly sees. She can’t be sure, but she thinks she makes out what looks like the letter ‘S’ and the shape of a heart with an arrow in it beside it.

 

~

 

Lexa enters their hut quietly, crossing the room in a few graceful steps before pausing next to Clarke. She doesn’t say anything but simply watches as blue eyes follow the flickers of the flames, lost in her thoughts. She sits a cup of water down beside Clarke and is relieved to see her grab the cup and take a long drink. “He aimed at you to hurt me. If he had killed you, the score would be settled.” Clarke sighs, sipping again at the water.

“Who Klark?” Lexa asks softly even though inside she is full of rage. No, she isn’t angry at an attempt on her life. As Heda, that is to be expected. She is angry at whoever is trying to kill her to get back at Clarke and to cause her love pain. “Tell me who it is, and I will see to it that his fight ends.”

“I just don’t understand how he did it,” Clarke turns to her, confusion in her eyes. “He had to have had help. There’s no way he could have taken out three warriors alone… and we didn’t even see a sign of the other two. They were just gone.” She threads her fingers of her left hand into her hair and huffs. “I knew he would hate me, I just…"

“Klark,” Lexa whispers and finally gets the blonde’s attention focused on her. She cups a pale cheek and strokes it with her thumb. “Who do you speak of?” Lexa feels her heart clench when watery blue eyes close and a shaky breath is released.

“I killed her. I killed the girl he loved, along with all of those innocent people, and I knew he would never forgive me, but I never…” She lowers her eyes, clenching them tightly to hold back the tears. “I took his love from him, and now he wants to do the same to me.”

Lexa tries to keep her patience in check as obviously Clarke is distraught and her mind is working overtime, but she really needs to know what they are up against. “Ain Kwin, beja.” _My queen, please._ This seems to work as Clarke looks up and searches Lexa’s eyes.

“One of the hundred. One of my friends… at least he was.” Clarke sighs and takes the hand Lexa offers to her. “Jasper.” Her voice breaks when she speaks his name. “I killed his love.” She sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “Jus drein, jus daun,” _Blood must have blood_ , she whispers and smiles at Lexa sadly. “I betrayed him and took his love when I irradiated level 5, and then I ended up with you and the Trikru and celebrated.” She huffs out a forced laugh and shakes her head. “I just rubbed salt in his wounds.”

Lexa understands now and pulls Clarke against her chest. “Chon yu bilaik en chon yu gaf in bilaik na kik thru, emo laik tu krei noseim diyo, Klark.” _Who you are and who you need to be to survive are two very different things, Klark,_ Lexa whispers, stroking the blonde’s back with one hand and holding her tightly with the other.

“Em laik tofon,” _It is a difficult thing,_ Clarke whispers back, grasping to Lexa’s strong frame tightly. “I know it’s him, Leksa, I just don’t know how he pulled it off alone.”

“He wasn’t alone,” Lexa states simply and loosens her grip slightly as Clarke sits up to make eye contact.

“What do you mean? How do you know?” Clarke asks.

“Indra and Eko found two sets of footprints to the East, yet the arrow that took down my warrior came from the South,” she explains, waiting for Clarke to connect the dots.

“They were waiting and watching,” Clarke speculates and sees Lexa’s nod. “One of our own…”

Again, she sees Lexa’s nod. “While there are many who offer support and loyalty of both Trikru and Skaikru, there will be opposition to our union. There will be Skaikru that cannot forgive what took place at the mountain, and there will be Trikru that do not agree with an alliance with the sky.”

Lexa speaks so matter of fact that Clarke can’t help but shake her head. “You knew we had traitors.”

“Loyal warriors do not simply disappear, nor do they abandon their commander without a fight. I believe your Jasper was the arrow in my warriors shoulder, but the one aimed for me had precision. Tell me, did this Jasper have training with a bow or your guns?” Lexa asks, taking Clarke’s hand to hold in hers, needing to be touching her love.

Clarke shook her head. “He had used guns in defense of the drop-ship, but it was point and shoot and hope for the best. He’s never used a bow to my knowledge.”

Lexa considers this but remains quiet.

“You didn’t say anything because you fear there could be others amongst us, yes?” Clarke asks, putting the pieces together quickly.

Lexa smiles at her, proud of her quick deduction skills. “That’s right. Traitors do not act alone and while there were two in our party to watch us, I fear there are others. I will only speak to those I trust the most.”

Clarke sighs and rests her head back on Lexa’s chest. “Indra, Kiern, and Eko?”

Lexa returns to holding Clarke protectively against her, dropping a soft kiss into her blonde hair. “Yes, as well as Okteivia and Linkon. We must not include anyone else, Trikru or Skaikru, for the time being.”

Clarke nods and feels her eyes slipping closed, the events of the day finally catching up with her. “Sleep now, my kwin. I am here.” She smiles at Lexa’s soft words. Her tone of voice so loving and soft, so protective and longing, that Clarke just nuzzles into her further, hooking a leg over Lexa’s to be as close as she can. She knows that voice is reserved for her alone, and warmth floods her body once more.

“Ai hod yu in, Leksa. Otaim.” _I love you, Leksa. Always,_ Clarke whispers as sleep begins to claim her, but not before she feels Lexa’s response wash over her.

“En ai hod yu in seintaim, Klark.” _And I love you too, Klark,_ she returns softly, tightening her grip protectively. “Yun.” _Yours_.

Clarke whimpers, pressing her lips to Lexa’s neck. “Ain.” _Mine._

 

~

 

 


	33. TonDC - Like a woman scorned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot continues to thicken. A new character is introduced, a traitor is revealed to the audience...and Clarke's having some interesting dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay. :(  
> Forgive me?  
> Beja?

**TonDC – Like a woman scorned**

 

~

 

Lexa jerks upright, eyes alert and darting around the still dark room. She knows it is early morning, but what she doesn’t know is why she is waking alone. She looks down beside her, even though she knows Clarke isn’t next to her. The warmth is gone, but she can still sense her presence near, and it’s enough to calm her mind enough not to tear through the village demanding her whereabouts. She can’t help but raise an eyebrow as she hears a soft chuckle coming from her right side, and she sits up further and turns in the direction of a smiling Clarke. 

“Ai na sen yu in,” _I can hear you,_ Lexa whispers softly, her smile widening as she takes in the beautiful blonde a few feet away from her. The soft glow of a candle near her lights up the side of her face, and Lexa has to take a slow and deep breath at the amount of adoration that floods her at the sight of her love.

Clarke simply shrugs and continues to keep her eyes locked on Lexa, causing the brunette to tilt her head slightly and take in Clarke’s posture. The blonde is sitting cross-legged on the floor with her arms relaxed but resting with her palms up on her knees, and her eyes have not left Lexa’s form. If Lexa hadn’t heard her soft chuckle or if she wasn’t now seeing the smile tugging on Clarke’s lips, she would believe Clarke to be in some form of a trance-like state.

“Klark,” she calls and is delighted when the blonde makes eye contact with her and raises her eyebrow. “Chit?” _What?_ Clarke just seems to wait, as if expecting something to happen, and that is when Lexa realizes something is already happening. She looks down and around herself, and she can see the faint glow of Clarke’s shield surrounding her as she sits in their bed. She looks back to Clarke, seeing that spark of recognition. “You’re just shielding me…”

Clarke nods, still not speaking, but the smile is still on her face. “My love…” Lexa stands from the bed and makes her way over to the blonde, pausing to take slower steps as she notices that each step bringing her closer is also causing the faint glow to intensify. It’s becoming more visible, and she can’t be sure, but she imagines it’s becoming stronger as well. She can feel its warmth protecting her. As she is a step away, she lowers herself down to sit in front of Clarke and smiles when the glow fully encompasses them both and seems to pulse with life.

Clarke wets her lips with her tongue and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been up for the past couple of hours, trying this.” Clarke sees Lexa has a bit of understanding but decides to clarify for her, “I wanted to see if I could shield you from a distance, if I’m not standing next to you.”

Lexa considers this and nods once slightly. She watches the expression on Clarke’s face and sees a hint of nervousness and needs to understand why. “Why are you nervous?” She reaches her hand forward slowly, and they share a soft smile when they allow their hands to hover palm to palm in the air, close enough to feel each other’s heat but not touching. A couple moments later, they press their palms together, and their fingers entwine and squeeze. Lexa leans forward, taking care to kiss each finger on Clarke’s hand before pulling it forward a bit and kissing the back of it also, drawing a happy sigh and closed eyes from the blonde.

Clarke visibly swallows before opening her eyes and locks onto Lexa’s. “Ai gaf wich em in,” _I want to believe_ , she whispers and squeezes Lexa’s hand in hers a bit more tightly.

Lexa scoots closer, arranging her body so that she is sitting beside Clarke rather than in front and wraps her free arm around her shoulder, pulling their bodies together. “Believe what, Klark?” She rests her cheek against Clarke’s sun-kissed hair and focuses her strength to her love.

“I want to know I can protect you, even when I am not with you.” Her voice is soft, perhaps tinged with a bit of sadness but also sounding very tired. The yawn that slips out after is only further confirmation. “You can literally heal me and bring me back from the edge of death…” She sighs and pulls back so that she can once more see Lexa’s loving eyes. “What do I do for you?”

Lexa’s nose flares, her heart aching at Clarke’s whispered plea, wondering what she provides. _How can she not know,_ Lexa’s mind yells at her, but she softens her expression and pulls Clarke to her feet and guiding her to the bed and pulling her down with her to cradle the blonde in her arms. She smiles as Clarke sighs in relief when her head uses Lexa’s chest and crook of her neck as a pillow. Lexa holds her tighter, bringing their hands up to her mouth once more to kiss Clarke’s fingertips, earning a whimper.

“Ai houmon,” _My wife_ , she begins softly, “how can I possibly make you see, make you feel, all that I feel for you?” She takes a slow but deep breath and continues her soft caress of Clarke’s arms that are locked around her body securely. “You are everything to me, Klark. My beautiful gona, _warrior_ , fierce you are, and beautiful. You are my strength, my weakness, my protection, and my light. You fell from the sky and honoured me with your love. I will always cherish you.” She let the silence linger for a few moments; it was peaceful, and she could feel the energy crackling between them. “You brought me back to life, Klark. Ai nou na teik yu bants nowe.” _I’m never going to let you go._ “Your soul protects mine.”

Clarke nods her head in Lexa’s neck, pulling back just enough to place a few open mouthed kisses on her collarbone and slowly up the brunette’s neck. “I always want to protect you, Leksa,” Clarke whispers, continuing her soft kisses along Lexa’s strong jaw, seeing the woman has closed her eyes, her breaths quickening. “Loka au, Leksa.” _Eyes open, Lexa,_ Clarke whispers, and when Lexa opens her eyes, Clarke feels the energy between them crackle, and she can _hear_ it. She leans in, claiming the lips below hers as strong hands weave their way into her hair, keeping her locked into the kiss.

 

~

 

**Near the site of the Exodus ship crash**

 

~

 

“Why did you have to kill him? You said no one would be killed!” He’s angry, but more than that, he is confused… a sense of betrayal is running cold down his spine. He should have expected as much, hadn’t he done the same thing? Isn’t he still doing it? Betraying his heda?

“It was necessary, you know. The sky girl got the message, now they must put together the pieces.” Her voice spoke with reason and detachment. She was quite secure in her decision, cold and calculated just as he had heard. Even though he didn’t understand a single bit of it now, other than his fear of a double cross, he tried to accept that she was methodical and is choosing her steps wisely.

“I don’t know how his death was necessary. An arrow in the shoulder can heal. He had done nothing wrong.” He paces to the other end of the tent before stopping at the door and turning back to the woman. “What are you getting out of this?”

She smiles. She isn’t an unattractive woman, it’s possible many desire her, but that smile causes him to halt. It isn’t a reassuring smile but a smile of things to come… sinister things perhaps. Things drenched in pain and cries for vengeance. “What makes you so sure I want anything?” Her voice is low, daring him to challenge her.

“I understand a disagreement of uniting the Trikru and Skaikru, many share that concern and rally at your side.” He hesitates, knowing even he shares that concern, which is why he stands before her now. It is why he was able to find a few allies within his heda’s guard to help see this plan into action… but it did not play out the way he expected. “But unless you are looking for a war to try and overthrow her or see her death, then what is the point? I thought this would be a war of words, not of bloodshed. Haven’t we had enough of that?”

She stands, only a slight wobble in her left leg as she moves swiftly to stand in front of him. Her eyes are hard, but a flicker of something shines behind them. “Your heda is in a position she was not meant to be in.” She leans in close enough that he can see the subtle change in the hazel of her eyes, growing darker. “Your _heda_ ,” she hisses the word out, “has something that is mine… so yes, I do want something.” She turns and grabs her sword from its stand beside her chair, gives it one slice through the air in a figure eight pattern before swinging it down and stopping just in time to keep the blade from slicing into the skin below his jaw. “I guess you were right after all… I do want something.”

She raises one eyebrow, seemingly amused. “The opposition against this Skai and Trikru alliance, and the rage of a young man, who lost his first love at the hands of someone he trusted, are tools that are giving me all I need to get back what is mine. And I will use that to my every advantage. I will not stop.”

He visibly swallows, mind racing that perhaps he has made a huge mistake. This woman may be a legend of whispers amongst the clans, seemingly rising from the ashes and amassing a following of scattered deserters from the tribes… but she commands their respect when they had none for their own leaders. She intrigues people, and she is methodical. She is _feared_. All he wanted was to cause a bit of an uprising amongst his people, to try and force Lexa’s hand… to do what she should have done since the mountain, which is to place her people first and to choose with her head over her heart. And now, she is letting them both have equal sway, even though it could be at the peril of their people. Two souls, two people, a last commander and her kwin, should not possess the level of power they are already showing. It is stronger than the tales say. Power corrupts the mind… he watches her eyes and cannot feel anything.

But now, with the cold chill of a blade so lightly pressed against his neck, not a waver from her arm that is still extended as if she could hold it there all day, he wonders whose power should he really fear? Lexa may be a great commander because she is ruthless, but she can obviously feel love. Staring at this woman in front of him, looking no older than twenty odd winters, he wonders if she can feel any kind of warmth at all. “But why our people, why sacrifice them? Why not use the boy instead? Or even the heda’s kwin?”

She watches him a moment, and he swears she rolls her eyes slightly before removing her sword and sliding it into the sheath at her side. “You’re asking the wrong questions.”

He thinks on this, but knows she doesn’t expect him to figure it out on his own. “What is it Leksa has that you want?”

She smiles then, this time so wide even her teeth are visible as her hand clenches around the hilt of her sword. “Not what, Kiern. Who."

 

~

 

**TonDC**

 

~

 

_“Leksa,” I moan out her name, knowing my desperation is evident in the slight whine and plea that follows. “Beja."_

_Lexa is still, calm and calculating while her eyes trace over every single centimeter of me. Her eyes are boring into me and seeing everything. My body may be bare in front of her, completely at her mercy, but her eyes are seeing my soul in the same way. Her eyes, full of fire and of devotion, have stripped every barrier I have ever had away into nothingness. She sees me. She wants me. She **needs** me, just as I need her._

_I see the recognition spark in her eyes the moment she knows that I know, and the rumble I hear working its way up her chest and into her throat has me coming undone without a single touch from her. “What is she doing to me?”_

_I love all sides of her, all those I have experienced and all those yet to come. Tonight, I know, is a new kind of night. A night something more will happen. Something more will change. Something we want, need, crave, and desire. Something that may not be understood by any others, but something that exists between us, within us, that no words are needed to express. We will feel our way. I feel her now, a few paces away, but I feel her as if she is already on me, in me, taking me over. I whimper and feel my hips buck of their own accord, well aware of the heat and wetness that is ever increasing between my legs._

_Her nose flares and the rumbling snarl she moments ago, was working to control, is released, and I can feel her heat melding with mine instantly. Her bare body is pressing down onto mine, and her hands grab at my wrists and grip them tightly, pushing them above my head as her lips lower to my neck and I’m shattered. “Leksa,” I gasp out, hips bucking upwards again searching for her and she gets louder, her body tense as she grinds her hips down to meet mine and we both groan in approval._

_“Klark,” I hear her voice, even as her lips are still secured to my neck, sucking and marking me as hers. I hear her voice within me, her lips are not releasing my neck and I pull against the grip of her hands some, wanting nothing more than to slide my hands into her hair or grab onto her in some way. “Klark,” she keeps repeating my name and it sounds so wantonly delicious to hear it fall from her lips when she’s like this. A shiver runs down my spine and my legs fall open as her grinding and rocking against me gets harder and I groan out in pleasure as the firm grip of her hands tightens further around my wrists as her teeth sink into my skin at my neck and shoulder. “Klark…”_

 

Her eyes flash open and her breath is heavy and fast. “Klark, ai houmon…” Lexa whispers, cupping Clarke’s cheek and caressing the skin with her thumb. Blue eyes focus on her, even as her breath is still heaving and Clarke’s lower body seems to have a mind of its own with her clenched thighs and bucking hips.

“Leksa,” Clarke whispers, wetting her lips with her tongue, and sees Lexa’s eyes darken at the action. “I was dreaming,” she begins, trying to take a slower and deeper breath. “God, how was that a dream?”

Lexa slides closer, pressing the length of her body against Clarke’s and grins at the sharp intake of breath the blonde makes. “I feel this was a good dream, ai hodnes?” 

Clarke raises an eyebrow and only hesitates a moment before biting her lip and reaching for Lexa’s hand and guiding it into her pants. She feels a fresh wave of desire flush through her and leak down her inner thighs when Lexa lets out a primal snarl at the feel and smell of her wife. Clarke swallows hard. “You made that sound.”

Lexa looks up, eyes dark and lids heavy. “When?”

Clarke raises her hips slightly, earning herself another sexy sound. “In my dream, Leksa.”

The brunette rises to hover herself above Clarke, letting her eyes speak for her as she stares into the blue below her. “May I make your dream a reality, ai kwin?” she asks softly, although her voice is husky with intense desire.

“Leksa,” Clarke moans out her name, knowing that desperation is evident in the slight whine and plea that follows. “Beja.”

 

~


	34. Just outside TonDC – Blessed are the hearts that can bend…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More clues, more lies and some lovin. What's not to like, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as I had planned, but I had several things to "plant" in this chapter. Next one will be longer. :)  
> As always, look for clues, but don't show your hand unless you're sure you're ready to make the call.

**Just outside TonDC – Blessed are the hearts that can bend…**

~

 

“Hey Eko, wait up!” Octavia calls out, picking up her pace to catch up with the blonde. Echo stops as Octavia approaches and offers her a smile. “Heading back to the village?” 

Echo nods and begins walking again. “Yes, I started out with a few of the yongon’s but sent them back when I heard a commotion. It was nothing.” She notices Octavia considering her and rolls her eyes. “What?”

“I know you left with the kids, but they made it back hours ago. If it was nothing, why are you just coming back now?” She watches as Echo turns and tilts her head to the side slightly. “And why are you favoring your leg? What happened?”

Echo sighs, trying to pretend her leg isn’t injured. “Even some of the best warriors have bad days, Okteivia. I scouted in the trees, saw nothing amiss, and then spent some time alone.”

Her mood is a bit agitated, which only serves to make Octavia even more curious as she puts her hand on the older warrior’s shoulder and stops her again to face her. “Eko, stop.”

Echo stops, lowering her head and putting her hands on her hips. “I made a stupid mistake, okay? A slip of my foot, and I fell out of the tree. I’m fine, please leave it alone, and let’s get back to camp.” Her face shows a light blush, and Octavia only nods at her, letting it go for now as they make their way back into the village.

They are approaching the guarded gates and put their weapons aside. Indra takes notice of them and begins to make her way over. Before she approaches, however, Echo reaches out to grab Octavia’s arm and get her attention. “Beja, Okteivia, let us not speak of this around our general.” Her eyes are pleading with the brunette.

Octavia sighs and gives a short nod, feeling there is more to the story, but she will take it upon herself to figure it out.

~

 

“Kiern! Get to your post, you are late. What was so important that you left your heda’s tent unguarded?” Indra is furious, her eyes hard as she waits for his answer. 

For his part, Kiern actually seems nervous. He may be a personal guard to Lexa, but Indra can force any man to tears if she truly wants to. And he knows this first hand since Indra had seen to some of his training in past years. He puts on his brace face, trying to show no sign of weakness to her as he answers her in truth, “I took off on my own to meet up with a few contacts to the North to see if they knew of any plots against our people.”

Indra stares at him, and he knows she is waiting for something more.

“I advised Eko and Nyko I would be gone for a couple of hours. Forgive me, Indra, I should have notified you as well. I just know that in the village, our Heda and our Kwin are well protected.” He lowers his eyes, showing his submission and that he is aware of his mistake.

“However well guarded you believe them to be, we have natrona’s _traitors_ among us. Try to keep that in your head,” she growls, eyeing him, still unhappy with his explanation but not going into it further. She stomps past him, seeing Octavia and Echo approaching the gates. “Go stand your post until sunup, then maybe I will send someone to relieve you.”

He watches as she stalks off and shakes his head and heads to the commander’s tent to stand guard. _Indra is too smart, too_ _intuitive,_ he thinks. Or maybe he’s just paranoid.

~

 

_Three hours earlier_

 

~

 

“So you sent them back to camp? Won’t they ask why?” he asks, looking around to make sure no one is watching. He stops, seeing her smirk and roll her eyes at him. “What?” 

She shakes her head. “Nothing. And yes, I sent them back saying I heard something and needed to scout the area. It is safer for them if I do that alone.”

“And what if you are ambushed?” he asks, stepping closer to her. “What if there is a threat?”

She raises her eyebrow at him in challenge. “Do you plan to try and ambush me, or think of yourself as a threat?” Echo steps in closer, sizing him up. “You may be a second in command, but you are not in command of me.”

He raises his hands up and takes a small step back, even though the smile stays fixed on his face. “I never said anything about being in command of you, Echo.” He backs up a few more steps as she continues to advance on him until he finds his back against a tree behind him and her body is now pressed against his.

“Good boy, because I’m fairly certain I’ll be giving the commands…” Her tone is flirty as she closes in on her prey, placing one hand against his broad shoulder and holding him in place while the other slides down his chest. “Do you have a problem with that?” She can’t stop the grin when she watches him visibly swallow and sees all of the fierce and determinedness of a warrior suddenly vanish before her eyes. His eyes flicker down to her lips, and she knows she has him.

“No problem,” he grunts out as he grabs a handful of hair at the back of her neck and crushes her lips against his own.

 

~ 

**The Ark…they shall never be broken**

~

 

“You can’t be serious!” Abby paces back and forth with her hands on her hips. “There’s just no way.”

“Abby, we have to think about this rationally. Things are very different on the ground, especially now, and we already know how he felt before he left.” Kane’s voice is low, trying to keep things calm, even though he feels anything but.

“Thelonious wouldn’t.” She pauses and turns to face Kane. “I mean he couldn’t… could he?” She wants to be in denial about this, to ignore the feeling in her gut and believe it all a coincidence, but she can’t, because deep down, she knows.

“Look, all we know at this point is that he was seen conversing with some very prominent members of a northern section of grounders, and someone that seems to hold a lot of power. Last we heard he was searching for a ‘City of Light,’ and I didn’t expect him to seek out any council of the grounders for any reason… but there must be one.” He sighs and rubs his face, sitting down into a nearby chair. “I honestly don’t know who he is anymore, but we have no facts or proof of anything. We can’t believe he would do anything to hurt Clarke.”

“Lexa was the target. Her relationship to Clarke wouldn’t be of any concern to him or anyone else. Just like with me, it didn’t matter who I was to him when Jake was floated. He will always do what he feels is right, even if it isn’t.” She sits as well and puts her head in her hands. “Who do we tell?”

Kane locks eyes with her. “For now just Lexa and Clarke. They can make their own decisions on if anyone else is told, but with a traitor in our midst, I’d feel a lot better to keep this as quiet as possible. We don’t want to inadvertently leak any useful information to someone that could use it against us.” He sees her nod and stands to leave for his room. “We’ll protect them, as well as our people, Abby.”

She looks up at him, pain in her eyes. “I have a feeling it will be them protecting us. Once again.” He nods at her and gives her a soft smile and heads for the door. “Kane,” she calls out, stopping him before he turns the corner.

“Yeah?” He is tired, she can tell from his voice, but he is always there to help.

“What did she look like again, do you think you could draw her?” She tilts her head at his eyes as they widen in surprise. “I’ve seen some of them… she showed me. You are quite talented.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “Thank you, but they are just doodles. I can’t hold a candle to Clarke’s work. But… I think if I describe her, Clarke could do it justice and give us a picture to go by. Goodnight, Abby.”

She watches as he leaves, thinking back to the reports a few of their guards had given them about Jaha being spotted meeting with grounders on several occasions. Something doesn’t sit well with her. He left with several of their people, yet no one mentioned seeing any of them with him. Where were they? Why was he meeting with another clan of grounders, and who was the mystery woman he kept speaking to?

~

 

**TonDC – By Fires Light**

 

~

 

The light and warmth of the crackling fire caresses my skin, and I'm captured. My eyes never leave Lexa’s, watching as the flickers of the flames dance upon her skin and her eyes are brighter than I've ever seen them. 

We're cuddled together in our bed, and I am lying stretched out on my back and she is lying facing me, our arms holding onto one another, and we just stare. 

I close my eyes at the gentle caress of her fingertips on my neck and hug her closer to me, allowing my hands to rub and stroke her bare back under the blanket we share.

I hum in contentment, never knowing such peace before than that which I have found in her arms. A world, a universe, contained within our loving embrace.

Her fingers apply slight pressure against my jaw, and I am her willing and eager lover as I lower my lips to meet hers. I hear as much as I feel the soft catch of her breath as our lips love each other, swallowing soft sighs and sounds of absolute bliss.

I feel myself sinking further, enraptured by her as I always am. I know the exact moment she feels the change too, our bodies reacting by seeking the impossible, to be closer, always closer... never close enough.

I feel it, deep inside me and growing ever hotter as the moments pass. The energy crackles, thick and charged with power, with force. It's really there, I think to myself. My soul...

We turn to our sides, facing one another with our bodies pressed together tightly, arms caressing and gripping and our legs entwined. Lexa’s thigh is pressing snugly against my heat and desire, and I groan, pulling her in by her lithe hips as my thigh presses into her, earning me a snarl and a buck of her hips.

The room grows hotter with the heat from the fire and that which we are creating together, evident by the slight sheen of sweat beginning to coat our skin. 

Our kisses are languid, but steadily grow in need, tongues exploring and teeth nipping. I find myself releasing a slow and deep groan as I suck harder at her offered tongue as her hips roll and seek more pressure against my thigh.

I use my hand, grasping and pulling at her ass to guide her movements as we dance together, seeking. We never break our kiss even as both of our movements become a little more frantic in the search for release.

We are both moaning and breathing heavy, hot and wet kisses catching the sounds over and over as we rock and grind into each other. The slow and firm thrusts fade into quicker movement of our hips, as we both cry out together, grasping tightly and riding out our release as we come, shattering in each other's arms.

The last embers of the fire still glow, doing its job at keeping us warm and providing a soft glow of light so that we may see each other's eyes in the otherwise darkened room. Our breathing is leveling out as we continue to stare, to smile, and to just hold each other.

A small quirk of her lips, and I'm falling still and lean forward to brush my nose over hers. "Leksa," I whisper softly.

"Klark..." she replies back just as gently, our smiles still in place.

We need no words as we snuggle into a comfortable position, preparing ourselves to rest our bodies, but not before sharing one more moment with eyes locked and a rubbing together of cheeks. Finally, there's the closing of our eyes after a contented sigh and the feeling of our noses touching.

~

 


	35. Authors Note only (Update coming!!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors note guys, update is on its way!

Hey all,

I am so sorry for the delay. - Real life has been very active - the love of my life, my very own Lexa and I had a 2 week visit that was phenomenal, but sadly, ended today when I had to take her to the airport to go back home...

I apologize for the delay, but the next chapter is already half written. It will be uploaded in the next couple of days. :)

Thanks for sticking with me!  
Miss you all

<3   
Nickole


	36. TonDC - Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A betrayal revealed and a couple surprise twists :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay everyone. I had two incredible weeks with lilianafox and this past week hasn't been...so good now that she's gone back home. :( However, I'm moved into a new apartment, about to start a new job and will have more time for writing. YAY! :)
> 
> Thank you for those of you who have stuck with me on this. Your support is incredible and I am very thankful for it!

**TonDC – Revelations**

 

~

 

It’s Clarke that wakes alone this time. Lexa’s side of the bed is cold, indicating she has been up for a while. Clarke smiles and stretches, feeling better than she has in quite some time, despite knowing there is a threat looming, traitors among them… and then there’s Jasper. 

She lies there, thinking back to the look on his face as he held Maya’s body in his arms. He was broken and in despair, his tear-filled eyes pleading with her as if doing so could somehow reverse time and change what had already taken place. Even through the pain, Clarke could see the fire behind his eyes, the hatred boiling. She felt it. At the time, she welcomed it because she felt she deserved it. She made a monstrous choice. But she made the only choice she could to save her own while sparing as many lives as she could. It still pains her, but she’s come to terms with her decision.

Jasper, however, obviously has not. She knows to the others, the crude carving on that tree looked like the letter ‘S’, but it wasn’t. It was the number ‘5’. As in Level 5. The level she irradiated. The level that houses all the bodies from the people that made the mountain their home.

It was a reminder, as if she needed one, of what had happened. It was a reminder of what she took from him. And the heart with the arrow in it is a threat. A love was taken. His love. And now he is threatening hers.

She swallows hard. He won’t win this, and she fears what she may have to do to stop him. But then, it’s not just him. There is the unknown element of the traitors amongst the Trikru… and apparently Jasper has found someone to work with him on this, making the risk worse, because it is unknown. 

Clarke stands and stretches and gets dressed, making her way out into the village. Lexa will already be meeting with her warriors, and Clarke wants to know what their next step is. As she turns towards the war room, Kiern steps in front of her with a friendly smile, blocking her path. She cocks her head to the side looking at him questioningly. “Yes?”

He gives her a short nod. “Clarke, Heda requests I keep you company while she is with Indra. She won’t be long.”

“Where are they?” she questions, feeling it isn’t like Lexa to take off and not tell her herself where she was headed or if something was going on.

“I’m sorry, Clarke, I do not know. I was simply told to keep you company and keep watch over you.” He holds out his arm, leading her towards the path leading out of the village.

“Alright.” She has no reason to doubt him; he is Lexa’s personal guard, after all. Maybe she can get in a short walk, fresh air, and wash off in the stream and be back the same time Lexa is. “Can we head to the stream? I’d like to wash up.”

“Sha, Kwin.” He smiles again and eagerly heads down the path at her side.

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that today…” Clarke hesitates, turning to look at him. “Kwin, I mean. You’ve been calling me Klark this morning…”

“Apologies, Kwin, this is still rather new to me. I meant no disrespect,” he replies and picks up their pace slightly. Clarke considers this, something inside her begging her to keep this bit of information in the front of her mind, however trivial it seems. Lexa always tells her to trust her instinct, and she won’t doubt her.

“It’s fine, it’s rather new to me too, obviously.” She chuckles softly, hiding her worry. She of course had thought about it but never really focused on what the other Trikru members, the ones that aren’t overly happy about this arrangement, might think. After all, they have traitors, and there are always those that have opposed an alliance between the Skaikru and Trikru. Add that to a relationship and a unique set of powerful circumstances between the two leaders and there is bound to be opposition. Forceful opposition. And yet…

“Kiern,” she begins, drawing his attention back to her. Once she has it, she presses on, “Do you find it strange that while there was very obviously some resentment and those that disagreed with our first alliance before, that now it seems to not be so evident?”

“You feel there is no resentment and opposition now?” he asks her, the question sounding foreign to him.

Clarke chews on her bottom lip. “You feel there is?” Her question stops him short, as if he is searching for the right answer. She notes this for later.

“Obviously there is something going on, but that doesn’t mean it has to do with Heda being the last commander and you being her Kwin and the power you share.” They reach the water’s edge, and he crouches down to splash some water over his face.

 _I never said it did…_ she thinks, and her mind begins to race as she watches him and takes in his slightly uncomfortable posture. When he turns back to look at her, she shrugs and goes about washing up her face and hands as quickly as she can in order to get back into camp. She has a bad feeling, and the last thing she needs is to be further away from Lexa than she already is. She can feel her and knows she’s near but not near enough.

“Okay, we can head back now,” she calls as she stands up, wiping her hands off on her pants.

“That was very quick, are you certain you’re ready to go back now?” He asks, eyes flickering towards the south where a thick grove of trees hides the valley in the distance.

“Yes, all done. Let’s go.” She turns to leave, but his hand on her forearm stops her.

“I really am sorry, Clarke, but I can’t let that happen.”

 

~

 

“Oktevia, Eko! Where is Klark?” Lexa demands as she approaches them, hand resting on the hilt of her sword. 

“I saw her head down to the river with Kiern not more than an hour ago,” Echo offers and points in the direction. “I haven’t seen either of them since.” She turns to look at Octavia, who shakes her head.

“I haven’t seen them this morning. I got back from rounds just now with the other seconds.” She takes in Lexa’s clenching jaw and tilts her head. “What’s wrong, Heda?”

Lexa’s nose flares, and she closes her eyes and holds up her hand to silence them both. After a few moments and a couple deep breaths, her eyes flash open. “She’s not in the village, I don’t know where… usually I can…” She trails off, turning and rushing towards the river, calling out to the others to begin the search. She is unnerved. She cannot sense Clarke as she usually can. It’s as if she isn’t… no, she won’t think that way. “Indra!”

Her general is by her side in a moment, keeping up the quick pace her heda has set. “Kiern,” is all she says, and she feels Indra stiffen beside her.

“Natrona,” _Traitor,_ Indra grits out. She’s angry with herself. She knew something was amiss with him, and now her Kwin may be in danger.

Lexa huffs a sigh as they take a look at the area they frequent to wash up. They spot tracks, but her blood runs cold when she takes notice of blood on the ground at her feet. “Blood.”

“Nou get yu daun, Heda.” _Don’t worry,_ Indra says but bites her tongue at the look Lexa throws at her.

“Don’t worry?” Lexa growls. “My personal **guard** is a traitor, he was the last seen with Klark, and there is blood!” She whistles once loudly and watches as one of her warriors comes racing towards them on horseback, leading her horse to her, and she quickly swings up on his back. “I’m riding ahead, gather some men and follow, use Eko and Oktevia on the perimeter. If anyone finds Kiern first, he’s mine.”

The last thing Indra hears is Lexa’s shout of “wamplei kom thauz kodon”. _Death by a thousand cuts._ She shakes her head, muttering, “Natrona won’t survive her wrath if she finds him first.”

 

~

 

**10km South of TonDC**

 

~ 

She comes to, she believes to be a few hours later, with a pounding in her head. She sits up and does a once over of her body, checking to see if she is injured.  Other than the pain in her head, she can’t feel any other discomfort besides the ache in her heart, and she knows that isn’t hers.

Looking around, she can see what used to be a small, makeshift village, but it mostly seems deserted now. There are a few warriors wandering about, but their style of dress differs from the other grounders, so she knows she’s nowhere near Trikru territory.

“Drink this,” she hears and turns to see Kiern standing above her, holding out a metal cup. “It’s clean.”

She rolls her eyes and regrets it, the pain in her head flaring. “And why should I trust you?”

“I never said you had to trust me, Clarke, but the water is clean, so drink.” He again holds the cup out to her, and she hesitates but eventually takes it. She is thirsty but is still hesitant.

“Where are we, Kiern, and what is going on?” Her eyes stay trained on him, but she’s scanning her surroundings, taking in everything around her. “Ron ai ridiyo op.” _Speak true._

“Oh, it’s so cute how you think you’re one of them now, Clarke.”

She turns, hearing a familiar voice, and her words die in her throat when the woman comes into view. It can’t be… “Callie?”

“Hi, Little Griffin, long time.” She approaches slowly and crouches down to be at eye level with Clarke. “Missed me?”

Clarke’s words are broken, her thoughts running wild. “How… you were on the Exodus Ship… how did you survive the crash?”

Callie pauses and looks towards Kiern, who nods and mounts a horse, taking his leave and galloping off towards the North. Turning back to Clarke, Callie answers her questions. “There were a few of us. Some as you know made it back with the rest of our people and a few of us went our own way.”

“But Mom…?” Clarke struggles to stand, still a little light headed, and is surprised when Callie assists her and makes sure she’s steady before letting go. “You were her best friend, and she thinks you’re dead. Why didn’t you try to reach us?”

Callie ignores her. “You’ve found your Twin Flame.” It’s a statement of fact, not a question.

Clarke nods, curious to where this is going, although she feels she already does. “You and my mom, you thought…”

“We were kids, I was stupid, got scared…” She sighs and rolls her eyes, fighting off a smirk, looking so different from the woman Clarke had grown up knowing as her mother’s best friend. “Marcus was a safe bet. And honestly, had things been different, you wouldn’t have been born, and we wouldn’t be here now.”

“Speaking of, where is ‘here’ exactly?” Clarke looks down to the cup still in her hand, her thirst getting the better of her in this heat, and her head is still pounding.

“Drink Clarke, it is safe.” Callie nods to the cup, and Clarke isn’t sure why, but she feels she can trust her and drinks. “And ‘here’, is a few hours South of your Trikru friends, a local meeting point for trading grounders. And you are here, because you are of value to someone.”

Clarke is annoyed and rolls her eyes, backing herself against the tree she had been sitting against and sliding down it. She knows it’s no use attempting an escape in her condition; she has no idea where she is exactly and is in no shape to run. She closes her eyes and waits. She knows Lexa will come for her; it’s just a matter of time.

 

~

 

The sun is just beginning to set when Clarke wakes, and her body is screaming at her. She knows she’s lost a fair bit of blood by how weak she feels and the pain in her head. She struggles to her feet slowly.

“Good, you’re awake.” She turns, seeing Callie approach and holding out a cloth with a few pieces of meat on it. “Eat, you need your strength. We have a few kilometers to cover to reach the final rendezvous point.”

“Rendezvous point for what?” Clarke questions, taking the meat and biting into it slowly, tasting it. Feeling it’s safe, she continues to eat. “And don’t you know it’s not wise to let someone with a probable concussion sleep?”

Callie shrugs. “Your mom is the doctor, Clarke, and you seem fine. And as far as for what, for the trade of course.”

“You’re trading me…” Clarke shakes her head, “for what? And why me?” She knows the last question is unnecessary. She’s obviously being traded to grounders, which means she’s of value to be used against Lexa. Just like Costia. She sighs and grits her teeth. Lexa cannot go through this again. _She won’t survive it this time…_

“You know I have no ill will towards you, Clarke, but this is a matter of survival for me and a few of the others that survived the Ark. Including… your friend Jasper.” Callie watches as blue eyes widen.

“Jasper is here?”

“No, he’s already where we need to go, but I wouldn’t count on a happy reunion.” She turns and waves, and Clarke watches as two grounders approach with horses. “We ride with them. The woman that wants you has promised us some land and protection… We can start over here and be safe. All they asked for was you. The rest is of no concern to me.” Callie looks at her sadly but with resolve. “I’m sorry it has to be this way, Clarke.”

“Why do you think you can trust them? What if they take me and then kill you all?” One of the warriors grabs her arm roughly and goes to lift her onto the horse when an arrow is suddenly embedded into his neck, causing him drop her as she falls to the ground, and he nearly topples over onto her as he falls dead at her feet.

It all happens very quickly then. She hears a horse taking off and the sounds of a short battle before hands are on the side of her face, and Echo is staring back at her. “Sister, are you alright?” Concern drips from her voice as she takes in Clarke’s appearance and the blood matted to the side of her head.

Clarke nods, relief flooding through her. “I’m good now, but Kiern is the traitor… and Callie…” She shakes her head, still not quite believing the events of the day. She turns, seeing Octavia approaching, wiping blood off of her sword. “Where’s Leksa?”

Octavia shakes her head, looking into the distance where Callie made her escape on one of the horses. “She took off before we did. Eko and I took the perimeter, but we thought for sure she’d find you first.”

Clarke breathes deeply and closes her eyes, reaching out for her love. She doesn’t catch the playful eye roll or smiles that pass between Octavia and Echo as they watch her do the same thing Lexa had earlier. “She’s hurt, but she’s safe.” Clarke looks confused but scrambles back to her feet with Echo’s help. “I don’t know how, but she’s being protected.”

“Let’s get back to camp then. We’ll regroup and see how she wants to proceed, or if she’s found Kiern yet.” Octavia leads them back towards camp. “She took off like a bat out of hell when she realized you were hurt and Kiern was the traitor.”

Echo nods in agreement. “I have a feeling she must have caught up with Kiern. Hopefully she killed that bastard. How could he betray our Heda?”

“That’s exactly what we need to find out, but she has to keep him alive for that. There may be others.” Clarke’s injury may slow her, but her determination to get to Lexa pushes her forward to keep pace with her friends.

 

~

 

**_Meanwhile…_ **

 

He hears her hurried approach and thinks quickly on how he must handle this. Kicking his horse into a gallop, he races in her direction, making his breath sound heavy and rushed. “Heda! Heda!” He calls out and sees her approaching in the distance. “Heda, turn back! It’s a trap!”

Lexa reigns her horse to a halt and dismounts quickly next to him. “Heda, we must go!” She doesn’t listen to him as she grabs him and jerks him down off his horse. “Heda!”

“Do not address me as your Heda! You are a traitor!” she seethes and punches him roughly in the jaw, sending him to the ground. “Did you think I would not figure it out?”

“Heda, please, there are others, they took Clarke, I tried to save her!” He scoots backwards in the dirt as she advances, trying to quickly get to his feet.

“Is that why there was blood near the river’s edge? They were so foolish to attack you in force that closely to the village?” She kicks his leg out, sending him back to his back. “And then what, you took off this far out to rescue her yourself, rather than come seek me out in the village?” Her voice is growing louder and more angry as she continues. “Do you think I am stupid?”

Kiern freezes, his quick thinking not working for him as he realizes the rouse is up. He holds his hands up in surrender. “Please, you must understand.”

“I understand plenty. You are a traitor, and you will pay with your life.” She draws her sword and hovers it above him. “Where is Klark?”

At this, he smirks. “Looks like I may still be of use. If you kill me, you won’t find her in time.”

Lexa’s nose flares, and it takes all she has in her not to kill him now, but she knows he will be the quickest way in finding Clarke if the others have not. She can sense her more now, but it is weak. Clarke is hurt and in pain, and Lexa won’t risk her life on a gamble if she kills him. Her hesitation costs her, however, as she doesn’t dodge the blade he launches at her in time, and it lodges itself into her side. As her attention is drawn down to remove the blade sticking out of her jacket, Kiern kicks her sword out of her hand and tackles her to the ground.

He has the upper hand against her only momentarily when he suddenly stills above her with his knee in her wounded side and his hands around her neck. Lexa is pinned, however, and cannot move but stops trying when she feels his body stiffen and sees his eyes focus on something in the distance.

“Surrender Kiern. Loyal Trikru will have you surrounded, there is no way out of this.” Lexa watches his eyes, seeing the fear in them.

“I don’t think they are Trikru,” he begins and releases his hold on her slowly and begins to back off and to his feet, drawing his sword. Looking around quickly, he spots hers and kicks it to her. She looks up at him, shock evident in her eyes as she grabs her sword and slowly turns to see what he is so focused on.

“Wolves,” she whispers, gripping her sword tighter and reaching for the dagger she keeps in her boot for her other hand.

“Leksa,” Kiern whispers, eyes darting to her left now, “there’s another.”

“I’m aware,” she replies, never taking her eyes off the one in front of her. She knows there’s one at her left, but it’s a few paces further away. “Can you hold off stabbing me again until we deal with this?” She clenches her teeth together as he nods his agreement and slowly begins to inch towards her.

Wolves are one weakness the Trikru have always faced. They are pack hunters and very smart. Without archers, one on one combat is nearly impossible for a small group, let alone the two of them, and she’s injured. They don’t run into them often as the wolves tend to stick to their own territory, and the Trikru leave them be… but every so often, something causes them to venture out. Scattered packs, looking for food maybe, but these two, there’s something different about them.

They are large; very large for wolves, but not bulky. They are muscular and lean and with eyes that are piercing in a way Lexa has never seen before. Perhaps this is the reason she can’t take her eyes off the black one staring back at her and the lighter grey one to her left isn’t of concern. The eyes of this wolf… remind her of what she’s seen of her own in their colour and yet while fierce, they feel welcoming.

Her back tenses, preparing for the attack, when Kiern finally gets to her back and that’s when the wolves make their move. It’s a rush and flurry of movement, and Kiern breaks form to slash his sword through the air at the grey wolf as it advances, but Lexa doesn’t move a muscle, and she isn’t sure why. Something is telling her with all her being not to move, other than to drop down to one knee as the black wolf leaps at her but sails past her, landing on Kiern’s back and knocking him back to the ground. As soon as he is down, both wolves are on him, and the last thing Lexa hears from him is his scream and sound of him choking on his blood from the bite wounds in his neck.

She raises slowly, sword and dagger still gripped tightly in her hands. If they turn on her now, it’s over. She’s weakened, and there are two of them and no one around to help her. She swallows thickly, feeling the blood leaking from her side and the lightheadedness coming on fast. She feels Clarke now, reaching out for her, and tries to block out what she is sure is coming. Her death. She closes her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath, and focuses all the love and strength she has on Clarke before she opens her eyes to face her fate.

The wolves are gone.

 

~

 

She pulls her hand away from her left side and swears under her breath. Her hand is coated with blood that has soaked through her makeshift cloth bandage. This just won’t do. She alters her path slightly, heading for a small cave she knows is only just ahead, and hopefully there is something she can use to slow the bleeding. If Clarke were here, she knows she’d be tended to in an instant and properly.

She slows her walk slightly, hesitating at her thoughts. This is the first time she’s thought to rely on someone else for something she was trained to do and handle herself as commander. She lets a small smile tug at her lips. Clarke really has opened her up, but it’s only with her kwin. No one else would see this side or know this. As commander, it’s too much of a risk. Having Clarke, loving her, already puts them both at risk. And Lexa will not risk Clarke any more than she already is by being hers. She’s learned that the hard way once already.

Feeling safe that Kiern has no others out with him that may be following her, she ducks behind some brush and finds the small entrance. She has to crouch down to enter and hisses at the pain in her side as she does so. It was a clean cut, but it went deep. She glances around, just enough light shining through the cracks to allow her to see the room’s contents. It’s barren, not having been used in some time, but in the corner is a small wooden box, and she hurries over to it and gently crouches down. Removing the lid, she’s pleased to find some relatively clean cloth and some of the burning liquid to help clean the wound. She grits her teeth. She hates this part.

Removing her outer jacket, she unbuckles and moves her top to the side to see the wound better. It still bleeds but seems to have slowed. She nods and looks around quickly to find a small piece of a tree branch and places it between her teeth as she pours the liquid onto the cloth. Taking one quick deep breath, she presses the cloth against the wound, and as the burning hits, she lets out a scream around the stick, her teeth nearly breaking through it. Breathing sharply through her nose, she regains her composure and begins to use the extra cloth to wrap around her waist to hold the bandage in place before once again securing her jacket back around herself.

She stands on shaking legs, hesitating and regaining her composure. She won’t walk outside that cave and potentially have the enemy see her weaker than they already have. She will not allow them that satisfaction. She can’t allow herself time to think about the wolves or how they didn’t attack her. Her only goal now is to make it out of these woods and back to their camp. Back to Clarke.

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think.


	37. Unexpected Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the recent betrayal maybe the tides will turn for Lexa & Clarke in the form of some unexpected protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, a long time between updates. I could sit here and give you a bunch of excuses, but I'd rather just let you read and let me know what you think.
> 
> Special thanks and much gratitude goes out to my beloved, Liliana, because without her, this story wouldn't be possible. I love you, Liliana.

**Just outside TonDC – Unexpected Protection**

 

~

 

Lexa’s been traveling for just over an hour, her pace slow but determined. With each step she takes she can feel the wound in her side closing and the pain lessening. Even if she didn’t know her way to and from TonDC in any direction, she couldn’t miss how close she is with the affect Clarke has on her. _“Klark,”_ she whispers and quickens her pace.

She knows they flank her, but she doesn’t feel concern. Quite the opposite; she feels safe, which is why when the hair on the back of her neck rises, she halts and listens. She feels them do the same, hearing the roar of the pauna before she sees the beast headed towards her. She once more grabs her sword but can only slowly step back a pace as the larger of the two wolves leaps in front of her and crouches down, snarling. The lighter wolf has taken up position only a few paces to her right, keeping her between the two of them as they square off with the pauna that, to her surprise, has gone still in its pursuit. 

She doesn’t move and barely breathes as she watches both wolves remain crouched looking ready to leap in an instant. The hair on their backs looks rough as it stands up, and she can see their teeth bared as the low growl rumbles in their chests. It’s more than that, though, she thinks, focusing a bit more on the larger black wolf. She can _feel_ the growl inside herself. Nose flaring, she too crouches slightly and readies her sword, feeling a rush of strength flowing through her.

The pauna, for his part, is having enough of the stand off, and as soon as he makes a move to leap forward, the wolves launch from their positions. Lexa watches in fascination yet stunned silence as the lighter wolf attacks low and at the back of the pauna’s legs while the black wolf keeps its attention with swipes of its paw and attempted bites at the pauna’s large neck. The moment the beast falters, both wolves are on it, going for its throat. This is where she snaps out of it and rushes forward, burying her sword into its chest to ensure the kill. As she draws the blade out, she lowers her sword to her side and remains still. They are observing her for only a few moments before she wipes off her sword the best she can before sheathing it at her side and begins walking again.

Maybe it is a conscious reaction, maybe not, but she can’t help but enjoy the feel of now relaxed and softer fur brushing under each of her palms as she makes her way back the final distance to the village.

 

~

 

**TonDC**

~

 

She hears them announcing her arrival the moment she enters the sight of the guards from their posts in the trees.

“Heda!”

“Mounin houm, Heda!” _Welcome back, Commander_ , she hears the people shouting, but as she draws closer and is more visible to those on the ground, she hears the whispers and the cries of concern for her safety. “Pakstokas!” _Wolves_.

“Pakstoka?” _Wolf?_ She hears the questions and the murmurs around her, but her focus is solely on getting to Clarke. She can tell many of her warriors are tense, she feels it, but even as they have grabbed for their weapons, they remain still and simply watch, waiting.

She has her focus straight ahead, and her hands lower to her sides as the wolves fall back a step and flank her sides from behind. Even as she continues forward, she is still aware of the questions being fired in her direction, but no one dares come too close in fear of the wolves.

She catches a glimpse of Octavia, who is approaching with Clarke, and her wide curious eyes as she hurries forward before being held back by Indra. “Hod op, Okteivia.” _Wait, Octavia,_ her general orders her with a hand held out, blocking her path. “Chil au.” _Stay calm_. Octavia huffs and rolls her eyes but does as she is commanded even as Clarke charges past them and rushes into Lexa’s arms.

They are one as they stand together. The now expected heat and energy generated between them is thick and hot, casting a protective field around them. But a new protection surrounds them as well, circling slowly, and circling within the energy, only a few paces away from the two.

The larger black wolf leaves Lexa’s left and begins to pace around them to the right, as the smaller gray wolf starts at Clarke’s side and begins walking the opposite path. They continue this in a slow pace, not in an aggressive stance as if waiting for a fight, but more as watchful guards.

“Leksa!” Clarke grabs at the back of her neck as Lexa pulls her in close by her hips, resting their foreheads together. “You’re hurt,” Clarke begins, her hand trailing down to hover over the bloody cloth at Lexa’s side.

Lexa smiles a slow and lazy smile as she rubs her hand down the side of Clarke’s head and cups her cheek. “Ai ge fis op, ai kwin.” _I am healed, my queen,_ she whispers. While she may not understand it herself yet, all she knows is what is. And with each step she made closer to the village, closer to Clarke, her wound was healing, and she was protected. She sees the slight confusion in Clarke’s eyes and knows it mirrors her own. There is still much they do not understand, but if it does not feel wrong, what is there to question now? They will get the answers they require in time, and if Lexa knows anything, she knows that you can’t fight time. 

It takes as long as it takes.

 

~

 

They make their way into their tent avoiding all eye contact with anyone else and not speaking a word. No one dares to approach them or attempt to ask the questions that they are eager to ask. Not only are Lexa and Clarke in a world of their own currently but also their two new bodyguards are at their heels and take up positions on either side of the tent’s entrance. Not even Indra dares to draw closer.

Clarke is thorough in her search of Lexa’s body, determined to find and heal any wounds she may have and not realize. Lexa humors her for the first little while, knowing it will calm her love down to see for herself that she is unharmed. Regardless of how or why, her wounds have healed, and she feels strong, perhaps stronger than she ever has. 

“Klark,” she whispers softly when the blonde moves to check her side once more, “beja.” 

Clarke stills in her observation and connects her eyes to Lexa’s. “Forgive me, I just…” She trails off shaking her head and leaning herself into Lexa, her face in the brunette’s neck. She sighs, relaxing into Lexa’s warm embrace, shuddering at how good she feels. She takes a deep breath, allowing herself a few moments to enjoy Lexa’s scent before pulling back a bit to look into her eyes. “I was so worried, Leksa.”

“As I was about you, Klark, but we are together,” she emphasizes by tightening her hold, “and we are one.” 

Clarke can do nothing but nod her head, press a soft kiss to Lexa’s chin before lowering her head back against her chest. “I know we have much to discuss, but-“

“Not tonight,” Lexa interrupts, pulling back only enough to guide Clarke to their bed. “Please, I need to feel you Klark.” Clarke swallows, her eyes darkening as Lexa removes the last bits of cloth she had on her body and reaches forward to rid Clarke of hers. Once they are both free, Lexa surprises Clarke as she lays herself down on the bed and holds her hand out. “Ai kwin,” she beckons, and Clarke feels something stirring within her chest. Something new, or perhaps something very old but untouched.

Clarke crawls into the bed and hovers over the woman of her dreams and stills. “What do you need of me, ai heda?” If she’s surprised by husk that has taken over Clarke’s voice, Lexa doesn’t show it. 

“I need you to be _my heda_ , beja Klark.” Lexa’s eyes are wide and open, no reservations and nothing but pure and total trust in her need. She knows what she is asking, and her only hope is that Clarke is willing.

Clarke stares into her eyes, captivated by what she is seeing and feeling from Lexa. There is her energy as always, the thick heat seeping into her and holding her, but there is also something else. Whatever it is stirs something yet again within Clarke, and she feels helpless to deny it, even though her body tenses slightly. “Leksa,” she whispers, leaning forward slightly, staring at full and parted lips, watching as Lexa wets her lips. The slow pass of her tongue causes Clarke to clench in need.

“Take what is yours, Klark. I belong to you.” 

Those words, while spoken with such love and reverence, cause a growl to build within Clarke’s chest that she cannot contain, and her hands tighten their grip on the blanket Lexa lays upon. Lexa, always prepared, senses the change as it begins and trails her fingertips down Clarke’s arms until her hands cover the ones holding tightly to the blanket. “Open,” Lexa requests, and Clarke obeys, relaxing her hands as Lexa slides her own into them and laces their fingers together. “Ai badan yu op en nou moun.” _I serve you and no other_ , she states softly and feels Clarke shudder above her as the blonde lowers her body to connect to Lexa’s, relaxing her weight against her. “Grant me this, ai houmon.” _My wife_

Clarke rolls her shoulders and grips Lexa’s hands, moving them so that they are above her head as she leans in to kiss her hard and deep. She nearly comes undone herself at the whine that leaves Lexa’s throat. She releases Lexa’s hands and pulls back. She sees the question in green eyes and shakes her head. “Touch me as you wish.” Lexa nods, running her hands up smooth and pale arms.

Clarke wastes no time in using her lips and tongue on Lexa’s neck, feeling her chest expanding with the beat of her heart that is growing faster. She’s aware of the energy surrounding them, the usual white fog and the heat, but there’s an undercurrent this time, and she knows she is the one causing it and struggles to let herself give into it. She knows Lexa will bare her mark on her neck, and the thought brings another growl from her lips as she continues kissing down Lexa’s strong neck and chest, and over to her shoulder, dragging her teeth on it, feeling an overwhelming urge to sink her teeth into the tender flesh. “Scar me,” Lexa whispers, gripping Clarke’s hair in one of her hands. 

Clarke claims her lips again, kissing her as if she’ll never have another. As they explore and relearn the feel of each other’s lips and tongues, Clarke begins to grind her lower body against Lexa’s, drawing out pleased sounds from the both of them. Her hands do not stay idle; one has a firm grasp on one of Lexa’s breasts while the other is gliding along her side, her hip and to her thigh and back up before Clarke adjusts so that her hand can cup Lexa where she releases the most heat. She breaks from their kiss to release a drawn out groan at what she finds. Lexa is a wet and dripping mess, coating Clarke’s hand, and her hips have begun a slow thrust, searching for more.

“Please, Klark,” Lexa moans softly, “claim me.”

Clarke feels it snap. Whatever control she thought she had, whatever it is inside her she felt the need to keep at bay, it’s free. Three fingers are swiftly inside Lexa easily, and they both groan in unison at the feeling. She is not slow as she fills her love, thrusting into her with purpose, feeling the beast inside her leaving its cage with every in and out movement of her fingers. She watches Lexa’s body, moving up and down with the force of her thrusts, and the sight mesmerizes her, and she can’t stop herself from leaning down and nipping at Lexa’s hip, sucking hard.

She continues her pace with deep and strong thrusts, working to hit every spot that earns her further encouraging “yes’s” and going faster after each.

“Klark,” Lexa breathes out, her voice breathy in her need. “Oh please…please, please, please,” she repeats over and over, and Clarke really thinks maybe she is losing her mind as the feelings wash over her. She has never felt what she is feeling now, and she has never imagined Lexa feeling this way either.

Clarke doesn’t let up, but she does release Lexa’s hip from her abusing lips and positions herself so that she can kiss Lexa’s full lips while still claiming her with force. “Please what?” she asks with a smirk on her face and is only slightly aware of how sexual and teasing her voice sounds. 

“I want to bare your mark, **_please_**.”

Clarke shudders and feels a primal urge bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill over. “Leksa…” she tries to warn, but a firm hand grips roughly at the back of her neck while the other claws at her back.

“Please, please, please…” 

_Want her, take her, have her._

_Yours, claim, yours, claim._

_She belongs to you._

Clarke grits her teeth and increases her pace, four fingers now deep inside Lexa as the inferno rages and her lips part, her teeth nearly aching as they find relief and release as they bite down into Lexa’s shoulder deeply.

They both cry out, Clarke’s not as loud, but Lexa’s is one of pain mixed with pleasure as a snarl leaves her near the end when she hears Clarke moan in pleasure, and she feels it too.

She also feels the drops of blood that Clarke’s tongue misses as it slides down her shoulder, and she grins, wrapping her arms tightly around her love and closing her eyes.

 

~

 

“Octavia, do you really think you should be doing that?” Raven rolls her eyes and throws her hands in the air as Octavia ignores her and creeps slowly on her hands and knees towards the wolves.

She manages to get a bit closer this time before the black wolves raises from its sitting position and huffs. She stills, looking at the wolves but not directly into their eyes; she feels that might not be the best idea. And yet… maybe…

“Okteivia!”

The wolf growls at Lincoln as he approaches his love. Octavia takes a few steps back and rises to her feet, turning her head to look at him in annoyance. “Thanks, I was making progress!”

“Sure, trying to get yourself mauled to death by pakstokas.”

“They wouldn’t have attacked, you startled them rushing over like an idiot.” She sighs and lowers her eyes. “There’s something about them, Linkon.”

“We have to wait for Leksa and Klark. It’s obvious they are protecting them, we just don’t know the rest. So please, be careful until we get to the bottom of this.” He shakes his head, turning to look at Raven as if asking her to keep an eye on Octavia before walking away.

 “He’s right, you know?” Raven asks, stepping next to Indra’s second, who hasn’t taken her eyes off the wolves. “He’s just trying to protect you.”

Octavia shakes her head. “I know, but there’s something there… I feel it.” She suddenly seems to freeze, her eyes widening and a slight smirk on her face. “I know what to do. I need to earn their trust,” she calls over her shoulder as she takes off.

“Earn their trust? Octavia!” Raven calls after her, but it’s no use, she’s already out of sight. “Why am I the only one here with any common sense?”

 

~

 

**_2 hours later_ **

 

~

 

Octavia sighs in relief as she enters the village. She watches as a few heads turn giving her odd looks, but she doesn’t pay them any mind. She’s on a mission. She adjusts the kill she carries over her shoulder and tightens the grip she has on the bucket of water. She could have made two trips, but she couldn’t be bothered.

Both wolves focus on her immediately as she approaches and she can see the movement of their noses as they smell the air, taking in not only her scent but that of the fresh kill she has brought. 

She slows her movements, being cautious in her approach. She sets the bucket of water down with a heavy sigh, glad to be rid of its weight and then pulls the deer from her shoulder and dumps it on the ground in front of her feet.

“Sha, this is for you,” she says, wiping the sweat from her forehead and finally giving in to her aching back and dropping to her ass in the dirt. She realizes in that moment that she is actually closer to them than she had yet been and gives a small shrug. “I mean you no harm.” She hesitates and then makes eye contact. First with the smaller lighter wolf that only tilts its head and then to the larger black wolf that pins her with its stare. She pulls her knees up to her chest slowly, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her head on her knees and just watches them.

It’s only a matter of seconds before both wolves rise and cover the last few steps between them and the deer. They both sniff at the deer and then step forward to sniff at Octavia’s face. She doesn’t move, remaining completely still and hoping her heart is as calm as she feels it is, when really it should probably be racing in terror. But she feels no fear. 

After a few moments, both wolves step back to the deer and begin tearing into it. Octavia watches in fascination, happy they are willing to accept what she gave them. This goes on for only a minute as she studies them. While the lighter wolf has taken his share and has gone about eating, the black wolf seems determined at tearing a piece apart, but has not eaten. She discovers why very quickly when dark eyes focus on her and the wolf is carrying a chunk of bloody deer and dropping it at her feet.

She’s startled and a little confused as the wolf simply waits and stares at her expectantly. She glances down to the raw meat and back into the eyes of the wolf and swallows. She swears she hears laughter behind her and fights an eye roll. _Raven, of course._ She ignores her and focuses her attention back to the wolf that is still staring her down, waiting.

Octavia sighs and swallows thickly. “Mochof,” she says and tilts her head. “Do you have names?” she questions out loud but shrugs. “We can fix that.” She’s stalling, not that it will do her any good. The wolf seems to sense this as it huffs and nudges the chunk of deer at her feet closer to her.

She nods and reaches forward to hesitantly grab the meat and looks for the cleanest spot she can before slowly biting into it, holding her breath as she quickly chews and swallows. She keeps her eye on the wolf as she takes another bite and internally sighs in relief as it goes back to the grey wolf’s side and begins to eat. Octavia holds back the bile that threatens to rise in her throat, wiping the blood from her chin. She can still hear the faint echo of a laugh in the distance. _I’m going to kill her._

 

~

 

“Is it morning already?” Clarke asks sleepily as she rubs her eyes and watches Lexa finish the last few buttons to her jacket.

“Sha ai kwin.” Lexa smiles and leans down to kiss Clarke softly. “We must go out and face the day.”

“And explain to the people why there are two large wolves outside our tent that followed you home?” Clarke raises an eyebrow. “Is there an explanation to that?”

Lexa uncharacteristically shrugs. “They are guards; they will protect us.”

“It’s not something to be explained, only felt, yes?” Clarke asks, getting out of bed and stretching, smirking at the look in Lexa’s eyes. “Oh no, face the day, remember?”

Lexa snarls and pulls Clarke to her, kissing her deeply and with reverence. “Sha.” She nods once, taking a deep breath and stepping back. “Put clothes on. Quickly please.”

Clarke chuckles and dresses, reaching for Lexa’s hand as they step outside their tent and immediately stop and look at the ground in front of them. “We are awake, aren’t we?”

Lexa fights a smirk. “Indeed we are, Klark, but who would believe us?” She snorts and shakes her head.

Although the wolves are aware of their presence and awake, they do not move from their sleeping positions. They are just a few steps in front of the tent entrance lying side by side, with a small Octavia shaped figure nestled between them, still with blood on her chin.

The black wolf moves its head to face Lexa, jostling Octavia’s sleeping form. “Phobos, what’s wrong?” she sleepily mumbles and rubs at her eyes. Upon opening them and seeing Lexa and Clarke standing in front of her she nervously jumps up and wipes at her face. “Heda, Klark,” she acknowledges and bites her lip.

Lexa disregards her apparent nervousness. “Phobos?” she questions and looks between Octavia and the black wolf that tilts its head.

“Oh uhm,” Octavia hesitates and looks to Clarke, who smiles and nods before looking back to Lexa. “Yeah, so I don’t know how much Trikru knows about Greek or Roman mythology, but my mother used to teach me.”

Lexa watches her with an open expression, hoping to encourage her as she can see Octavia is a bit nervous still when talking with her about something that isn’t an upcoming threat. Octavia means a lot to Clarke, and Lexa sees something in her, as does Indra, otherwise she wouldn’t have taken her as her second. “I don’t know much, would you tell me?” She releases a small smile at Octavia’s wide eyes in excitement.

“I spent most of my life on the Ark hiding under the floor so I wasn’t discovered, but in this time, I read a lot about space and the earth. One story that particularly came to mind is that of Phobos and Deimos, the two moons that circle the planet Mars… kind of like how they circled you and Klark when you entered the village yesterday. There’s also a tale in Greek Mythology that Phobos and Deimos were twin brothers who escorted the God of War into battle. Phobos represented fear, and Deimos is dread or terror.” She turns and looks at the two wolves that are again watching her. “They will act as your shield and your personal guard as well as your weapon. They will follow their commander into battle, always circling and defending.” She pauses and shrugs. “It seemed fitting when I thought about it last night, and they, somehow, seem okay with it.” 

Lexa studies her and again watches as the wolves seem completely at ease around her. “And the bloody face?” She raises her hand and points to a smear of blood that still adorns her face. 

“Oh, well I brought them a deer…” Octavia huffs as Lexa just raises an eyebrow waiting for her to continue, “and they shared with me.” 

Lexa does smile now and turns to Clarke. “They’ve accepted her into the pack.”

Clarke steps forward and holds her hands out as Phobos and Deimos each sniff at her and allow her to run her fingers along their heads. “It appears so.” She smiles and chuckles as Deimos licks her hand and pushes his head into her side for more attention. She leans forward and rests her head against his and scratches behind his ears. She only stops when she’s nearly knocked over by Phobos who is nudging her other side. “Hey, hey, there’s plenty of love to go around,” she softly coos and shares her affection with Phobos as well.

Lexa can’t stop the smile that takes over her face at her love and the wolves before turning back to Octavia. “Thank you, Okteivia.” Lexa nods to her and then turns her attention to Raven and Indra, who are walking their way from different directions, but Raven reaches them first. “Raven.”

 “Commander, Clarke.” Raven smiles and steps close to Octavia. “What have you gotten yourself into this time?” She laughs and raises a cloth to Octavia’s cheek to wipe away the stain of blood. Seeing it isn’t coming off, she licks the cloth and tries again; this time it wipes away, and she smirks at the look Octavia gives her. “What?”

Octavia blushes only slightly and shakes her head as the wolves focus their attention on Raven for a moment before sniffing her, bumping her hand with each of their noses and then backing away. She goes to comment, but a growl interrupts what she is about to say as Indra approaches to Lexa’s left but stops in her tracks. Phobos, the black and larger wolf, places himself between Lexa and Indra protectively.

Lexa raises her hand at Indra and places the other at Phobos’ back. “Chil au, Phobos.” _Stay calm._ Deimos circles behind Lexa to stand beside Clarke as Phobos eases his stance but remains between the two women.

Indra looks at the closeness of her second and Raven and shakes her head. “These two may approach but your trusted general is threatened by pakstokas? _Wolves._ Heda, is this wise?”

“It seems they have formed a loyalty with Okteivia this night and accepted her as their own. While I am unsure about Raven, perhaps they sense her loyalty to Okteivia. It is no matter, you are loyal to me and in my trust, so they will not harm you.” She watches Indra look at the two wolves with interest and then back to the two girls from the Sky. “Patience, Indra. Patience. There is much to discuss.” 

~

 


	38. Wamplei Kwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events cause even more questions to arise.

**Half a day’s journey from TonDC**

 

~

 

“If I am understanding you correctly, and I _never_ misunderstand, not only did you fail to bring me the Skai Prisa, but you also let my top informant inside _Lexa’s_ ,”she spits the name out in disgust, “personal guard die?!”

 

Callie swallows and lets her eyes dart around the dark room as if hoping someone will speak up in her defense, but of course no one will. She briefly makes eye contact with the scrawny boy from the dropship but quickly focuses back on the intimidating woman in front of her. “Please, Wamplei Kwin-“ _Death Queen_

 

“Please?” Her red hair seems to glow as she advances on Callie with fire in her pale gray eyes and stops nose to nose with her. “We had a deal. I would provide you land and protection for the few of you pathetic Skaikru that I had the misfortune of finding if you obtained their leader!”

 

She stands rigid, waiting for someone in the room to move even the slightest bit. The boy in the corner is standing in such a way he looks like he needs to relieve himself, Callie shows fear in her eyes but remains unmoving, and of course, her loyal guards hold a neutral expression awaiting her command.

 

Callie does her best to hold her ground, but she finally looks away from those lifeless eyes. “I’m sorry. I will try again.”

 

The woman laughs in Callie’s face before suddenly becoming serious again. “I do not tolerate failure. There are no second chances.” She turns to Jasper. “Skaiskat!” _Sky boy,_ she yells. “Remind your friend here the other part of our deal?”

 

“One of us from the sky will die for each day you don’t get Clarke.” He holds her eyes, even as his body tenses under her glare.

 

“Very good, so now only two questions remain. Who will better serve me to send a message to your pathetic leftover kru?” She sighs and turns her back on them and gracelessly plops herself onto her throne with one leg thrown over an arm of the chair and raises an eyebrow. “And who will get a message to my last useful contact inside TonDC?”

 

~

 

“Rider approaching!”

 

“Hod op!” _Stop!_

 

Jasper slows the horse to a halt outside the gate. He dismounts and hands the reigns over to one of the warriors standing guard and holds his hands above his head. “I’m unarmed, I just want to speak to Clarke.”

 

Commotion erupts from the request, which surprises him. They are more loyal to Clarke than he thought… more so than the Wamplei Kwin knows.

 

“And what do you want with our Kwin, skat?” Indra asks, approaching him with two warriors at her flank.

 

Jasper tries to lighten the mood. “I’m Jasper, I’m back! I escaped and just want to see Clarke. And can you tell me what skat means? It’s the second time I’ve been called that.”

 

Indra looks to her side briefly, and one of the warriors leaves her side. “It means boy, which is what you are. You will wait here, and we will see if you are welcome to be seen.” For his part, Jasper looks rightfully afraid of Indra.

 

“Jasper!” Octavia calls out and rushes over to him, ignoring the glare she receives from Indra as she wraps her arms around her friend. “Where have you been? What happened?”

 

“It’s a long story, where is Clarke?” His eyes dart around, searching.

 

“She’s with Leksa.” Octavia pauses and really looks at him. He’s lost even more weight, has dark circles under his eyes, and seems more nervous than he should be. His fists keep clenching as does his jaw. “What’s wrong with you?”

 

“O, I’m fine. I just really need to talk to Clarke. I’ve been through hell.” He tries to reach her compassion for his plight.

 

“Yeah, and from what we’ve seen, you’ve started a lot of that yourself… or at least helped with it,” Octavia states, crossing her arms over her chest and daring him to deny it.

 

“Look, I know, I messed up. I was hurt and in rage after Mya, and there was a rogue group of grounders looking to get payback on Lexa. I thought hurting her would hurt Clarke how she hurt me.”

 

“Except you failed.” Clarke approaches, flanked by Deimos. She keeps any expression off her face at the size of his eyes as he looks at the wolf, even though all she wants to do is grin. “And you know I would never have done what I did if I had another choice, Jasper.”

 

“I do. I know that now.” He nods and tries to approach her but stops at the growl that tears from the wolf. “That is a huge wolf. How-“

 

“How doesn’t matter. He guards me. You want to talk, talk. Who are these rogue grounders looking for vengeance on Leksa? And for what?” Clarke watches him and takes in his nervousness. Something isn’t right, but she doesn’t feel she’ll get the answers she wants from him with an audience. “Come on, let’s go talk.”

 

She turns and begins walking towards Lexa’s war room where she meets with her generals. She nods at Octavia to join her but stops Deimos at the door. “Set raun.” _Stand in place._ The wolf huffs at her but follows her command and stands firm at the entrance, but not before growling at Jasper as he walks past and inside.

 

“Who are they?” Clarke turns and crosses her arms. She’s unsettled, and she can’t figure out why.

 

“I don’t know,” Jasper says and moves to sit at one of the benches near Clarke.

 

Octavia rolls her eyes. “You can tell us something about them. Why did they let you go?”

 

“I escaped. I came here for protection in case they come after me.”

 

“Try again,” Clarke demands.

 

“What?”

 

“There is no way you escaped from grounders, Jasper. What is the game? They let you go, knowing you would come here. What is your purpose?” She looks to Octavia, whose eyes harden.

 

“Jasper, what is wrong with you?” Octavia can’t believe how much this fun boy, who once saved her life, has changed.

 

Raven chooses that moment to enter and stops in her tracks. “Jasper, it’s really you.” She moves to hug him but stops when she sees the look on his face.

 

Jasper doesn’t say anything to her, barely gives her a look before squaring off with Clarke. “Look, I made a mistake, I got away, I just want to go home. To be with our people. You’re the one that killed all those people. Stop making me the monster here!” He allows himself to show more emotion, a sob tearing from his throat as tears stream down his face, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Please, Clarke…”

 

She hesitates only briefly before approaching him, taking a deep breath, willing herself to keep her shield down. She’s got Octavia and Raven with her, so he can’t try anything. Maybe he really is being sincere. She wants to believe that, but she doesn’t.

 

Her instincts aren’t wrong as he appears to want to hug her, and in the last second, pulls his hand from his pocket revealing a small blade, much like the one she used on Finn. She steps back at the same time Octavia is drawing her sword and jumping in front of her and the blade only makes contact with her sword, deflecting it’s damage. It’s only a second, but then he is groaning and falling to his knees, eyes wide.

 

Raven looks to her friends with a pleading look as she pulls her hand back revealing a bloody dagger she keeps in her belt. Deimos is at her side, shoulders hunched and eyes alert but doesn’t move, seeing the threat is now contained. Her aim was true, penetrating his kidney. He is bleeding out before them, and in her shock as she looks at her hand, she drops the dagger and stumbles backwards. Octavia is at her side in an instant with an arm around her waist to keep her on her feet.

 

Clarke drops to her knees and presses against his wound. Seeing the amount of blood pooling, she can tell Raven struck a vein next to his spine. He will be gone in minutes. She lowers down to meet his eyes. “Why, Jasper?”

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I had to try for our people. She would have killed me anyway.” He coughs and groans, his breaths becoming laboured and short. Clarke knows without her mother and equipment, there’s no chance to save him.

 

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” She rests her hand on his head and watches as his eyes close and his breathing stops. She then looks up to see shock still painted over Raven’s face. “Okteivia, go get her cleaned up and have someone find Leksa. I think she was visiting the blacksmith to sharpen her sword.”

 

Octavia nods and pulls Raven out of the room with her, leaving Clarke sitting on the ground next to Jasper’s now lifeless body with Deimos beside her. Clarke looks to the wolf and watches as he sniffs over Jasper. “Chit?” _What_?

 

The wolf nudges at Jasper’s hip and looks back to Clarke. She understands the request and turns him over onto his back and reaches inside his pocket. She pulls out a crumbled piece of paper, making out Jasper’s messy scrawl. Opening the paper a small bloom of a flower falls out. Clarke looks at it closely, but it is unlike anything she has seen before. “I’m not sure what you found, but my guess is it is important.” She scratches behind his ear just as Lexa runs inside with Phobos.

 

“Klark, are you injured?” Lexa drops to her knees beside Clarke and looks at Jasper’s body with questions in her eyes.

 

“I’m fine Leksa. I was very well protected.” She smiles sadly and holds her hand out showing Lexa the plant. “Do you know what this is?”

 

Lexa takes it and sniffs at it and shakes her head. “No, but we can check with Nyko and Linkon. Maybe they will have seen it before.” She sees the letter in Clarke’s hand. “What does it say?”

 

“The same thing he said before he died. ‘She would have killed me anyway’.”

 

“Who is _she_?” Lexa asks.

 

Clarke shakes her head and focuses her attention back on the plant Lexa still holds. “I don’t know, but I’m guessing that will be our first real clue.”

 

Lexa nods. “Klark,” she begins but sees her love nodding her head.

 

“I know, this needs to stay between us.”

 

“We need to keep a very small circle of who gets information. I am concerned with who we can trust.” Lexa stands and puts the plant inside a pocket of her jacket. “We speak to no one about the plant or whomever he was so afraid of. We will show Linkon the plant and go from there. Are we in agreement, my kwin?”

 

“Sha Leksa, otaim.”

 

~

 

“You understand this must be kept only between us. No one,” she pauses and glares at him, “must know what you are looking for or why. Am I clear?” Lexa isn’t leaving any room for misunderstanding. The fewer people that know what is going on, the easier it will be to weed out any leaks and find any other traitors that might remain. She will take no chances when it comes to Clarke’s safety.

 

“I understand, Heda. It will be done.” Lincoln tucks the plant into a pouch on his belt. “Does Okteivia-“

 

He stops speaking when he sees her nod, lowering her eyes briefly. “She has our trust. Currently the circle remains small and I wish to keep it that way. She will go with you as will Klark and Deimos.” She sees him look over towards the resting wolf wearily. “Just as precaution. If I am not with Klark, he will be.”

 

Lincoln nods. “We’ll take off at dawn.” He turns to leave the war room but is stopped by Lexa before he is through the door.

 

“Klark is speaking with Okteiva, having the same discussion we just had. Make certain no one else learns of this. I would advise not speaking of it, even together while on your journey.” With a wave of her hand, she excuses him after he nods once more.

 

~

 

“What do you think it was for?” Octavia is sitting next to Clark, sipping on some kind of drink one of the other second’s gave her. It’s bitter, and she makes a face at the taste but continues to drink it, much to Clarke’s amusement.

 

“I have no idea. It’s not something Leksa has ever seen before, but it was too obvious a clue. I mean, why else would he randomly carry around the bloom of a plant in his pocket with a note?” Clarke sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

 

“When we first landed on the ground, Linkon left flowers for me to follow, as a path.” Octavia smiles slightly.

 

“But this is just one plant. I mean, I agree, it’s a clue to something, but to what…” She shakes her head. “Monty aced all the botany courses on the Ark, but Leksa is right, we need to keep the circle of who knows about this as small as possible.”

 

“He wouldn’t tell anyone…” Octavia starts but shrugs. “But I get it, maybe worst case?”

 

Clarke can only nod, both of them looking up as Lincoln approaches. “Klark, Okteivia.” He greets and sits beside them, lowering his voice to match theirs. “We leave at dawn. I’ve seen it before, but only as a boy, but I recall the general area. Heda is sending us, along with Deimos, to search it out and see what we can find. It will be about half a day’s journey by horseback.”

 

Clarke nods and finishes off her drink, smirking at Octavia’s surprised look when she doesn’t make a face at the taste, and slams the mug down on the table. “See you at dawn.”

 

“Hey Klark!” Octavia calls as she’s walking away. She grins when the blonde turns around, “Just because we’re going on horseback doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to walk…”

 

~

 

They are making good time. Lincoln had told them the night before he thought it would be half a day’s ride, but as they approach a stream to water the horses and fill their canteens, he tells them they are near. The sun isn’t fully overhead yet.

 

He nods in the direction of a hill, just to the other side of the stream. “Just beyond that hill there are the remains of some old buildings. I used to play in them as a boy. I remember finding several rare plants inside one of the underground areas. I guess the radiation didn’t get to it quite as much.” He shrugs. “Let’s hope there’s still some there.”

 

They allow the horses a rest and tie them off to some nearby trees. Deimos trots ahead of them, eyes alert, sniffing. Clarke takes in the scenery around them, still in awe at being on the ground and how everything looks. In some places you can tell the end of the world nearly took place and in others, it looks completely untouched and perfect.

 

She’s lost in thought and only comes to a stop when she nearly walks into Deimos, who has stopped and is hunched down in front of her, ears pinned back and teeth bare. She hunkers down beside him and looks around, seeing nothing and no one. Not even Octavia or Lincoln. “Where are they?” she mumbles under her breath as heat fills her body, willing her shield to protect her. She’s not quick enough, as just as the glow is nearly enveloping her body, an arrow catches on the sleeve of her jacket, cutting into her arm.

 

“O! Linkon!” she calls and dives for cover near one of the broken concrete slabs with Deimos at her side. He darts away from her a moment later with his teeth biting down into the arm of a man with a sword raised that was heading for Clarke. She pulls her daggers from her boots and steps forward and places one foot on his free arm while she holds the dagger to his throat. “Who sent you?”

 

She sees the defiance in his eyes and knows he won’t talk easily. She steels herself and presses the blade down slightly, drawing a bit of blood. Deimos must understand as the man cries out in pain when he shakes his head with the arm still locked in his jaw. “Talk!” Clarke yells at him. “You don’t need to die.”

 

“Death will be a blessing than facing my failure.” With one quick movement he jerks forward causing the dagger in Clarke’s hand to pierce his throat, blood bubbling up. He chokes on the blood with a smile on his face as Clarke looks at him in horror, pulling the dagger out of his throat and standing upright. She begins to stagger backwards, looking down at the blood on her hand, when a yell from Octavia snaps her out of her panic.

 

“Okteivia!” She calls back and runs in the direction of her friend, Deimos never leaving her side. They round one of the ruins to see a bloody faced Octavia finishing off her attacker while Lincoln fights two others. “Jomp em op!” _Attack!_ she says to Deimos, who takes off in an instant towards Lincoln, easily taking down one of his attackers.

 

Clarke catches movement out of the corner of her eyes and sees long hair disappearing into the trees. They were being watched. She looks back when Octavia whispers her name and falls to her knees, holding her side.

 

“Okteivia?” Clarke calls and rushes forward, trying to get a look at her injuries.

 

Octavia shakes her head, her eyes are glossy. “Klark, something…” she doesn’t finish what she’s saying as she falls limp into Clarke’s arms.

 

Lincoln rushes over, bloody but seems to be okay. “I think she’s poisoned. Klark, I have to try and track them, it could be our only lead.” She can tell he’s asking for her permission, as only she could grant him that to go after those that attacked them. She looks down to Octavia and shakes her head. “Get her back to TonDC, take this.” He hands her a pouch. “There were several plants, but please, Klark.” His eyes are pleading.

 

“Go, but keep your distance.” She sighs, hating to send him off but knowing he was right. “Put her on Demios.”

 

He only hesitates a second before grabbing Octavia and placing her face down on Deimos’ back. “I’ll get her back safely.” He nods at her and takes off toward the trees.

 

“Ste yuj,” _Stay strong_ , Clarke whispers to Octavia as they make their way back to the horses. She hesitates once she gets them to where they left the horses, glancing at Octavia. She needs to get her off Deimos, and onto her horse. She unties the white stallion Lexa gifted her and led him over to where Deimos stood still with Octavia slumped over his back. She looks at the mare and taps her front leg, just beside his knee. “Set daun,” _Get down,_ she commands and watches as the horse lowers itself to it’s front knees.

 

Deimos seems to understand as he walks next to the horse, allowing Clarke to pull Octavia from his back and onto the horse. The girl is still slumped over the horse’s neck, but that will just have to do. “Gyon up,” _Get up,_ she calls and the horse stands back up, and she climbs up into the saddle behind Octavia’s lifeless form, and they take off back towards TonDC as fast as her horse and Deimos can run.

 

~


	39. The Past Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone's past is as it seems, and Echo has quite the story to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with this story. It means so very much to both myself and my wife, Liliana :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**The Past Returns**

 

~

 

 

“Heda!”

 

She hears many voices calling out to her in a panic. She nods to Indra, and they both take off towards the entrance to the village. She sees Echo up ahead rushing from her post; she’s noticed something. Lexa is concerned but cannot feel anything coming from Clarke to indicate she is injured, and that calms her enough to keep her resolve and her pace steady.

 

Phobos runs ahead of her at full speed, rushing to meet up with his brother, who is now in sight, looking slightly ruffled with some spots of blood matted in his fur. Lexa grits her teeth when Clarke comes into view on her horse, struggling to hold onto an unconscious Octavia.

 

“Klark, sis, what happened?” Echo calls to her as she approaches and pulls Octavia from her arms. “Where is Linkon?” Nyko takes Octavia from Echo and carries her to the closest tent with a table and lying her body down on it.

 

Clarke gets down from the horse and heads for the tent, holding her hand out for Lexa as she reaches her with Indra at her side. “Leksa, we were attacked just past the river.” She doesn’t give any further information, knowing anyone else only thought they were going out for a day of enjoyment, not that there was a motive for the journey.

 

“Are you injured?” Lexa asks, looking over Clarke, her eyes hardening when she sees the blood on Clarke’s upper arm. “Hodnes,” _Love,_ she starts, but Clarke simply smiles and shrugs.

 

“I’m okay, it’s just a scratch from an arrow. I didn’t get my shield up in time.” She pulls the arrowhead from her jacket pocket. “I did bring this back, to test for poison. Octavia has taken a much worse beating and the way she looks…”

 

“It’s poison,” Echo states, hovering over Octavia with Nyko as they tend to her wounds, trying to determine the cause. They watch as Echo pulls back the girls’ eyelids, and they can see a violet tone to the white of her eyes, and her pupils are dilated.

 

Octavia has been bleeding from her nose, and eyes and Clarke remembers the poison that was used against them back at the drop ship. She turns to Nyko. “Is it the same thing that was used on us when we first came down? To soften the battlefield?” She repeats the words Lincoln once told Octavia when he described what was happening to them. Nyko grabs the arrow and sniffs it and turns to his work table and rubs some sort of oil on it with a cloth.

 

Echo shakes her head, answering for Nyko. “No it’s not.” She sighs and hurries out of the tent while everyone watches her in confusion.

 

Nyko shakes his head. “This is far worse than that. The poison used on your ship wasn’t meant to kill, even though it sometimes can, and it reacts slower. And I believe this arrow is free of any poison.” He hands the arrowhead to Lexa to examine before turning back to Clarke. “How soon did the bleeding start?”

 

“Within an hour.” Clarke sighs and brushes hair from Octavia’s face, seeing blood now beginning to drip from her ears. “Can you stop it?” Her nose flares as fear seizes her heart.

 

“He can’t, but I can.” Echo storms back into the room, a pouch in her hands, and she begins grinding small seeds inside until they are a fine powder and pours in some water. Once mixed, she pulls out a vial of a yellow liquid and adds a few drops. Finally, she sets the bowl down and raises Octavia’s head. “Wake up, Octavia, fight.” She smacks her face a few times until she hears a soft groan. She then quickly grabs the bowl and brings it to her lips. “You must drink.”

 

Octavia tries but begins to choke. Echo pulls back until she has her breath and forces her to drink until the bowl is nearly empty and then lets her lie back down. She sighs out, her adrenaline finally leaving her body, and she drops the bowl as she staggers to her knees beside the table Octavia rests upon.

 

Lexa looks to Clarke and then down to Echo, both with questions burning in their minds. “Will she survive?”

 

They watch as Echo nods and sits back on her ass, putting her head in her hands and shaking her head and mumbling. “It can’t be.”

 

“Em pleni!” Indra shouts, having enough of this. “Eko, ron ai ridiyo op” _Echo, speak true._

 

Clarke holds up her hand to Indra who makes to approach Echo. Indra glares, but seeing Lexa’s raised eyebrow, she bows her head and steps back into her place. Clarke crouches and slowly reaches Echo’s hands and pulls them from her face. “Sis,” _Sister_ , “talk to me.” Echo raises her head and meets Clarke’s eyes. Clarke can see fear but also shock staring back at her. “What can’t be?” Echo remains quiet for a moment longer, and Clarke tilts her head and gives her an encouraging smile. “Sochu?” _What’s up?_

 

“Gon we,” _Leave,_ Lexa orders and barely supresses an eyeroll at Indra’s huff as she stalks out of the tent. Her best general will be difficult if she keeps her in the dark much longer, but Lexa just can’t take any risks right now, even though she feels a little guilt to contemplate Indra having anything to do with what’s been happening.

 

Nyko nods to her but stops just outside the flap of the tent and turns back. “Heda?”

 

Lexa turns to see the two wolves looking anxious outside. She nods, and he steps back and the wolves come inside, both taking up guard just inside the door. She takes note that the wolves didn’t spare him nor Indra any hostility as they exited. She keeps this information in the back of her mind.

 

“There were only a few survivors. I thought she was gone,” Echo mutters, seemingly more talking to herself than to Clarke or Lexa.

 

Clarke turns to look at Lexa who sighs and comes to join the two on the ground. “Eko,” Lexa states in a firm voice and is pleased to see her eyes shoot up and focus on her heda.

 

“Biyo moba,” _I’m sorry_ , Echo pleads and runs a shaky hand through her hair. She looks to Lexa and takes a deep breath. “You know I was granted status as Trikru for undergoing the trials?” She ignores Clarke’s sharp intake of breath, knowing blue eyes were questioning her, but she refuses to look away from her heda.

 

“Of course, as Heda I am aware of any of my clan that was once of another. You came from the Azgeda, a refugee of the Ice Queen’s wrath.” Lexa tilts her head when Echo shakes hers and a tear slips down her cheek.

 

“No, I came under the pretence of coming from the Azgeda, when in truth I was one of the few survivors to escape the horrors that took place within the Trikovakru.” _Shadow People_. She watches Lexa tense and her eyes conveying the many questions she must have. “I didn’t want anyone to know where I came from.” She hesitates and bites her lips, looking down to her hands. “Beja Heda.” _Please Heda_.

 

“Eko…” Lexa begins and sighs, standing and pacing. “You are not in any trouble. The past is the past; you took on the trials and survived. All that is relevant now is that you are Trikru and loyal to us. But this explains much.”

 

“Wait, both of you.” Clarke sighs and looks between the two women. “Will one of you please enlighten me as to what the hell is going on?”

 

“Forgive me, my queen.” Lexa comes to her side and pulls her towards Nyko’s work table and begins tending to the cut on her arm. “None of the clans speak of the Trikovakru, because of what happened many years ago.”

 

Clarke waits while Lexa finishes with a couple stitches on her arm and wraps it gently. She knows she’s waiting for Echo to speak up, so she is patient.

 

“The clan I was a part of wasn’t large, but we were formidable. Our main purpose was that of producing poisons and cures, and we were good at our task.” Echo forces herself to her feet only to pull up a chair next to Octavia and wipes away at some dried blood with a damp cloth in order to keep her hands busy. “We knew how to find and how to grow some of the most rare plants. Some that existed before the bombs, and some that were created because of them. It wasn’t necessary for us to battle much as we were able to take out our enemies quietly and without much effort.” She grimaces and shakes her head. “How simple it was, to poison food or water…to lace a dagger or an arrow. We made the best assassins and were hired out for such tasks often. Our clan was not looked upon highly, yet everyone sought out our services.”

 

Clarke grabs a cup and hands it to Echo, nodding for her to drink. She does so and nods her head in thanks. She smiles as Lexa pulls Clarke to her and neither of them hesitate as Lexa sits and Clarke takes her spot in Lexa’s lap, with an arm around her shoulder and the other hand laced with Lexa’s. They watch Echo, ready for her to continue her story.

 

“Despite this, we still trained warriors in the ways of combat, as was needed. It just so happened, that a girl in our village was to be a commander. The spirit chose her, and she was celebrated by our people and began her training. However, this girl was in an accident, she drowned in a lake when she was just nine summers old. She was pulled ashore but was believed to be dead. I mean,” Echo shakes her head and huffs out a humourless laugh, “she was dead. At least momentarily.”

 

“Somehow one of the healers brought her back, but everyone knew. We all knew that even in those few moments of death, the commander’s spirit had already moved on and chosen the next.” She turns and looks to Lexa, a soft smile on her eyes. “But no one told her that. After she woke, her eyes once so full of life, a bright green, were so pale that they didn’t look natural. Her hair, previously a light shade of reddish brown was an unnatural shade of red in the days that passed. She was changed somehow.”

 

She takes another drink of the water and breathes deeply. “The thought was to keep her training, to make her a fierce warrior and bring back the girl they knew was meant to be a commander but never would be due to an unfortunate accident. Our elders thought she could be a general when the time came to tell her about the loss of her commander spirit. They thought it would soften the news if she was ready to be a general. So for years she kept training, preparing for the role she thought she would take as Heda.” She again looks to Lexa, who only nods at her.

 

Echo makes eye contact with Clarke’s curious blue ones. “The truth is, Klark, we don’t know what happened to her that day, or how or even why she came back as she did. She should have died that day. Anyone would have, but she didn’t. And to have had a commander’s spirit inside you, to be chosen, and then to have that taken away… it had to have changed her.” Echo shakes her head sadly.

 

“Eko, that does not excuse-“ Lexa begins, but Echo jumps to her feet her hands out in front of her in a sign of surrender, her eyes wide.

 

“No! No, I’m not excusing her nor trying to feel sorry for what she became, I am simply stating we don’t know what happened, or why.” She shrugs, looking a bit helpless. “Fast forward a couple years and well…” She hesitates as the memories flood back into her.

 

Clarke clears her throat softly. “What is her name?”

 

Echo swallows the lump she feels forming in her throat. “Her name is Rukh.”

 

 

~

**Rukh, Fourteen years ago – (4 days journey south of Polis)**

~

 

_“The time should be approaching, should it not?” She’s pacing in anticipation. She is now 14 and the best warrior her people have ever seen. She should officially have her title and status as Heda by now, and yet they delay her further._

_“Patience, fierce one. There is no rush.” The elder smiles at her as he stokes his fire inside his hut and offers her a cup of warm liquid, which she scoffs at. He sighs; her temper continues to rise with each new sun. He turns and offers the drink to his young protégé instead, who smiles and nods in thanks as she sips on the liquid._

_“The people need a leader. I am ready, and yet here I sit, listening to old tales I’ve heard for years. No one can best me in a fight, I know many of our poisons, and those I don’t, that is what we have our alchemists for!” She grabs her dagger at her side and twirls it in her fingers. She’s taken to doing that a lot lately when she’s frustrated. “Isn’t that what you’re training her to do?” She nods over to the girl in the corner._

_“Our people do need a leader, you are right, and you will make a fine leader of people. You are strong, but you need to temper your strength with patience. That is the only lesson you require.” His voice is soft, and he hopes it is encouraging, but he can sense the rage building within her. Her eyes are even more pale than usual, and her hair is like the summer sun’s burn on your skin. “And yes, we have our alchemists, and some are more promising than others.” Again he smiles to the girl beside him as she continues her task of separating herbs and bottling some of the finished poisons carefully._

_“A fine leader of people?” she seethes. “I am Heda! I’ve had enough of this nonsense. What are you keeping from me?” Her hand tightens around her dagger. She sees him swallow, her eyes tracking the small movement as if it were a stampede of Pauna. “Speak!”_

_“Rukh, perhaps it is best if we send for your father.” He stands on shaky legs, and makes for the door to his hut in order to send word to her father. He barely gets his hand on the door when her dagger is lodged into the wood next to his wrinkled hand and he freezes in place._

_“You will leave when I say you can leave.” Her voice is level, but the underlying tone causes the man to tremble. “Girl, what is that you’re making?”_

_The girl looks up, chin high, trying not to show her unease. “Ricin.” She feels dread fill her as she caps the final bottle, but she doesn’t dare lie to Rukh. Ricin is the most dangerous poison they can create, and it is very rare as the plant that it derives from is not easy to come by. It’s also the only one to which they have found no antidote for._

_“Bring me that vial.”_

_The girls’ eyes flicker to her teacher only briefly before standing and taking the few steps and holding it out. Rukh takes it in her hand and stares at it. “Such a small amount… and yet.” She looks to the old man. “You may go back to your work.” Rukh excuses her._

_“So tell me, Old Klyn, how many drops of this would it take for a grown man to die?” She pins him with a glare and cocks her head to the side. “Or how about an old one?”_

 

~

 

“Wait,” Clarke interrupts her story softly. “Eko, were you the apprentice?” Clarke is sure she knows the answer; how else could Echo retell this story so precisely if the girl had not been her?

 

Echo only nods and lowers her eyes. “He begged her to let me go in those next moments, and she allowed it, as long as I swore to come to her when she required me.”

 

“She bound you to her service.” Lexa states, gritting her teeth.

 

“As Heda, it was her right. Except, she didn’t realize just yet, that she was not, and would not be Heda.” Echo pulls at her sleeve, picking at a loose thread. “The events that happened next, I can’t be sure, because the next thing I remember were the screams.”

 

~

 

_“Rukh, beja!” Rukh, please.  They are begging for their lives. The screams started only minutes after a group of warriors descended upon the alchemists’ hut, escorting Rukh as she rampaged through the village._

_Echo watches as a couple of their village elders went into the tent, and when she hears a woman crying, she knows her teacher is gone. Rukh had killed him._

_Echo hides behind a cart next to her family hut, watching as Rukh shouts orders and her men attack their own people._

_Blood sprays onto the ground in front of her feet, and Echo looks up to see Rukh’s guard standing over her with a bloody sword, ready to strike. “Dison liak ain!” This one is mine, Rukh calls out and the guard halts, turning his attention to another helpless villager._

 

_Rukh comes close to her and pulls her up. “You will go fetch all the vials you were creating and any other materials you can fit into a pack and you will wait for me outside my tent. Am I understood?”_

_All Echo can do is nod, too fearful of her to do anything else. Rukh may only be a summer older than Echo, but she knows in this case age is irrelevant. Rukh is a force you do not want to reckon with. “What about Klyn?” She doesn’t want to incur Rukh’s wrath, but she can’t help but ask._

_Rukh tilts her head slowly, her lips curving into a slight smile. “No worries friend, I gave him the opportunity to hail me as Heda, to kiss the back of my hand in acceptance.” She holds out her gloved hand as she had to Klyn. “He was wise enough to do so. He fulfilled his duty.”_

_Echo feels herself relax slightly and nods, going to do as she is instructed and heads back into the alchemists’ hut. She is barely inside the door when her hand comes to her mouth, holding back the bile she feels rising. On the floor just inside is sweet old Klyn. His body is in the fetal position, his hands looking as if they were holding onto his head. His face was an ashy grey, his eyes had a nasty yellow film over them and dark lines were visible on his skin where his veins were._

_She swallows thickly and turns away from him, grabbing a pack and quickly gathering everything she could get her hands on that might prove useful. Once finished, she lowers down to Klyn and closes his eyes. “Yu gonplei ste odon,” she whispers and then hurries out making her way towards Rukh’s tent, gritting her teeth. Rukh hadn’t lied and yet her teacher is still dead._

_She takes in the scene around her as she walks quickly. The warriors loyal to Rukh are gathering people, mostly warriors, and shoving them into the command tent. She looks for Rukh, but it only takes her a moment to hear her chilling laugh. She turns her head and see’s Rukh’s red hair flying behind her as she leaps and lands on a man, her sword buried into his chest nearly to the hilt. Her boot falls next to the blade as she pulls back, earth and blood coating the length of it._

_She’s standing beside Rukh’s hut, far enough away from the smell of death and yet close enough to hear an offer being made. The warriors that obviously were not already loyal to her are given the option to have their lives spared…if they pledge their lives and their loyalty to her and only her. Her mind flickers briefly to her mother and father, wondering if they were inside. Her father is a large and strong man; good on hunts and in combat and her mother is an excellent archer. Are they being offered the deal to join Rukh?_

_She didn’t have time to dwell on it as flames and smoke are suddenly enveloping the command tent. Rukh’s men are surrounding it, keeping those inside that must have declined to join her. Several at once rush the entrance and attack Rukh and her guard. Echo freezes, wondering if it’s possible that Rukh may meet her end._

_She feels someone at her back and grabs at her sword and turns, but another hand with a cloth in it is suddenly held against her face and everything goes dark._

 

~

 

“I woke up the next morning, half a day from our village. My mother was with me and a few others.” Echo stands and stretches, beginning to pace. “My father didn’t make it out of the village, but from what my mother told me, we thought everyone else perished in the fire as it spread. A few warriors attacked Rukh, and we believed her to be dead. No one has heard from her since.”

 

Clarke considers everything they have been told and squeezes Lexa’s hand as she stands up and makes her way over to Echo and reaches for one of her hands. “Eko, what happened to your mother and the others from your village that made it out?” Her voice is soft and Echo appreciates how gentle she’s being.

 

“We all feared what may have happened if any of Rukh’s men had survived, and so we all agreed to scatter. To forget all about and never again mention the Trikovakru. We made our plans, each to choose a different clan and take our chances in the trials. I’ve never again seen or spoken to any of them.” Echo shrugs and smiles, putting on a brave face even though the reliving of this is something she had hoped to avoid. But now, it seems one of her greatest fears has come back to life.

 

“So now I know. Rukh is still alive.”

 

Clarke and Lexa look back and forth, silently communicating with their eyes. Lexa sighs and stands, making her way towards them. “Mochof, Eko, for speaking true with us. I know this is not easy for you.” She looks towards Clarke and after seeing a nod, turns back to Echo. “If Rukh really is still alive, which seems likely, we must fill you in on some things you are not aware of. We have kept much between ourselves, but you will prove helpful.” She hesitates, “Should you wish to help us.”

 

Echo raises her eyebrow. “Even if I didn’t want to, you are Heda. I follow your command.”

 

Clarke smiles. “I think what Leksa is trying to do is ask for your help, without needing to order you.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes a bit but nods her head. She doesn’t speak and waits for Echo’s answer.

 

Despite the odds they are preparing to face, there are three smiles in the room.

 

“Eko will do what she must to take that bitch down. As will I.”

 

They all turn to see Octavia struggling to sit up on the table. “A little help here maybe?”

 

~

 


	40. The Ark – Ever after never came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It will always get worse before it gets better; but the worst is far from over."
> 
> Clarke must face once again the consequences of the decisions she's made that affect others. 
> 
> War is coming.
> 
> Who will survive and what will be left for them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning & censor requests:
> 
> We mention/describe the killing of humans/animals (major characters) and/or torture and/or caused injuries and/or blood/gore.  
> If this could harm you, please contact us. We will censor the chapter for you so you can enjoy it.
> 
> Trigger warning & censor requests for people suffering anxiety or people who are emotionally attached to major characters:  
> If you are emotionally attached to characters and affected by anxiety, please contact us before reading this chapter. We will talk you slowly through and censor it for you.

**The Ark – Ever after never came**

 

~

 

“Stop where you are.” The guards level their guns on her, unsure of who she is. “Who are you, and what do you want?”

 

The woman sits atop an old horse, hunched over slightly. She sways a bit before clearing her throat. “I am Callie Cartwig,” she calls out, her voice hoarse and dry. “First Class Officer of The Ark and survivor of the Exodus ship crash.”

 

The guards mumble amongst themselves before a voice calls out behind them. “Open the gates!”

 

Kane is rushing forward. He wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t heard her voice himself. Even after this time, he would always recognize it. He sees her more clearly as the gates open and the horse comes forward. “Callie…” he whispers brokenly as he takes in her appearance. She is unusually pale and has what looks like smears of blood below her eyes.

 

He reaches forward to help her down when he sees she is struggling to dismount. With one hand around her waist and the other holding her hand he walks with her slowly back through the gate and to into the Ark. “Someone get Dr. Griffin!”

 

It’s then that Callie looks up and meets Kane’s eyes for the first time. “Abby is here?”

 

He swallows the lump in his throat and only nods his head. She’s not moving well, and he can tell she’s close to collapsing. He bends forward to slide an arm under her legs and sweeps her up into his arms and quickens his pace through the halls until he’s rounding the corner to the medical ward.

 

Abby is just exiting the room when she spots them, her eyes going wide. “Callie…” she whispers, and her hand comes to her mouth in shock. She looks up to Kane who only shakes his head.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but she needs help.”

 

Abby turns and rushes back into the ward and clears a table. “Put her here. Jackson!” She calls out to her assistant, “Get whatever B+ blood you can find in case we need it and then take some of her blood to run some tests.”

 

Confident he will do as instructed, she begins assessing Callie’s condition. “This looks like dried blood that’s been wiped away.” She points to Callie’s face, just below her eyes. “Did she say anything to you?”

 

He grits his teeth slightly and shakes his head. “No, she only answered when the guards asked her to identify herself.”

 

“Well at least she knows who she is.” Abby takes her blood pressure and temperature, finding them both very low. “This is presenting like the poison Clarke described the grounders using on them at the drop ship. It’s not supposed to be fatal.”

 

“And yet they did lose some of the kids to it.” Kane crosses his arms, watching as Jackson starts an IV for fluids now that he has taken her blood to test.

 

“Abby,” Callie whispers and slowly raises her hand.

 

Abby doesn’t hesitate and takes it in her own and holds it against her chest. “I’m here _wo de airen,” she whispers softly. She sees Kane, out of the corner of her eye, tilt his head slightly in confusion, but she ignores him._

_Callie grimaces even though she tries to smile as blood begins to pour from her eyes again. “I’m so sorry.”_

_“Everything will be fine now, I’ll take care of you.” Abby promises her, kissing her forehead. She turns to see Jackson, who approaches with a syringe and gently injects her. She smiles down at Callie. “You need rest and medicine, we will talk when you wake up. I won’t leave you.”_

_Callie nods and closes her eyes as she begins to lose consciousness._

_“Abby-“ Kane starts but is cut off by her hand being held up._

_“Just…not now, okay? We just got her back, and I want to make sure she makes it through the night.” She sighs in relief when she sees him nod. “Was anyone else with her?”_

_He shakes his head. “No, she came in on a horse, no possessions except a small pouch of seeds and a little water.”_

_“Any identifying marks on the horse? It had to come from a grounder.” Abby looks over Callie’s clothing. It’s worn and dirty, but all is Ark made except the boots she’s wearing, which match those they have seen worn by the grounders._

_He again shakes his head. “I’ll send word to Clarke and Lexa to see if they can find out if Callie, or any of our other people from the Exodus ship, could have been in one of their villages without their knowledge. But I doubt it. Lexa is very aware of what goes on within her own clan and even that of the others.”_

_Abby rubs at her forehead. “Which means she could be with another clan. A clan that obviously sent her here, poisoned, for a reason. We need answers.”_

_~_

_“Hey, did you hear they found Callie?” Monty pauses and rubs at the back of his neck, scrunching his nose. “Okay well, she found us?”_

_Bellamy turns to look at his friend, throwing his ax to stick into the log he had been splitting. “Kane’s wife Callie?”_

_“Yeah, and apparently Abby’s old flame.” He wiggles his eyebrows and earns himself an eye roll from Bellamy. “She just rode in, sick with that stuff we got from the grounders, and now she’s being treated in the medical bay.”_

_Bellamy thinks about this a moment. “I thought there wasn’t a cure for that, it just had to run its course, and if you survived, good for you?”_

_Monty shrugs. “Abby’s the Doc, if anyone can treat it, it’ll be her.” He grabs some of the cut pieces of wood and helps Bellamy to carry them over to their storage to keep it dry. “I’m more curious to know who the other grounders are that she was with and why they’d send her here poisoned.”_

_Bellamy freezes. “How do we know she was with other grounders?”_

_Monty looks at him quizzically. “Well I doubt the Trikru would do that to us, now with Kwin Clarke and Heda Lexa all cozied up and set to be joined.” He watches as Bellamy is clearly thinking about something. “Dude, what is it?”_

_“Huh?” Bellamy shakes his head. “Oh nothing, just thinking. It’s strange for sure.” He smiles at Monty and pats his shoulder. “Thanks for helping out.” He nods to the wood pile inside the shed. “I’ll go talk with Kane, see what I can figure out. Let me know if you hear anything.”_

_He starts walking back to the Ark, and Monty can only shrug and watch him go. “Yeah, sure thing.”_

_~_

_It’s dark when he finally manages to get into the medical bay without eyes on him. He spots Abby asleep in a chair, looking more than uncomfortable, just a few feet away from Callie’s bed. Otherwise, the room is empty._

_He approaches quietly and lightly touches her arm. “Callie?” He whispers her name, eyes darting to Abby to make sure she hasn’t heard him. She hasn’t._

_Callie blinks her eyes a few times before finally focusing on him. “Who?” Her voice is hoarse, and Bellamy is quick to hand her a cup of water from the side table, helping her by holding her head as she sips on it and then smiles. “Thank you.”_

He nods. “My name is Bellamy.” He watches as her eyes widen. “You’ve heard of me?”

 

She nods, turning her head to see Abby sleeping and then looks back to him. “You were sending information to Jasper, who was giving it to…her.” She swallows hard.

 

“Was?” He feels his heart drop. “What happened to him?”

 

Callie smiles sadly, “The same thing that will happen to me; I fear Abby’s medicine is only delaying it.”

 

“I don’t understand, Jasper said-“ He stops at the shaking of her head.

 

“We were all deceived. We believed false promises from a mad woman that only has her own agenda. She was using us to get information, and now, we are no longer useful. We are a loose end.” She shrugs slightly. “At least I can say I made it to the ground.”

 

“Abby is the best, she’ll find a cure. You’ll be fine,” Bellamy assures, but his mind is racing. He needs to get word to Clarke. He’s made a terrible mistake.

 

“Maybe I will, but if I’m not, what about everyone else?”

 

Bellamy tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

 

“Bellamy, what are you doing in here? She needs rest!” Abby is up and walking towards them. “She doesn’t need a thousand questions right now.”

 

“It’s okay, Abby, the company was nice, and I’m feeling a bit better.” Her eyes dart to Bellamy and somehow he knows not to bring up their previous conversation.

 

“I just wanted to see how she is. It’s great news that we have another survivor on the ground.” He smiles and nods his head. “Ladies.”

 

With that he takes off, needing to get to Clarke.

 

~

 

**TonDC**

**~**

“Where is she?” Raven’s eyes are wide, and she’s glaring hard at Indra.

 

“What is it with you girls from the sky and your demanding of answers?” Indra shakes her head, annoyed.

 

“She’s my friend. I heard the others saying she was poisoned and Clarke was injured too. Where are they?” She puts her hands on her hips, not willing to back down, no matter how intimidating Indra is to her.

 

“Teik em gouthru!” _Let her pass,_ Lexa calls from inside the tent.

 

Raven smirks, and Indra doesn’t hide the clench of her jaw or the rolling of her eyes as she pulls the flap of the tent back for Raven to enter.

 

“O!” Raven calls with a smile and pulls Octavia into her arms before stepping back and looking her over. “You’ve looked better.” She raises an eyebrow and smiles.

 

“Gee thanks. I’ve felt better too.”

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Clarke asks seriously, looking her friend over.

 

“Yes Mom, I’m fine.” Octavia rolls her eyes and then swallows at the glare she gets from Lexa. “Yes, Klark, forgive me, I’m just anxious.”

 

“You’re worried about Linkon?” Clarke asks softly, nodding her head. “I never should have allowed him to follow after our attackers.”

 

“It was the right thing to do, Klark.” Octavia smiles at her and pulls her in for a hug. “I would have gone with him if not for… whatever that was.” She turns to Echo. “Mochof Eko. I owe you my life.”

 

Echo merely shakes her head. “I am just glad I was able to help. It is not something I ever thought would be required of me…that knowledge.”

 

“Well I’m glad you’re not forgetful.” Octavia smiles and they hug briefly before pulling back a bit awkwardly.

 

“What the hell happened out there?” Raven pulls Octavia to sit down beside her, in between Phobos and Deimos who enjoy the pets they each receive.

 

“We were attacked, but we don’t know by who. Linkon went after them.” Octavia fills in quickly.

 

“I heard you were poisoned…” Raven whispers softly. “But you’re okay?”

 

Octavia nods her head. “According to Eko, yes.”

 

Echo nods. “She will be fine, Raven. You have my word.” She then grabs a cup and approaches Raven.

 

“Raven, I need you to drink this.” Echo hands her a cup.

 

“What is it?” Raven asks with questioning eyes. It appears to be water, but she has to ask.

 

“Octavia is healed, for now. What I gave her treated her and stays in the body about a week, but it will need to be administered regularly to keep the poison from affecting you if exposed to it again.” Echo sighs and looks at the women in the room. “It should be safe now that Okteivia is cured, but I’d rather not risk it.”

 

“Wait.” Clarke looks to Lexa and then back to Echo. “So why wasn’t I affected? I travelled with her for hours. Why haven’t you given me and Leksa this antidote?”

 

Lexa has her eyes trained on Echo but nods to herself in understanding. “She already has.”

 

The room goes silent and Echo can only nod once in return. “Sha Heda.” _Yes Commander_. She clears her throat, “Klark, I care for you as my sister and I pledge my life to you and Leksa. I took precautions, however unnecessary they may have been at the time, to do something I could to keep you both safe.”

 

She looks at Octavia. “Please do not misunderstand. It takes time to get these herbs and make the remedy, I never meant to have you in harm’s way. As I said, I thought it would be a unnecessary precaution for them.” She lowers her eyes.

 

Octavia shrugs. “I understand.” She pauses and narrows her eyes. “That day I caught you, out in the woods when you were limping and acting sketchy…”

 

Echo huffs out a laugh. “Yes, I was gathering herbs and lost in my own thoughts. I didn’t expect you to come up on me without my notice.”

 

Octavia smiles then and tilts her head. “Okay then.” She and Echo share a look.

 

~

 

The rest of the evening was spent filling Raven in on everything they knew, from Echo’s past, to Jasper’s dealings with Rukh, which causes Raven to go quiet and lower her head. “I can’t believe I killed him.”

 

“You were protecting yourself, my queen and Okteiva. You did nothing wrong Raven. You did as any one of us would have.” Lexa’s words were true and they made her feel slightly better.

 

Clarke looks to Lexa, feeling the events of the day catching up to them. “I think we should all get some rest.”

 

“Klark-“

 

“No.” Clarke states and stares hard at her friend. “You aren’t going off alone half-cocked after Linkon. It’s late, and you’ll only get yourself killed in your weakened state. Eat, rest and we’ll sort it out tomorrow. Okay?”

 

Octavia sighs and agrees, she knows Clarke is right. “Sha Kwin.” She grins when Clarke smirks at her.

  
“Raven, look after her, will you?” Lexa adds, knowing Clarke will feel better knowing the second wouldn’t be alone this night. Raven agrees and she turns her attention to the wolves that are looking much too comfortable. “Phobos, Deimos,” she calls, and the wolves jump up to follow them out.

 

~

 

The sound of growling wakes them. Lexa is up in an instant, her naked body glowing in the warmth of their fire, with her sword in her hand. She looks like a beautiful disaster with her hair a mess. Clarke bites back a grin and shakes her head, looking around, but doesn’t see Phobos or Deimos. By the time she moves to grab her clothes, Lexa is already dressed and out the door. Clarke is quick to follow, grabbing two daggers and sheathing them at her sides.

 

She makes it as far as the village center when she’s cut off by Deimos blocking her path. “What is it, boy?” she questions and rests her hand on the top of his large head.

 

She follows his line of sight to see Phobos at Lexa’s side as they wait for a horse to approach them through the entrance of the village. It’s moving slowly, weighed down by something that it’s dragging behind it. She takes in Lexa’s tense frame and the hard set of her eyes and feels her heart clench.

 

The horse is now only a few paces from Lexa, and Clarke can see what has her love tense. The horse is dragging a body that’s dirty and caked in blood. It’s not the body that seems to have Lexa’s attention, though. It’s whatever is in the bag tied to the saddle horn. The bag that Clarke can see has blood dripping from the bottom of it. She swallows back the bile she feels rising in her throat.

 

The horse appears agitated. Its eyes are wild and it’s moving slowly yet stomping its legs and tossing its head. Indra approaches slowly and pets its forehead, trying to calm it. It seems to work.

 

She’s saying something to Lexa, but Clarke can see she’s getting no response. She takes a slow breath, trying not to cringe at the smell of the blood that is present now and tries to reach out to shield Lexa. She grows frustrated when it’s not working. She sighs again. Clarke knows whatever Lexa is feeling is not physical pain, so of course her shield can’t help her with that.

 

She knows what she’s feeling. She knows what is flashing through her mind. She knows what has Lexa frozen with one hand on her sword and the other on Phobos’s back. Clarke knows that the memory her love carries with her, is now at the front of her mind.

 

She knew it the moment she sees the bloody bag.

 

She knew it when her eyes focused on the empty spot on the body where a head should be.

 

She knew it the moment Indra takes it, and pauses only a moment before opening it and then closing her eyes, gritting her teeth.

 

She knew what name she would hear fall from Indra’s lips, even before the name is uttered softly, as if saying it too loudly would make it more real than it already is.

 

“Linkon.”

 

~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in bunker*
> 
> Special thanks to Miriam, our wonderful beta-reader and favorite critic!
> 
> *pulls Miriam inside*  
> *closes door to bunker*   
> *turns around*  
> Okay girls, what are we going to do until the riot is over?


	41. TonDC - And I'm still waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions. Those pesky emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning & censor requests:
> 
> This chapter could be emotionally triggering due to death and loss of loved ones.
> 
> We mention/describe the killing of humans/animals (major characters) and/or torture and/or caused injuries and/or blood/gore.
> 
> If this could harm you, please contact us. We will censor the chapter for you so you can enjoy it.
> 
> Trigger warning & censor requests for people suffering anxiety or people who are emotionally attached to major characters:  
> If you are emotionally attached to characters and affected by anxiety, please contact us before reading this chapter. We will talk you slowly through and censor it for you.

**~**

**TonDC – And I’m still waiting**

 

~

 

“No.”

 

She knows she spoke the word, but she doesn’t recognize her own voice. The word, so small and so simple one would think, is on repeat in her mind and she’s never felt more confused.

**No, no, no, no, no.**

“This can’t be happening.” She turns slightly to see Echo at her side. Her hand reaches out to touch Clarke’s shoulder. “We need to keep Okteivia away from this.”

 

Clarke can only nod her head, she’s not sure she can use her voice right now. _I let him go. I sent him after them alone. Octavia will never forgive me for this…_

 

She’s not sure how long she stands there in a daze, but a nudge at her hip finally draws her attention to Deimos who is looking at her with big sad eyes. She swallows thickly and buries her hands into his pelt, lowering her head to his neck. She wraps her arms around him and holds on tightly.

 

She hears the commotion going on around her. She can hear Lexa and Indra’s hushed voices. She knows orders were being given to take the body and the horse away. She hears them mention Octavia.

 

 _Octavia_.

 

Clarke jerks her head up and roughly wipes at her face, as if that will help hide the red of her eyes from her tears. She sniffles once and turns, needing to breathe and figure out what she is going to say to Octavia. But first, she needs some time alone.

 

The village is quiet again and Clarke is thankful the news hasn’t woken Raven and Octavia yet. There’s still a few hours until sunrise, she guesses, and she heads to the meal room. It is quiet here, and a little cool from the night air and the bare concrete walls. She likes it.

 

She sits in one of the crudely constructed chairs and puts her head in her hands, elbows braced on her knees. She closes her eyes and tries to take a few deep breaths but when the image of Lincoln’s head and body flash in her mind, she quickly opens her eyes and decides to stare at the dirt on the ground instead.

 

She didn’t see him, but it’s not hard for the mind to put the pieces together, no matter how much you wish it wouldn’t. That’s not an image she needs to see. It’s not one Octavia needs to see, but Clarke knows her. She knows Octavia will demand to see his body before the pyre. And how can they hide the vile act that was committed against him?

 

A whine grabs her attention, and she looks to her left and into the eyes of Deimos. It’s like she can see her own pain reflected in his eyes. Once again she wraps her arms around his large neck and buries her face in him and breathes in his wild and earthy scent. He helps to calm her racing heart.

 

“Klark.” Her voice is soft but level. Clarke doesn’t move from her position but instead only turns her head enough so that she can make eye contact with Lexa. “You know this is not your fault.”

 

Clarke huffs and lowers her eyes. “We both know that isn’t true.”

 

Lexa approaches her and pulls up a chair to sit beside her and places her hand at the back of Clarke’s neck. She can’t help but smile when Clarke relaxes ever so slightly under her protective touch. She feels so much better being closer to her. She hopes Clarke feels the same.

 

“He made a request of you, and you granted it. If anything, it wasn’t his right to ask such a thing and to take off alone to try and play the hero.” Lexa sighs when Clarke looks at her with narrowed eyes. “He made a choice. He knew what he was leaving behind.” They both think of Octavia. “He knew the risk he was taking.”

 

Clarke swallows and nods her head. It doesn’t make her feel any better, though. Not really. She can’t stop thinking that she doesn’t feel Octavia will see it the same way. “I don’t want to lose her.”

 

“There will be grief, but she will come around even if it is hard at first.” Lexa sounds very sure. “This is the duty we bear, Klark.”

 

Clarke nods looks into Lexa’s eyes. “I know that must have thrown you back to-”

 

Lexa shakes her head, effectively stopping Clarke mid-sentence. “No, I am fine, Klark. There is no need to worry.” Lexa gives her a soft smile when Clarke only tilts her head, unconvinced. “Many thoughts and feelings can rush through me at times. It doesn’t mean I need to dwell on what is long past and has been laid to rest.”

 

Clarke nods, not willing to argue with her, not now, but she knows this conversation will be revisited, one way or another. Lexa is, first and foremost, a protector and a leader… even when she needs to sometimes be protected and led herself.

 

Clarke rises, presses a kiss to Lexa’s forehead, and heads for the door. “It’s still early, the sun has not yet risen.” Lexa’s voice stops her as her hand pauses on the cold steel.

 

“I know, but if I don’t do this now, I fear I may never. The longer I wait, the worse it will be for her.” She doesn’t turn back to see the expression on Lexa’s face. She can’t. She feels enough. “See to Indra. Talk with Eko and…” She bites her lip and wills her tears to stay in her eyes.

 

Lexa approaches her slowly and rests her hands on Clarke’s hips, placing her chin on her shoulder. “I will be with you, whatever you need.”

 

Clarke nods her head, takes a breath, and heads for the tent Octavia is sharing with Raven. Deimos never leaves her side.

 

~

 

**Meanwhile at the Ark**

~

 

“Bellamy.” Kane’s voice calls, stopping him in his tracks. “It’s quite late, what are you doing? You’re not on post tonight.”

 

“No, sir, but I wish to go to TonDC. I want to see Octavia.” He smiles his most innocent smile at Kane. “Figured I’d start so I get there at a decent hour.”

 

“Slow journey on foot.” Kane comments. If he senses Bellamy has another agenda, he doesn’t question him, and for that Bellamy is thankful.

 

He shrugs. “Not much choice really.”

 

“Callie’s horse.” He looks behind him to the steed that is grazing. “It’s rested, should make for quicker and easier travel.”

 

Bellamy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t question him on it. Instead he nods and holds out his hand. “Thank you.” He is sincere and shakes Kane’s hand.

 

Kane nods and orders one of the guards to ready the horse. “Take care of yourself and send our regards.”

 

“Will do.” Bellamy grabs his bag and mounts the horse. He looks down to Kane. “I sure hope this thing knows what it’s doing, because I don’t.”

 

Kane laughs and gives the horse a swat on its rear, shaking his head as the two take off at a steady pace.

 

~

 

“Abby, I need to tell you.” Callie coughs, blood appearing on her lips.

 

“You need rest, please lie back.” She sets about cleaning up the drops of blood and passes over a cup of water. “Take this first.”

 

Callie shakes her head. “I love your care and concern for me. I always have.” She smiles at the woman she was ready to spend forever with. “I know this life wasn’t meant for us, as do you, but maybe in the next…”

 

Abby is shaking her head. “Just stop, please.”

 

“I need you to know. I made so many mistakes.” A watery red tear slides down her cheek.

 

“We can talk about all of it when you’re well again.” Abby takes her hand. “What? What is it?” She’s watching as Callie struggles with something.

 

“I’m dying Abby. Everything you’re doing, it’s delaying it, but the result will be the same.” She shrugs, defeated.

 

“How can you possibly know that?” Abby raises her voice. Her mind is racing with thoughts of losing this woman once, believing her dead, finding her… and now she says she’s dying?

 

“I found the wrong grounders. I trusted too easily in my excitement to be on the ground. I’ve put many people at risk; our own including others.” Her eyes dart to the side in shame.

 

“Others?” Abby’s eyes go wide. “Clarke?”

 

“I’m so sorry, Abby…” Callie begins to cry, before coughs wrack her body and more blood appears.

 

“Shh, relax.” Abby turns and grabs a syringe but is stopped from injecting her when Callie puts her hand on her arm and shakes her head.

 

“No.” Callie struggles to sit up. “Warn the others. Make as much medicine as you can, I fear this is far from over.” She stops suddenly, pain gripping her stomach and she hunches over and begins coughing. There’s so much blood.

 

“Callie…” Abby’s voice is thick as panic is setting in. “Tell me what I can do… please!”

 

Callie raises her hand and cups Abby’s cheek and strokes away a tear, leaving a bloody streak on her cheek. “Save the others.” She coughs again and begins to tremble as pain wracks her body. “I made a list of those that were still alive…but-” she begins to choke and air is becoming hard to obtain.

 

“But what?” Abby manages to get out, leaning her forehead against Callie’s and pulling the woman closer to her. “Please don’t leave me again.”

 

“She’ll kill them all. I’m so-” She stills suddenly, her eyes widening.

 

“Callie,” Abby whispers, brokenly. She knows her time is up. “Callie, I love you.”

 

Callie squeezes the hand in hers as best she can. “As I love you, Abigail.” She breathes out and closes her eyes.

 

~

 

**TonDC**

~

 

Clarke takes a deep breath and quietly enters the hut. She peers to her right, to see Octavia curled up on a bed of furs. She smiles as Deimos licks her hand and then trots over to the girl and lies down beside her. Her heart clenches as Octavia wraps her arm around him in her sleep.

 

“Clarke,” she hears her name whispered and turns to her left to see Raven sitting up. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Clarke walks over to her and sits down beside Raven on her bed. “You’re awake.”

 

Raven smiles sadly. “I heard the commotion outside.” Clarke watches her throat as she swallows. “You’re here to tell her.”

 

Clarke breathes out heavily and nods her head. “Yes, but I have no idea how.” She looks over and the scene nearly breaks her. Octavia looks so peaceful, holding Deimos like a teddy bear. He seems to be enjoying it as well, even as his eyes never leave Clarkes. It’s like he is trying to comfort them both.

 

“The only way you can.” Raven pulls her attention back to her. “Tell her the truth, and be there for her.” Raven shrugs. “I’ve got your back, as well as hers.”

 

Clarke let herself be pulled into Raven’s arms for a moment before finding her resolve and standing up. She crosses the short distance and sits down just above Octavia’s head, stroking some loose hair out of her face. “Okteivia…” she whispers softly.

 

“Ten more minutes,” the girl mumbles sleepily and her arm tightens around Deimos who releases a contented rumble in his chest. Octavia opens one eye, noticing the large wolf. “Hey D,” she coo’s at the wolf and scratches behind his ear. “What are you doing here?” She raises her head slightly, feeling the fingers on her forehead. “Klark?”

 

“Hey O,” Clarke replies and continues to stroke Octavia’s forehead with her fingertips.

 

Octavia furrows, her eyes shooting over to Raven’s. They are focused on her but not giving anything away. “Okay, what’s wrong?” She sits up slowly and wipes away the remaining sleep from her eyes before darting them back and forth between her two friends. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pleasant way to wake up, but…” she trails off, waiting for one of them to speak.

 

Clarke clears her throat. “There was a disturbance in the village late last night.”

 

Octavia huffs and rolls her eyes, even as she feels dread in her stomach. “Just get it out Klark, please.” Clarke nods, her eyes are shining with unshed tears. Octavia notices and grabs her hand. “Just tell me.”

 

“It’s Linkon.” Clarke wets her dry lips as she watches Octavia’s eyes. “I’m so sorry Okteivia.” She clears her throat and pushes through. “I can only assume he found our attackers… and they obviously didn’t want to be found – and sent us a message.”

 

Clarke doesn’t remove her eyes from her friend’s, even as she hears Raven stand up and cross the room to sit at Octavia’s other side. Deimos doesn’t move from his position in front of her.

 

Octavia is quiet and unmoving, aside from the lump she swallows in her throat.

 

Clarke’s eyes dart over to Raven, who just shrugs very slightly and rests her hand on Octavia’s leg in comfort. It snaps Octavia out of her daze, and she starts nodding her head. Clarke and Raven just watch her, unsure of what to do or say. They are surprised when she suddenly speaks.

 

“I’m okay.” She keeps nodding her head, and Clarke can see she’s trying to keep her emotions inside. She saw that look earlier; she’s quite familiar with it at this point.

 

“O,” Raven starts but is startled when Octavia jumps up and begins to pace back and forth inside the tent.

 

“No, I’m okay.” She nods to herself again. “He made his choice. He put his people above all else, just as any Trikru warrior would. The need of many outweigh the needs of the few or a single person. He did what was best for the Trikru and his Heda and kwin. Not for me.”

 

Clarke stands and walks over to her friend. “We will find those responsible.” Her voice is firm and hard; there’s a fire within her that she’s still becoming accustomed to feeling. “We will have justice.”

 

Octavia still continues to nod. It’s like she can’t stop herself. “I know. It’s fine. I mean it’s not fine but,” the dam is starting to break, and her breath hitches. She closes her eyes tightly and raises her face towards the sky. “I _know_ the duty to our people comes first. The duty to you and to Leksa…” She breathes in deeply and leans forward with her hands on her thighs. “I know these things, but I can’t stop feeling…”

 

Clarke places her hand at Octavia’s lower back and rubs softly. “What?”

 

“Why hasn’t anyone ever picked me first?” The tears start to slide down her cheeks, and she rises up and angrily wipes them away. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being-” Her words are cut off when Raven jumps up and is immediately in front of her and taking the girl into her arms to hug her tightly.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling how you feel, regardless of what you know.” Raven pulls back, her eyes flickering over to Clarke’s before back to Octavia and looking into brave eyes. “But believe me when I say this, I will _always_ pick you first.”

 

Octavia breaks. Her knees buckle, and she finds herself on the ground in Raven’s arms, sobbing. Her body shakes and trembles as she releases emotions she’s kept bottled up since her time under the floor on the Ark, until now. Until she found a purpose and someone to accept her, she had kept it all tightly held inside.

 

~

 

Raven’s not sure how long they sat together, huddled on the floor of the hut, but it must have been the better part of an hour. Her leg is cramping, and she needs to move it, but she doesn’t want to disturb the girl in her arms. She looks at Clarke with a bit of a plea in her eyes.

 

“Okteivia,” Clarke whispers and holds out a cup. “Drink this please.”

 

Octavia sniffles and pulls back from Raven slowly, taking the cup. She looks inside it. “It’s just water,” Clarke tells her and she nods and takes a sip. Then another, when she realizes how thirsty she is.

 

Raven uses this moment to stretch her leg out and sighs at the relief it provides. Octavia watches her with soft and sad eyes. “I’m sorry Raven, that must have been uncomfortable for you.”

 

Raven shrugs with a smile on her face. “You’re worth it.”

 

Octavia gives her a sad smile and rubs her hand along Deimos’ forehead and nose. “Thank you both, for staying with me and allowing me that.”

 

“We love you, Okteivia.” It’s all Clarke can think to say; she doesn’t want to throw a bunch of words at the girl, even though part of her is dying to. “Anything you need, just tell me.”

 

Octavia nods and stands up, stretching her body. “Can I have some time to myself?” Clarke looks like she’s about to argue, and Octavia just holds her hands up. “Raven can come,” she turns to the girl, “if you want, but I just want a little time in my head without being completely alone.”

 

Clarke nods. “Okay. Let me know when you’re back?”

 

Octavia nods and grabs her sword, strapping it to her back and putting on her boots. “I just want to go sit by the stream a while.”

 

“I’ll keep my distance, but I’ll also keep you in my sight.” Raven smiles at her, understanding her need to be alone and yet, not truly be alone.

 

~

 

“Heda!” Echo closes the distance between them coming to stop at Lexa’s side. “There’s nothing but the same petal. They left no other clues on his body.”

 

Lexa grits her teeth. She knew as much, but she couldn’t help but hope. “Deimos sniffed out that plant off of the boy Jasper’s body.”

 

Echo nods, understanding her point. “You think he has the scent, so if we let Phobos get it as well, they can lead us back.” Lexa nods once. “Are we ready for that?”

 

Lexa’s eyes harden. “We will be ready when it is necessary, be that today or in the next season. But we will not let this woman taunt us and take away those we care about.”

 

She takes the petal from Echo’s hand and puts it in one of her pockets. “Are they building?”

 

“Sha,” _Yes,_ “the pyre will be ready for sundown,” Echo replies. She and Lexa can only look at each other and nod, before both of their attention is diverted. Both stare into the distance, hoping Clarke and their friends will be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my amazing wife, LilianaFox for her help and support. She keeps me from writing shit. :)  
> And to Miriam for fixing my goofs and being supportive by providing a bunker for shelter.


	42. TonDC - For a life that never was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are rare things that will never, under no circumstances, fail.
> 
> The world is beginning to crumble apart and Clarke and Lexa have to deal with not only a loss within their family but also the aftermath and the grief. 
> 
> There are things, very rare and precious, that will never fail. There is one flame burning even through the darkest of hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs a little reprieve :)  
> I hope you all enjoy this.

~

 

**TonDC – For a life that never was**

 

~

Lexa accepts the torch that Indra passes to her, and like before with Clarke, she turns and passes it to Octavia who is standing at her left. Octavia only hesitates a moment before accepting it and stepping forward to light the pyre.

 

The flames take over immediately, shrouding Lincoln’s wrapped up body in flames and smoke. Even in the midst of mourning, Lexa can hear some of her warriors questioning who is behind this. They want blood. Jus drein, jus daun. _Blood must have blood_.

 

The sun is just beginning its descent as the fire burns on. The hunters have brought back fresh meat, and many of the villagers are preparing food. Lexa is keeping her eye on Clarke and keeping her close. She knows Clarke’s mind is racing with a million questions and endless possibilities, and yet she feels almost numb to her. It’s unsettling.

 

Lexa watches as Clarke and Raven each flank Octavia, keeping close to her but trying not to crowd her. She smiles as Deimos stays at Clarke’s side and turns her head to look down at Phobos, who stays at hers. The wolf looks up as if sensing her eyes on him. She raises her hand and waits only a second before he stands and nudges his head beneath it. She strokes his head softly. She doesn’t know where these two magnificent creatures came from, but she will be forever thankful for their presence. She feels safer with these two wolves looking after her and Clarke than she ever has with a human guard.

 

She’s suddenly overcome with the urge to take Clarke away from here. While she knows Clarke may think this isn’t the best time, she feels something coiling within her. This is far from over. There is so much more coming. She doesn’t know what, but her instincts are never wrong. With that thought in mind, she wants to take Clarke away, even if only for a few hours. They need to get away from the here and now, clear their heads, and then come back and let it play out and make the best decisions they can in the process.

 

She watches as Raven and Octavia head to join some of the other villagers and Clarke stands behind, her eyes lost in the flames. Lexa approaches slowly and stands still beside her. She doesn’t speak, instead waiting for Clarke to acknowledge her presence. It doesn’t take long before a soft and cold hand is grabbing hers, and Lexa allows a small smile to tug at her lips as she laces her fingers with Clarke’s and gives it a gentle squeeze.

 

“Will we ever be done with this?” Clarke speaks then, but her eyes remain on the flames.

 

Lexa turns her head and stares at her love. Clarke is concealing her emotions well, but Lexa feels her. She always feels Clarke. “Life can be about more than just surviving.” Lexa only wants to reassure her, to help her gain some small amount of hope that, no, things won’t always be like this.

 

Clarke does look at her now and gives her a small but brave smile. “It can, but we have to survive this first.” She takes a deep breath, and her shoulders sag as she turns her body towards Lexa’s. She doesn’t even say anything as Lexa pulls her into her arms, and she lets her body sink into hers. She has never felt anything she does in Lexa’s protective arms.

 

“Klark,” Lexa whispers, rubbing her hands soothingly up and down Clarke’s back. “May I make a request of you?”

 

Clarke raises her head enough to look into Lexa’s warm eyes. “Of course, what do you need?”

 

“Go get yourself something to eat, talk with Raven and Okteivia if you wish, but then meet me within the hour at our tent?” She watches Clarke closely as she looks like she wants to ask something but doesn’t. She simply nods her head. Lexa smiles and leans forward slowly.

 

Clarke cups the back of Lexa’s neck and claims her lips, whimpering at the contact. They share a few soft kisses before they release each other, and Clarke takes a step backwards, her hand still held in Lexa’s. She stretches her arm out and maintains contact with Lexa’s hand until the last moment when she turns.

 

Lexa sighs after her, smiling as Deimos trots along beside Clarke, still causing a few heads to turn. Their people have accepted the wolves, but they are still in awe of them. She watches them until they are safely with the rest of their people and then turns towards her tent and finds Indra, ever loyal, standing outside it holding a small plate of meet and fruit. “Indra.”

 

Indra nods and follows Lexa and Phobos inside her tent. Her face loses a bit of its hard look when the wolf licks her hand. She rolls her eyes and tosses him a piece of the meat. “Heda, you must eat.”

 

Lexa doesn’t argue; instead she takes the plate and sits it near her and begins to eat as she packs a bag with blankets and furs. She knows Indra is still watching her curiously. She lets this go on for a few minutes until the woman’s stare and lack of words begins to annoy her. “Chit?” _What?_

 

“Heda, are you planning to go somewhere?

 

Lexa does not look up while shoving another fur and a leather of water into the bag. “I need to get Klark out of here for a few hours.”

 

“Is that wise, Leksa?” Indra steps closer and furrows. Phobos sits down beside her, looking back and forth between Lexa and Indra’s plate while licking his lips, his look switching from ‘I say no’ to ‘give me more’.

 

Indra nods only once. “I will gather my best warriors. You will not see us.”

 

“Mochof, Indra.” _Thank you._

 

Lexa leaves the tent with the bag in her hand and waits with Phobos only for a minute before Clarke appears. The blonde’s blue eyes show questions, her lips a light smile. “What are you up to, Leksa?” Deimos bumps his head with his brother and wiggles his tail.

 

Lexa holds out her hand, and Clarke takes it without hesitation. It doesn’t matter to her what Lexa is up to; she would follow her to the end of the world without wasting a thought the why and how. The two women start walking in a slow pace, holding hands, fingers laced, circled by Phobos and Deimos, who behave like puppies, jumping around and chewing on sticks.

 

Neither Lexa nor Clarke talk for more than an hour; they just walk through the forest in silence, enjoying the peace of nature and the warmth feeling of each other’s hands.

 

“Leksa.” Clarke huffs her name, but Lexa can hear the smile in her voice without looking at her.

 

Lexa plays along, unable to remove the grin from her face even if she wanted to. “Yes Klark?” She holds back a chuckle as Clarke shuffles closer to her, trying to keep pace with her. Actually, she’s walking kind of strangely, considering Clarke can always keep up with the speed of her walk. “Why are you walking like that?”

 

Clarke stops when Lexa turns to look at her with an adorable look on her face, her head tilted slightly. “Like what?” Clarke questions, but Lexa can tell she knows exactly what she was doing by the blush that creeps up her neck.

 

“You’re being strange.” Lexa switches the bag she carries from one hand to the other and reaches for Clarke’s hand. “What are you doing?”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes and shrugs, taking Lexa’s hand in hers. “I’m trying to walk like the Trikru walk in the woods.”

 

Lexa raises her eyebrow. “How the Trikru walk…” She’s confused. She knows she’s smart, Clarke has told her as much, but right now she’s just confused.

 

Clarke shakes her head. “Anya. When we escaped the mountain and were being tracked, she gave me hell about how I stomped through the woods... and that was after she smacked my face with a handful of mud.” Clarke delights in the sound of Lexa’s chuckle. “Oh that’s not all.”

 

Lexa’s eyes sparkle. “Tell me.”

 

Clarke grins and does her best impersonation of Anya. “ _You can’t even walk in the woods.” “Heavy footfalls, broken branches…you even smell like them!”_ She watches as Lexa throws her head back and laughs.

 

“I got a lot of that too when I was younger.” Her eyes take on a softer look, although still warm and happy.

 

After a couple minutes of silence, Clarke can’t help but ask the question that’s weighing on her mind. “It doesn’t seem to, but does it bother you at all that I brought her up?”

 

Lexa smiles and pulls Clarke into her. “No.”

 

Clarke tilts her head, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders. “No?”

 

Lexa leans forward, rubbing her cheek against Clarke’s and breathing against her ear. “No ai kwin.” _My queen_. She pulls back. “Anya was my mentor and my friend. I trusted you when you said she died well.”

 

Clarke swallows a lump in her throat. “Leksa, I-” Her words are cut off by soft lips on her own. She’s powerless to do anything but sink into her and let the rush of emotions take over her.

 

Lexa drops the bag she was carrying and cups Clarke’s neck with both hands and strokes her cheeks softly with her thumbs as she kisses her slowly. After a few moments, she sighs and pulls back with a smile on her face, waiting for blue eyes to open and meet hers. When they do, she bumps her nose with Clarke’s. “Don’t.”

 

Clarke just looks at her before nodding her head. She knows why Lexa is telling her ‘don’t’. Even though it wasn’t her fault, it was her people from the sky, she can’t help but harbour the guilt. “Okay.”

 

Lexa kisses her once more before picking up the bag and pulling Clarke along by her hand. She gives it about thirty seconds before she grins again as Clarke speaks. “Now will you tell me where you’re taking me?”

 

“Klark, it’s a surprise. If I tell you then that will defeat the purpose.” Lexa flashes her a smile.

 

“I don’t like surprises,” Clarke mumbles, but she has a smile on her face, letting Lexa know that she’s playing around. Even if she really doesn’t like surprises.

 

“I want to share something with you.” It’s getting late, and Clarke knows they must be close, because Lexa wouldn’t let them wander around the woods aimlessly at night. Sure, Phobos and Deimos are around and ever watchful of them, but she knows Lexa won’t risk them in the dark without a campfire.

 

They walk a little further until the sound of a stream can be heard, and Clarke realizes they haven’t really gone too far from the village, just followed along the stream to the north. It’s when they walk down into a lower valley area that Lexa stops and begins pulling out furs and blankets from the bag she brought with her.

 

Lexa doesn’t look at Clarke, instead she lays a couple of the blankets down and then motions for Clarke to sit. When she does, Lexa sits down beside her and pulls the biggest fur over them and guides Clarke to lie back with her. Clarke makes herself comfortable, completely content to be in Lexa’s arms with her chest as her pillow. She’s full of questions but holds her tongue and remains quiet as the sun continues to set.

 

Clarke stiffens when she hears a rustle in the trees behind them. She knows they are close to camp, that they have warriors near them on watch and best of all, two absurdly large and protective wolves around them, but with everything that’s happening lately, she’s still on edge.

 

“It’s okay Klark. You’re safe.” Lexa pulls her close against her and feels Clarke relax into her. “It’s only Phobos.”

 

Clarke raises her head from Lexa’s chest to look at her. “How do you know it’s Phobos?”

 

Lexa grins and gives her a kiss. “Close your eyes and relax.” Clarke rolls her eyes playfully but does as she’s told and places her head back on Lexa’s chest and takes a deep breath, relaxing her body. “Now listen.”

 

Clarke does. She can hear the stream and the soft trickle of the water over the rocks. She hears the cool evening breeze whispering over the grass around them and through the leaves of the trees. She hears the straining of a branch and somehow knows one of the warriors is there, keeping watch. And then she hears it.

 

Two sets of paws trotting around them, one in each direction. One is a bit heavier and slower, while the other is lighter and faster. As the heavier one passes behind them again, she hears the same sound and smiles. “Okay.”

 

Lexa just grins. “Good thing he’s a vicious fighter, otherwise Anya would have lectured him too.” Clarke laughs. She loves this playful side of Lexa. She loves it even more, that it seems to be reserved only for her. She tightens her arm around her love’s waist and closes her eyes.

 

“Klark.” Her name is being whispered softly and it’s so very soothing. She doesn’t want to open her eyes. “Klark?”

 

“Mhh…” Clarke sighs and nuzzles her face further into Lexa’s neck and huffs. A giggle from Lexa causes her to open her eyes. “What?”

 

It’s Lexa’s turn to blush and she pulls Clarke closer. “Tickles.” Clarke smiles, raising her head and starts to say something when she realizes it’s much brighter out than it should be after sundown. “See?”

 

Clarke raises up on one elbow, her left hand still on Lexa’s stomach and takes in the forest around them with her lips parted and her eyes wide. Octavia had described the glowing forest she had seen near the drop ship to her, but she had no idea it could look like this. “Leksa,” she whispers in awe, “it’s so beautiful.”

 

Lexa smiles in wonder. No, she’s not looking at the glowing forest around them. “So beautiful,” Lexa whispers softly, and Clarke turns to meet her eyes.

 

“Leksa,” Clarke lowers her head to Lexa’s chest, even though she’s wearing a smile. Lexa only pulls her tighter against her.

 

“It’s beautiful Klark, but nothing will ever rival the true beauty that I hold within my arms.” She nuzzles her nose into Clarke’s blonde hair and lets the heat and warmth envelope them.

 

“You are so warm,” Clarke breathes out, nuzzling even closer as the night air reaches her skin. “How are you so warm?”

 

“We create this heat together, ai kwin.” _My queen._ “I have always been cold, until I met you.”

 

Clarke lowers her head to Lexa’s chest and closes her eyes. She doesn’t know what she’s feeling in this moment, she only knows that whatever it is, she can never lose it. “Leksa, beja.” Her voice is soft, so she’s surprised when Lexa reacts quickly.

 

“Never Klark.” Her voice is also soft but firm. Resolute. “I will never leave you.” She pulls the blonde tighter against her arms. “We will face each day together.”

 

Clarke nods her head before raising herself up so that she’s hovering over Lexa and can see into her eyes. She’s in love with her eyes. She bites her lip before her next words escape her. “Or not at all.”

 

Lexa’s eyes water, but her lips form a smile. “Sha, ai kwin.” _Yes, my queen._

 

Clarke leans forward and presses her lips to Lexa’s. They are warm and inviting, as always, but also filled with promise. She pulls back and rubs her cheek against Lexa’s before lying back down and taking in the beautiful colours around them.

 

“It’s incredible. All the colours… this is all the result of radiation?” Clarke looks to Lexa, seeing her nod.

 

“The radiation affected all life in many ways, some more harshly than others… and some adapted, just as we had to.” She takes in the peacefulness. “It was hard for me, as a child, to accept that it wasn’t always like this. But then I saw pictures from old books, and I knew what I was told was truth.”

 

Clarke just listens as she speaks, content to hear her voice.

 

“I was torn. I was so thankful for the beauty that surrounds us, yet I was heartbroken at what nature had to endure for this result.” Lexa hums contentedly as Clarke begins to caress her cheek with the back of her fingers.

 

“Nature went through trials of hell to survive and came out of it changed but stronger.” Clarke thinks about this, and she can see where Lexa is coming from. Nothing ever remains the same for long. She swallows.

 

“Nature isn’t the only thing.” Lexa whispers and kisses Clarke softly.

 

“A few more minutes?” Clarke rests her head back on Lexa’s chest. She knows they need to be getting back. She knows, but she just wants to stay here a little longer, safe with Lexa.

 

“A few more minutes,” Lexa agrees and holds her tighter.

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks as always, to my adoring wife for her help and support and endless suggestions on this. Also, for my chapter summary because my brain was useless today ;) Even though it is her fault.
> 
> Also shout out to Miriam, for her awesome beta work. Prepare the bunker for the next one please. Bring supplies. Lots of them.
> 
> Aech3mis - remember you like the story. :)


	43. I close my eyes and bleed this empty heart (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very wise woman once told me to never go to war with yourself; if everything burns, if the world crumbles beneath you and all you know and love is going straight to hell, you are the only thing no one can take away from you.
> 
> She wasn't completely right.
> 
> How many times can a heart break before it stops beating?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:
> 
> We mention/describe the death of humans and/or fights and/or caused injuries.   
> We mention/describe the killing of humans/animals and/or torture and/or caused injuries and/or blood/gore.   
> We mention/describe the death of close family members and/or major characters and/or children and/or animals.  
> We mention/describe genocide and/or slow and painful deaths.  
> We mention/describe the death of close family members to major characters and/or children.  
> We mention/describe PTSD and/or temporary mental disorders and/or depression and/or self-destructive behavior caused by grief.
> 
> This chapter may be triggering people suffering anxiety and/or fear of loss.
> 
> You have been warned.

**TonDC – I close my eyes and bleed this empty heart (pt 1)**

 

~

“Stay back!” She holds her hand up, and he halts, before she turns her attention to the guards nearby. “Do not get close to him, and do NOT touch him.”

 

Her voice is hard but the fear is noticeable.

 

“Echo, you know me. I need help.” Bellamy pleads with her, struggling to hold himself upright against the horse that brought him from the Ark. “Please.”

 

Echo approaches him slowly. She knows he’s been poisoned and that she should be safe, but she doesn’t know exactly what kind of poison. “Hold still.” He nods, and she gets close to him but still doesn’t touch him.

 

It’s bad.

 

“Bellamy, how long have you been like this?” Echo questions, looking him over and feeling her stomach clenching.

 

“I started feeling like hell a couple hours from the Ark.” He staggers and holds onto the side of the horse to keep standing. “I can barely see. It feels worse than the last time, when we were attacked at the drop-ship before the alliance.”

 

Echo nods. “That’s because it is.” She takes in his eyes, seeing the pale yellow film covering the whites of his eyes, making them look unnatural. She swallows back the bile she feels rising in her throat as the memory of the paleness of Rukh’s eyes after her accident flashes in her mind.

 

“How bad is it?” He stares at her, pleading hopefully with his eyes. His face drops when she breaks eye contact with him briefly, her eyes flickering to the ground. He nods. “How long?”

 

Echo shakes her head, fighting back tears. She doesn’t cry. She will not cry. But her heart is aching… for Octavia, who has already been through so much, and Clarke, losing another of her people. She freezes. Wait. “Who is infected at the Ark?” Her voice betrays her, showing her panic.

 

He shakes his head… “Callie.” He coughs and closes his eyes, trying to focus. “I need to talk to Clarke, can I see her? Please. If I don’t have much time.” He coughs again and pulls his hand away. It’s bloody. He drops to his knees, too tired to keep standing. “And get my sister.” He watches her stand there, and his face hardens. “Echo please! If our time together meant anything to you…”

 

“Bellamy!” Echo turns and sees Octavia and running towards them with Raven not far behind her, attempting to keep up. She doesn’t stop them from approaching him. Her mind is racing and going through every poison she knows, its effects, its remedies. This is curable in the first stage but it must be treated immediately. Once the eyes start to show the yellow film… She shakes her head. It’s too late, even if she had enough of the antidote.

 

Octavia drops to her knees in front of her brother and cups the side of his face in her hands. “Bell, what’s happening?” She cuts a part of his shirt off with her dagger and uses the scrap to wipe away the blood on his cheeks and sees his eyes. “Your eyes.” She hears Raven gasp behind her.

 

He tries to give her a brave smile. “I messed up, O, and I’m so sorry.” He sits down, relaxing his legs and barely holding himself upright, even while sitting. “You have to warn Clarke and Lexa. She’s going to kill them all.”

 

“Who is?” Octavia questions him but doesn’t wait for an answer as she turns her attention to Echo. She has tears in her eyes but she refuses to cry. “Eko, your medicine, please!”

 

Echo feels her stomach clench. She hates the words she has to speak next. “Okteivia, I-” the words hang in her throat. She shakes her head as a tear escapes and slides down her cheek. She glances to Raven helplessly and then back to Octavia. “It’s too late. It won’t work.”

 

Octavia looks at her brother and wills herself not to cry. He raises his hand and holds the side of her head as the other reaches inside his jacket pocket, pulling out a folded paper. “Here, make sure Clarke gets this.” He coughs and smiles through it, stroking her hair. “You have to stay strong, Octavia.”

 

“Bellamy fight this, please. I need my big brother!” Octavia pleads with him. He’s strong. He has always been strong. He has always taken care of her. If he… She shakes her head.

 

“I told Jasper about Lexa and Clarke. He told _her_. He thought,” he takes a breath as the pain seizes his chest, “he thought we could have a new life, with the help of the other grounders who found the Exodus survivors.”

 

Octavia starts shaking her head from side to side. “Eko!” Her voice is strained. She doesn’t look at Echo; she heard the woman’s previous words. She felt them, but how can she accept them?

 

“O, tell me, how do they say it in grounder?” He leans over slightly, pain coursing through his body, and he lets out a groan. “Stay strong, how do you say it?”

 

“Ste yuj,” _Stay strong_ , she whispers and rests her forehead against his as he repeats the words to her.

 

“You’ve grown so much. You belong here. I need you to be happy.” He’s struggling for air as he talks. “It hurts. It hurts so much.” She can hear the panic in his voice now. He’s telling her to stay strong, because he no longer can.

 

“Eko…” Octavia whimpers and lowers her eyes when she feels hands on her shoulders and watches as Bellamy looks up and smiles at Echo.

 

“Take care of my sister.” He sees her nod before he cries out again as the pain becomes more excruciating. Through the pain, he can hear his name being yelled from a distance and the sound of feet running towards him.

 

“Okteivia, what’s going on?” Clarke slows down as she approaches and steps past Echo and Raven, who are standing behind Octavia. She feels sick. “Bellamy.” She hears Deimos growl beside her, sniffing at the air around Bellamy. It’s not a vicious growl,but more of a warning.

 

Bellamy struggles to raise his head enough to look up at her. “Clarke,” he sighs out with a slight smile, “you have to save them.” His eyes close and open again as he’s struggling to stay conscious through the pain. “Callie…she…but your mom.” His words are short, and his voice doesn’t sound like him anymore. “The woman betrayed him…he, Jasper, he was just hurt and confused.”

 

“Bellamy I don’t understand,” Clarke starts and halts as he slumps forward in Octavia’s arms and cries out again. When he struggles to raise his head up she can see the dark lines of the poison making his veins stand out.

 

“Callie is with your mom.” He clenches his jaw. “Ark.” He takes a shallow breath. “Exodus survivors will die. One a day.” His body sags and tears stream down his face. His eyes are unfocused, the pain is immense.

 

Lexa steps forward and places her hand at the small of Clarke’s back, her face lowering slightly to her ear. “Klark, he’s suffering.”

 

Clarke looks at Lexa, her eyes pleading for an answer. Pleading for hope, for something.

 

“Ste hir,” _Stay here,_ Lexa commands Phobos as she draws her dagger and steps forward, kneeling down next to Octavia. “Okteivia, your brother suffers unnecessarily.”

 

Octavia’s eyes dart to the dagger in Lexa’s hands, and she lowers her eyes and holds back a sob. She hears Bellamy’s voice saying her name, telling her it’s okay. He tells her he is proud of the woman she’s become. “No.” She turns to her heda and gently pushes her hand with the dagger away. “My brother, my responsibility.”

 

She cups the back of his neck and leans her forehead against his for a moment and then turns her head and searches for Clarke. “Klark, beja.”

 

Clarke doesn’t hesitate as she switches places with Lexa, who stands up and steps back to stand next to Echo and Raven, both wolves at either side of her, keeping a watchful eye on Clarke.

 

Octavia raises her hand, and Clarke can see that it is trembling. “Okteivia,” she begins but clamps her lips shut as she sees Octavia’s lips tighten into a firm line, and she struggles to keep from holding her breath.

 

“Just help me, Klark. Quickly.” Octavia raises her hand and points it in the area she believes is the same location Clarke had used on Finn. She’s thankful when Clarke’s hand wraps around her wrist and moves her slightly upwards and to the right.

 

“Thank you,” Bellamy whispers through a sharp pain before it suddenly eases as another feeling passes him, but this one isn’t so bad. It feels almost like relief. He lets his body sag forward. He’s so tired.

 

He struggles to look at his sister once more and feels her kiss his forehead. “Ste yuj, little sister.” _Stay strong,_ he whispers, and then he closes his eyes.

 

~

 

Everything is happening very quickly.

 

Shouts are heard to prepare a pyre. The body must not be touched by anyone that hasn’t had the antidote Echo made.

 

Lexa orders Echo and a contingent of warriors to scout for more supplies. They need any and all types of antidotes and remedies Echo knows how to make. They need as much as they can get, as quickly as they can get it.

 

Octavia is moving, helping, but not speaking. She hasn’t spoken a word since Raven helped her wash the blood from her hands. It’s still there. She can see it. She can feel it.

 

Clarke took it upon herself to wrap Bellamy’s body. She knows Lexa is watching her, even as she’s speaking with Indra. Clarke can feel her lover’s eyes on her. She can’t think on that now. Right now she has to, once again, say goodbye and be strong for her friends.

 

She has to think about what this all means. She has to hurry. She sighs and lowers her head, her hands resting on the now wrapped body of her friend. She doesn’t want to rush a mourning period, especially not for Bellamy. Octavia’s brother, her friend, but time is fleeting, and she needs to get to the Ark. Her stomach clenches, and Deimos whines beside her, distracting her from her thoughts before they could progress further.

 

“I’m okay, Deimos.” She reaches her hand out to rub over his head when he nuzzles her side. “I have to be.” She swallows the lump in her throat, and he just whines.

 

~

 

“Heda, what action will you take?” Indra’s eyes are hard. She may not hold any special love for the Skaikru, but she knows the loss of family. She knows the signs of war. If she’s honest, she cares for Octavia and for Clarke. Even the girl good at fixing things is beginning to grow on her.

 

Lexa sighs and rests her hand on her sword. “We will see to a pyre. Quickly. We can have a proper ceremony later, but right now…” She pauses and her eyes just stare into Indra’s. “We are facing an all-out battle, if not a war.”

 

Indra holds her eye contact. She knows this, she was just waiting for her commander to confirm it. “We know nothing much of these Trikova’s you told me about. The shadow clan was thought to be no more, and now they rise, after years, like some kind of wuskripa!” _Monster_.

 

“Sha, but they are not the boogeymen of stories told to children. They are flesh, and we can fight the flesh with steel.” Lexa grips her hand tighter on the sword. “I believe our challenge will be finding them.”

 

“Cowards. Even as a child I heard the stories. Fighting from shadows with poisons and deception. There is no honour there.” Indra grits her teeth.

 

“There is no honour in a lot of things.”

 

“Commander?”

 

Lexa turns and sees Raven hesitantly approaching her. “Yes Raven?”

 

Raven looks behind her nervously and then back to the two women. “Clarke is with Octavia. Some of your men carried Bell’s,” she pauses, “they carried his body to the pyre, and we are just waiting for you.”

 

Lexa nods. “Forgive the delay, we will be right there.” As Raven turns, Lexa calls her back. “Raven?”

 

Raven stops, waiting. “Yeah?”

 

“Please stay with Okteivia. Do not let her do anything reckless. Once the pyre begins to burn, I will be taking Klark to the Ark. We should already be on our way but…” She eyes the girl. “Just take care of her. None of us can afford to lose anyone else.”

 

“Of course.” Raven looks at Lexa. Really looks at her. “I’ll take care of her.” She only pauses briefly before adding, “Heda.” They share a small smile.

 

“I’ll ready some men, and we will escort you to the Ark.” Indra turns, but Lexa’s hand on her shoulder stops her. “Heda, you can’t expect to go alone, unprotected. You do not know who you will find at the Ark.”

 

Lexa squeezes her shoulder. “It’s not the who that concerns me. It’s the what.” Her eyes are hard, calculated. “Keep us in sight but give us space.”

 

Indra nods, accepting the request.

 

Lexa takes a deep breath and begins the short walk to the pyre. How many times will they be using one this week? She silences her mind of the thoughts and takes her place at Clarke’s side and once again begins to speak the words she has a feeling will be spilling from her lips many more times before this is all over.

 

“Raun faya, oso wada kiln laudnes-de kom fotaim.” _In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past._

 

~

 

They’ve been riding in silence for a couple hours. Neither of them have spoken, but both have endless thoughts invading their minds.

 

Clarke leans forward, her hands gripping gently into Deimos’ pelt as he darts along the woods. His pace is quick, like that of his brother’s beside him carrying Lexa, but controlled. She glances over, needing the comfort of seeing Lexa beside her before letting her mind continue its hectic battle.

 

_Okay, so Callie is at the Ark. She is alive but was poisoned. Callie is at the Ark. Bellamy was at the Ark. Bellamy made it to TonDC, but was poisoned. The poison killed him. Bellamy is dead._

**_Bellamy is dead._ **

_Poisoned by contracting the sickness from Callie?_

_Callie who is at the Ark. My mom is at the Ark. Monty. Monroe. Kane. So many others… STOP._

_The poison took a few hours to peak with Bellamy. How long was Callie there? Is it the same poison? Bellamy didn’t say he ran into anyone else on his trip. He came straight from the Ark. If Callie is still alive, it has to be different._

_If Callie is still alive. If she isn’t…_

She takes a deep breath and holds it, closing her eyes to feel the wind on her face as the wolves carry them forward. She grits her teeth, her stomach is coiling. _No_.

 

“Deimos.” Her voice is low, but she sees the twitch of his ears. Out of the corner of her eye, she can also see Lexa turning to look at her. “Hos op, beja.” _Hurry, please._

 

He understands her command, tossing his head back and giving a short howl before digging his paws into the dirt and increasing his pace. Phobos keeps up, staying at their side.

 

~

 

**The Ark**

 

~

It’s too quiet.

 

That is the first thought that enters Lexa’s mind as they clear the tree line and the Ark comes into their view.

 

It’s much too quiet.

 

She keeps her mind sharp and her eyes and ears open. Years of training and of experience have taught her much, but nothing is better than her gut instinct. The instinct that is warning her that something is very wrong. She feels cold dread in her chest and looks over to Clarke. She feels it too.

 

Clarke’s eyes are focused hard on the Ark. They are darting left to right, looking for a sign. The closer they get, the more anxious she feels. She waits for the voice of a guard announcing to them to stop and identify themselves, but it never comes. They approach the gate to nothing but silence. No one is on guard. No one is wandering about outside.

 

Clarke doesn’t call out; she just slides off Deimos and approaches the gate. It’s locked. She turns her head to see Indra and several warriors breaking the tree line and approaching them. She didn’t even know they were with them, but she should have.

 

Indra’s voice is low as she gives her orders to the warriors. “Mela op, loka au.” _Head up, eyes open._

 

Clarke turns back to the gate and raises her hands, gripping onto the metal and shakes it roughly in frustration.

 

“Hod op.” _Wait,_ Lexa calls to her and waves over one of the warriors. He has a large blunt weapon and with a couple well-placed swings the lock on the gate cracks, allowing Clarke to push it open.

 

“Mochof,” she whispers to the man, and he nods. “Leksa.” Clarke is grateful when Lexa is at her side instantly as they walk through the gates flanked by the wolves. She feels the tension in her body and tries to relax it but can’t. The feel of Deimos beside her comforts her, even though she can feel his body is as tense as hers. Lexa hides it well, but Clarke can feel her.

 

They approach the entrance to the Ark and Lexa nods to Indra, who orders the men to spread out and keep watch and only to alert them if anything happens. Indra follows behind them as they enter.

 

The first thing that registers is the smell while Deimos growls weakly, nudging closer to Clarke. Phobos darts ahead.

 

Lexa can’t stop her head from lowering when she sees the drops of blood on the ground. She realizes instantly it isn’t just random blood drops but a trail. She grits her teeth, feeling a fire building in her chest. It’s aching. It’s an ache that feels like denial, even when the truth is staring at you. It’s an ache that’s fighting to become something other than what it is.

 

It’s an ache of despair that is scratching at the surface of rage.

 

Her attention around them falters when she feels forcefully pulled to Clarke and yet no hands have touched her. She’s at her side instantly, her eyes taking in the side of the blonde’s face, a face that is frozen in a look of horror. She really doesn’t need to, but Lexa turns her head anyway and looks into the medical area of the Ark.

 

She sees the bodies.

 

She sees _her_ body.

 

Clarke’s broken voice breaks the eerie silence.

 

“Emo ogeda ste stedaun.” _They are all dead._

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will be on vacation (hiding in a bunker) until next year.
> 
> We love you.
> 
> *runs*


	44. The Ark – of all that longs to die (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The greatest war you'll ever fight is within yourself.  
> We will always have enemies to fight and wrongs to right.  
> But first things first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:
> 
> We mention/describe the death of humans and/or fights and/or caused injuries.  
> We mention/describe the killing of humans/animals and/or torture and/or caused injuries and/or blood/gore.  
> We mention/describe the death of close family members and/or major characters and/or children and/or animals.  
> We mention/describe genocide and/or slow and painful deaths.  
> We mention/describe the death of close family members to major characters and/or children.  
> We mention/describe PTSD and/or temporary mental disorders and/or depression and/or self-destructive behavior caused by grief.
> 
> This chapter may be triggering people suffering anxiety and/or fear of loss.
> 
> You have been warned.

**The Ark – of all that longs to die (part 2)**

 

~

 

Clarke’s POV

 

~

 

You turn around. You turn around, and you still see it. You see the bodies on the ground. The bodies of men, women, and children. Your mother’s body. Your _mother’s_ body. **_No_** _._

 

You start walking. It’s cold, and the smell in your nose burns. It’s the scent of death; the scent of dead people. Your dead people. Your friends. **_No._**

 

87 lives.

 

You walk down the corridor. You can’t focus, but you focus. The lights are out. Raven wasn’t around to keep the power running. There was no one else left after the mountain. The mountain. Wick. Fox. The children. **_No_** _._

 

You halt because you feel Deimos at your side. His body seems relaxed. He seems calculated, empty. You know that he is displaying your emotions, that he feels you. He feels nothing right now. Nothing other than the pressure of pain and sorrow against a door deep inside you. If you open this door - **_No._**

 

You see a girl’s body curled up in a fetal position laying to your right. Deimos tries to block your view. You knew her. Something inside you tugs, urging you to kneel down and to make her more comfortable. Her limbs are in an unnatural position; this can’t be comfortable. You should get her a blanket… you should sit beside her. You should comfort her. Her name is Claire. Was Claire. **_No._**

 

106 lives.

 

You turn around again. You take a step and feel your foot bumping against something, someone, and you look down. He was only fourteen years old. He always smiled. You remember him well; he used to play chess with you on the Ark, when it was in the sky. The mess hall was always filled with people and laughter, but he had the sweetest voice. He always smiled, he always laughed. He had the brightest eyes. He’s looking at you now. His eyes are yellow and clouded. He stares. He is staring at you. He holds a chess piece in his hand.

 

_“Clarke, you are late! I waited for you!” **No.**_

 

You step over him. It’s not him, it’s a thing. It has to be.

 

You turn again and enter the mess hall. You bend forward with your hand resting on Deimos, who hisses. You’re throwing up. You raise upright again, and you force yourself to open your eyes. You see the problem with the power; the stove burned out. There are sparks flying around. You see the guard Miller. His son is one of the 100 sent down. His throat is slit. He lies beside other guards. There must have been a panic. Your mother would have separated the lost causes from those she saw that might have had a chance. The mess hall was the perfect place to keep the hopeless ones. They were doomed to die, so they must have started killing each other. Your people started to kill each other. **_No._**

 

194 lives.

 

You turn and feel Deimos. He is blocking your way; he doesn’t block it because he needs you to stay or to protect you. He is unfocused; he is empty, and he simply doesn’t realize what is happening. You take a step to the side, and he follows you. You walk. You don’t know where you’re going. You just walk.

 

203 lives.

 

The dorm. You feel sick again. You shove the first door to your right open, and you throw up again. You think your stomach hurts. You look at the two of them. They were young and in love. You forget his name. You forget her name. You knew them. Her lower belly is swollen. She was- **_No_** _._

 

205 lives and one never born.

 

You turn and hear Deimos heaving. You hesitate for the fraction of a second before you open the door to your left. Her name was Margaret Fetcher. She taught you most of what you know about plants and the capital cities of what was formerly the United States before the war. She taught you history and biology. She promised to teach you more when you had time. **_No._**

 

206 lives and one never born.

 

You walk past the dorm. You don’t know how late it is. How long have you been here?

 

262 lives and one never born.

 

You make your way to the skybox. You feel the air getting thick and heavy, but all you try to focus on is that maybe the air back there will be better due to the giant hole the crash ripped into the Ark. You hear nothing. You see nothing. You feel a tug on your heart. You know you are not alone. She is here. She is always here, ever watchful. Always protecting you. You reach out and open the door to the first cell. Empty.

 

You take the few steps to the next. Empty.

 

The 26th cell is locked. You tilt your head. The power is out so it shouldn’t be locked. It is locked. You raise your fist and punch against the metal door. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. You realize there are red stains of blood on the door, and you look down at your hand. The skin is broken. You’re bleeding. It looks painful. You take a step back.

 

Deimos turns and runs and then turns again. He is running towards you but you do not flinch. He rushes past you and smashes his body against the door. Nothing. He does it again. It is moving a little. He does it again and you hear metal breaking. He does it again. There is blood running down his face; he cut his skin on the door handle. He does it again and the door flies open. Deimos steps beside you, his white fur soaking up the blood.

 

You step inside the cell.

 

_No. No. No. **NO!**_

 

He either locked himself up or he was locked up. He was clever, he always was. He must have locked himself up. He would have realized that something was going wrong. You see a radio on the ground beside him. He tried to contact someone. Who? You see a note beside the radio. “FM 102.10, dork. Raven”.

 

He tried to contact Raven. He tried to call for help. He tried to reach his friends. Monty. **_NO!_**

 

Your body is failing you. Pathetic. You feel a dull pain in your knee. Deimos goes down beside you.

 

Monty. You really liked him. He had an unbreakable smile, always an idea. He saved many. He was good hearted, and he was friendly. He was helpful, merciful, and most of all fair. He died alone. _No. No. No. **NO.**_

You feel the tears. You’re crying. No, you’re not. Your body cries. Muscle memory.

 

You hear someone screaming, and the sound hurts your ears. You don’t even consider it might be you.

 

You feel a dull burn in your throat. You don’t have anything left in your stomach. It’s just bile. Your body fails you again, and you’re falling over, your head hits the floor. Your nose bleeds from too much pressure. You choke. You cough.

 

You force yourself to get up. You turn and start walking again.

 

262 lives, one never born, and Monty.

 

You walk through the second section of dorms behind the skybox. You look into every room and take it in. You absorb it. You don’t feel anything.

 

You walk through the corridors, and you slip twice. You stagger and fall down twice. You stand up twice. You don’t feel or hear a thing.

 

You walk back into the mess hall. You are careful with your steps as you don’t want to hurt them more than you already did. You still don’t feel, hear or smell anything.

 

You walk back to the medical bay.

 

Your hands are forming fists. You feel the broken skin on your hand ripping open even more. You don’t feel the pain, you just register the fact that it does.

 

You feel your tears and the blood that still keeps running down your nose dripping to the floor. You can’t hear yourself crying, but you do.

 

You’re breathing through your mouth so that it is impossible to smell the scent. You smell it anyway. You taste it. They are all dead.

 

You struggle but you somehow manage to stay on your feet. You walk towards her when you see her. You keep walking towards her. One foot after the other. You are getting closer, but it doesn’t feel like walking. You can make out her wrinkles now. You stagger and close your eyes. Your knees are weak, but you remain standing.

 

You open your eyes again. She is looking at you. She is close enough for you to stretch out your arm and touch her.

 

Her eyes are looking at you.

You don’t see the yellow film over the white of her eyes like the other infected. You don’t see the thick, yellow liquid dripping down.

 

You see her lips.

You don’t see the dried, black blood covering them. You don’t see the black color of her tongue.

 

You see her arms.

You don’t see her veins standing out of her skin, black and blue with the unnatural bruises covering every inch of her skin.

 

You see your mom.

You don’t see a wrecked, dead, and rotting body that is completely disfigured. You don’t see a tortured and killed woman that was doomed to watch her people die.

 

You see a vision of you and Lexa in front of a tree just outside of Polis. You see your mom coming over and laying her arms around you with tears in her eyes, smiling. “I love you, Clarke.”

 

You feel a knock beside you. Deimos is going down. He is shaking and salivating. The sound leaving his throat is unnatural. It feels like he is dying.

 

Your eyes burn.

You’re crying.

 

Your lungs hurt.

You can’t breathe.

 

Your hands hurt.

You’re breaking your skin.

 

Your throat hurts.

You’re screaming.

 

~

 

Lexa’s POV

 

~

 

You can’t take your eyes off of her.

 

You see everything she sees, but it’s not your focus. She is. You feel everything inside you at war. You feel so many emotions your mind feels unsteady. You can’t take your eyes off her.

 

You can’t feel her. Not like you usually do. You just feel everything she must, but she looks like she’s feeling nothing. She’s holding her emotions hostage. She’s barricading them inside to get through this.

 

You know Clarke. She will see it all. She will absorb it all. You see her wrinkle her nose unconsciously. You know it’s the smell, and you aren’t surprised to notice her breathing is now through her mouth. You watch her closely, hovering nearby but not crowding her. You want to run to her. You don’t.

 

She’s counting. You aren’t sure how you know, but you do. She will know the exact tally. She will know if anyone is unaccounted for. Part of you wants to hope… but you know better. The hand resting on your sword tightens, and Phobos stiffens beside you. You don’t look at him. You simply feel it.

 

Your eyes track her movements as she walks down the corridor. It’s darker in places with the lack of lights. You trust Clarke knows her way without them anyway. Your eyes flicker from her just a moment to watch Deimos but then train back onto Clarke. She’s stilled, staring at a girl curled into a fetal position. Somehow you know Clarke knew her. You feel it. Your stomach twists, and you feel the urge to be sick, but an urge to somehow help her is stronger. Why do you feel the urge to comfort the dead? You swallow. It’s Clarke’s urge.

 

Her foot bumps into the leg of a boy. Again, Clarke freezes. Someone else she knew. You step closer, not wanting to crowd her still but needing to be a little closer. Your chest screams at you to protect her. You can’t protect her from this.

 

She’s moving again.

 

She enters the meal room. You try to recall the name they used but shake your head. It doesn’t matter. Your throat tightens, and Phobos whines low in his chest as you watch Clarke throw up. It’s only a moment and then Clarke acts like nothing happened. Like she wasn’t just sick. She’s counting again, taking in all the bodies in the room. You feel a cold shiver running down your spine.

 

Most of these people died of wounds, not of the poison. Slit throats, stab wounds. Your chest feels like it wants to cave in. They started killing themselves and each other. They took their lives rather than suffer the effects.

 

Clarke starts to move but is blocked by Deimos. He looks lost, unfocused. Clarke’s profile is in view, and you know she feels the same, but her body moves her forward for her. She steps around him, and he’s moving as if tethered to her, unable to do anything else. Maybe he is.

 

You feel despair. You feel guilt. Your eyes focus on Clarke, taking in every twitch of her frame. She knew the couple on the bed also. The girl was with child. You fight the closing of your eyes. The tears are there but you know they aren’t yours. You’re shocked at all you’re seeing, but the shock is yours. All the rest of what you feel is Clarke’s. You can’t help but hope that maybe you feeling it is keeping her from it so that she can continue. She has to finish. You don’t want her to, but you know she has to. You would do the same.

 

Deimos is heaving, his body reacting to Clarke’s. You feel yourself and Phobos tense. You both want to comfort them, to protect them and take them away from this nightmare. You stand firm and hold it all inside.

 

Clarke seems to break out of a trance for just a moment, her eyes flicking up as if she’s confused, but it is gone as quickly as it appeared. She continues forward and you’re back in the prison. The skybox, Clarke had called it. Where they kept the juvenile criminals. You watch as she goes one by one and opens the doors to the cells. You are relieved she seems to get a bit of a reprieve, if that is possible right now.

 

You thought too soon as she gets to a door that is locked. You feel a slight flicker of frustration as she attempts to open it, before giving in and slamming her fist into the door. It doesn’t budge. Phobos steps in front of you, and his eyes focus on his brother. Deimos is throwing himself into the door. After a few attempts, which leave him weak and bloody, the door opens.

 

You feel your knees wanting to buckle. Phobos supports your weight and keeps you standing. You can’t see what Clarke is seeing from where you are, but you don’t need to. It’s one of her people. One of her 100. One she was close to. Your knees tremble.

 

Clarke hits her knees. Deimos staggers and lands beside her.

 

You feel your chest swirling. Something is building beneath the pain. Something is clawing at you besides your longing to have Clarke in your arms, anywhere but here.

 

Clarke sniffles, and you know she is crying. No, not crying like she needs to, but the tears are trailing down her face now. A face that is blank, aside from the slight tremble of her lips. You watch as if it’s all happening in slow motion. Clarke’s head tilts back, her lips take on a heartbreaking shape, and she screams.

 

You’re moving forward before you can stop yourself, but Phobos cuts you off a few feet behind Clarke. The feeling in your chest grows, and you feel your palms beginning to burn and tingle. You clench your fists and grit your teeth, even as you watch Clarke, once again, get to her feet. She begins walking back the way she came.

 

She staggers and trips twice. She’s unfocused. Your heart hurts. Your body is shaking with everything inside you, and you wonder how long you can hold it in. Something is happening inside you, but you can’t break your focus on Clarke. Nothing is more important than Clarke.

 

As you both approach the medical bay once more, you look away from Clarke just this once to look at your hands. You open your fists and see spots of blood from broken skin. You clench them again as your frame goes rigid.

 

Clarke is slowly approaching her.

 

You feel like you’re being watched. You aren’t. Clarke feels that way. She is being watched. Not only by you but another set of eyes.

 

You see all the signs of the poison. You take each one in, even as somehow, your mind shows you the woman healthy. It shows her full of life. Your mind is somehow fighting what you actually see with what you want to see. No, not your mind. Clarke’s.

 

You feel a slight flicker of a warm and happy thought. It’s shattered when everything around you seems to close in.

 

You see all of the bodies. You smell them. A number rattles in your mind, climbing higher until it slows and stops. One more added to the total. It’s all slowing down now.

 

The sound cuts out; you only hear the buzz in your ears, like static. Phobos’ weight is heavy against your side when Deimos lets out whine that cuts into your heart. His body fails him. He’s falling next to Clarke.

 

You’re moving before you can think of the action. Your arms are out, catching your sun and your stars as she falls backwards. The scream leaving her throat shatters your soul.

 

She keeps screaming, even as her hands manage to cling to yours that are around her chest, holding her as tightly as you can against yours.

 

Phobos stands firm at your side, allowing your body to slide down his so that you can lower yourself and Clarke safely down.

 

You want to carry her out of here, but you can’t. You won’t leave Deimos, and you can’t move them both.

 

You bury your face in her neck and tighten your arms that are holding her.

 

She’s still screaming.

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We couldn't stop it there..
> 
> We will be on vacation (hiding in a bunker) until next year. (More than likely for sure this time...)
> 
> We love you.
> 
> *runs*


	45. I'm left with only time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you've read my story to this part, you know a lot of shit is going to happen.  
> (I think my wife will add a better summary for me. :)
> 
> Yes, Ma'am.
> 
> It is always darkest before dawn - after Clarke suffered an unspeakable loss, Lexa has to be strong; but everyone has a breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are trigger warnings which I can't be bothered to do, so my wife will. *pointed look* Please baby? I love you. Like really...really love you. Like a lot. With honey and Red Bull and After Eight's and popcorn...
> 
> Yes Ma'am.
> 
> Trigger warning & censor requests:
> 
> We mention/describe the death of humans and/or fights and/or caused injuries.   
> We mention/describe the death of close family members and/or major characters and/or children and/or animals.  
> We mention/describe genocide and/or slow and painful deaths.  
> We mention/describe the death of close family members to major characters and/or children.  
> We mention/describe PTSD and/or temporary mental disorders and/or depression and/or self-destructive behavior caused by grief.  
> This chapter may be triggering people suffering anxiety and/or fear of loss.
> 
> If this could harm you, please contact us. We will censor the chapter for you so you can enjoy it.

**~**

**TonDC – I’m left with only time**

~

 

**Lexa’s POV**

 

~

 

You hold her securely pressed against you, her head resting on your chest. Your eyes only dart away from her for a second after you feel her shivering in pain to make sure that Deimos is still able to walk, still beside you. He is struggling to keep himself up and walking.

 

You feel Phobos tensing every so often, shivering and shaking, his muscles growing hard and relaxing. Something is boiling inside him. _Inside you._ But he keeps walking. He carries you, he carries Clarke. He does what he has to do. He protects his brother, taking over his weight and duty because Deimos is not able to. He stays strong.

 

So he walks, well aware of the precious and fragile thing he is carrying. He walks, and you feel his struggle not to storm off and devastate whatever his fangs can get a hold of. He wants to kill, he wants to taste blood. He wants to rip apart whoever did this. _You want to._

 

“Heda, I can send a rider ahead to-“

 

“Not now, Indra.” Your voice is cold and hard. Indra silences, nods, and falls back to the others again. Clarke grimaces when she hears your voice. You place kisses on her head and tighten your embrace. “Forgive me.” You keep caressing her until she relaxes again. What are you doing? Scaring _her_ of all people?

 

Indra approaches a few hours later; you are not far from TonDC now. “Heda, I will ride ahead-“ The sound of her voice alone makes you snap. “Then GO and don’t bother me with your words!”

 

Indra does not respond. You know there is shock on her face; you can’t care. You don’t want to. You can’t help it. You are on the edge. You can’t deal with anything besides Clarke now. You don’t want to. She is your main focus, your only focus.

 

You enter your tent on Phobos’ back. He carries you until you reach your furs. You secure your hold on Clarke and lift her up while you are sliding down Phobos’ back. You lay her down, your hands never leaving her skin. “I will undress you, Klark. I won’t leave your side.” You place a kiss on her forehead and move to the end of the furs to undo her boots, your hands sliding down her body softly. You want her to feel you are here with her, not leaving her. You know she needs the contact.

 

You do not bother to fold her clothes; you just drop all of it to the ground. When she is left in only her undergarments, you reach for the bowl of water and a cloth and clean away the blood on her face and her hands. You feel her relaxing, and at this point, you realize you feel nothing else.

 

The pain, the despair, the sorrow - it’s gone. She is empty of all of it. Your fingers trail her arm down and over the bruised knuckles, the broken skin. “Phobos, please get me that bag.” You do not even need to look into its direction; he knows. He grabs it and offers it to you. You stroke over his face once before you open it, taking out a little can and opening it. You dip your fingers inside it and apply the salve to her wounds.

 

It was necessary to wash them, but it made them bleed again. You start to wonder. Why are they not healing? You were always able to heal her wounds. The closer you are, the faster she heals. Clarke whimpers; it snaps you out of your thoughts. You bend down and kiss her, stroke her cheeks, her hair. “I am so sorry.” You wrap a bandage around her knuckles and lay down beside her.

 

You pull her into your arms, slowly, as tenderly as you can. You press her nearly lifeless form against you and kiss her head, over and over again. You start to hum; you try everything to spend her some comfort. After minutes, she scoots closer by herself. She buries her face in your neck, shoves one arm under you, and clings to you. “I am here, Klark.” You kiss her again. “I will not leave your side.” You are curled up as one in the middle of your furs. You did not think about adding more wood to the fire, and it is close to burning out; you can’t be bothered. You will not get up and do it now. You will keep her warm.

 

It is Deimos who steps closer first. He looks at you, his eyes empty and sad. He lays his head down beside you and Clarke. “Come here, boy.” Deimos lifts his head and takes a small step back before he lifts front paw and steps, slowly, onto the furs. He tries not to wake Clarke. It takes him a while to situate himself fully on the bed. He lies down even more slowly and scoots closer to Clarke’s back, inch by inch, until his back is touching hers.

 

After he huffs and finally relaxes, you feel Phobos at your back. “You can come too.” Phobos is faster, less gentle, but he also presses himself against your back, spending warmth and security. He stretches his head out, and his neck touches the back of your head. You feel calmer in an instant.

 

You will give Clarke whatever she needs. Right now she needs your arms around her, your lips on her skin, her wolf at her side, rest, warmth, and security. You will give that to her. It takes hours until you feel Clarke completely falling asleep. You feel it in the way her heartbeat changes, her breathing. “You are safe. I am here.”

 

~

 

You wake up when you feel Phobos tensing. You do not move; you know every move will wake Clarke. She needs rest. She needs sleep.

 

“Just let me pass!” Octavia. What the hell does she want? You hear her fighting with Indra. You hear the flap of your tent being opened. “Klark?” You feel anger rising. No, it’s not anger. It’s rage. You are still not moving. You hold Clarke close, firmly pressed against you. You feel Phobos jumping up. You hear him _growling_. “Wow, stay down, boy, it’s just me.” He keeps growling. You feel his tension. You feel his rage. “Klark?!”

 

Clarke twitches.

 

You snap.

 

You release her out of your arms; Deimos is standing on the furs protectively over her. You turn and jump up. You grab your sword. Everything goes _red_.

 

“What is it, Okteivia?!” You take slow steps until you are beside Phobos. “Why is it that you come in here uninvited, waking MY WIFE when she is FINALLY asleep?” You hear Clarke whimpering behind you. You draw your sword. “What is so unbelievably important that you DARE to enter and disturb my love?!”

 

Octavia takes a step back. One step. Brave girl. Dumb girl. “GON WE!” _GO AWAY!_ You see the shock in her eyes. Good. She better stay afraid and run before you rip her apart. “I said,” you take another step towards her, “GON WE!” _GO AWAY!_

 

Octavia turns and leaves. You walk outside. She won’t get away with this so easily. You cut the flap of your tent in half; you can’t be bothered to open it with your bare hand. You feel the ground shaking under your feet, like an earthquake you cause with every one of your steps.

 

Indra stands before you, her hands raised. “Heda-“

 

“GON WE OU WAN OP!” _GO AWAY OR DIE_! You widen your stance; Phobos is beside you, crouching, salivating, snarling.

 

Octavia is beside Indra. She takes a step towards you. “I just need to see Klark.”

 

You feel heat inside your chest. You feel your muscles tensing. You feel an urge. You feel-

 

“Leksa.” Clarke.

 

You turn around, drop your sword, and run towards her. She stands at the tents entry, holding herself up only with Deimos’ assistance. “My love.” You wrap your arms around her. You kiss her head, her shoulders. You cup her cheeks and look into her eyes.

 

You feel Octavia approaching. You can’t be bothered. You are focused on Clarke and only Clarke.

 

“Klark, we need to go after that bitch. And I need to go to the Ark. Now.”

 

You feel the heat again. You feel the rage again. “I don’t care what you want or need, Okteivia. Leave.”

 

You start to walk inside the tent. Clarke is holding onto Deimos with her left hand and you with her right.

  
“I just lost my boyfriend, my brother and all of my people! And you don’t care what I need?”

 

You don’t know why, and you do not care, but it is this second something in you explodes. You see Deimos going down, catching Clarke. She is okay. As soon as you see that she is okay, you turn. You feel the air in your lungs, you feel the blood pumping through your veins. You feel the earth shaking beneath you.

 

You take a few steps away. You feel Clarke’s shield surrounding you. You feel heat. You feel her heat, you feel another heat. It is angry, rabid. It is red like blood. Your hands form fists, and you grit your teeth, staring at Octavia.

 

“I said,” you raise your hand, you don’t know why, and smash your fist into the ground beneath you, “LEAVE!”

 

~

 

**Clarke’s POV**

 

~

 

You feel warmth all around you. You know it is Deimos cuddled up against your back. He is so warm.

 

You feel a heat in front of you. You know it is Lexa. _Leksa_ … You press further into her. You breathe her in, you press yourself against her. _Leksa, my love_. You drift off again.

 

It is your name being yelled that wakes you. You don’t want to wake up. You press your eyes shut. It is easier to ignore the noises when you feel Deimos covering you with his body. You do not want to get up, you can’t. You can’t.

 

“What is it, Okteivia?! Why is it that you come in here uninvited, waking MY WIFE when she is FINALLY asleep?! What is so unbelievably important that you DARE to enter and disturb my love?!” Lexa is furious. You have never heard her that furious. You furrow. Something is wrong.

 

You try to find it, and eventually, you feel a heat. It is not the warmth that surrounds you when you are close to Lexa. It is a burning heat. It is painful, pulsing.

 

“GON WE!”

 

It is begging for release.

 

“GON WE!”

 

You open your eyes and get up. You struggle. Deimos is by your side. “Thank you, boy.” You lean onto him and you walk outside. You see Lexa. You feel her. She is pulsing. She is losing it. You have no idea what you are doing, so you do what feels natural. You call her name. “Leksa.”

 

She turns. The pulsing is gone, the heat is gone, the burning is gone. You can breathe easier. She drops her sword and runs towards you. You feel her lips against yours when she whispers, “My love.” You are in her arms. You are okay. You fall into her, and you want to hide inside her. Lexa guides you backwards inside the tent. You turn and start moving, holding on to Deimos and your love.

 

“Klark, we need to go after that bitch. And I need to go to the Ark. Now.” Octavia.

 

The heat is back, red and pulsing. Burning. You feel like you are surrounded by fire; even breathing is exhausting. You feel your knees going weak. Deimos catches you with his body. You breathe, and you know there is air entering and leaving your lungs, but it feels like your whole chest is on fire, constricted.

 

You feel Lexa turning and leaving your side. It takes everything from you to turn around and look at her. You can’t hear anything besides your blood rushing. Lexa takes a few steps towards Octavia. She raises her clenched fist. “I said,” she lets herself fall down onto one knee and her fist hits the ground, “LEAVE!”

 

You nearly lose consciousness. You know the earth is shaking, you feel it. You see it.

 

The moment Lexa’s fist hits the ground she is surrounded by rippling waves of pulsing energy. You can see it, you can feel it.

 

So does Octavia.

 

The force of the energy sends the wave out from around Lexa knocking everything in its path backwards. Everything, except what your shield is surrounding, which is you, Lexa, and the wolves.

 

You hear the short startled cry as the rippling waves of energy slam into Octavia, and her body flies backwards and hits the ground with a hard thud. You can hear some gasps of surprise, but then all goes quiet.

 

The light-headedness you felt starts to ease and your eyes regain their focus. You feel as if you are no longer unbalanced; something has shifted. You train your eyes on Lexa, seeing that she hasn’t moved from her position. She is still kneeling, her right fist on the ground, and from the movement of her back, you can tell she’s trying to control her breathing.

 

Phobos is still beside her, his fangs no longer bared. He doesn’t move a muscle, the fight gone out of him, but he doesn’t move from Lexa’s side.

 

With Deimos’ help, you slowly make your way forward and to her side, resting your left hand upon her head and stroking her hair softly. You kneel down, and she turns as you do so, her eyes showing confusion but also a fire unlike what you have seen before. Lexa has touched something deep within herself, grasped it, and used it. _Power_.

 

~

 

**Flashback – Ton DC, a few days before**

 

~

 

_“One will strike, fist like a hammer moving any in their path. The other will shield and protect, impenetrable and encompassing. Together they will balance; an unstoppable force and an unmovable object. They will become as one.”_

_She sighed, laying down her father’s journal and rubbing at her temples. “What do you think it means?” She turns her head slightly, looking at Lexa, who is laying on her side, one hand holding up her head while the other strokes over Clarke’s bare leg._

_Lexa tilts her head, staring into Clarke’s blue eyes for a moment. “The shield is obvious.” She lets the comment linger as a smile grows as she watches Clarke. She’s been practicing, perhaps more than Lexa realized, as the shield quickly surrounds them both. Lexa reaches out, her hand hesitating near the edge. She can feel the energy pulsing from it, but when she pushes forward, her hand penetrates to the other side._

_“Yeah, the shield is obvious.” Clarke sighs and relaxes, the shield disappearing. “But even though I want to protect you, it seems you can get around it if you want to. So much for impenetrable.”_

_Lexa eyes her love. “No, not if I want to… but perhaps if I need to. Impenetrable, from the other side, from those that wish to do us harm.” She raises her hand and cups Clarke’s cheek softly. “I would never put myself at risk to leave you unless it were to save your life.”_

_“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Clarke takes Lexa’s hand in her own, threading her fingers through them and squeezing._

_“Would you not do the same, my heart? Regardless of how I felt on the matter?” Lexa isn’t trying to be harsh, she just knows that Clarke would sacrifice her own life to save hers._

_Clarke swallows and nods. “Yes. I understand.” She leans forward and kisses her love’s lips softly. “So then, shield is good… but what about the ‘fist like a hammer moving any in their path’? That sounds like an offensive ability.”_

_Lexa ponders this. “It does. Besides your shield, and my apparent ability to heal you when you’re injured and I’m with you… I will admit I was curious if I would hone some sort of power.”_

_“What do you mean?” Clarke tilts her head, scooting closer. She smiles when Lexa lays back and pulls Clarke so that their bodies are as close as they can be, touching everywhere possible. Clarke grins and nuzzles her face into Lexa’s neck, enjoying her scent._

_“If I truly am the last commander, our legends speak of a power. Obviously, we have a power together, to feel each other and to heal; you to shield. But I am a warrior, and it was written that a power unlike any other would be possessed and wielded by the last commander. But I have not felt anything like our elders have prophesied.” Lexa rubs her hands up and down Clarke’s back, losing herself in her thoughts._

_“How did they describe it? Do they know what we can expect?” Clarke tilts her head up and kisses Lexa’s chin._

_“Not exactly, more that it would be used to keep others away, forcefully. It’s not a weapon to hold, but one to release.” Lexa shrugs a bit and leans over to grab a fur and cover their cooling bodies._

_“What is it with making everything into riddles? I hate riddles.” Clarke mumbles, clearly frustrated at not having all the answers now in front of her in black and white._

_Lexa chuckles softly. “I happen to love riddles, but we will find out in time, just as we are meant to. We can fight many enemies, Klark, but we can’t fight time.”_

_Clarke sighs and snuggles closer, slinging a leg over Lexa’s and holding her tighter. “I know, Leksa, I know.” She closes her eyes, content to let the warmth surrounding them and the soothing sound of Lexa’s heartbeat lull her to sleep._

 

~

 

**TonDC - Now**

 

~

 

Everything is quiet, almost too quiet.

 

Clarke continues to stare into Lexa’s eyes, stroking her hand down the back of her head. They aren’t speaking out loud; they don’t need to. They are reading each other through their eyes, through their emotions. They can feel each other.

 

Their eyes are unfocused to everything else. The sounds around them are muted, as if nothing else in the world exists.

 

Clarke knows that both of them are replaying the same memory of just a few days past in their heads.

_“One will strike, fist like a hammer moving any in their path. The other will shield and protect, impenetrable and encompassing. Together they will balance; an unstoppable force and an unmovable object. They will become as one.”_

It’s like an echo in their minds, as both of their eyes seem to clear and Lexa reaches out her hand, the tremble only barely noticeable to Clarke as she takes it in her own. “Ai Kwin, ai hodnes.” _My queen, my love,_ Lexa whispers and stands.

 

Clarke squeezes the hand in hers and reaches the other up to cup Lexa’s cheek. “Ai Heda, ai sonraun.” _My commander, my life,_ Clarke replies as they gravitate closer to one another.

 

Clarke’s shield surrounds them and their wolves instinctively as the noise from the others watching them begins to become louder and a crowd begins to gather. Lexa doesn’t take her eyes off of Clarke, but she takes notice of the shield with a soft smile and a squeeze of Clarke’s hands. “My shield and my protector,” Lexa whispers.

 

Clarke smiles and leans her forehead against Lexa’s. “My weapon and my warrior.”

 

Two growls from beside them grab their attention. They look down and can only smile at the disgruntled looks from the wolves. Keeping a hand holding onto the other, they use their free hands to give some attention to Phobos and Deimos, who nuzzle against them at the affection.

 

Clarke sighs and dares to let her eyes dart to the side and sees Lexa do the same in the other direction. “I think we should talk to them.”

 

Lexa nods. “Yes, let me speak to Indra, and we will meet with a few, and then I will inform our people so they do not feel left out of what is happening. Who do you wish to be present?”

 

Clarke licks her lips, her chest feeling suddenly heavy. She doesn’t have too many people left. “I can’t leave anyone close out, especially not now.” She sees Lexa smile reassuringly. “Okteivia and Raven, of course, and Eko should be present since she knows the most about Rukh and the poisons.”

 

Lexa leans forward and kisses her forehead. “Take Phobos and Deimos with you to the tent, I’ll have food sent in for us and gather the others. Then we will have our meeting.”

 

“Leksa,” Clarke calls to her, just as she begins to walk away. Lexa turns immediately. “Tell me everything will be okay.” Clarke bites her lip.

 

Lexa walks back the few steps and kisses Clarke slowly and deeply before pulling back and cupping her cheeks. “I will take care of you, Klark, and I can’t tell you everything will be okay, but we will be okay. We will do whatever is necessary. We fight each day together.”

 

Clarke nods and buries her nose into Lexa’s neck. The words may be muffled slightly in her neck, but Lexa hears them loud and clear.

 

“Or not at all.”

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be a lapse in updates, which I apologize for in advance, but I have some other things (one mainly) that need my attention. Should I get time at work or on the rare occasion I will write. I love it and I will miss it, but this story is far from complete. There is much to be done!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me, and I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. Perhaps my wife can help me with this too, although we are both extremely busy working to get ourselves together.
> 
> Much love and cookies to you all.
> 
> (no worries my friends, I will make sure she will continue and finish it... *throws cookies*. the wife)


	46. Author's Note - We love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can contact us:
> 
> lilianafox.tumblr.com  
>  nickolefox.tumblr.com

Dear readers,

 

we want to give you a few words in regards to the episode of the100 ‚thirteen‘ which aired last Thursday.

 

If you haven’t watched that episode and if you are emotionally attached – please don’t watch it. There are already reports of people committing suicide because of it.

 

First of all:

 

We love you, every one of you. We feel with you and we will work to make up, even a little, for what happened. You are not alone. If you feel alone, please don’t hesitate to contact us to talk. You don’t need to give us personal information unless you wish to. If you just need someone to talk to – we are here.

 

Second of all:

 

We do not hold any grudge against the cast of the100. We appreciate the work of Eliza Taylor and Alycia Debnam-Carey as well as Marie Avgeropoulos, Lindsey Morgan, Adina Porter and every other member of the cast to give us a great performance and many hours of joy and peace.

 

We understand that Alycia Debnam-Carey had to make a choice and was more or less given no option than to ‘leave’ the show. We thank her for her wonderful work and wish her only the best.

 

We do NOT appreciate how Jason wrote off her character ‘Lexa’ from the show.

 

It is public that he said ‘he didn’t know how much this would affect the fandom’. We call bullshit on that. He of all people knew.

 

In fact, it is impossible to make everyone happy. He had the choice to make Bellarker’s (hello there) happy, or to make the Clexa’s happy. He decided to shatter us all. And I call all Bellarker’s (and I can’t believe I am saying this right now) and Clexa’s US. We all got heartbroken and shattered just because of ONE MAN being it the right place to make all the wrong decisions.

 

I for myself decided that I won’t give him what he needs and I will stop watching the100. My wife will keep watching it, but not live.

 

We both are and will always be part of the Clexa fandom and the community. We feel with you.

 

Life has been rough on us, which is why we didn’t find the time to write much lately. It will get better.

 

‘Oso Gonplei nou ste Odon’ will be finished, I will start writing on it again tomorrow and after I finished it, I will start on an alternate ending and further story to the third season of the100.

 

‘Understanding’ will be finished, my wife will start on it as soon as possible, please bear with us here.

 

‘There is Always Something’ will be laid on ice for a while, the plot of the story may be too much for some of our readers and we decided to turn it down until we will be able to post the WHOLE story at once, so you won’t suffer.

 

We thank all of you for your ongoing support, your comments and we thank all of you for simply being who you are. Hang in there, it will get better. You are not alone, and you are loved and you will always have the community and the fandom you belong to. You are part of this as we are, and we are happy and grateful for every one of you.

 

We repeat this again – if you feel the need to talk, if you need some comfort, please don’t give up and contact us. We are not the only ones to offer support – you are not alone.

 

With all the love we got

 

Nickole & Liliana

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can contact us:
> 
> lilianafox.tumblr.com  
>  nickolefox.tumblr.com


	47. TonDC - and time will break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all about the little details. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive the delay. Real life. I mean really. But hey, writers bug is starting to bite back, my muse is dusting herself off and in a few weeks I'll be home. *squeeee*
> 
> Forgive us?
> 
> \--
> 
> No warnings for this chapter. Shocker eh? :)

~

 

**TonDC – and time will break**

 

~

 

 

Clarke is staring at the paper Octavia handed her without a word. The paper Bellamy gave Octavia to give to her. This tiny paper that, until now, Octavia had held back. The paper that Bellamy brought with him and that contains nearly 120 names and ages. Most of the names belong to adults that survived the Exodus ship crash. The ship took off with over a thousand.

 

Clarke holds the paper with the 120 names of survivors. 15 of which are youths under the age of 18. 7 of those are under the age of 10. She feels sick.

 

“Klark.” Lexa says her name once quietly and then waits.

 

“If Callie was poisoned and that’s how Bellamy got it…” She’s thinking, her mind trying to find the connections.

 

“I know.” Lexa watches her carefully. She’s waiting.

 

“Callie was alive when he left. She gave him this.” Clarke waves the paper in the air in frustration. “And something my mom did delayed the effects…or it was a different poison. No, it couldn’t be. He would have gotten it from Callie, so it had to be the same.” Her thoughts are racing, turning everything over and over again.

 

“There are many variations of the poisons Klark,” Echo interrupts softly. “However, from what you told me, and the time lines…something doesn’t add up, which leaves me to believe you are correct, something your mother did was delaying the effects. She was on to something. There is no known cure for this once it takes hold, but she was slowing it somehow. Maybe a cure is possible.

 

“Like that matters now when everyone we know is dead!” Octavia’s voice rises above the others inside the council tent and Lexa grits her teeth.

 

“ ** _You_** gave Klark this paper!” Lexa grabs it from Clarke’s hand and waves it in Octavia’s face. “There are survivors from _your_ Ark! They may not be people you came down here with but they are still of your people!” She steps closer, feeling her blood pumping. “And do not forget that _our_ people are not immune to this either. Not without effort and time for Eko to find and make enough inoculant to keep us safe until this is over. We are still at risk.”

 

Octavia swallows and nods, shrinking under Lexa’s glare. “Moba Heda.” _Forgive me Commander._ She is sorry, but her lip curls slightly. Lexa sees it.

 

“Speak.” She waits as Octavia’s eyes flicker to Clarke, to Raven, and then back to her.

 

“I am upset at the loss of life, at my brother’s loss of life…but I was never part of the Skaikru.” She bites her lip and looks away. Lexa sighs, feeling for the girl that was punished for being born. She can only understand how she feels from an outsider’s point of view, but that’s how Octavia has always felt until now. She has always felt like an outsider amongst the people she was born to be part of.

 

“You are Trikru, Okteivia.” Lexa tells her softly.

 

Clarke gives Octavia’s arm a light squeeze before getting back to the topic at hand. “We don’t know how many haven’t murdered yet, and what happened at the Ark has shown us she has no problem killing innocents.” Clarke rubs at her face. She’s beyond frustrated. Beyond desperate.

 

“I know.” Lexa agrees.

 

“Stop saying you know and tell me what to do!” Clarke raises her voice and then clamps her hand over her mouth and starts shaking her head. “Leksa, I’m so sorry.”

 

Lexa approaches her slowly and holds out her arms and allows Clarke to sink into her embrace. “Do not apologize ai kwin.” _My queen._ She pauses and Clarke raises her eyes to look at her. “Perhaps once this is over and we rescue those Rukh still holds captive, we should consider integrating the surviving Skaikru, those that wish it of course, into our way of life; into the Trikru.” Her eyes briefly dart over to Octavia and Raven.

 

“If any remain by the time we bring Rukh to justice, but why would you want that?” Clarke whispers softly, her mind is still a mess and she is so tired.

 

Lexa cups her cheeks and kisses her softly, but only for a second. “Because I want _our people_ to be one people.”

 

“That’s noble and sweet of you Lexa, but first we have to find this Rukh and wherever she’s holding the others hostage.” Raven comments.

 

“I’m going to request volunteers for a scouting mission. I don’t want anyone to engage in combat with anyone we find, it is strictly to gather intelligence.” Lexa looks down at the map of the Trikru land, and the outer lying areas. She turns her head to Indra.

 

“Heda, I will lead the mission.” Indra volunteers and steps forward and to Lexa’s side. “But you can command any you wish, you do not need volunteers.”

 

Lexa looks at her. She looks around and makes eye contact with all of them individually before she speaks. “I could. I could call forth all the warriors of the 12 clans upon her, but I will not.” She reaches her hand out and cups Clarke’s cheek, earning herself a smile. “Rukh commands through fear and through a false sense of entitlement. I will not command out of fear. Our people will rise and not settle for this, but I will not force them to risk themselves.”

 

Indra looks at her with pride. She has always known Lexa is special. She further believed this when they discovered she is the last commander. But this…this is the leader of their people. This is the protector of their people, not just a commander. “I’ll spread the word throughout TonDC. How many do you want for the scouting?”

 

“Twenty. And no less than 4 in a group at any time. No one is to go off alone, and you will move in groups staying within a kilometer of another group. Circular recon pattern. We won’t be out more than one day, back before nightfall. Check in every two hours with the group north of you until all groups have checked in.”

 

Lexa is in full tactical mode. This is where she excels. She makes a plan, considers all sides of it, creates a fallback and executes it swiftly. She turns to look at Octavia, “Okteivia, are you up to heading one of the groups?”

 

Octavia’s head shoots up but she fights her eyes from widening too far. “Sha Heda. I would be honored.”

 

Lexa nods, “Good. Go with Indra and see what volunteers you can round up.” She then turns to Echo, but Echo raises her hand.

 

“I’ll ask for a group of volunteers to help secure more herbs and check on the status of what’s already being prepared. Once the ingredients are ready, I’ll secure them and create the antidotes.” She looks to Raven and raises an eyebrow.

 

“And I’ll be with her.” Raven says and tosses her thumb over her shoulder towards Echo.

 

They all head off to get started on their tasks and Clarke pulls Lexa to her. “Thank you.”

 

Lexa tilts her head slightly before leaning down and kissing Clarke gently. “You do not need to thank me. We do what we do for our people. All of our people.”

 

“Mmm, you’re the perfect woman for me.” She grins and claims Lexa’s lips softly.

 

“You’re right,” Lexa teases, “As you are for me.”

 

~

 

The next week passes quickly and surprisingly without incident, but Lexa can feel it is just the calm before the storm.

 

Herbs were gathered, antidotes were created and volunteers for the scouting mission were selected. They had to choose from those that volunteered, as in TonDC more than 50 wanted to take part. They completed the scouting mission successfully and no one was seen or injured. They know their perimeter and have a good idea of the pattern Rukh is using to move her camp. Lexa thinks one more scouting trip and they’ll know for certain. This will help them anticipate any further attacks. Somehow she feels it is too easy, but she has no proof of a trick. She only has her instinct telling her to be on guard.

 

Lexa was proud of her people for their efforts. She is proud of her people. Their people.

 

But now, standing before her, she isn’t sure what to say. Simply feeling pride in her people isn’t enough. She looks out over the crowd and can only guess at the count being somewhere near 500.

 

Hundreds of warriors from TonDC, Polis and other villages that heard word of what was happening, have begun to rally to TonDC to help where they can and to fortify their defenses. Indra tells her several hundred more are also making their way to Polis to secure the capital. Lexa is in awe.

 

“I think a lot of them want to see the Last Heda and her Kwin, and to see the power you two possess for themselves.” Octavia whispers to her.

 

Indra nods, “The word of the Trikovakru still existing is out and rumors are being spread about the leader that thinks she should be Heda. Many are curious and many want her stopped. They have all heard the stories.”

 

Lexa isn’t bothered by either of these facts. She knows in time even those that are skeptical, will see what is. Neither herself nor Clarke has anything to prove, and she would never hide the facts about the danger they face with Rukh’s army or what the woman has done. Everyone has a right to defend his or her home and families. She takes a breath and lets a smile tug at her lips. “I must get Klark. She needs to see this.”

 

~

 

Dawn comes quickly, much to Clarke’s displeasure. She forces her eyes open regardless and stretches, feeling the furs to her left where Lexa slept, were cold. She frowns. _I’m going to have to talk to her about this…_ She turns to her right and hears a grunt and can’t help but smile. “Deimos,” she calls softly and the wolf moves his large head towards her with a grunt and licks the side of her face. “Oh come on…” She wipes at her face even as she’s chuckling. She just shakes her head at the sight before her. He’s taking up more than his share of space, on his back, paws in the air and his tongue peeking out from between his massive jaws. “So much for the fierce Deimos.” She teases and he huffs and gets to his feet, pushing her with his head until she’s falling off the bed. “Okay, I deserved that.”

 

A laugh from the doorway catches her attention and she turns to see Lexa watching them with her arms crossed and her body leaning against the table. “How long have you been there?” Clarke asks her.

 

“Long enough.” Lexa replies and nods towards the door. “Come.” She holds out her hand as Deimos trots past her to join his brother outside.

 

“Is something wrong?” Clarke asks. Nothing feels wrong, but lately she has become used to something going wrong.

 

“I’ll let you be the judge.” Lexa says and holds the flap of the tent open so that Clarke can step out into the sunshine. Lexa notices the moment her eyes adjust to the light as her body freezes and a rush of air leaves her lips.

 

She looks out amongst their people, her mouth slightly open in surprise. “Leksa,” she whispers and without taking her eyes away from the sight in front of her, reaches her hand out, knowing Lexa will take it in her own. She does and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “What…”

 

Lexa smiles at her and turns her attention to the people before them. “They come still, all pledging to help us, and to defend their homes and our lands. We are not alone.”

 

Clarke swallows heavily. She’s moved beyond words. Love and warmth spread through her chest, but with it, an ache that runs deep. She may have been born in the sky, she may have had parents she loved and friends she adored…but these are her people. They always have been. They were simply waiting for her to arrive. Maybe Lexa found her, maybe she found Lexa. Maybe they found each other. She doesn’t realize the tear that trails down her cheek until Lexa’s thumb softly wipes it away. “There are so many…”

 

“Ai Heda, ai Kwin, do you remember me?” A woman steps ahead of the crowd and bows her head.

 

Lexa smiles and nods, “Of course, Makina.”

 

“Makina?” Clarke questions looking from Lexa back to the woman who nods her head. “Lexa told me about you. You voiced your support of us when I was taken to the Ark. You were the first to call me ‘Kwin’.”

 

Makina smiles and steps slightly closer, “Sha, ai Kwin. That is what you are.”

 

“What may we do for you, Makina?” Clarke reaches her hands out, and takes the woman’s into her own. She isn’t sure why she does it, but she just feels the need to. The woman’s hands are cool.

 

Makina’s eyes widen slightly at the warmth in Clarke’s hands. She has never felt such a heat and she instantly feels warmer despite the cool morning hair. “I have talked with many and sent word to other clans. The alliance between us is stronger than ever, but…” she trails off, her voice quieting. “The Circle fears of a coup.”

 

Lexa nods her head towards her tent, and Clarke and Makina follow without question. Indra heard the woman’s words and her eyes show surprise. “Fleimkepa.”

 

“Indra, shof op.” Holding the flap of the tent open, the four step inside. “Makina, what about the elders of the flame?” Lexa questions and cups the woman’s cheek. “Do they live?”

 

Clarke watches and waits, her hands still holding onto Makina’s.

 

“I’m sorry Heda. Those of us that remain, that hold the knowledge, have not been chosen as an elder. The last elder of the flame passed just three days ago. The rest of us, we are all but sparks that remain.” Makina lowers her head.

 

“All it takes is a spark to start a fire.” Clarke smiles at her and turns to Lexa and Indra. “Flamekeepers?”

 

“Yes, when I told you of our elders that spoke of the prophecies of the last commander, they are who I was referring to. There are always nine. Seven are younger, which we call Flamekeepers, learning the histories and prophecies and two elders that are passing down the knowledge and rituals. They are all waiting for the last commander and kwin to appear, to counsel and to guide. With everything going on, there hasn’t been a chance for us to seek them out.” Lexa explains.

 

“But why are they called Flamekeepers?” Clarke’s curiosity causes her to ask the question.

 

“Why Twin Flame?” Lexa teases her, placing a kiss to her head. “Everything is beginning to come full circle now.”

 

“We lost one elder earlier than expected, from an illness and she hadn’t been replaced.” Makina tells them. “We didn’t expect Heika to take ill next, and it happened so rapidly.”

 

Lexa sighs. “To replace an elder, one of the circle must be chosen as successor, and in turn, they will choose another to enter as a Flamekeeper, is that correct?”

 

“Sha Heda. One elder chooses a successor and if they have not chosen when death claims them, the remaining elder chooses, but both took ill rather suddenly, and the rest of us didn’t feel we had the right to choose amongst ourselves.” She pauses, looking back towards the direction of the door. “However, when I heard the Trikova’s are still active…that poisons long thought lost are being used, those remaining fear it wasn’t a sickness that took our elders.”

 

“You believe them to be poisoned.” Lexa states and places her hands on her hips. “By one of your own?”

 

Makina nods. “I think we may have a natrona _traitor_ within the Flamekeepers circle.”

 

“Do you suspect anyone?” Clarke asks, making herself busy with grabbing a cup of water for Makina who takes it gratefully.

 

“No, but I tend to listen more than chatter unlike the rest. A few of us proposed it was happening, but I can’t assume or point fingers at any of them, no one has shown any sign of betrayal.”

 

“Then how do you know it was poison and not an illness that claimed the elders?” Indra questions her, eyes hard.

 

“Their eyes. Sickness can do a lot of things to eyes, but both of their eyes looked unnatural, and Heika, his eyes bled before he passed.” Makina shrugs. “I wanted to not only give you this information in hopes you could help us, but so that perhaps we can help you, although we are late I fear.”

 

“Late?” Lexa questions.

 

Makina smiles, “To help you understand how to wield your power Heda.”

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more on the way, so stay tuned!
> 
> In the meantime, reach out to us!
> 
> nickolefox.tumblr.com  
> lilianafox.tumblr.com


	48. Practice Lexa, Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practice makes perfect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I KNOW. Long wait. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better the next chapter is nearly complete thanks to my wife. So thank her. Her brain fuels this. :) My daily focus is maintaining peace between four cats (don't ask how that's going) and trying to learn German. (don't ask about that either.)
> 
> Anyway, read and hopefully enjoy and as always, let us know your thoughts. :)

~

 

**TonDC – Practice Lexa, Practice**

 

~

 

_Exhausted_.

 

No, that can’t be accurate. She is whatever comes after exhausted.

 

Makina, while warm with her smile, is near torturous in her teachings. The past few days have been successful in learning to harness the energy within her and allowing her to access it more at will, but it is still volatile. It seems to be its most powerful and, Lexa cringes, unstable when she doesn’t have a firm grasp on her emotions.

 

She’s always been in control of herself. Years of practice through pain and through experience have taught her this…but then Clarke happened. Lexa smiles. Despite all her strength of will, her patience, her training to be commander…Clarke Griffin is the one element she cannot control. She likes it this way, but with the unfamiliar power she now possesses, she fears hurting someone unintentionally.

 

“Hey, why the frown?” Clarke calls out and walks closer, rubbing her thumb over Lexa’s forehead gently and then cups her cheek. She smiles when Lexa closes her eyes and leans into her hand.

 

“I’m not getting a handle on this as quickly as I’d like. I fear to hurt someone innocent.” Lexa expresses her concern honestly with Clarke. She has no worry in her heart to be completely honest with her love. She knows Clarke would sense if she wasn’t anyway. The thought makes her heart swell.

 

“Leksa,” Clarke sighs and pulls her into her arms, hugging her close before pulling back and locking their eyes. “You are making incredible progress. It has only been a few days. Look how long it’s been taking me with my shield, and I still haven’t mastered it.” Clarke smirks at her and Lexa swallows. “Who is it always whispering ‘Patience Klark’ to me when I’m getting frustrated? Can you remind me?”

 

Lexa playfully rolls her eyes and looks away before grinning back at Clarke. “You can’t do that.”

 

Clarke smirks. “Do what?”

 

“Use my own words against me.”

 

“Ah, I see how it is. The great ‘Last Commander’ can spew out her wisdom and knowledge, but no one is allowed to give it back to her.” Clarke teases.

 

“Exactly.” Lexa laughs and kisses Clarke softly. “I’m just trying to do everyone a favor, especially Okteivia.”

 

Clarke eyes Lexa as they walk slowly through the village together. “Oh really?”

 

Lexa smirks, “Of course. She may find herself on her ass repeatedly until I’ve mastered this ability.” Clarke tosses her head back and laughs and the sound warms Lexa’s heart.

 

Clarke bumps their shoulders together. “Admit it, you just want to master it quickly so you can put her and anyone else you desire on their asses and still have time to say you’re working on it.”

 

Lexa’s eyes sparkle.

 

~

 

**Rukh’s base camp**

                                                                                                                                             

~

 

“Are they still scouting our perimeter?” She asks the question in a bored tone, slouched into her throne, but she is eager to hear the answer. She picks at something under her fingernail, most likely blood, and her eyes frown at it in annoyance.

 

“Sha Heda.” _Yes commander._ “By now they know of the patterns we use to move the camp.” He bows his head.

 

“Good. You may leave, enjoy a night and report back to me at dusk tomorrow.” Rukh doesn’t bother to look up, instead she simply waves her hand and her warrior nods, leaving her tent. She turns and strokes the head of a large black panther sitting beside her throne. “It is time to send another message, isn’t it, Misha?” The cat growls in approval.

 

“Gona!” _Warrior_ She calls and one of her guards enters her tent. “Bring me a young one, whichever looks healthiest. Maybe feed it something first.”

 

The guard nods and exits her tent.

 

Rukh continues to stroke the cat’s head as she contemplates her next move.

 

~

 

**TonDC**

 

~

 

“Nodotaim!” _Again!_ Makina calls out and Lexa exhales as she pushes as much energy as she can feel within her through her arms and out of her palms. A force pushes the target back several meters before finally hitting the ground. Makina smiles.

 

Lexa swallows and looks at the distance between her and the target before joining Makina to look closely at it. It was the strongest and heaviest her men had created yet. Stone encased in leather and fur to give it the appearance of a man. Part of the leather was ripped and worn, the stone displaying a crack in its surface from the force. “That would have killed.”

 

Makina nods. “Sha Heda. How do you feel?”

 

Lexa thinks about it, assessing herself for a moment. “It’s strange. I feel a little weak and yet I feel more power building. The larger the force of energy I can release, the more it affects me.”

 

“Did you feel more power building on the last one?” Makina asks curiously as she sees Clarke approaching them.

 

“No.” Lexa looks at her and then stills, turning her head to see Clarke. “Klark.”

 

Makina smiles. “Kwin.” She bows her head.

 

“I really wish you wouldn’t keep doing that.” Clarke complains with a smile. “It is unnecessary.”

 

“To you, but not to me.” Makina lightly places her hand on Lexa’s arm. “I think that’s enough for today. Recharge and we’ll start again at first light.” She winks at Lexa and nods to Clarke.

 

“What was that about?” Clarke asks curiously.

 

“It appears you have a similar affect on me.”

 

Lexa watches as Clarke’s eyebrow rises. “Were you hurt?”

 

“No, but when I exert a large amount of energy, I feel weaker. However, as you were approaching, the closer you got, the stronger I was feeling. The fatigue was dissipating.” She reaches out and takes Clarke’s hand. “Which is wonderful, but also concerning.”

 

“You’re worried about having me close in battle, you fear for my safety.” Clarke reads between Lexa’s words and understands. “But with my shield, you know we will be as safe as we can be. It’s better for us to be together than apart Leksa.”

 

“I know my heart.” Lexa agrees and reassures her. “I’m working on sharing the burdens and enjoying the good. You are helping me with that, with balance.” They share a sweet kiss and rest their foreheads together. “But, that is not all.” She pauses for a moment. “When we returned from the Ark, even in your weakened state, the power was heightened…as was my rage. I felt it, Phobos felt it.” Lexa looks up and meets Clarke’s eyes. “That is when I will be my most unrestrained. In protection of you, especially if you are not well…that is when my control will really be tested.”

 

Clarke nods and brushes her lips over Lexa’s cheek. “You can’t prepare for something like that without creating a situation to test it…and I know that’s not something you are willing to do: to put me at any risk.” Lexa shakes her head and Clarke clasps her hand in her own. “Then we just have to keep training these abilities as well as our connection to each other. Yeah?”

 

“Sha, ai Kwin.”

 

They head off in the direction of the cooking fires for the evening meal. Eyes watch them from a tree above.

 

~

 

Octavia looks up as Raven enters her tent. “Hey.”

 

“Hey yourself. Where have you been?” Raven asks, coming to stand next to the warrior. She frowns. “And what the hell is in your hair?”

 

Octavia raises her eyes, as if she will somehow be able to see her hair and Raven just shakes her head and picks out the broken pieces of leaves and bark. “Something I should know?”

 

Octavia shrugs. “Nah, I was just working on my tree climbing and stealth. Grounders use the trees a lot when able, whether for hunting or in battle.”

 

Raven smiles. “I get that, but maybe next time work on not bringing the evidence back.” She brushes off Octavia’s jacket. She paused, “So how was it?”

 

Octavia shook her head. “She’s not being challenged and it’s causing her to hold back. I mean, I don’t think it’s intentional, not completely, but she needs a push. Like the day she and Klark came back from the Ark. She was worried about Klark, and I pushed her buttons.”

 

Raven gives her a skeptical look. “And she put you on your ass. You’re lucky she didn’t kill you.”

 

Raven thinks that she gets Lexa’s caution and understands the feeling of being impatient to learn a new skill, but needing to go slowly to get it right. She had that often before and during her time as a Zero G Mechanic, but she also knows the value of patience. She frowns, sure of the fact that Octavia hasn’t learned that yet. She changes the subject. “How were you working on stealth?”

 

Octavia bites her lip. “Oh, uh…well…” Raven raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms, waiting. “Okay fine, I was watching Leksa and Klark.”

 

Raven nods and grabs Octavia’s arm and pulls her out of the tent towards the fires and the food. They seem to be the last ones to arrive. “And did they see or hear you?”

 

“No, of course not.” She replies quickly. She looks across the fires to where Clarke and Lexa sit speaking with Indra. Something Lexa says has Indra turning her attention to Octavia while Lexa gives her a smile. “At least I don’t think so.”

 

~

 

It is late morning before Lexa is able to even consider continuing her training. She and Indra had met with several other leaders of smaller clans and agreed that the bulk of their force should continue to Polis, and those that remained, would be divided; half to maintain camp, hunt and protect the families while the other half would head out once more to see if Rukh’s pattern remained the same. From what Lexa could put together, she moved her camp every four days, in four locations along the river North, before doubling back. She just can’t figure out why she would do that. And that concerns her.

 

“Heda, are you ready?” Makina is waiting for her near the path to a small clearing near the woods that has been serving as their training ground.

 

Lexa nods, but stops as she hears Octavia behind her. “Heda, may we observe?” She turns to see Raven beside her. She holds a cup of coffee; Lexa thinks that’s what Clarke called it, between her hands and close to her face.

 

Lexa is used to having observers during fight training, but usually she is overseeing the training, not the trainee. However, she sees no harm in letting them come. “Sha, but keep a safe distance.” They nod their agreement.

 

Two hours in and Octavia is rolling her eyes and leaning back on her elbows. “This is absurd.”

 

Raven turns her attention away from the target that just flew through the air and landed on the ground. “What do you mean? She’s got it from the looks of it.”

 

Octavia shakes her head. “She’s got control over defensive tactics at a basic level. There’s no duress, she’s not scared or angry.” She stands up.

 

“O, no.” Raven scrambles up after her and grabs her arm as she walks towards Lexa and Makina. “What the hell do you think you’re going to do?”

 

“What I do best.” She smirks. “I would stay back if I were you.”

 

Lexa turns when she hears Octavia starting to walk towards her and Raven calling after her. “What are you doing? You need to stay back so you do not get hurt.”

 

“Hurt by what? You throwing dolls on the ground like a bored child?” She watches Lexa’s jaw clench and then turns to Raven. “Maybe go get Klark.” She whispers to her.

 

“Okteivia…” Lexa speaks, her voice low.

 

“What?” Octavia throws her hands in the air and makes a show of rolling her eyes towards the sky. _If she doesn’t kill me, Klark will._ “You think you can protect anyone like this? Do you think you can protect Klark?” She advances on Lexa.

 

“What if she’s injured?” She takes a step.

 

“What if she’s bleeding and weak?” Another step.

 

“What if she’s calling for you?” Step.

 

“Her shield isn’t working because she’s so weak.” Step.

 

“That monster is standing over her with a sword at her throat.” Step.

 

Octavia swallows as she closes the distance between them and is so close to Lexa, face to face, that she can feel her heda’s breath hitting her face. She can see the energy rippling around Lexa like heat from the sun. She relaxes her body as much as she can.

 

She licks her lips and whispers softly, “What if you’re too late?”

 

The last thing she hears is a joint yell of Lexa’s name and her own.

 

~

“Clarke!” Raven moves as quickly as she can, her head scanning back and forth in search of her friend. “Clarke!”

 

Indra grits her teeth. She may slightly like this girl, but that doesn’t stop the annoyance she feels. “What is your issue sky girl?”

 

“I need to find Clarke before Octavia gets herself killed by Lexa!” Raven brushes past Indra and continues to yell. “Griffin get your ass out here now!”

 

Clarke exits a tent with Echo, Phobos and Deimos at her side. Phobos takes off past Raven and Deimos whines. “Raven, what is it? What’s wrong?” She asks but watches Phobos take off in the direction she starts moving in, sure the others will follow.

 

“We were watching Lexa and Makina train…Octavia, well, she thought she could help.” Raven rushes out quickly and cringes when she sees the look on Clarke’s face.

 

“I don’t even want to ask how.” Clarke mumbles, her legs already moving. She feels heat flooding through her, even though the hottest part of the day has yet to approach. Deimos whines again but stays close to Clarke’s side. “Why is it so hot?” She wipes at her forehead and picks up her pace as Indra, Raven and Echo all look between each other in confusion.

 

Clarke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, calming her thoughts. The heat is Lexa. Her eyes widen and on instinct, she jumps on Deimos, who howls once and rushes forward, closing the distance between them and their destination just ahead.

 

“What if you’re too late?” She hears faintly as she slides off Deimos. The heat is thick and she’s sure she’s never been so hot before, until she feels it in her core. She’s buzzing and then in an instant, it’s gone.

 

Her eyes aren’t deceiving her. They aren’t. She has perfect vision and yet that didn’t prepare her for what she just saw. Octavia, once more, was thrown through the air but this time landed with a splash in the river. But that’s not what has Clarke’s mouth dropping open. The three stone training targets are what have her attention. The targets that were the size of large men are no longer standing.

 

The targets, that are no longer in one piece.

 

The targets, that are now nothing more but scattered pieces of torn leather and small chucks of stone and pebbles.

 

“Leksa!” Clarke calls out as she watches Lexa drop to her knees, at the same time she hears Raven yell Octavia’s name as she rushes towards the river to check on their friend.

 

Indra and Echo take in the scene, shaking their heads. Raven is helping Octavia stumble out of the river, shivering from the cold of the water. Clarke is on her knees in front of Lexa, holding her face. Lexa is nodding so Indra takes that as a sign her heda is okay. Two large wolves are circling them, nipping at each other like a couple of pups and Makina keeps looking from the destroyed targets to Octavia and back.

 

“Were things simpler before the Skaikru came?” Indra questions out loud, more to herself, but Echo answers her anyway.

 

“Maybe, but they have a chance to be so much better now.” She turns and grins at the look on the older woman’s face. “Admit it, you’re happy it’s Leksa and Klark fulfilling the prophecy. They will bring us a lasting peace.”

 

Indra nods. “Yes well, at least it’ll be entertaining.” She turns and heads back towards the village, hearing Clarke’s voice yelling at her second.

 

“Okteivia, what the hell were you thinking?”

 

Indra grins.

 

~

 

Clarke lies in bed behind Lexa, her body curled around hers, pressed closely together. Lexa is exhausted and drawn and after hours of caressing her, finally sleeping. Clarke slides her fingers up and down her arm and places a kiss to her shoulder. “Reshop, ai houmon.” _Sleep, my wife._ “Ai ste hir, ai kamp raun yu otaim _.” I am here, I am always with you._

 

She leans in and kisses her tan shoulder so tenderly, she barely feels the touch of her lips on Lexa’s skin, but she feel the _heat_. She feels the life in her, the faith. The love. _Her_ love. She is everything to Clarke. She is the air she breathes, the blood in her veins, and every beat of her heart. She is her sun, her moon, her water, and her earth. She is shelter, she is warmth and she is _home_. Lexa. _Clarke’s_ Lexa. She is her queen and her Heda. She is so much more than a lover; she is a best friend. She is the one you can always count on and the one Clarke trusts more than she trusts herself. Lexa is her Twin Flame.

 

Clarke feels the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. “Ai hod yu in, Leksa.” _I love you, Lexa_. The rise and fall of her chest becomes more and more relaxed. Clarke continues stroking her, talking to her, caressing her skin, until she is sure she is calm and safe and sleeping tight and deep into sweet dreams.

 

Then she rises and prepares to leave the tent, her voice is a whisper, rough and stuttering and she hears the effort in her voice to not let the tears fall and the guilt wash over. “Phobos, kamp raun hir, beja.” The black wolf looks at Clarke, tilting his head before leaning it into her palm when she strokes down his cheek. “Deimos, masta op ai.” The lighter one is by her side in an instant, his shoulder touching your hip.

 

“How is she?”

 

Clarke turns at the sound of Echo’s voice and sees her head poking inside their tent. She smiles but wonders if it shows the guilt she feels. “Exhausted, but fine. She just needs rest which she was stubbornly trying to refuse.” She looks back at Lexa’s sleeping form and leans down to brush her lips over her forehead before exiting the tent. Deimos joins her, while Phobos sleeps at Lexa’s side.

 

“I just can’t believe Okteivia had the nerve to do that. She risked her life with that nonsense.” Clarke shook her head and put her hands on her hips. “Is she okay?”

 

Echo grins, “Yeah, Raven is taking care of her. She’ll have a sore ass and has a cut on her arm, but other that getting wet and cold, she’s fine.” Echo scratches at the back of her neck. “I know it was reckless, but it worked.”

 

Clarke tilts her head, not quite sure what Echo means.

 

“Okteivia. She had the right idea. Risky, but it got Leksa to let go of her control and really unleash her power.” She guides them to sit around a fire. It is late evening and the shadows are just beginning to form and dinner is being prepared in preparation of the scouts return.

 

Clarke sighs. “Yeah, and what if Leksa had really hurt her, or worse? Do you know what that would have done to her?”

 

Echo nods, “That’s the thing Klark. Okteivia did what she did, because she trusts Leksa. We all know our heda isn’t one to kill if it isn’t necessary, and certainly not someone she considers family, even if it is out of anger. Deep down, while knowing she may get hurt, Okteivia knew she was safe, because she is important to you…and if we’re honest, she’s important to Leksa too.”

 

Clarke breathes deeply and thinks back to what she saw. “You looked around didn’t you?” Echo asks her and Clarke nods. “Those training targets were destroyed beyond recognition…and yet Okteivia was closest to her.”

 

Clarke thinks about it and can’t help but swallow at the amount of power her lover possesses. She feels a sense of warmth, made of pride and love fill her. Lexa can wield this power, and she can do so without hurting anyone she cares about and anyone innocent.

 

“You’re right, but let’s just hope that when she wakes up, Leksa feels”-

 

“HEDA! KWIN!”

 

The voice is loud and deep, but Clarke can hear the slight bit of fear in it. She and Echo rush to the gate where the guards have their weapons drawn and the archers have arrows ready.

 

“Stay back ai kwin, we do not know what she wants.” One of the warrior’s whispers to her. _She?_ Clarke’s eyes widen and she steps past the man, trying to get a better look at the woman. It’s dark, the light of the torches doesn’t reach her face, and she holds a young boy in front of her. He can’t be more than ten.

 

“Identify yourself!” Indra calls out to the woman, but her eyes are trained on something rustling in the trees.

 

A laugh so light and carefree reaches Clarke’s ears and she shivers as something tugs at her. She feels goose bumps on her arms and knows it’s not because of the cool night air.

 

“I need no introduction.” Rukh replies and though they can’t see it, they can hear the smile on her lips. “Kwin Klark knows who I am.”

 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it? Hate it? Let us know! 
> 
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> chow!


	49. The Queen of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke imagined meeting the Wamplei Kwin many times, in many different ways. But she sure as hell didn't expect that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> this chapter was one hell of a ride to write. After reviewing it several times we decided to give you the following reassurance:
> 
> NOTHING will come between Clarke and Lexa.  
> We will NOT ever let anything come between Clarke, Lexa and a happy ending (though the way is long).
> 
> In my wife's words:
> 
> Calm your tits  
> their relationship is not on the fritz  
> all will be okay  
> because we support the GAY!
> 
> We love you!

**TonDC – The Queen of Death**

 

~

Clarke’s Point of View

~

 

You take a step forward and bump into Indra’s arm. “No. Stay back, she is dangerous!” You hear what Indra is saying and you know she is _right_ – Rukh is dangerous. Nonetheless, you also know that Indra is _wrong_.

 

You have your fingers buried into Deimos’ pelt. He is completely relaxed. He wouldn’t be if you would be in any kind of danger. You are safe. He knows. You know it too. The truth is – Rukh is dangerous – but not to you.

 

“Lower your weapons.” Your voice is calm and even.

 

“Ai kwin-“ Indra starts, but you raise your hand. “I said lower your weapons. We will not harm the boy. She knows that.” Indra grunts under her breath, but she obeys. The second she lowers her sword, bowstrings are relaxed, arrows are no longer pointing at Rukh and the warriors relax their stances.

 

You take another few steps towards her, Deimos by your side. “So we finally meet, Kwin Klark.”

 

You clench your fists. “What do you want, Rukh?”

 

“The question is what do YOU want?” She leans a bit to the side. You can’t really see much of her; she is covered in several layers of armor. “Do you want to save the pathetic pile of your people I still hold? Do you want to save this one?” The dagger she holds is pressing against the boy’s neck threatening to break his skin.

 

You take another step, but stop when Rukh takes a step back. “Ah ah, Klark. Not here. If you wish to save your people, you will follow me. Alone.”

 

“Kwin, no! Heda wouldn’t-“

 

“Leksa is unavailable, Indra. So I am in command.” You turn around and face Indra and the warriors. “I order you to stay here. You will not follow me. Am I understood?”

 

“Kwin-“

 

“No. This is about Skaikru. Stay.” You turn around again, your hand still resting on Deimos’ neck. You tilt your head up, trying not to waiver. “Lead the way, Rukh.”

 

She walks backwards, her eyes darting to the sides every few steps. She is scouting the surrounding area for warriors. The boy hasn’t spoken a word. You follow her, at a safe distance with Deimos faithfully by your side. You know you have nothing to fear; Deimos wouldn’t be as relaxed as he is if there would be anything harmful about Rukh’s intentions. You reassure yourself again.

 

After what feels like half an hour, you arrive at the river. Rukh stops a step away from the water. She stills and looks around, relaxing herself after another handful of seconds. She keeps the boy close with her arm around his neck. It would almost look like a protective embrace, except for the dagger still resting at this throat.

 

The night is chilly and the sky is covered with clouds. There is as good as no light and you have trouble to see her clearly.

 

“Well done, ai Kwin.”

 

You can tell by her tone she is smirking. “What do you want?”

 

“As I said, ai Kwin, this is about what you want.” There’s wistfulness to her voice, as if she has no concerns. Her voice is almost soft.

 

You feel your back stiffen. “And what would that be?”

 

“Your people. Or what’s left of them. So in order to get what you want, I want to get what I want. And for now that is very simple: I want to speak to you, alone.”

 

“We are alone.”

 

Rukh laughs, short and hard. “No, not here. Come closer, your warriors are too close and may hear us. I would like to avoid that.”

 

You make a mental note to scold Indra and her warriors that ‘stay’ actually means ‘stay’ and not ‘follow me anyway regardless of what I say’. Not even the Trikru warriors are good enough to hide from her. You sort your thoughts and do as you are asked, the sound of the flowing water rushing getting louder and most likely distorting your conversation. She picked a good spot.

 

Only two meters separate you from her when you halt. Her voice is all business. “You will head back to camp to give me enough time to vanish. You will meet me tonight at the meadow beside the falls, east of the mountain. Alone. Except your dog, of course,” she motions towards Deimos.

 

It is the only time Rukh really let’s her focus shift completely away from you. She isn’t sloppily scouting the area for warriors she knows are there, she isn’t checking on the boy she has still pressed against her chest like a shield and she isn’t watching your steps in between darting her view from side to side; let alone adjusting her route.

 

You had been following her steps very precisely. You took notice of the unnecessary steps she took to the left or right. She did this not to avoid stones and roots for herself, but on your behalf. She was leading you and she had no intention to let you get hurt. She knew you wouldn’t let her out of your sight and therefore weren’t watching your own steps.

 

She knows you weren’t raised on the ground so she knows you aren’t familiar with the forest and its terrain, most of all at night, as well as a grounder would be. She isn’t wrong, but she isn’t right either.

 

The look she gives Deimos, only for the fraction of a second, is what unsettles you most. You realize the focus and knowledge she has on you, but her attention towards Deimos is different. You decide to store this information in the back of your mind.

 

“If anyone follows you, your people will die.”

 

“And if I refuse? If I kill you here and now?” You are surprised how unimpressed and bored your voice sounds.

 

Rukh smiles. “If I do not return to camp before dawn, my people will massacre yours in the most agonizing way possible. And before you ask, you won’t send your people after me either. If I am being followed, the same thing will happen. And in case you come up with another plan,” she shrugs, still smiling, “– just don’t. I am always a few steps ahead of you. You know that.”

 

Yes, you do. She knows you too well. “Why should I trust you?” You may not know why, but you know you can trust her. You clench your fist lightly in Deimos’ pelt.

 

“Because he knows you can.” She points at Deimos. He is still completely calm and relaxed. “He feels that I mean you no harm, ai Kwin.”

 

You consider your options. You want to ask her why she is so willing to call you ‘Kwin’, but you don’t. Not yet. Later. _Later._ You already settled with meeting her alone. “What about the boy?”

 

“I will drop him off by a river.”

 

You feel a slight panic. “Let him go with me now.”

 

Rukh laughs, again. “Well, someone is very confident I am civilized.” She shakes her head and focuses back on you. “Let me make this clear: I make the rules, you play by my rules.” Her chin drops; she glares at you. “Or your people die. You take what I give you. You can pick him up by a river. Find him within the next two hours and whoever is able to cure my poisons, will be able to cure him.”

 

You begin to take a step forward, but stop yourself. “He is poisoned?” You look over him, he seems healthy enough and you don’t see any symptoms, but your heart speeds up anyway.

 

“Not yet.” Rukh taps the dagger against the boy’s chest. “Do we have an agreement?”

 

You have no options. You nod.

 

“Fine. Until later, then.” She slices the boys throat, only shallow, but enough to make him bleed. You clench your fists, turn and walk back. You hear someone jumping into the river. There is no use in turning around and following her; the river’s flow is strong around here and she will be far-gone before you can do anything. Even if you would catch up, you can’t follow her and save the boy.

 

Your only option is to do what she said.

 

~

**Back in TonDC**

~

 

It’s all a rush. Everything feels numb. Mid way the guards surround you, escorting you back to TonDC. Indra questions you, you tell her to go find the boy by the river. She asks you about Rukh’s exact words. You repeat. ‘I will drop him off by a river.” _A_ River. There are two, one north and one south. Indra splits her warriors into four teams and sends them off to search the shores of both rivers, in each direction. By doing so, there are not enough warriors left to follow Rukh, or at least attempt to. Most of them are still out scouting the area for her camp. Rukh knew what she was doing.

 

You look into Indra’s eyes seriously, nearly pleading. “Sou nou teik em wan op.” _Don’t let him die._ Indra nods. She knows that the boy is your first concern. She will not disappoint; she knows what she is doing.

 

But what are you doing? What the hell are you doing?

 

You head back to your tent, back to Lexa. You sit by her and stroke her cheek. You wish you wouldn’t have given her something to help her find sleep. You curse yourself that you are guilty, but it turns out to be utterly convenient. She would never let you go alone.

 

You kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her hands and her fingers. You kiss her lips. “I will be back soon.” You get up, grab the sword Lexa gifted you and leave the tent.

 

“Klark.” You nearly jump out of your skin at the familiar voice. You could have handled every grounder – but not her.

 

“Eko… I…” Echo approaches you, nodding towards Deimos once, before addressing you.

 

“Sister, this is not wise.” She places her hand on your shoulder. You lower your head before you cover her hand with yours.

 

“Eko, as your sister I ask you to let me go and not to talk to anyone about this. Beja.” You stand there, completely still for what feels like eternity. Eventually, Echo takes a deep breath and releases it shuddering.

 

“So that’s why you asked me for the rid bluma? _Sleeping flower._ To keep Heda asleep and leave?”

 

You feel a jolt of guilt like a glowing sword that pushes the air out of your lungs and makes your knees weak. You calm your breath again before answering. “No… and yes. You know I would never do this purposely… it is a coincidence.” You expect to be stuck – to lose another chance to save what is left of your people – _children_ – and you feel nauseous. “Save the boy when they bring him here. I beg you.”

 

Echo nods. “Be safe, sister.” She pulls her hand back and you look at her. You can’t speak. You do not trust your voice. You nod once, turn and leave. You are late and it is a two-hour ride. As soon as you are out of TonDC, you climb on Deimos’ back and bury your fingers deep into the pelt on his neck.

 

“Snap, Deimos, beja.” _Fast, Deimos, please._ The wolf huffs once and starts running. _Lexa… wigod op ai._ Forgive me.

 

~

 

**TonDC - Now**

 

~

 

Echo steps from one foot to the other for minutes before she enters the tent. “Raven?” She whispers and she thinks she sounds guilty already. She walks in holding the flap of the tent open to spot the mechanic in the light of the fire. She is sleeping, curled up with Octavia. Echo steps closer. “Raven.” She tries again and it seems to work. The mechanic mumbles and lifts her head.

 

“Damn it, what? Echo?” she sits up, halfway, and rubs her eyes. She looks over to Octavia, whose sleep is deep and peaceful. “What is it?”

 

The Trikru warrior’s look is stern. “I need you to keep this safe. We talked about it.” Raven takes the little leather journal and her eyes widen. She knows what she is holding in her hands.

 

“This is the only copy, these are all the-“. Echo covers her mouth, hissing “Quiet!”

 

They both look at Octavia, moving in her sleep – but not awake enough to realize what is happening. “Raven, keep it safe and be prepared. The warriors will hopefully find and bring a poisoned boy back, and you know what to do. Keep this safe and talk to no one. Can you do that?”

 

Raven nods and furrows, speaking her thoughts. “This book is filled with the recipes, but it is useless without the plants.”

 

Echo nods and smiles. “Okteivia has the key… Linkon had a journal like this in his possession. All the plants are sketched in it.”

 

Raven shoves the journal under her furs. “What do I need to know? And what if I can’t handle whatever poison the boy has?”

 

Echo takes her hand. “You will do fine, you have talent. Just know that you are saving Klark with this. And saving Klark means saving Leksa. Do not talk about what happened or that you saw me tonight.”

 

Raven nods, whispering. “Will I see you again? Will Octavia see you again?”

 

Echo smiles. It’s a weak smile, but a loving one. “I don’t know, Raven.”

 

The mechanic nods and stretches her arm out. Echo clasps her arm with hers. “Your knowledge is safe with me. May we meet again, Eko kom Trikru.”

 

Echo takes in a sharp breath at the words. “May we meet again, Raven kom Skaikru. Ste yuj.” _Stay strong_.

 

~

 

**Forest east of the Mountain**

 

~

Clarke’s Point of View

~

 

Deimos slows down and the change in his movements pulls you out of your head. The wolf trots slowly through the forest and halts just before the forest opens itself up to a meadow. You look around, having no idea where you are. You slide off his back and kiss his head. “Mochof.” _Thank you._ You stroke the side of his head and he hums in approval. You walk into the meadow, your loyal guard by your side. You can’t see or hear anything and Deimos is relaxed. No danger. You expected as much.

 

After a while, when you are sure you are too late and consider leaving, Deimos’ ears shoot straight up and he turns to your left. You follow his gaze and after another few minutes, you see a black panther trotting towards you. The cat is big, not unusually big, but still huge, and appears out of bushes and high grass. The cat looks calm, elegant, and it seems not to be rabid. It’s midnight black pelt and yellow eyes are piercing and look unfamiliar und strange to this environment. You are so focused on the cat, that you nearly miss _her_. Deimos presses himself a little further to your side to guide your attention towards the woman stepping out of the tree line.

 

For a second you feel anger. You feel hatred. You want to leap and kill with your bare hands. This is the woman responsible for all the death. Your mother. Lincoln. Bellamy. Monty. Jasper. Kane. _All_ of them. This is the woman responsible for the genocide of the Sky People. Your people. And this time she has no innocent child pressed against her chest to deflect your anger.

 

After this second of wrath, you shudder. A numbness is taking over and you suddenly feel empty and small. She walks towards you, slowly, circled by the cat. The closer she gets, the clearer you see her in the light of the moon that is finally breaking through the clouds.

 

The first thing you take in is her body language.

 

She is _aware_. She is aware of herself and her surroundings. She is aware of the effect her appearance has. Every step is calculated and precise. Every movement of her arms and fingers, every beat of her pulse and every rise and fall of her chest seems methodical and filled with reason and purpose. She is not afraid. You are sure she does not even _know_ fear. Her legs are covered in dark leggings, stitched together from different pieces of leather. Her thighs hold two clasps each and attached to each one of them is a dagger. There are two belts around her slender waist, holding three swords total. Her upper body is mostly uncovered; you can see part of her abdomen, her upper chest and throat, as well as her shoulders. The bracers she is wearing are wrapped from her wrists to her middle upper arms, holding several little throwing knives. Her skin is pale and white, even and flawless. Her hair is a wildfire; unnaturally red and untamed, framing her face and dropping down her shoulders like a fountain of blood. The smirk on her lips feels like ice on your spine.

 

When she is close enough to see her eyes, you are able to see beyond her appearance.

 

Her eyes are light, foggy. You think you see a hint of what may have been green once. Her skin is, even though the moonlight is shining, without any glow or shimmer. You see her neck moving with her breaths, but it still looks like she is made out of glass. She seems lifeless. There is no warmth around her, no aura, no scent.

 

You _see_ her but you can’t _feel_ her. Out of instinct you reach for your shield, willing it to surround you. Nothing happens.

 

She halts only a few steps before you and tilts her head. “You came.” You nod, slightly. “That’s it? You have nothing to say?” Deimos leans against you further, gently touching. You look at her, up and down, from toe to head, again and again.

 

All you feel is pity.

 

There is no hatred. There is no anger. All you feel is pain and despair and sorrow.

 

“What happened to you?” Your voice is a whisper, rough and broken, stuttering. She tilts her head in the opposite direction and crosses her arms before she releases a short and hard snort. You take another step towards her. “What happened to you? What happened that tore you apart like this? What was it that ripped your heart into pieces and suffocated your soul? What was it that destroyed your life?”

 

Something flickers in her lifeless eyes. She relaxes her stance and her face looks, only for a second, innocent. “Death, ai Kwin.” She closes the distance between you and when you are only inches apart, you feel her breath on your face. “I died, years ago. I was raped of my life, my purpose and my destiny. And even death – the one thing granted to everyone – was torn from me.” Her glance, lost in memories, shoots back into the present and catches yours. The smirk reappears on her lips and her head is tilted again. The mask is back. “And that’s why I will take back what was always supposed to be mine.”

 

You do not step back. You do not back off. You feel drawn to her. “What would that be, Rukh? What is it that is supposed to be yours?”

 

She smiles. “My title and my kwin.”

 

 _Her kwin?..._ you think, but instead you ask “Your title?”.

 

“I was supposed to be the last commander. I _am_ the last commander. And your place is by my side, my kwin.”

 

You feel a tug at your heart. _Lexa_. “My place is at Leksa’s side.”

 

She tilts her chin upwards, her glance is patient and arrogant at the same time. “You are a lion, Klark. You are majesty. You are a wild cat, untamed, just like me. You do not see this now, but you are meant to be mine.” You shake your head. “You are not supposed to run with _dogs_.”

 

Her voice is a melody. You don’t know what it is that keeps you from killing her here and now. She somehow enchants you. You swallow down the lump in your throat. “I am running with wolves, Rukh.”

 

The red haired warrior shakes her head; her smile is forgiving and understanding as if she is explaining the world to a three year old. She stretches out her arm and the second her thumb touches the skin on your neck you jolt backwards in shock. Her touch is cold as death; her skin is freezing like ice. And still you can’t bring forth your shield.

 

Her expression changes when you avoid her touch. You see a flicker of agony in her dead eyes, but only for the fraction of a second before it changes to anger. You can’t find a better description yet you know it is so much more than just anger. Whatever it is, it is violent and harmful and so much more than wrath. Her voice pierces through your body, you feel exposed and naked, helpless and defenseless.

 

“Don’t you dare fear me.” You are paralyzed when she steps closer, again, and the emptiness surrounding her like a shroud takes over and covers you as well. It feels like an all-consuming void. “Your guard knows that you do not need to fear me.”

 

You want to look at Deimos, to see what you know for a fact. The wolf by your side is relaxed besides a light tenseness and you know that the tension is yours, not his. He knows she won’t hurt you.

 

“You are mine. I will make you see that.” Rukh’s voice is soft and raises her hand to your cheek and this time you twitch, but let it happen. Her hand cups your cheek and you feel dread, mixed with a strange feeling of safety. Rukh leans in, just a little, tilting her head and her eyes closing slowly.

 

_Lexa._

 

You jolt backwards again. “No!” As soon as you find your balance, you draw your sword and wish you would have had more time to practice with Lexa. “I have no idea what kind of madness makes you think I would ever betray Leksa. That won’t ever happen.” You point the blade at Rukh. “As long as I live and long after that my place is by Leksa’s side.”

 

Rukh lowers her eyes. Her expression changes to something between calm understanding, annoyance and anger. She moves when you turn in shock at the familiar voice.

 

“Let her be! Klark!” Panic creeps up your spine. Echo is riding quickly towards you, her sword drawn as she dismounts the horse. She places her free hand on your shoulder.

 

“Well, now look at this. The apprentice.” Rukh’s voice is amused. “I am utterly surprised. It explains a lot though… didn’t I order you to come back to me, girl?”

 

Echo swallows. She kisses your head, whispering “Run, sister. May we meet again.” She then steps in front of you to face Rukh. “I will come if you let her go.”

 

Rukh’s laughter feels like a thousand cuts. You grip Echo’s wrist. “No. Eko. She won’t harm me. You are going back with me.” You look past Echo and over to Rukh. She smiles.

 

“She is right, I won’t harm her. But if you are offering your services so freely, I would be rude to not accept.” The smirk is back on her face. “And you will accompany me freely and without resistance or I slaughter your Kwin’s people like insects.” You are about to step beside Echo, but Rukh’s sharp voice stops you. “One wrong move and I will devastate everything you have ever known.” Rukh draws her sword and points the blade at Echo’s throat. “You play by my rules.” The Triku warrior starts to move, releasing the reins of her horse. “No, take the horse. The kwin is running with wolves for now. She won’t need it.” Echo shoots you a look, you nod before she again mounts the mare.

 

Rukh looks back at you. “You will understand. I will spare the children, my kwin, to show you how merciful I am. And remember – follow me, and I slaughter everyone.” She turns, the reins of Echo’s horse in her hand, and walks away. “Come, Misha.” The panther yawns and turns to follow its master.

 

You don’t know how long you are standing in the middle of this meadow, looking over to the tree line where Rukh and Echo disappeared. Dawn is approaching when Deimos nudges your side. You climb onto his back. He will take you back home, back to Lexa.

 

~


	50. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few more details come to light. Does it help, or just present more questions to be answered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even put into words how sorry I am that this update has taken so long. Writers block, real life, and well...  
> Please give thanks to my wife, because without her, this wouldn't be here. It's funny how you can look at something so much and so often, turn it over and over in your head and yet the answer is the simple thing you didn't think of. But that's why we work. We balance each other. :) so yeah, give her kudos. Lots of them.

~

TonDC – Connections

~

Lexa’s body feels heavy. It has for days now but she has gotten used to a certain amount of exhaustion. It’s different this time. Rid bluma. Anya gave it to her after long battles when she had trouble sleeping. Clarke. She tries to break out of the fog of sleep, to break the surface. She can’t.

She feels Phobos moving beside her. She can feel the touch of cold fingers on her cheek. It feels like death. Lexa jerks up, now wide awake. She scans her surroundings but knows no one is here. 

Phobos looks at her, his eyes knowing. Clarke.

While stumbling out of bed, she grabs her armor and weapons. “Phobos, teik ai der.” The wolf hunches down and bursts out of the tent as soon as she is on his back.

~  
Rukh, Sixteen years ago – (4 days journey south of Polis)  
~

“Masta ai op!” The little girl is squealing, her slender legs and arms flying around as she runs down the grass-covered hill. The wolf follows her faithfully, it’s brownish pelt shimmering in the sun with a light glimpse of red. The little girl leaps into the lake at the bottom of the waterfall, enjoying the cold water on this hot summer day. She is a good swimmer – the best in her village. She has to be. Someday she is going to be Heda.

She spends the better part of two hours in the water, swimming and diving her rounds, like every day, before she returns to the shore and lays down into the grass. She closes her eyes, a smile on her lips. She enjoys the sun and the warmth. She cherishes life and nature. She is happy. She hears a whimper. “Ai ste hir, Trojan.” The massive wolf trots over to her side and plops himself to the ground beside the little girl. She wraps her arms around the animal and buries her smiling face into his neck. Her wild, red mane matches his pelt. “Meizen sintaim.” A beautiful day the girl whispers against him. She falls asleep in peace, covered in sunlight.

The girl she was will never wake up again.

It is on this day the girl is found by her people floating face down in the lake. They pull her out, but she is already gone. Her wolf is sitting beside her, wet, with his head bowed down. The look in his eyes, his expression, has changed; it’s resigned.

The wolf turns away and the little girl’s body starts to cramp.

The wolf takes step after step into the forest; with each one the girl’s heart starts to beat again.

The girl’s eyes shoot open and as she violently gasps for air, the wolf falls to the ground at the border of the forest.

 

~  
Rukh’s base camp  
~

Her bloody fingers stroke the pelt that is covering her throne. The brownish pelt is still beautiful despite its age. She remembers well how she stood beside the wolf’s dead body, surrounded by her people in the light of a setting sun. It was almost dark when she demanded a knife and a pyre.

“Heda-” One of her warriors enters her tent, breaking her out of her memories. He stops in his movement and looks at the beaten body lying on the ground in its own blood.

“What?” Rukh is annoyed.

“Heda, why are we sending the children” - Rukh shoots up and leaps at her warrior. Her arm presses against his neck, one of her daggers resting at his temple.

“Are you questioning me?” she hisses through her gritted teeth. The warrior shakes his head. Rukh lets go of him. “Clean that up.” She wrinkles her nose. “It smells.” She points at the lifeless body she had, only moments ago, beaten to death with her bare hands.

She makes her way the few steps to a table grabbing a flask of water. She does not consume the wine or brew that her men seem to enjoy. To Rukh, it merely dulls her sensation of life, which is something she does not want. Not since…she shakes her head and drinks, sneering when it is empty.

The warrior returns with another to remove the body. His second she can tell has just recently become of age and is training with the older guard. He of course is curious about her, as are many, and upon seeing her with an empty flask, offers to bring her a fine wine to enjoy. She waves him off with a bored expression. “I never drink filth. I want to experience this existence in all its agonizing glory.” 

A girl of about 15 comes in after they leave and uses a cloth and a bowl of water to wipe up what she can of the blood. Rukh inhales, a slight smile tugging at her lips. She watches the girl in silence as she clears the blood, still holding her empty flask. The girl looks up, head tilted as she sees Rukh watching her but then quickly diverts her eyes and climbs to her feet. “Anything more Heda?” She asks with her eyes still cast down.

Rukh considers her and walks closer. She gently removes her dark hair from her shoulder and lets it fall between her fingers. Her scent is stronger now, much to Rukh’s delight. “Fetch me more water?” It’s posed as a question, rather than an order.

“Of course, Heda.” The girl nods and reaches for the flask. Just before she turns to go, Rukh’s hand on her wrist stops her. She raises her eyes this time, although she is unsure why. She was always told she had no right to look into the eyes of her Heda.

Rukh raises an eyebrow at this, something pulling at her thoughts. “Your scent…” she pauses, as if she asked a question the girl is meant to answer.

“I’m sorry Heda, I will wash and never use it again if it is unpleasant to you.” Her eyes drop again, but Rukh’s fingers under her chin raise her head once more. The girl swallows and looks into the swirling eyes that can’t seem to decide on a color.

“No, it’s most enjoyable. Bring me what it is you use when you bring the water.” She lowers her hand and the girl nods, leaving her tent. She turns back to her throne and sits, resting her elbows on her knees. She raises her hand to her nose and breathes in the scent that is light upon her fingers. “Like wild sunshine.” The words are soft, like her thoughts of Clarke.

~  
TonDC  
~

The sun is just rising over the line of trees when Clarke reaches the final stretch home. She’s had Deimos at a slower pace the last little while, her thoughts racing in many directions. She feels a tug, stronger than the one she had been feeling this entire night and instinct causes her to watch the tree line. Within seconds, Lexa and Phobos appear, racing towards her.

“Klark!” Lexa calls out and Deimos takes off at a run to meet up with his brother. Lexa is off Phobos and rushing towards her before the wolves have even come to a stop. Her hands are cupping Clarke’s neck, her thumbs stroking her cheeks. “Love, are you alright?” Her eyes are glancing all over Clarke, looking for any sign of an injury.

Clarke shakes her head and leans into Lexa. She doesn’t even know where to begin, or how to. She just feels cold, wrong somehow. She just wants to melt into Lexa’s heat and hide there until it all goes away. As if sensing her need, Lexa wraps her arms tightly around her and pulls her face into her neck, placing soft kisses on the side of her head and begins stroking her back. She’s trying to ease Clarke’s shivering frame, yet somehow Lexa knows it isn’t really the cold that’s causing Clarke to tremble. “I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

Clarke can only nod her head and cling to Lexa’s back. She lets the heat from Lexa surround her, warming her inside. She breathes in Lexa’s scent, loving and safe, and tries to calm her mind. She feels Lexa tense slightly and from the movement of her head, Clarke knows she is checking their surroundings. “Is someone there?” It’s the first words Clarke has mumbled and they sound foreign to her own ears. 

“Do you sense danger?” Lexa answers her question with a question, and upon Clarke’s puzzled look as she pulls back to see Lexa’s face, her eyes widen. “Klark?”

“It still works.” Clarke whispers, and glances down to Phobos and Deimos who are lying in the grass at their feet, not a care in the world. She looks back to Lexa, who looks confused and more than concerned. “My shield I mean.” 

“Your shield wasn’t working?” Lexa is trying to follow Clarke’s thoughts as she glances around them, the warm glow of Clarke’s shield surrounding the four of them until blue eyes close. Lexa watches as Clarke takes a deep breath, and the shield lowers until it disappears near the blonde’s chest. Barely a second later and it’s back up. Lexa can only watch as Clarke shakes her head, and the shield is gone once more. “Beja Klark.”

Clarke nods and leans in to kiss Lexa softly. “Take me home.” 

Lexa knew Clarke would open up to her within the protection of their room, safe in her arms.

~  
Rukh’s base camp  
~

Rukh is sitting on her throne, sipping at the bottle and taking in the scent of the soap the girl brought her along with the water. The soap is resting on the armrest, and every now and then she lets her fingers glide over it. She enjoys the scent very much. She takes another sip, before addressing the girl sitting on the floor in front of her. “So, girl…you made this soap?” The girl nods, barely visible. Rukh narrows her eyebrows. “Tell me where I acquired you. I can’t recall.”

The girl moves nervously, before answering. “Your warriors raided my village half a year ago. They kept me and killed everyone else.” Rukh narrows her eyes. The girl doesn’t sound vengeful. “What village?” Rukh asks, genuinely unaware of what village she is talking about. She raided too many and never cared.

The girl looks up and into her eyes for a brief second. “One of the outer villages at the shore east.” Rukh thinks about it, for a second, before deciding she doesn’t really care to remember. “Are you glad to be alive, girl?”

The girl tenses. She knows that Rukh sees, however she does, when someone is lying. “No. I wish I was dead like my people and my family.”

Rukh’s breathing changes. It becomes more even, slower. Her voice drops to a dangerous level. “Well, it seems like you have to suffer for a while longer. Sadly, I like your soap and I will keep you around to continue making it for me.”

Rukh calls for her guards to lock the girl up. She gives very detailed orders on the diet and care the girl has to receive. “Take her away now.” Rukh turns and longs for the filthy humans to leave her presence, when one of the guards speaks up. “One more thing, Heda.” Rukh stops in her way back to her throne and practically growls without facing him. “What?”

She hears the guard taking a step back and smirks. “The children are ready. We await your orders, Heda.” The guards leave with the girl, faster than necessary. 

Rukh smiles. She takes the soap into her hand and tastes its scent once more, before leaving the tent. “Come on, Misha. Let’s send a present to our Kwin.”

~  
TonDC  
~

Lexa relaxes her body, adjusting to Clarke’s weight upon her chest. She’s holding her closely, her breast Clarke’s pillow. Her right arm is holding onto Clarke’s hip possessively while her left softly strokes over her blond hair. She can’t stop herself from lowering her nose and breathing in Clarke’s scent. It’s warm and bright. 

She’s been holding Clarke for nearly an hour. They spoke some before the blonde’s evident exhaustion took hold and Lexa’s warmth was a welcoming reprieve. Sleep came quickly for Clarke, but not for Lexa. No, Lexa was busy playing over in her mind the major details she was afforded from the woman in her arms. 

This woman, this Rukh…the one that has been doing all these things, somehow thinks Clarke belongs to her. Lexa grits her teeth. Clarke felt no fear of her and Deimos didn’t perceive her as a threat. Lexa’s brow furrows. But Clarke said she felt…no. Clarke couldn’t really get a feeling off of Rukh. At least nothing like she had ever felt before from another person. There was something unrestrained and yet…as if there was a greater purpose. Rukh has a purpose. Lexa sighs and rubs over Clarke’s back. She hears Clarke’s mutterings to her before she fell into sleep and it was so scattered Lexa had trouble to follow. That makes her uneasy. It’s one thing for an opponent to be unpredictable in battle, but you always know their end game. But the way Clarke makes it sound, it’s as if Rukh seems to be playing games. Despite thinking she is the rightful Heda and that Clarke is hers, nothing she has done to this point makes any sense. Not really.

An unstable element is a dangerous one.

“Heda.” Lexa turns her head at the softly spoken whisper and sees Octavia’s head peeking in through the flap of her tent. She narrows her eyes at the girl in warning, her eyes flickering down to Clarke and then gives a short nod.

Octavia seems to understand, and with stealth Lexa didn’t know she yet possessed, crosses the room and kneels down beside Lexa. She stretches out her hand and lays Clarke’s father’s leather journal on the bed beside Lexa’s shoulder. Her voice is very soft and low as she speaks. “When you arrived back, Clarke asked me for this. She had left it with me to keep it safe.” Lexa’s eyes harden on her. “I didn’t know what she was up to, she didn’t tell me. But Eko also left her journal with Raven.” Lexa nods. Echo is another matter. Rukh has her, and she can only hope that her words to Clarke will remain true. Echo is valuable with her knowledge. Rukh would be foolish to lose that and therefore Echo’s life should be safe.

“Thank you Okteivia.” Lexa returns softly but tilts her head in question. “There’s more.” Octavia nods her head. “Well?” The younger Blake shifts nervously. “Heda, I… I-“ Lexa narrows her eyes. “Speak freely, Okteivia.” The warrior lowers her head and takes a deep breath. “Heda, I learned to trust my instincts. Usually – even if I mostly handle it wrong – I am right about listening to my instinct. I have a feeling… I mean I can’t prove anything but – I mean- “

A slight smile tucks at Lexa’s lip. “Okteivia. Despite what happened I do trust you, as does Klark.” The young warrior looks at her, her eyes gaining focus. She nods and continues, more sure in her words. “I do not trust Makina. I do not trust any of them. Something reeks.”

Lexa tenses, only slightly. She is lost in thought for a few seconds, her eyes staring into nothing, before she levels her eyes back on Octavia. “I want you to keep an eye on them. Take Deimos and report back to me whatever you see, but do not interfere. Understood?”

The young warrior nods. “Sha, Heda.” She rises and moves, without a sound, back to the flap of the tent, before she stops in her movement. “Heda?” Lexa’s smile is invisible. “I know, Okteivia. Me too.” The young warrior nods and leaves, determined to prove that she is right, and thereby able to help protect her family.

~  
Half an hour east of TonDC  
~

Octavia is sitting on a tree, more comfortable than she ever thought she would be in a pine while being poked by needles and half covered with sap. She enjoys the scent, the peace and the silence. Deimos is a good distance away laying behind a rock and covered by the leaves of a very strange bush. It looks like he is sleeping, but she knows better. He is wide awake and aware, he does what she is trying to do too – he is calming his body down, reducing his breathing to the minimum, slowing his heartbeat.

It is a while after midnight when there is some movement over to the fire pit Octavia that found a couple days ago. She is half an hour away from TonDC, and she couldn’t make any sense out of the stomped out, tiny fire pit she found; no one would camp or meet out here, without guards, in times of war. Octavia curls into a tiny ball, making herself even more invisible, and trains her eyes west into the direction of the movement.

One by one they gather around the now lit fire. She half expected herself to gasp when Makina arrives. She doesn’t.

“This is a mess, Makina.” The woman rolls her eyes before she answers in a low voice. “Do tell. I know that.” She joins the other in their circle around the fire. Octavia can see four of their faces, and they all are sparks.

“We did not wipe out a whole clan to end up losing control anyway.” A man talks, Octavia is fairly sure it is the one missing a hand. “How is it even possible that she is still alive? We poisoned the wolf, we poisoned the girl and she was dead.”

Makina sighs. “It doesn’t matter. She is still alive and maybe this will help us.” 

The man laughs a short, hard laugh. “How would her being alive be of any help to us? She is a monster! We wanted to evolve democracy, not raise a new slaver! She is absolutely uncontrollable. We have nothing she wants, we have no leverage and further, nothing to control her with.”

Octavia is able to see the slight smile on Makina’s lips. “And that’s where you are wrong. She want’s Clarke. And we all know that Lexa will not let that happen. All we have to do is change the plan.”

“Change the plan how?” The one hand man asks.

“We failed in suppressing Lexa’s powers thanks to that skinny Sky girl. So, let’s work with that. We help Lexa to get stronger, let her kill Rukh for Clarke and then finish her off when she least expects it. They will let their guard down once they believe the threat of Rukh is gone. Lexa is the last one. There will be no other.”

The man nods. “So, after all, we may not have killed her for nothing.”

Octavia sits still; she observes and waits, just like Lexa wanted her too. She will sit here in absolute silence until they are gone. She will sit here until the sun rises, unseen. If anything happens to her now, Lexa and Clarke are doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with us despite the delays. I am honored that so many people have liked this and stuck with it. Thank you.


	51. The Demon is an old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter connected all open strings, the plot thickens now. We hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> we hope you enjoy this chapter and would be thrilled to hear what you think.
> 
> Leave us some comments or message us on tumblr:
> 
> nickolefox.tumblr.com  
> lilianafox.tumblr.com

~

 

**TonDC – The Demon is an old Friend**

 

~

 

 

The sound of crying wakes Clarke. It isn’t just any crying, it’s the sound of children crying. The blonde tries to shift her position only to find herself unable to move. She is still laying on Lexa, the warriors arms slung around her, holding her close and tight. “Leksa.” Green eyes level on hers, wide awake. Lexa hears it too. They leave their tent hand in hand, followed closely by Phobos.

 

“Indra!” Lexa’s voice thunders through the village and silences everyone; the general appears in an instant. “Heda.” Lexa doesn’t look at her general but instead towards the group in front of her. “What is the meaning of this?”

 

Six warriors are circling a group of children; most of them are dirty and many of them are sobbing. Indra raises her hand and the warriors stop in their movements and relax their stances. “Heda, those children entered the village just before you appeared. I could not be sure that they are not poisoned as the boy had been. I have my warriors looking for Eko to confirm they are no threat.”

 

“Eko is not here.” Clarke’s voice is flat and empty. “I will check them.” Clarke steps forward, Phobos on her heels. The wolf is calm. Lexa turns to face her general. “Indra, send for Raven and Okteivia to meet us. We have much to talk about.”

 

Clarke steps closer to the group of children. She ducks down a little and tries her best to smile. “Hey there, I’m here to help you.” She keeps her voice soft.  “Don’t be afraid, you are safe now. Nothing will happen to you.” She stretches out a hand and looks into the boy’s eyes in front of her. He has his arm around a girl, you suppose is his twin sister. “It’s okay.” His eyes are glossy and he is pale as all of them are, but he seems to be healthy.

 

The blonde feels a hand on her shoulder. “They are okay, Leksa. Hungry and tired I’m sure, but okay. They are not poisoned.” Lexa squeezes her shoulder slightly. “Can you be sure?” The blonde nods. “They aren’t showing any symptoms. More than that, I don’t believe she is one to lie. She may be a monster, but she is honest.”

 

“You called for me?” Both women turn and see Raven approaching, determination in her eyes. Clarke’s eyes flicker briefly to the mechanic’s hands, furthermore her fingers. They are dirty, covered with green smear. Raven spots the group of children and stops in her tracks. “Jesus… are they okay?” She lets her eyes roam over the little ones. “I just finished a bunch of antidotes, but I don’t have enough for all of them….”

 

 “They don’t show any signs of poisoning.” Clarke rises, turning towards her friend. “Where is Okteivia?” Raven hugs the blonde tightly, only for a moment, before shaking her head. “She didn’t come home last night- I mean I didn’t see her since yesterday when she headed out to see Lexa.” Clarke narrows her eyes, looking at Lexa to ask, but is interrupted by Raven. “Clarke, the boy is still sleeping but seems fine as far as I can tell.”

 

Clarke looks at her, her blue eyes wide. “The boy?” Indra speaks to explain what happened. “Ai Kwin, we found the boy at the river’s shore south.” You nod once to show your thanks. You and Rukh had been at the shore of the northern river. If Indra wouldn’t have had her warriors search both shores, the boy would be dead. “Raven nursed his poisoning and his wound since we couldn’t find Eko.”

 

Lexa orders her people to tend to the children in a low voice before addressing her queen. “My love, we need to talk. Raven, Indra – join us.”

 

~

 

In the safety of their tent, with Phobos guarding the entry keeping eavesdroppers away, Lexa fills them in. “Okteivia was certain that something is off with the Flamekeepers. I asked her to take Deimos for protection and keep an eye on them.” Clarke shifts and takes Raven’s hand into hers.

 

The mechanic looks back and forth between Indra and Lexa. “But she hasn’t returned and there’s been no word. Please, we need to find her.”

 

Lexa nods and addresses her general. “Indra, take four of your best hunters and head out immediately. I want Okteivia safe and back here as fast as possible. I do not accept anything else.”

 

“That won’t be necessary.” The general replies, pointing over to the entry of the tent, where Octavia is standing, eyes big and slightly out of breath. Her dark hazel eyes resting on Raven, she addresses Lexa. “We need to talk, Heda.”

 

“Are you okay?” Clarke narrows her eyes and looks the young warrior over, not seeing any wounds.

 

“I’m fine, Deimos is too. He is outside with Phobos. Are we free to talk?” the brunette replies, looking around nervously. Lexa closes her grip around the hilt of her sword at her side. “We can, but it is crucial to keep everything you hear absolutely secret.” Her green eyes roam over to her general, Raven and Octavia, and she is answered by quiet nods. Lexa relaxes before addressing the warrior again. “Speak, Okteivia.”

 

The brunette steps closer and shifts from one foot to the other. “Heda, I found a small fire pit half an hour east of TonDC a few days ago. I went back there last night and waited. The Flamekeepers met there after midnight. All of them.” Indra grits her teeth. “ _Natronas_!” Lexa raises her hand to silence her general. “Let her finish, Indra.”

 

“They talked about Rukh. It sounded like they killed her when she was a child and that Rukh shouldn’t be here. Her being alive is somehow messing with their plan to kill you, Heda. They are not here to help you with controlling your powers, they wanted to suppress them. It was… my fault that this failed.” Octavia lowers her eyes, looking down at her feet. She remembers painfully how she angered Lexa, twice by now, and by doing so forcing her to discover the strength she really possesses. Ultimately that was a good thing, but she still felt remorse.

 

Lexa puts her hand on the young warrior’s shoulder and squeezes gently. “Continue.” The brunette nods. “Now they want to play you out against Rukh. They believe they can use her to kill you.”

 

“Why?” Clarke’s eyes are lost in thought. Octavia throws her hands in the air, a slow and helpless motion. “All I heard was that they want to vanquish the whole structure of politics to evolve a democracy.”

 

Raven snorts. “Yeah, because it’s the totally convenient solution to put power hungry, angry white males on top of the food chain and call it democracy when really they just killed and bribed their way up. Reminds me of that moron with all the big talk being handed nuke codes, starting the war and releasing the bombs in the first place.” The mechanic rises, her features determined. “Lexa, we need to stop them.”

 

“We will, Raven.” Lexa takes Clarkes hand into her own, brings it up to her lips and kisses every one of her fingers. “We will play along for now.”

 

“Heda, I don’t think this is wise.” Indra steps a little closer. “We should capture them now and eliminate the threat.”

 

Clarke considers the general’s opinion. “We don’t know how deep their connections are running, Indra. And we still have to face Rukh, especially given their desire to use her as a pawn.”

 

“Do you think she knows, Klark?” All eyes shoot over to Octavia, Clarke responds with a confused look. “What are you talking about?” The young warrior rolls her eyes. “Do you think Rukh knows her death wasn’t an accident…that the Flamekeepers killed her?”

 

Realization kicks in and the memory of what Echo shared with them weeks ago comes back.

 

_“It just so happened, that a girl in our village was to be a commander. The spirit chose her, and she was celebrated by our people and began her training. However, this girl was in an accident, she drowned in a lake when she was just nine summers old. She was pulled ashore but was believed to be dead. I mean,” Echo shakes her head and huffs out a humourless laugh, “she was dead. At least momentarily.”_

_“Somehow one of the healers brought her back, but everyone knew. We all knew that even in those few moments of death, the commander’s spirit had already moved on and chosen the next.” She turns and looks to Lexa, a soft smile on her eyes. “But no one told her that. After she woke, her eyes once so full of life, a bright green, were so pale that they didn’t look natural. Her hair, previously a light shade of reddish brown was an unnatural shade of red in the days that passed. She was changed somehow.”_

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke covers her mouth with her hand, shaking, when she connected the pieces with what Rukh shared with her.

 

_“I died, years ago. I was raped of my life, my purpose and my destiny. And even death – the one thing granted to everyone – was torn from me.”_

 

Lexa pulls the blonde into her arms softly. “What is it, ai hodness?” Clarke presses herself into Lexa, still shaking. “Leksa, she doesn`t know that she was murdered. If we can somehow make her listen and explain to her that we know who did this to her…” Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks in her hands, softly stroking them.

 

“So what’s the plan, Heda?” Octavia straightens herself. Lexa doesn’t look at her or the others, her focus is on Clarke. They look into each other’s eyes, and as if they are discussing the matter, they nod at the same time and Lexa continues. “We will withdraw the scouting parties and prepare for war. Rukh is playing with us and by now it is obvious that we won’t find her this way. She is wearing us out by playing hide and seek. We gather around TonDC and let the warriors rest and recover. We will play along with the Flamekeepers and let Rukh come to us.”

 

“Are you sure she will come here? That’s like a suicide move.” Raven narrows her eyes, not yet convinced.

 

“She will, Raven. We have everything she wants. If we don’t come for her, she will come for us.” Clarke backs the plan up. “She is a brilliant tactician, but she is impatient and impulsive. She will come. And when she does, we have her and the Flamekeepers on our ground. We will be prepared.”

 

“Are we not forgetting one thing?” Raven asks to a room full of questioning stares. “I mean sure, she released the children, but she supposedly has others as well, not just children. She threatened to kill one a day.”

 

“Casualties of war.” It’s Octavia that speaks, much to Raven’s surprise. “We have the children, that is what is important. At this point, maybe she has a few adults from the Ark, maybe it was a smoke screen to force our hand. I say we move forward.” Indra gives her a serious yet proud look. The second is reasoning with logic and without emotion.

 

The mechanic nods. “Okay then. I will need a little help in gathering herbs and maybe a few healers to help me with the antidotes.” Her eyes level on Indra, and the general is quick to respond. “I will send out two groups to find what you need if you provide a list.”

 

“Sure thing, let’s go to work.” Raven starts walking out of the tent, followed by Indra and Octavia. Raven explains in detail which herbs she needs and Indra herself will lead the groups to gather what is required. The two brunettes start walking towards their tent afterwards in silence. They enter and as soon as the flap closes behind them, Octavia stretches out her hand to reach for the mechanic. “Raven-“

 

“Don’t.” Raven raises her hand to silence her. She turns around and her expression is a strange mixture of anger and pain. “Octavia, if you ever leave me again without telling me where you go and when you will be back, I will make your life a living hell.”

 

“Raven, look” - “Shut it, O.” The warrior is again silenced by the mechanic and she submits without another word. “You will never, ever leave me behind again. I chose you first, Octavia, and I expect the same of you. I want to be the one you talk to and come to, I want to be the one you share your thoughts and plans with. I don’t need to be left out to be protected, O. It hurts me more than the truth.”

 

The warrior drops her head, nodding. “I am sorry, muffin.” Raven huffs. “Don’t muffin me now, dork. You have no idea how worried I was.” Octavia lifts her head again, slightly tilted. “Yeah I fucked up. I promise to not leave again without telling you.” The warrior closes the two feet separating her and the mechanic and wraps her arms softly around Raven’s fragile frame. She knows the strength in Raven, but she also knows that she herself is everything she has left. “Still love me?”

 

“Of course,” Raven gives in, curls herself into Octavia, resting her face in the crook of the warrior’s neck. “but you need a bath. You are… sticky?” Raven pulls back and tries to identify the substance now covering not only Octavia’s neck, but also her cheek. Octavia rolls her eyes. “Pine sap… don’t ask.” Raven raises an eyebrow and shakes her head playfully. “Being with you is like having a kid playing in dirt all day.” A sigh escapes her and she shrugs. “I like it.”

 

The brunette blushes, only slightly. “Well, you knew what you got yourself into, Reyes. And you don’t look much better after tinkering around all day.” The warrior keeps talking as she walks towards next section of the tent to wash up. She undresses while she is talking. “And don’t give me the ‘don’t drop your dirty clothes’-talk, just last week I poked my ass on one of your tools that you left in the furs, which by the way, you accused me of misplacing the day before.”

 

Raven starts to laugh, and Octavia stops and turns. “What is so funny?” She raises an eyebrow in anticipation. “We argue like an old married couple.” Octavia huffs and takes a moment before she responds. “Maybe I’ll take care of the married part when we survive all of this.”

 

The mechanic’s eyes widen. “What?”

 

Octavia walks back to Raven, kisses her cheek and smiles. “I know you hate surprises, so I hereby prepare you for me proposing to you grounder-style when this madness is over. Who better to marry and trap into being with me than my best friend?” The warrior then turns and leaves the section of the tent to finally clean herself up. It takes Raven a few seconds before she smiles brightly and shouts after Octavia “And I hereby prepare you for me saying yes to your crazy!”

 

~

 

Lexa lays behind the blonde, stroking her fingertips softly up and down Clarke’s bare back. “I think I found something, Leksa.” The warrior hums in response. “Hmmm. What is it, my love?” Clarke scooches back, pressing herself into Lexa and holding up her grandmother’s journal. “Look, here.”

 

_“The shield and the weapon, protected by the black of the night and the light of the day will be guided by the red of dawn and dusk.”_

“The black of the night and the light of the day... Leksa, I think that this is referring to Phobos and Deimos. Deimos being the light of the day, Phobos the black of the night… Is it possible that there is a third one representing the red of dawn and dusk?” Phobos and Deimos, curled up beside the furs, raise their heads at the same time, huffing and looking at Clarke and Lexa with expectation in their eyes.

 

Lexa tightens her grip on Clarke. “I think that we would know by now if there would be another giant wolf… especially a red one would catch some attention. Unless…” Clarke finishes her thought. “He is dead. Leksa… do you think this is possible?”

 

~

**Rukh’s base camp**

~

 

She is sitting on her throne, her head lowered and her fingers stroking over the reddish fur. She hates it as much as she loves it. She remembers the feeling of her cheek against his chest, the steady and strong beating of his heart. She remembers how she picked him up out of a pack of newborn dogs. He was odd looking, too big and too clumsy. She named him Trojan because she always imagined him sneaking into the dog’s mother’s den and hiding away from his own kind.

 

She painfully remembers how she woke up, back from the dead, only to find her best friend dead. She didn’t speak about it, she never worded it, but she always knew he sacrificed his life to give her back hers. She still feels his presence inside her.

 

“Heda.” The voice jerks her out of her thoughts, and unlike usual, she is okay with that. Her response is bored, carefully voiced. “Enter.” A warrior steps inside her tent, bowing down before addressing her again. “Heda, the scouting parties have been called back. It seems like they stopped looking for you.”

 

“Mh. Interesting.” Rukh rests her head on the palm of her hand. “Leave. I will give you my orders in the morning.” The guard bows again and turns to leave. “Wait.” Rukh’s voice stops him in his tracks. “Heda?”

 

Rukh relaxes. “Bring me something to eat and make sure that I am not disturbed until the sun rises.” The guard leaves, eager to fulfill his task, well knowing that his life is depending on it. Rukh leans back and lets her eyes roam over the room. She then rises and walks over to her table, which is covered with maps and tokens of victory. She scans the map of the area, her index finger following the path of destruction she left behind her, until the map crumbles under her finger where there is a burned spot on the map.

 

~

**Rukh’s base camp, two days before the Ark falls**

~

 

“What is it you are telling me, fool?” Her voice is a booming roar. Jasper flinches. “I don’t know, I really don’t. He just wants to kill the grounders.”

 

Rukh flips the table in front of her, the massive wooden structure slamming to the ground only inches beside him. It is then he starts to realize that this was a bad idea. “Bellamy is working with him. This should please you – they have advanced weapons and could make quick work of Lexa and the grounders.”

 

Rukh is infuriated. “I don’t want to have them killed! How do you DARE to assume what I want? As if your simple mind would be in any way able to understand what pleases me!”

 

Jasper steps back, his hands raised apologetically. “I … sorry.”

 

Rukh slams her fist on the armrest of her throne with such force that the skin on her palm breaks. She takes deep breaths, her mind running. She can’t let that happen. “What is this man’s name?”

 

Jasper answers with a shaky voice. “Pike.”

 

“How many are with him?” Rukh turns to face the boy again, her eyes wild and determined. Jasper swallows soundly. “Too many. Kayne and Abigail don’t stand a chance to keep this riot from happening. We practice a democracy at the ark and people are falling for his promises…”

 

“False promises! He is a liar! Why are your people so utterly stupid to follow him?”

 

Jasper thinks about her question, he really does. “Because it is easier to believe in false hopes than the truth.”

 

Rukh tilts her head back. She takes deep breathes, carefully considering. “Go fetch me Callie and come back here.”

 

Jasper narrows his eyes, arguing with himself. “What is your plan? How are you planning to save my people?”

 

Rukh levels her eyes on him, dark and deadly. Her voice is calm and cold. “Go and fetch me Callie. Now.” She wants to tell him that his people can’t be saved, that their destiny is extinction, but she doesn’t. As much amusement as the shattered looks of people brings her, she will not risk him running off with valuable information and spilling his guts at the wrong end. She will make use of this boy. And she will make use of Callie.

 

She allowed Jasper to go on a suicide mission. “Kill Clarke and your people are free to leave. Return and I will kill you. Run, and I will find and kill you and every single one of your people” Rukh knew that the boy would die at the attempt. Her Kwin was too smart and well-guarded by her wolves and warriors.

 

It was that night Rukh decided to send Callie back to the Ark, poisoned and contagious. A civil war within the Ark and worst case a war between the Sky people and the Trikru would most likely cost Clarke her life.

 

And for reasons Rukh never understood herself, this is the only thing she really values. Clarke’s life. Something inside her urged her to keep this blonde girl, that fell from the sky, alive. Some voice inside her, always at battle with her bitter madness and detest about Lexa, who stole her title and her power, conflicted with her inner urge to protect her and keep her out of harm’s way. Even if that means to wipe out an entire clan and breaking her heart in the process.

 


	52. Throw me to the wolves...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. How late is this? We apologize, but man, real life has been intense lately. We haven't had time for anything. This chapter has been done, but needed another look over that I just got around to. Please forgive us and know that the next chapter is already in the works, and despite the time it might take between updates, it will be finished.
> 
> For those of you still with us, THANK YOU. We appreciate it more than you know.
> 
> Take care,  
> Nickole & Liliana

TonDC

~

 

The sun is rising when Lexa wakes up with Clarke still in her arms and holding on to her grandmother’s journal. She pulls Clarke impossibly closer and kisses her neck. “It’s time, Klark.” 

The blonde opens her eyes and turns within Lexa’s arms. “It is time.” She repeats, before kissing her Heda. “Are you sure this will work?”

Lexa rubs her cheek against Clarke’s before answering. “We need to get the Flamekeepers out of hiding. All we need is them to make one mistake and give us an idea of how many are out there and how deep their connections run.” Clarke buries her fingers in the commander’s dark hair. “Be careful.” Lexa smiles, her eyes locked on the blonde. “I always am.”

Indra is already waiting for them as they leave the tent. “Stay with her.” Lexa orders her general, who bows her head. “Find me outside the village. I will wait for you.” Lexa places a soft kiss on Clarke’s lips before letting her go to visit the children and hopefully finding the boy awake.

Lexa is in her full armor and war paint with Phobos at her side faithfully but on guard. “Heda.” Lexa turns to see that Makina is walking towards her, a smile on her lips and her hands folded in front of her in a peaceful and relaxed gesture. “I am pleased to see you this early. We really should continue with your training.” Phobos steps closer and Lexa feels the growl forming in his throat and lays her hand on his back to silence him. Not yet, my friend. The wolf stays silent.

“I am needed elsewhere, Makina. War is approaching.” Lexa tilts her chin upwards, unconsciously tightening her hand, which is resting on the hilt of her sword. Her voice is leveled, even and distant. “In fact, I decided that I will not continue the training at all.” Makina stops in her tracks and for a second, Lexa can see the shock flicker over Makina’s face before she composes herself and addresses Lexa again. “You should keep your training up if you want to stand a chance against Rukh.”

There it is. Lexa smiles, lowers her chin and takes a step towards the Flamekeeper. “You will address me as your Heda and you will mind your tone and keep your opinion to yourself if you value your tongue,” Lexa spits the last word. “Flamekeeper.” Makina takes a step back, her eyes wide in shock, or maybe realization, before she offers the Commander her open hands, palms upward. A sign of apology. “Forgive me, Heda.” 

Lexa turns and walks towards the northern camp of warriors outside TonDC. As soon as she is sure Makina is out of hearing range, she addresses Phobos. “Go get Okteivia.” The giant black wolf huffs, touches Lexa’s hand with his nose before turning and running to find the young warrior.

~

Clarke is busy tending to the few wounds and changing bandages. The children are as okay as they can be. Rukh did take care of them. The children are settled in and especially the younger ones have found a welcome distraction from the horrors they have been through in petting Deimos. He patiently suffers through the unwanted attention; the little hands pulling on his ears and paws and tail. His look is pathetic, but overall, he endures it with grace.

The massive wolf lays still, only now and then tilting his head slightly to look at which one of the little monsters is climbing over him this time. Clarke rises and moves from the improvised beds, which more or less are just each a bunch of stacked furs, over to the other end of the tent. She passes Deimos and strokes over his face with her hand apologetically. I’m sorry. The wolf huffs and gives her fingers a lick, before she leaves to look after the boy Rukh held captive the night she forced Clarke to leave TonDC with her.

The boy is awake, and she can see that the cut on his throat is covered with a bandage that she needs to switch. Clarke sits down beside him. “Good morning. I am Clarke and I am going to change the bandage on your wound, okay?” The boy nods, looking at her with wide eyes. She starts to unwrap the cloth and does her best to smile. “What’s your name?”

“Zayn.” The boy lifts his head to help Clarke in her task. The blonde takes a look at the now uncovered wound; it will scar, but it shows no signs of inflammation or infection. “Zayn, do you remember me?” The boy nods, his voice a little raspy. “Yes, you are the one Rukh wants.”

Clarke freezes in her movement, trying her best to hide her surprise. “Well, Zayn, it is very unusual for people to know her name. She tends to keep that a secret. How is it that you know her well enough?” Her fingers move quickly, and the fresh bandage is applied before Zayn is able to answer. 

“I had dinner with her before I came here.” He swallowed slightly. “She said she requested my company.”

The blonde tilts her head, curious. “Can you tell me more about that?” Clarke reaches for a cup of water and hands it to the boy, who sits up and takes a few sips before nodding. “She had me brought to her tent the night we left. She let me sit beside her throne and shared her meal with me and told me that she wants me to stay alive so I can show you that she is not mean.” The boy’s focus shifts over to Deimos, who is still under attack by the youngest children. Clarke realized that he has a strange fascination for the wolf, but somehow different than the other’s. “Do you want to see him up close?” Clarke asks, and the boy looks at her with his eyes wide, nearly yelling and obviously scared “No!!”

The blonde narrows her eyes and puts her hands on the boy’s, her voice calming. “Don’t be afraid. He won’t hurt you.” Zayn looks nervously back and forth between Clarke and Deimos. “He eats humans!” Clarke looks at Deimos, and yes, he would and could kill, but he is not eating… “Why do you think he would do that?”

Zayn pulls his legs up and wraps his hands around his knees, staring into nothing. “Zayn, hey. Everything is okay. Deimos wouldn’t hurt you.” She strokes his blonde, shaggy hair out of his face and looks deep into his green eyes. “Zayn, talk to me.”

“Rukh has a pelt and a head of a wolf his size over her throne. When I tried to touch the fur, she grabbed my arm and threw me away from it.” He rubs his arm slightly as if remembering the pain he must have felt. “She told me that no one is to touch her wolf. She said wolves like him would eat nasty people and that I would be nasty if I touched it.” Zayn swallows hard. “She then opened the wolf’s fangs, and there was a hand in it.” 

Clarke lays her arms around the boy and tries to comfort him and herself. She tries her best to cover the shock in her voice. “Zayn, what color is the pelt of Rukh’s wolf?”

The boy hides his face in her blonde hair and sobs, the word dropping from his lips like blood. “Reddish.”

~

Octavia is about to sheathe her sword when Phobos is storming into the tent. “Well, you sure never learned about knocking.” Raven mutters before patting his head. She looks at Octavia. “It’s time.” The young warrior nods, cupping Raven’s cheeks and kissing her softly. “I will be back, unharmed.” Raven smiles and tucks a loose braid behind Octavia’s ear. “You better be.”

Octavia is out of TonDC and vanished inside the forest to the east within a minute, with Phobos a good length ahead of her. The wolf is sniffing out Makina’s scent, following a nearly invisible trail that leads the young warrior deeper into the forest. She is familiar with the area and moves quickly and without causing leaves to crumble or branches to break under her feet. She moves like the wind for over half an hour without her breath picking up, until she sees Phobos crouching behind a fallen tree a couple hundred meters ahead of her.

She slows down with her sword in her hand, but catches up with the wolf, hiding by his side with her free hand resting on his shoulder. Octavia stretches her head to see what is happening ahead of her.

Makina is standing, alone, in the middle of a small meadow. The ground is covered with leaves and branches. She looks around, making sure no one followed her, before she stomps her foot down four times. Seconds later, the ground before her opens up in a perfect circle and a man sticks his head out.

“What the hell…” Octavia whispers, tensing. Phobos reacts to her and moves, but the young warrior keeps him down with only a light push of her hand, still resting on his shoulder. “Ste daun.”

Octavia focuses on Makina and the man hiding in the bunker, of which hundreds are hidden around this area. “She is on our trail. Now or never.” Makina’s voice is seething. “Give the sign, kill them all.” The man in the bunker nods. “What about Lexa and the blonde?” Makina huffs in annoyance. “I don’t care who kills her, just make sure it is done. Give the sign to the troops north to attack immediately.” The man nods, and all Octavia can hear above the bunker entry closing again is the sound of a walky-talky being turned on. Makina pulls her hood back up and starts to walk further to the east.

Octavia’s grip hardens within Phobos’ fur. What can I do? She asks herself. The attack on TonDC is launched, she has no horse and she can’t follow Makina and head to TonDC to warn Clarke and Lexa at the same time. Phobos nudges her side, pulling Octavia out of her thoughts. The wolf looks deep into her eyes. She smiles, rubbing his cheek. “You’re right. Makina can die another day.” Octavia leaps herself onto Phobos’ back and the wolf turns and starts running back towards TonDC. “Hurry up, we need to save some asses.”

~  
Rukh’s base camp  
~

“Heda.” The guards voice is shaking and more quiet than it should be. Rukh rolls her eyes and lets her head fall back. “What?” The guard enters, nearly crawling on the ground. “Heda, it’s still confirmed. The usurper has pulled back her scouting parties. All her forces have gathered around TonDC, but-.”

Rukh jolts up, her eyes furious and her face formed into a maliced visage. “But what?!” The guard steps back. “We got word just this minute…it seems troops in the north are moving into attack positions. Why would her own troops be immobilizing against her? ” Rukh relaxes. She drops her head, focusing. Her fists begin opening and closing, her muscles tensing off and on. “Prepare for war. I want the entire army to leave now.”

“Heda?” Rukh lifts her chin and looks at her guard. She thinks she has had him in her service since she burned down her village. He spent most of his life by her side, serving her. She can’t think of his name. “TonDC is under attack. We need to intervene.” The guard nods, despite the questions running through his mind. He knows her, and he knows there is reasoning behind her madness. He leaves, standing tall, to obey his Heda’s wishes.

Rukh knows there are only two reasons for Lexa to pull all her forces back. She either wants to lure her out, or she is under attack by someone else. The clans are loyal to Lexa, but if history weighs in…she glances to her wolf’s mouth, narrowing her eyes at the tattoo covering the skin of the mummified hand pierced by the wolf’s fangs. The mark of the Fleimkepas. She grits her teeth, a truth becoming glaringly obvious. 

Rukh can’t risk Clarke getting hurt, therefore there is really only one option: take the bait and avoid the unnecessary risk of Clarke being harmed.

~  
TonDC  
~

It takes Phobos only minutes to make it back to TonDC, even with Octavia’s weight. The black wolf storms trough the city gate and heads straight for Lexa’s tent. “Heda! They are coming from the north!” 

Lexa is outside talking to Clarke when she hears the young warrior shouting. She furrows, nods and gives a hand sign to Indra. “Get my army to the north. We need to reach the meadow before they do. Now.” Indra nods and hurries to fulfill her task before Octavia even reaches them to explain. When Phobos comes to a halt beside her and Octavia slides off his back, she focuses on Clarke and Lexa. “Makina has troops to the north and they are already on the move.” Clarke takes Lexa’s hand. “Makina?” Octavia shakes her head and answers slowly. “She will die another day. I had to come back-“

Lexa cuts her short. “You did the right thing, Octavia. No need for explanations. Take a horse and lead everyone who is unable to fight into the forest south. We need to keep them out of harm’s way.”

“Heda, I need to fight by your side.” Octavia pleads, and Lexa gives her a soothing smile. “You need to keep Raven safe.” Lexa turns to look at Clarke. “You stay by my side.”

~

**Author's Note:**

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